http://www.heraldextra.com/lifestyle...1c03ebed2.html

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first. Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome. The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut butter sandwiches.

Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean they will be welcome either.

Is this a sign of the rudeness that is so pervasive in society?

GENTLE READER: At first, Miss Manners thought you must have meant to write that you recalled when guests "called" first. It seemed unlikely that you would be old enough to predate the telephone, the invention that made asking-before-appearing possible.

Certainly, people should show great consideration for their guests. But guests are also obliged to show consideration. Popping up unexpectedly and eating the children's dinner does not meet that standard.

(end)

While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the writer meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to make sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered rude for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead. I only wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more interesting explanation of how and why times change.

Lenona.

I realize, of course, that the writer may have been a troll, but MM is usually smart enough to recognize them, so why bother answering if it were?

Lenona.

Not sure what planet yall were raised on but will agree with the rational lady. We started getting imposed on by various mooches way before we got a telephone. Always treated them kindly but they did not take the food out of the moufs of the chillins. We split the calories equally or my Mama would fire up another pot of beans..add water to the soup etc. I would prob just offer to drive them over to the homeless shelter nowadays. Is this normal? Is it bad manners? Thanks.

On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>
>
> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
> butter sandwiches.
>
> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even
> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
> they will be welcome either.
>
>
> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the writer
> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones
> - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to make
> sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered rude
> for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
I only
> wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
> interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>
> Lenona.
>
(attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)

It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
like that "guests".

Jill

On 3/2/2013 8:27 AM, jmcquown wrote:
> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:

>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>> butter sandwiches.

> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
> rude
> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
> I only
> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.

> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
> like that "guests".

Miss Manners makes me laugh. She is the queen of setting people
straight. Clearly the writer has annoyed someone by dropping in
on them and was looking for backup that it's the other person's
problem, not anything they were doing wrong. On what planet is it
polite to show up at dinner time and eat the food that had been meant
for the children?

nancy

On 3/2/2013 8:40 AM, Nancy Young wrote:
> On 3/2/2013 8:27 AM, jmcquown wrote:
>> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>
>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>> butter sandwiches.
>
>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>> rude
>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>> I only
>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a
>> more
>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>
>> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>> like that "guests".
>
> Miss Manners makes me laugh. She is the queen of setting people
> straight. Clearly the writer has annoyed someone by dropping in
> on them and was looking for backup that it's the other person's
> problem, not anything they were doing wrong. On what planet is it
> polite to show up at dinner time and eat the food that had been meant
> for the children?
>
> nancy

Agreed. This is not a "guest", it's a moocher. Even in my childhood I
don't recall anyone *ever* showing up at dinner time, much less
expecting to be invited to join us.

Jill

On Saturday, March 2, 2013 8:27:16 AM UTC-5, jmcquown wrote:

>
> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it?


Well, yes and no.

There are reasons, after all, why we have to study all types of history in school, including the history of all types of customs that would be just plain barbaric today - or customs that were truly about "loving your neighbor" because you never knew when you might be on the other side.

For example, up until the late 19th century or so - and this probably still happens in Third World countries - is was common decency for people to offer strangers their homes to spend the night, maybe because of a shortage of inns - or travelers' inability to pay for them. Stories that reflect this include those of Baucis and Philemon, Jason and Aeetes, Hercules and Admetus (OK, so they were friends), True Son's tribe in "The Light in the Forest" (chapter 11), fables by Tolstoy, and the true(?) stories as told by Laura Ingalls Wilder in "By the Shores of Silver Lake."

Of course, no traveler would think of imposing on strangers today.

Re Aeetes and Hercules, here's what Edith Hamilton wrote, respectively:

"Only after the heroes had bathed and refreshed themselves with meat and drink could King AEetes ask them who they were and why they had come. It was accounted great discourtesy to put any question to a guest before his wants had been satisfied.**** Jason answered that they were all men of noblest birth, sons or grandsons of the gods, who had sailed from Greece in the hope that he would give them the Golden Fleece in return for whatever service he would ask of them. They would conquer his enemies for him, or do anything he wished.

"A great anger filled King AEetes’ heart as he listened. He did not like foreigners, any more than the Greeks did; he wanted them to keep away from his country, and he said to himself, 'If these strangers had not eaten at my table I would kill them.' In silence he pondered what he should do, and a plan came to him."

And:

(just after Admetus' wife Alcestis has died)

"It was at this point that Hercules arrived, to rest and enjoy himself under a friend's roof on his journey north to Diomedes. The way Admetus treated him shows more plainly than any other story we have how high the standards of hospitality were, how much was expected from a host to a guest. As soon as Admetus was told of Hercules' arrival, he came to meet him with no appearance of mourning except in his dress. His manner was that of one gladly welcoming a friend. To Hercules' question who was dead he answered quietly that a woman of his household, but no relative of his, was to be buried that day. Hercules instantly declared that he would not trouble him with his presence at such a time, but Admetus steadily refused to let him go elsewhere.. 'I will not have you sleep under another's roof,' he told him. To his servants he said that the guest was to be taken to a distant room where he could hear no sounds of grief, and given dinner and lodging there. No one must let him know what had happened."


Lenona.


****The same theme (of not asking questions) is echoed in the Russian tale "The Frog Princess," with Baba Yaga, who gets to be a good witch for a change.

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>
>>
>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>> butter sandwiches.
>>
>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even
>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>> they will be welcome either.
>>
>>
>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the writer
>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones
> > - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to make
> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
> > rude
> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
> I only
> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>
>> Lenona.
>>
> (attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>
> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is, they
> have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up unannounced
> (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people like that
> "guests".
>
> Jill


I'm there with that. In this day and age just about everyone has a cellphone
so even if you're passing through, you need to call unless you're my
immediate family. It makes for a pleasant visit that way IMO.

Cheri

> wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:27:16 -0500, jmcquown >
> wrote:
>
>>On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>> butter sandwiches.
>>>
>>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even
>>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>>> they will be welcome either.
>>>
>>>
>>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the
>>> writer
>>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones
>> > - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to
>> > make
>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>> > rude
>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>I only
>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>>
>>> Lenona.
>>>
>>(attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>>
>>It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>like that "guests".
>>
>>Jill
>
> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
> whatever.
>
> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>
> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)


A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.

Cheri

On 3/2/2013 9:33 AM, wrote:
> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:27:16 -0500, jmcquown >
> wrote:
>
>> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>> butter sandwiches.
>>>
>>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even
>>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>>> they will be welcome either.
>>>
>>>
>>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the writer
>>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones
>>> - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to make
>>> sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered rude
>>> for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>> I only
>>> wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
>>> interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>>
>>> Lenona.
>>>
>> (attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>>
>> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>> like that "guests".
>>
>> Jill
>
> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
> whatever.
>
> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>
> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)
>
I'm sorry about your hand. I hope it heals quickly.

The "greater joy" of sharing food with someone I didn't invite? No.
I'm also not going to have a coffee cake or apple crisp in the freezer.
You know, something to serve with the coffee I wouldn't have otherwise
brewed. Because someone dropped by.

IMHO this sort of behaviour is intrusive.

Jill

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
> On 3/2/2013 8:40 AM, Nancy Young wrote:
>> On 3/2/2013 8:27 AM, jmcquown wrote:
>>> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>
>>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>>> butter sandwiches.
>>
>>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>>> rude
>>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>> I only
>>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a
>>> more
>>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>
>>> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>> like that "guests".
>>
>> Miss Manners makes me laugh. She is the queen of setting people
>> straight. Clearly the writer has annoyed someone by dropping in
>> on them and was looking for backup that it's the other person's
>> problem, not anything they were doing wrong. On what planet is it
>> polite to show up at dinner time and eat the food that had been meant
>> for the children?
>>
>> nancy
>
> Agreed. This is not a "guest", it's a moocher. Even in my childhood I
> don't recall anyone *ever* showing up at dinner time, much less expecting
> to be invited to join us.

I can't say I ever get any 'moochers' but then the only people who would do
that are family or close friends. I don't have acquaintances dropping by.

--
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...

> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
> whatever.
>
> what greater joy than sharing food together ?

I am with you there although people just dropping by is a very rare
occurence.

> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)

Oh dear, sorry to hear that! Hope it heals soon and well. Dare I ask what
you have been up to?

--
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...
> i had osteo in the lower thumb joint and it was painful and ugly. so
> wednesday the plastic surgeon cut out the joint, then took tendon from
> the wrist area and stretched it between wrist and upper thumb joint.

Oh my! Sounds like it will no longer be painful will look prettier
Result!!!

> i count myself lucky that i live in canada, my doc sent me to him end
> of december and he did the op last wednesday, no fees involved. yes i
> realise prices are higher in canada to pay for it yadda yadda
>
> bonus was as my doc said, plastic surgeon was cutest animal, just for
> a flash i wished i was 30 years younger.

lol, well, heal fast No harm in dreaming

--
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
> wrote:
>>
>>
>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>
>>Cheri
>
> i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
> pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
> and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
> see.
>
> my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
> are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
> pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
> would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.


OK, did you see where I said "I don't keep prepared meals in the freezer?" I
do not like drop in visitors, unless they're my immediate family (but they
usually have the good manners to call first so it doesn't really happen
much) Would your friends just drop into the hospital without an app? Hardly,
so they know they're coming and could easily call you to confirm that it's
convenient. You enjoy it, and that's a good thing for you, I don't. To each
their own.

Cheri

On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:40:50 -0500, Nancy Young
> wrote:

>On 3/2/2013 8:27 AM, jmcquown wrote:
>> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>
>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>> butter sandwiches.
>
>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>> rude
>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>> I only
>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>
>> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>> like that "guests".
>
>Miss Manners makes me laugh. She is the queen of setting people
>straight. Clearly the writer has annoyed someone by dropping in
>on them and was looking for backup that it's the other person's
>problem, not anything they were doing wrong. On what planet is it
>polite to show up at dinner time and eat the food that had been meant
>for the children?
>
>nancy

I think it's matter of situational and tradition. As a child all us
kids that played together would be welcome to eat at a friend's house
when we happened to be there at mealtime, all that was required was a
call to a parent for notification... when I was a kid no one cooked
just enough, leftovers on purpose were very typical so it was no
biggie to feed another small kid or two... and I fed many of my own
daughter's playmates the same. And then a situation can arise where a
relative or close friend could be in need of comforting over some
personal dilemma and so it was expected to feed them come meal time.
How many would tell their brother, sister, or parent they are not
welcome to stay for dinner if they happened to arrive close to meal
time? But I sure ain't gonna feed the Jahoevas when they knock at
dinner time, they be lucky I don't shove their bible up their butt.

On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
wrote:

> wrote in message
.. .
>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:27:16 -0500, jmcquown >
>> wrote:
>>
>>>On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>>> butter sandwiches.
>>>>
>>>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even
>>>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>>>> they will be welcome either.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the
>>>> writer
>>>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones
>>> > - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to
>>> > make
>>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>>> > rude
>>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>>I only
>>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
>>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>>>
>>>> Lenona.
>>>>
>>>(attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>>>
>>>It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>>they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>>unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>>like that "guests".
>>>
>>>Jill
>>
>> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
>> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
>> whatever.
>>
>> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>>
>> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)
>
>
>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>
>Cheri

I can instantly shift to one of several menus that are easy to prepare
a larger amount quickly... I always have lots of eggs (and Spam),
pasta/rice, and sauces that can stretch a meal. I keep enough
groceries on hand in case a military helicopter has to make an
emergency landing in my yard... don't you own a can opener... and
nowadays canned beans are in pull top tins.

On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:34:58 -0400, wrote:

>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>wrote:
>>
>>
>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>
>>Cheri
>
>i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>see.
>
>my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.

Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.

On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 10:03:29 -0500, jmcquown >
wrote:

>On 3/2/2013 9:33 AM, wrote:
>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:27:16 -0500, jmcquown >
>> wrote:
>>
>>> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>>> butter sandwiches.
>>>>
>>>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even
>>>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>>>> they will be welcome either.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the writer
>>>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had phones
>>>> - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to make
>>>> sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered rude
>>>> for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>> I only
>>>> wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a more
>>>> interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>>>
>>>> Lenona.
>>>>
>>> (attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>>>
>>> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>> like that "guests".
>>>
>>> Jill
>>
>> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
>> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
>> whatever.
>>
>> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>>
>> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)
>>
>I'm sorry about your hand. I hope it heals quickly.
>
>The "greater joy" of sharing food with someone I didn't invite? No.
>I'm also not going to have a coffee cake or apple crisp in the freezer.
> You know, something to serve with the coffee I wouldn't have otherwise
>brewed. Because someone dropped by.
>
>IMHO this sort of behaviour is intrusive.

Could be why you have no friends. I love when folks I know stop in
with little to no notice. I have neighbors who will stop in only
because they haven't in a while and they live in the next town and
happen to be passing, sometimes all that's necessary to demonstrate
hospitality is to serve a few drinks and offer a bag of chips... folks
who drop in don't expect more than a cuppa cawfee and use of the
facilities (toilet).

wrote:
>
> what greater joy than sharing food together ?

Sharing food with my ferrets while reading a good book or watching the rare
good television show.

G.

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
> wrote:
>
> wrote in message
. ..
>>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:27:16 -0500, jmcquown >
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>>On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate
>>>>> peanut
>>>>> butter sandwiches.
>>>>>
>>>>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not
>>>>> even
>>>>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>>>>> they will be welcome either.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the
>>>>> writer
>>>>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had
>>>>> phones
>>>> > - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to
>>>> > make
>>>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>>>> > rude
>>>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>>>I only
>>>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a
>>>> > more
>>>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>>>>
>>>>> Lenona.
>>>>>
>>>>(attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>>>>
>>>>It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>>>they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>>>unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>>>like that "guests".
>>>>
>>>>Jill
>>>
>>> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
>>> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
>>> whatever.
>>>
>>> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>>>
>>> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)
>>
>>
>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>
>>Cheri
>
> I can instantly shift to one of several menus that are easy to prepare
> a larger amount quickly... I always have lots of eggs (and Spam),
> pasta/rice, and sauces that can stretch a meal. I keep enough
> groceries on hand in case a military helicopter has to make an
> emergency landing in my yard... don't you own a can opener... and
> nowadays canned beans are in pull top tins.


Do you have lots of drop in guests where you live? Seeing the pictures it
seems pretty isolated, but I do know that you keep a nice freezer full of
tasty things. I don't like drop in guests at all though, so don't really
worry about it much and certainly don't prepare for them.

Cheri

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:34:58 -0400, wrote:
>
>>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>so
>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>
>>>Cheri
>>
>>i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>see.
>>
>>my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>
> Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
> to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
> wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
> two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.


Did you not see the "drop in unexpectedly part?" If they're phoning you
before they're coming, they're expected. That's a whole different ballgame.

Cheri

"Cheri" > wrote in message
...
> > wrote in message
> ...
>> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>> wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>so
>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>
>>>Cheri
>>
>> i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>> pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>> and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>> see.
>>
>> my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>> are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>> pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>> would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>
>
> OK, did you see where I said "I don't keep prepared meals in the freezer?"
> I do not like drop in visitors, unless they're my immediate family (but
> they usually have the good manners to call first so it doesn't really
> happen much) Would your friends just drop into the hospital without an
> app? Hardly, so they know they're coming and could easily call you to
> confirm that it's convenient. You enjoy it, and that's a good thing for
> you, I don't. To each their own.

I don't remember her saying that everyone should, only that she does.

--
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:34:58 -0400, wrote:
>
>>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>so
>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>
>>>Cheri
>>
>>i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>see.
>>
>>my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>
> Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
> to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
> wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
> two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.

It doesn't often happen to me, but I enjoy it when it does.

--
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Gary" > wrote in message ...
> wrote:
>>
>> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>
> Sharing food with my ferrets while reading a good book or watching the
> rare
> good television show.

Ahh but do ferrets drop in unannounced?


--
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Ophelia" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Cheri" > wrote in message
> ...
>> > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>>so
>>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>>
>>>>Cheri
>>>
>>> i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>> pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>> and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>> see.
>>>
>>> my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>> are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>> pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>> would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>>
>>
>> OK, did you see where I said "I don't keep prepared meals in the
>> freezer?"
>> I do not like drop in visitors, unless they're my immediate family (but
>> they usually have the good manners to call first so it doesn't really
>> happen much) Would your friends just drop into the hospital without an
>> app? Hardly, so they know they're coming and could easily call you to
>> confirm that it's convenient. You enjoy it, and that's a good thing for
>> you, I don't. To each their own.
>
> I don't remember her saying that everyone should, only that she does.

She said she wasn't talking about roasts, she was talking about other things
she has prepared in the freezer, which I don't have, nobody said a thing
about "her saying everyone should" so of course you wouldn't remember her
saying it. So, what is your opinion on drop in guests.

Cheri

> wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 12:42:01 -0500, Brooklyn1

>>Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
>>to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
>>wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
>>two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.
>
> precisely !


And also not *unexpected* so I agree that that thrills me too.

Cheri

On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 10:11:41 -0800, "Cheri" >
wrote:

>"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
.. .
>> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>> wrote:
>>
> wrote in message
...
>>>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:27:16 -0500, jmcquown >
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>>>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>>>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>>>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate
>>>>>> peanut
>>>>>> butter sandwiches.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not
>>>>>> even
>>>>>> be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean
>>>>>> they will be welcome either.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> While I'd like to agree with Miss Manners, I suspect that what the
>>>>>> writer
>>>>>> meant was that he/she lived in a rural area where few people had
>>>>>> phones
>>>>> > - maybe in the 1950s? - and that kids, unlike now, were expected to
>>>>> > make
>>>>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>>>>> > rude
>>>>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>>>>I only
>>>>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a
>>>>> > more
>>>>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Lenona.
>>>>>>
>>>>>(attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>>>>>
>>>>>It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>>>>they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>>>>unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>>>>like that "guests".
>>>>>
>>>>>Jill
>>>>
>>>> i say 'freezer' !!! i love people to drop in, friends or family - i
>>>> have dishes in the freezer i can nuke to unfreeze then bake or
>>>> whatever.
>>>>
>>>> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>>>>
>>>> (sorry about lack of caps but hand is casted for next 3 weeks)
>>>
>>>
>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>
>>>Cheri
>>
>> I can instantly shift to one of several menus that are easy to prepare
>> a larger amount quickly... I always have lots of eggs (and Spam),
>> pasta/rice, and sauces that can stretch a meal. I keep enough
>> groceries on hand in case a military helicopter has to make an
>> emergency landing in my yard... don't you own a can opener... and
>> nowadays canned beans are in pull top tins.
>
>
>Do you have lots of drop in guests where you live? Seeing the pictures it
>seems pretty isolated, but I do know that you keep a nice freezer full of
>tasty things. I don't like drop in guests at all though, so don't really
>worry about it much and certainly don't prepare for them.

Depends what you mean by "lots". I get someone dropping in at least
once a month but rarely requires a meal. People in rural areas will
go out to walk their dog and if they see someone outside they will
stop to chat, it's only good manners to offer something to eat and/or
drink. In nice weather folks don't come inside, would hang out for a
bit in the driveway or sit on the deck. I don't mind at all if
someone stops by, how else will I learn the local gossip....

On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 10:13:21 -0800, "Cheri" >
wrote:

>"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
.. .
>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:34:58 -0400, wrote:
>>
>>>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>>wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>>so
>>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>>
>>>>Cheri
>>>
>>>i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>>pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>>and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>>see.
>>>
>>>my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>>are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>>pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>>would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>>
>> Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
>> to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
>> wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
>> two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.
>
>
>Did you not see the "drop in unexpectedly part?" If they're phoning you
>before they're coming, they're expected. That's a whole different ballgame.
>
>Cheri

To me two hours notice is unexpectedly. Often people I know well
don't call in advance, all the notice I get is that they ring the door
bell... I'm fine with that... my father was known to drive for two
hours and just show up at my door, a few times he drove all that way
and I wasn't home. What I don't appreciate are weird phone calls from
people I know of from the net whom I've not given my phone number.

On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 18:29:38 -0000, "Ophelia"
> wrote:

>
>
>"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
.. .
>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:34:58 -0400, wrote:
>>
>>>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>>wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>>so
>>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>>
>>>>Cheri
>>>
>>>i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>>pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>>and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>>see.
>>>
>>>my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>>are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>>pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>>would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>>
>> Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
>> to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
>> wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
>> two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.
>
>It doesn't often happen to me, but I enjoy it when it does.

And coming from NYC they'll bring me a bag full of good things to eat
that I can't buy here, like real kaiser rolls! LOL

On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 15:03:56 -0400, wrote:

>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 09:06:02 -0800, "Cheri" >
>wrote:
>
> wrote in message
. ..
>>> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer, so
>>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>>
>>>>Cheri
>>>
>>> i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>> pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>> and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>> see.
>>>
>>> my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>> are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>> pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>> would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>>
>>
>>OK, did you see where I said "I don't keep prepared meals in the freezer?" I
>>do not like drop in visitors, unless they're my immediate family (but they
>>usually have the good manners to call first so it doesn't really happen
>>much) Would your friends just drop into the hospital without an app? Hardly,
>>so they know they're coming and could easily call you to confirm that it's
>>convenient. You enjoy it, and that's a good thing for you, I don't. To each
>>their own.
>>
>>Cheri

>my friends are little different to me than family and we're too old
>now for petty niceties.

Very true... I've reached a point where very few people I know from
the distant past are still around, so when someone does drop in I'm
very glad to see them before I no longer can... folks will have plenty
of alone time in the grave.

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 10:13:21 -0800, "Cheri" >
> wrote:
>
>>"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
. ..
>>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:34:58 -0400, wrote:
>>>
>>>>On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>>>wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>>>so
>>>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>>>
>>>>>Cheri
>>>>
>>>>i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>>>pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>>>and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>>>see.
>>>>
>>>>my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>>>are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>>>pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>>>would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>>>
>>> Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
>>> to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
>>> wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
>>> two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.
>>
>>
>>Did you not see the "drop in unexpectedly part?" If they're phoning you
>>before they're coming, they're expected. That's a whole different
>>ballgame.
>>
>>Cheri
>
> To me two hours notice is unexpectedly. Often people I know well
> don't call in advance, all the notice I get is that they ring the door
> bell... I'm fine with that... my father was known to drive for two
> hours and just show up at my door, a few times he drove all that way
> and I wasn't home. What I don't appreciate are weird phone calls from
> people I know of from the net whom I've not given my phone number.


Not to me. Even five minutes is fine as long as I know it, and it gives me a
chance to tell them that I'm a little bit hungry and maybe they could pick
up some take-out for me on their way since they're out and about. ;-) I
totally agree about phone calls from people that you haven't given your
phone number to though that has never happened with me. I suppose I'm a
boring person because I've never had a hateful email either.

Cheri

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...

> Very true... I've reached a point where very few people I know from
> the distant past are still around, so when someone does drop in I'm
> very glad to see them before I no longer can... folks will have plenty
> of alone time in the grave.


Well, see, it really is true that there's something for everyone to enjoy.


Cheri

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is, they
> have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up unannounced
> (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people like that
> "guests".

When I was a kid, we often had people show up at dinner time. Sometimes it
was kids but often it was some family that my parents knew in the past or
even some distant relative from another state. If it was a kid, my mom
would often just send them home, telling them to come back another time.
Once in a while she would ask them to stay. The others she would ask to
stay. She also had a very annoying friend who not only showed up then but
insisted on doing the cooking. The bad thing was that this woman was a
horrible cook! We were all quite relieved when she decided to become a nun.
I just hope they didn't put her to work in the kitchen. Or if they did,
hopefully they trained her.

When we lived in CA, I used to wind up cooking dinner for several other
kids. But the dads actually kind of asked if I would do it because the
wives weren't home for whatever reason. It wasn't a big deal to cook extra
and as such I always kept extra food in the house. Once in a while they
would take Angela out to eat so I guess it all worked out. Both of the dads
had issues that I won't get into here, so I just helped them out.

When we lived in NY, kids always showed up when we got a Chinese food
delivery because they knew that I was ordering teriyaki chicken sticks. The
kids all loved those. So I would wind up ordered a dozen or so. Then the
parents got wind of what the kids had been doing and told me that I didn't
need to be feeding their kids! But other than that, I've only had kids show
up as isolated incidents. Perhaps some emergency occurred at dinner time
and the parent asked if I could watch the kid and feed him or her dinner or
something like that. We've not had an entire family show up and expect to
be fed like what happened when I was a kid.

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
> Agreed. This is not a "guest", it's a moocher. Even in my childhood I
> don't recall anyone *ever* showing up at dinner time, much less expecting
> to be invited to join us.

When I was a kid, we always called before we went to someone's house.
Exception being the few houses on our little cul de sac but we pretty much
knew what hour each family ate dinner at. And if we did drop by then it was
for something brief or perhaps to borrow something to complete our own
dinner.

Odd thing is, we had two stores within walking distance and yet people still
borrowed food. I don't think anyone has ever borrowed food from me as an
adult except for the one time the mom next door ran out of milk. I think in
that case everyone was sick.

"Brooklyn1" > wrote in message
...
> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 08:40:50 -0500, Nancy Young
> > wrote:
>
>>On 3/2/2013 8:27 AM, jmcquown wrote:
>>> On 3/1/2013 3:48 PM, wrote:
>>
>>>> DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first.
>>>> Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome.
>>>> The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if
>>>> guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut
>>>> butter sandwiches.
>>
>>> > sacrifices for adults all the time, so it would have been considered
>>> rude
>>> > for the "hosts" to make the "guests" eat the PBJ sandwiches instead.
>>> I only
>>> > wish MM had not ignored that possibility; it would have made for a
>>> more
>>> > interesting explanation of how and why times change.
>>
>>> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is,
>>> they have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up
>>> unannounced (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people
>>> like that "guests".
>>
>>Miss Manners makes me laugh. She is the queen of setting people
>>straight. Clearly the writer has annoyed someone by dropping in
>>on them and was looking for backup that it's the other person's
>>problem, not anything they were doing wrong. On what planet is it
>>polite to show up at dinner time and eat the food that had been meant
>>for the children?
>>
>>nancy
>
> I think it's matter of situational and tradition. As a child all us
> kids that played together would be welcome to eat at a friend's house
> when we happened to be there at mealtime, all that was required was a
> call to a parent for notification... when I was a kid no one cooked
> just enough, leftovers on purpose were very typical so it was no
> biggie to feed another small kid or two... and I fed many of my own
> daughter's playmates the same. And then a situation can arise where a
> relative or close friend could be in need of comforting over some
> personal dilemma and so it was expected to feed them come meal time.
> How many would tell their brother, sister, or parent they are not
> welcome to stay for dinner if they happened to arrive close to meal
> time? But I sure ain't gonna feed the Jahoevas when they knock at
> dinner time, they be lucky I don't shove their bible up their butt

Oh those people! My mom used to make me sooo mad! They'd come to the door
and not only would she tell me to quickly brew some tea for them but also
bake them a cake or some such thing. At the time we had two kinds of quick
to make cakes. One was called Snackin' cake and I can't remember the name
of the other. One was just a simple cake baked in a square pan with no
frosting. The other was mixed in it's own pan and came with a little
frosting. They would actually stay until the cake had baked and then they'd
eat it.

She would generally turn away anyone who was selling stuff and at times
could be quite rude to them. She had an extreme dislike for the Fuller
Brush man after once opening the door to him and having her feet immediately
sprayed with something he was trying to sell. She slammed the door on him
and after that, we'd all have to hide when he came to the door.

But have some religious person come by? She'd invite them in and spend
hours listening to them. She felt it was the polite thing to do. I doubt
that she'd do that these days though.

"Cheri" > wrote in message
...
> "Ophelia" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "Cheri" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> On Sat, 2 Mar 2013 07:01:10 -0800, "Cheri" >
>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>A greater joy to me is knowing they're coming so I can plan something
>>>>>special, but I don't really keep already prepared meals in the freezer,
>>>>>so
>>>>>they'd be out of luck waiting for the roast to defrost.
>>>>>
>>>>>Cheri
>>>>
>>>> i'm not talking about roasts - things like cottage/shepherds pie,
>>>> pasta sauce, pizzas (kids in mind) all sorts of squares, lasagna, soup
>>>> and those are just the things i can think of without opening it to
>>>> see.
>>>>
>>>> my experience is friends and family are not expecting a feast. some
>>>> are friends in town for the day perhaps for hospital apps and it
>>>> pleases me to see them, feed them and send them on their way. they
>>>> would do the same for me! it's called pot luck.
>>>
>>>
>>> OK, did you see where I said "I don't keep prepared meals in the
>>> freezer?"
>>> I do not like drop in visitors, unless they're my immediate family (but
>>> they usually have the good manners to call first so it doesn't really
>>> happen much) Would your friends just drop into the hospital without an
>>> app? Hardly, so they know they're coming and could easily call you to
>>> confirm that it's convenient. You enjoy it, and that's a good thing for
>>> you, I don't. To each their own.
>>
>> I don't remember her saying that everyone should, only that she does.
>
> She said she wasn't talking about roasts, she was talking about other
> things she has prepared in the freezer, which I don't have, nobody said a
> thing about "her saying everyone should" so of course you wouldn't
> remember her saying it. So, what is your opinion on drop in guests.

I tend not to keep that sort of stuff in the freezer. When I make meatloaf
I do plan to make extra. And I did make extra rissoles but then I had that
freezer malfunction and I lost them all. I also keep cooked chicken breasts
and ground beef in there but it's all for our use. Not to have just in case
someone drops by. But I did have an great aunt who did that. Drove me
nuts. They didn't live near us and sometimes we'd be out their way for
whatever reason. No cell phones in those days. My mom would call to see if
they were home. We'd drop by for about an hour and my mom's aunt would pull
all of this fancy stuff out of the freezer and serve it to us. Like jelly
rolls and stuff. She was from Canada so I always assumed it was some sort
of Canadian thing but apparently not.

On 3/2/2013 3:34 PM, Julie Bove wrote:
> "jmcquown" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Agreed. This is not a "guest", it's a moocher. Even in my childhood I
>> don't recall anyone *ever* showing up at dinner time, much less expecting
>> to be invited to join us.
>
> When I was a kid, we always called before we went to someone's house.
> Exception being the few houses on our little cul de sac but we pretty much
> knew what hour each family ate dinner at. And if we did drop by then it was
> for something brief or perhaps to borrow something to complete our own
> dinner.
>
> Odd thing is, we had two stores within walking distance and yet people still
> borrowed food. I don't think anyone has ever borrowed food from me as an
> adult except for the one time the mom next door ran out of milk. I think in
> that case everyone was sick.
>
>
I'd never had anyone "borrow" food from me until I moved here.

Jill

On 3/2/2013 2:11 PM, Cheri wrote:
> > wrote in message
> ...
>> On Sat, 02 Mar 2013 12:42:01 -0500, Brooklyn1
>
>>> Agreed! I often have frinds phone me five minutes before leaving NYC
>>> to ask if it's okay to stop in for a couple of hours on their way to
>>> wherever, I'm thrilled they thought to visit... I know I have a good
>>> two hours to prepare a good meal before they arrive, no biggie.
>>
>> precisely !
>
>
> And also not *unexpected* so I agree that that thrills me too.
>
> Cheri

Yep, we've strayed away from someone who just drops in to someone who
has phoned ahead. Even a few minutes notice would be appreciated.

People seem to knock on my door when I'm only minutes out of the shower.
I'm wearing a bathrobe and my hair is up in a towel. (No comments from
the peanut gallery, please.) A 10 minute warning via phone would have
been much appreciated. It might have even prompted me to put on a pot
of coffee or tea since then I'd be expecting a guest

Jill

On 3/2/2013 1:30 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>
>
> "Gary" > wrote in message
> ...
>> wrote:
>>>
>>> what greater joy than sharing food together ?
>>
>> Sharing food with my ferrets while reading a good book or watching the
>> rare
>> good television show.
>
> Ahh but do ferrets drop in unannounced?
>
>
<giggling> When I was a teenager my mother was hanging wash in the back
yard. She came running in the house yelling "There's a wild animal out
there!" Or maybe she said "weird animal". Whatever, she was freaking
out. I went out back to look. About that time a little boy walked up
and said, "Have you seen my ferret?" Apparently ferrets *do* drop in
unannounced

Jill

"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...

>>
> (attempted to "fix" the GoogleGroups line-wrap crap, hopefully)
>
> It doesn't really matter why things have changed, does it? Fact is, they
> have. This *isn't* the 1950's. IMHO it's rude to show up unannounced
> (*especially* around dinner time). I don't consider people like that
> "guests".
>
> Jill
It's probably an urban legend but I remember reading a story of a couple who
got fed up with a pair of sponging "friends" that would drop by unannounced
and always at dinner time.
So, after one meal, they put the plates on the floor and let their dog lick
them clean. Then, in front of the spongers, they put them away in the
crockery cupboard. They never had another visit!!
Graham