In article >,
Melba's Jammin' > wrote:

> Heh! Like I know anything about it. Not. We've a local writer for the
> Star Tribune's food section who comes up with some of the damndest
> phrases in his restaurant reviews. Hokey. I'm not big on hokey.
> Laughable in their pretentiousness.

I like hokey. I also use geezo peezo and yabba dabba do.

> If being published is your goal,
> look long and hard at others' pieces and identify what it is you like
> and don't like about the report. Know your target audience.

It's a mill town with main street wiped out by big box stores and mills
closing right and left.

> If you
> can figure out a style that would be appealing to that audience, try it
> out. Try to sound intelligent. Do some research about the place and
> its chef if that seems like a good thing to do.

I admit that my "review" was based on just the one visit and my not
reflect everything about a place. But, you know, a restaurant critic
makes for better dining over the long run. I don't know if I have what
it takes or not. I can only try.

> It was your remark about restaurant critics being murdered that prompted
> my questioning comment. I hadn't interpreted your OP to be a review.

That's okay. The remark was about movie and television mysteries, not
about real life. At least I hope so. I'll be looking over my shoulder
now.

> I believe that Jeremy Iggers (used to review restaurants for the Strib)
> used to visit a place at least twice before writing about it so that if
> the first experience was not the best, he'd give a second chance to
> prove the first time was uncharacteristic.

I'll try again at some point.

> If I were writing a restaurant review, it would go something like,
> "Great food. Great service. You should go." Or, maybe, "Good food;
> nothing exceptional about the service. Give it a try." ;-)

That's not really a review, is it? It's more like an exhortation,
which is not my intent.
>
> Right now, I'd like to find a gig to promote a new Vietnamese place near
> us. We want so very much for it to succeed. We go there about once a
> week (usually for a banh mi lunch and a $10 check for two). I need to
> get that Strib reviewer out here.

How about a sign out front saying, "Nook Mam for mom on mom's day."

No charge for that - it's a freebie. Okay, a hokey freebie. ;-)

On Thu 08 May 2008 03:26:39p, James Silverton told us...

> George wrote on Thu, 08 May 2008 17:51:07 -0400:
>
>> Can I suggest you may not understand how big box industrial
>> companies work. You don't spend your money on quality, you
>> spend it on massive marketing so everyone *thinks* you have quality.
>
>
> I once listened to a frank interview regarding portion size at a
> new steak restaurant. Apparently, the aim is to reduce size
> until the number of complaints reaches a percentage that the
> management and staff psychologists have decided will just begin
> to cause loss of customers and then back off a little. They
> don't aim for no complaints at all and such may also be the case
> for quality and variety.

Many really good steakhouses sell their steaks by weight. No complaints
there about portions, and the sides are usually liberal, too.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Thursday, 05(V)/08(VIII)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
Countdown till Memorial Day
2wks 3dys 6hrs 10mins
-------------------------------------------
Raisins are just humiliated grapes...
-------------------------------------------

Billy wrote:

> On Wed, 07 May 2008 18:32:58 -0700, dull knife
> > wrote:
>
>>
>>It's my retirement project -- restaurant critic.
>
> Restaurant critics have a by line when they publish. Dull Knife
> isn't that sterling.
>
> Try something like Bonnie Appetit or maybe Shaleeta Buffet.

Well, I suppose those are better than Lance Boyle. A little.

--
Blinky
Killing all posts from Google Groups
The Usenet Improvement Project: http://improve-usenet.org
NEW --> Now evaluating a GG-free news feed: http://usenet4all.se

On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:53:26 -0700, dull knife
> wrote:

>In article >, sf wrote:
>
>> A restaurant "review" is meant to influence people. I didn't think he
>> was trying to do that. I just read it as his experience in one
>> particular unit of a big chain.
>
>You're both right. It was narrative and opinion. The rules of
>exposition are going to be looser here than an editor of a newspaper
>might impose on a columnist. I'm just trying my hand at it.
>
>Barb, I would be happy to try it another way. Perhaps you could direct
>me to a review you like that I could emulate, or give me a set of
>restaurant-reviewing rules to try. I've only been published once (re.
>a particularly challenging hang-glider flight), so I readily admit that
>I have much to learn.

As do many, sweetie pie. Writing for the masses isn't easy.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:26:27 -0700, dull knife
> wrote:

>Most places around here co-mingle tips, so that means the cook got
>some of it. I hope he uses his share to attend a cooking school.

Revise that sentence and it will be a really good line in your new
"review".

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

On Thu, 8 May 2008 12:12:47 -0400, "cybercat" >
wrote:

>
>"dull knife" > wrote:
>>
>> Comes the lobster, a tail about the size of your basic boot heel, and a
>> close cousin to a boot heel, as it turned out. Five other items on the
>> plate were a reasonably good baked potato, a small wedge of lemon, a
>> tiny syrup dish containing butter for dipping, a serrated steak knife,
>> and that tiny fork one imagines lies on the tables of Lilliput's
>> Big-endians and Little-endians alike (I promise, this will be my only
>> reference to Gulliver's Travels).
>>
>
>Yeah, I got sucked into going last summer because of the deceptive
>late night ads with all the great looking food, and because my sister
>was in town and had a wallet full of restaurant gift cards to dispatch.
>
>I noted the same thing about the so-called lobster, oversalted, mealy,
>icky little things that years ago, if I recall correctly, were called
>"langostino"
>lobster tails. They sucked. And cheese biscuits?
>
>I posted here about it and got the same assholio responses. Annoying?
>You bet. Extensive repertoire of Asshole tactics? Not even.
>
Oh, I think I remember that thread! You originated it, huh? Yeah,
they *were* dumb responses. If you have a gift card to *one*
restaurant, why not take advantage of a free meal there? You're also
free to critique the experience, just as dull knife did.

BTW: Langostino, cooked correctly, are great. I'd rather eat them
than "Maine" lobster.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

In article <080520081746492305%ouchimbleeding@ouchimbleeding. com>,
dull knife > wrote:

> In article >,
> Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
>
> > Heh! Like I know anything about it. Not. We've a local writer for the
> > Star Tribune's food section who comes up with some of the damndest
> > phrases in his restaurant reviews. Hokey. I'm not big on hokey.
> > Laughable in their pretentiousness.
>
> I like hokey. I also use geezo peezo and yabba dabba do.

I'll light a candle.

> > report. Know your target audience.
>
> It's a mill town with main street wiped out by big box stores and mills
> closing right and left.

The American Way. More's the pity.
>
> > If you can figure out a style that would be appealing to that
> > audience, try it out. Try to sound intelligent. Do some research
> > about the place and its chef if that seems like a good thing to do.
>

> I admit that my "review" was based on just the one visit and my not
> reflect everything about a place. But, you know, a restaurant critic
> makes for better dining over the long run.

Clarify that for me, please; I don't understand what you mean by "a
restaurant critic makes for better dining over the long run."

> I don't know if I have what it takes or not. I can only try.
>
> > If I were writing a restaurant review, it would go something like,
> > "Great food. Great service. You should go." Or, maybe, "Good food;
> > nothing exceptional about the service. Give it a try." ;-)
>
> That's not really a review, is it?

Maybe. Depends on who I said it to and how they value my opinion on
things gustatory. :-)

Interesting conversation * it has me thinking about how much or even if
I give credence to a restaurant reviewer's opinion. A successful or
pleasant experience dining out is affected by more than the taste of the
food. Mostly I prefer my own cooking to most restaurant fare because,
to me, it all tastes the same unless the place is a high buck place or a
locally owned and operated place; here, those are often ethnic places.

If the service and staff are pleasant (and not overly familiar if I'm
new to the place; i.e., don't call me Hon) and efficient and look like
they're interested in their work, I can overlook mediocre food if it is
priced accordingly. If it is expensive and not outstanding, there'd
better be something to distinguish it and overshadow the taste of the
meal. A few years ago we had a wonderful meal at Manny's Steakhouse.
It was expensive, delicious and the service was excellent: efficient,
friendly, and not intrusive. Whoever took the reservation made a note
when I mentioned it was an anniversary dinner ‹ dessert was on the
house. I'd go there again in a trice. Not because of a free dessert
but because the staff was well informed about menu items and actually
seemed to care about the customers' dining experience there.
> >
> > Right now, I'd like to find a gig to promote a new Vietnamese place near
> > us. We want so very much for it to succeed. We go there about once a
> > week (usually for a banh mi lunch and a $10 check for two). I need to
> > get that Strib reviewer out here.
>
> How about a sign out front saying, "Nook Mam for mom on mom's day."
>
> No charge for that - it's a freebie. Okay, a hokey freebie. ;-)

And a poorly spelled one at that. Points deducted from credibility
rating. '-)
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Hear me on NPR's "Weekend America" on Saturday, May 11,
talking about the best Mother's Day gift I've ever received.
http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org

On May 9, 6:33*am, Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
> In article <080520081053266509%ouchimbleed...@ouchimbleeding. com>,
> *dull knife > wrote:
>
> > In article >, sf wrote:
>
> > > A restaurant "review" is meant to influence people. *I didn't think he
> > > was trying to do that. *I just read it as his experience in one
> > > particular unit of a big chain.
>
> > You're both right. *It was narrative and opinion. *The rules of
> > exposition are going to be looser here than an editor of a newspaper
> > might impose on a columnist. *I'm just trying my hand at it.
>
> > Barb, I would be happy to try it another way. *Perhaps you could direct
> > me to a review you like that I could emulate, or give me a set of
> > restaurant-reviewing rules to try. *I've only been published once (re.
> > a particularly challenging hang-glider flight), so I readily admit that
> > I have much to learn.
>
> Heh! *Like I know anything about it. *Not. *We've a local writer for the
> Star Tribune's food section who comes up with some of the damndest
> phrases in his restaurant reviews. *Hokey. *I'm not big on hokey. *
> Laughable in their pretentiousness. * If being published is your goal,
> look long and hard at others' pieces and identify what it is you like
> and don't like about the report. * Know your target audience. *If you
> can figure out a style that would be appealing to that audience, try it
> out. *Try to sound intelligent. *Do some research about the place and
> its chef if that seems like a good thing to do.

Wine reviews are sometimes weird. Some pretentious and others... well
I read one that said the wine had subtle aromas of hot bitumen...
what? Had the writer been out licking the road?

After that one, a few of us ran a competition for who could find the
silliest wine reviews.

JB
<snip>

dull knife wrote:
> In article >, Janet Wilder
> > wrote:
>
>> If you want to submit your reviews to the media, you need to shorten
>> them. JMHO
>>
>> Texas Janet
>> (one of the "pro" writers in the group)
>
> Here is a shorter version. Since you have experience with these kinds
> of things, please feel free to, um... correct it. No grade, tho,
> because I'm just auditing this class :-)
>
> My Red Lobster experience:
>
> I visited Red Lobster at (location goes here) late on a recent weekday
> afternoon. There was no wait for a table, I chose a booth instead.

There was no wait for seating is sufficient. The "I chose a booth
instead" seems weird. "instead" of what?

> Prices were at the top of my usual range. Expect a meal in the $25 to
> $30 range plus drinks and tip. Given the name, I ordered lobster, $30.

First sentence is superfluous. No one cares what "your" range is.
>
> After looking for Guinness and not finding it on the drinks list, I
> ordered a bottle of craft-style beer I thought I'd like. Other
> selections included Bud, Miller and Coors, along with their lite/lo-cal
> versions. I saw they had pina coladas, tequila sunrises, and such.
> Hard-sell on the mixed drinks. Draft beer is not available, there's no
> bar, drinks are made in secret and delivered to your table or booth.

Draft beer is not available. Most of the beer selections were mundane
with the exception of one craft-label type which I ordered. Drinks, like
pina coladas and other sweet mixtures, can only be ordered at table.
Most likely they are pre-mixed.
>
> Biscuits arrived fairly quickly along with a salad, and the beer came
> with with a chilled glass. I sampled a biscuit, very nice, and saved
> the rest for the meal. Unrolling the paper napkin revealed a knife and
> two identical forks. Feeling impertinent, I asked the waitress which
> one was the salad fork? She pointed to one and said, "That one," and
> we both had a laugh.

The first sentence is okay.
The biscuit was very nice is sufficient. Who cares about what you saved.
No one cares about the napkin and silverware unless they were missing,
dirty or insufficient. Leave out the rest.
>
> The salad was a disappointment - a small bed of lettuce with too much
> dressing on it, topped with two thin slices from a small tomato, two
> thin onion rings (that is, one slice of onion broken into rings), two
> thin slices of cucumber, and seven croutons. Thin is "in" at Red
> Lobster, apparently. It's been suggested that I might have been
> happier with cole slaw.

Good description of the salad. Leave out the explanation of the onion.
Leave out the last two sentences.
>
> The lobster tail was about the size I expected. Five other items on
> the plate included a reasonably good baked potato, a small wedge of
> lemon, a tiny syrup dish containing butter for dipping, a serrated
> (steak) knife, and Neptune's tiny fork.

No one reading this knows what size you expected. What size was it? "a
small dish of melted butter" would be better. " a serrated steak knife"
no parentheses. call it a "seafood fork" Most people understand that better.
>
> With some dismay, I realized that the lobster needed that serrated
> knife. It took some effort to cut and I was afraid the whole time that
> I'd slip up and inadvertently sweep the entire meal off the plate. I
> was able to chew-up and choke-down about half of the lobster before
> simply giving up. The dipping butter had that heated-for-too-long
> off-taste. Too bad the prison work-release bus let the cook off here
> instead of a place with... hello! a cooking school.

Use one or at most two sentences to describe the tough lobster. Use
another sentence to describe the off-tasting butter.
>
> The service was excellent. My waitress knew her menu and checked back
> with me without my feeling pestered. Alas, $36 and change plus a tip
> later, I'm happy to get out of there. I'll report again on this
> particular restaurant. Meanwhile, my recommendation is to drive on
> past until we know more.

Reverse the first and second sentences. Rewrite the third sentence so
it's not so personal. Leave out the last two sentences.

You have your homework assignment.

Texas Janet
--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

Janet Wilder > wrote in news:48244ef3$0$7235$c3e8da3
@news.astraweb.com:

> Reverse the first and second sentences. Rewrite the third sentence so
> it's not so personal. Leave out the last two sentences.
>
> You have your homework assignment.
>
> Texas Janet
> --
> Janet Wilder
> Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
> Good Friends. Good Life
>
>

plonk

--

The house of the burning beet-Alan

A man in line at the bank kept falling over...when he got to a teller he
asked for his balance.

On Thu, 08 May 2008 11:29:20 -0700, Mark Thorson >
wrote:

>blake murphy wrote:
>>
>> sometimes they are fiction, other times they are horror stories
>> on how a critic's refined tastes were brutally assaulted.
>> (not you, dull knife.) some are actually informative.
>
>Some are paid advertisements masquerading as impartial
>reviews.

there is that.

in washington (dc), we're pretty fortunate in having some fairly
decent reviewers.

your pal,
blake

On Thu, 08 May 2008 11:08:20 -0500, Janet Wilder
> wrote:

>Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
>> That's too bad, and has not been my experience. Of course, I've not been
>> to *that* Red Lobster, but over the years I've been to many and have had
>> only one marginally unacceptable meal that I can recall.
>>
>
>I've tried several RLs in various parts of the US. Not because I
>particularly wanted to go, but we were dining with friends or groups and
>the restaurant was not my choice.
>
>I can honestly say that I have yet to have any fish or seafood at a Red
>Lobster that was *not* overcooked.
>
>JMTCW

i thought the knock on red lobster was that *all* their stuff was
frozen. i realize that in some parts of the country that's
unavoidable, but still.

your pal,
blake

On Thu, 8 May 2008 12:12:47 -0400, "cybercat" >
wrote:

>
>"dull knife" > wrote:
>>
>> Comes the lobster, a tail about the size of your basic boot heel, and a
>> close cousin to a boot heel, as it turned out. Five other items on the
>> plate were a reasonably good baked potato, a small wedge of lemon, a
>> tiny syrup dish containing butter for dipping, a serrated steak knife,
>> and that tiny fork one imagines lies on the tables of Lilliput's
>> Big-endians and Little-endians alike (I promise, this will be my only
>> reference to Gulliver's Travels).
>>
>
>Yeah, I got sucked into going last summer because of the deceptive
>late night ads with all the great looking food, and because my sister
>was in town and had a wallet full of restaurant gift cards to dispatch.
>

hell, on t.v. even macdougal's looks reasonable.

your pal,
blake

On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:53:26 -0700, dull knife
> wrote:

>In article >, sf wrote:
>
>> A restaurant "review" is meant to influence people. I didn't think he
>> was trying to do that. I just read it as his experience in one
>> particular unit of a big chain.
>
>You're both right. It was narrative and opinion. The rules of
>exposition are going to be looser here than an editor of a newspaper
>might impose on a columnist. I'm just trying my hand at it.
>
>Barb, I would be happy to try it another way. Perhaps you could direct
>me to a review you like that I could emulate, or give me a set of
>restaurant-reviewing rules to try. I've only been published once (re.
>a particularly challenging hang-glider flight), so I readily admit that
>I have much to learn.

while there's nothing wrong to knowing the 'rules,' make sure you keep
your own voice. otherwise, you may become like a franchise owner of
reviewers.

your pal,
blake

On Fri, 09 May 2008 13:32:39 GMT, hahabogus > wrote:

>Janet Wilder > wrote in news:48244ef3$0$7235$c3e8da3
:
>
>> Reverse the first and second sentences. Rewrite the third sentence so
>> it's not so personal. Leave out the last two sentences.
>>
>> You have your homework assignment.
>>
>> Texas Janet
>> --
>> Janet Wilder
>> Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
>> Good Friends. Good Life
>>
>>
>
>plonk

i didn't think much of her improvements either, but i wouldn't grade
her *that* hard.

your pal,
blake

On Thu, 8 May 2008 20:47:53 -0700 (PDT), Golden One
> wrote:
>
>Wine reviews are sometimes weird. Some pretentious and others... well
>I read one that said the wine had subtle aromas of hot bitumen...
>what? Had the writer been out licking the road?
>
>After that one, a few of us ran a competition for who could find the
>silliest wine reviews.
>
>JB
><snip>

but you have to bear in mind that wine writers have a specialized
vocabulary (granted, i don't know if 'bitumen' is included in that),
and most of the terms are well-known to those who follow such things.

your pal,
blake

On Thu, 08 May 2008 19:34:25 -0700, sf <.> wrote:

>On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:53:26 -0700, dull knife
> wrote:
>
>>In article >, sf wrote:
>>
>>> A restaurant "review" is meant to influence people. I didn't think he
>>> was trying to do that. I just read it as his experience in one
>>> particular unit of a big chain.
>>
>>You're both right. It was narrative and opinion. The rules of
>>exposition are going to be looser here than an editor of a newspaper
>>might impose on a columnist. I'm just trying my hand at it.
>>
>>Barb, I would be happy to try it another way. Perhaps you could direct
>>me to a review you like that I could emulate, or give me a set of
>>restaurant-reviewing rules to try. I've only been published once (re.
>>a particularly challenging hang-glider flight), so I readily admit that
>>I have much to learn.
>
>As do many, sweetie pie. Writing for the masses isn't easy.

hell, writing for *anyone* isn't easy. not if you want to make sense.

your pal,
blake

dull knife wrote:

> In article >, Billy
> <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom> wrote:

> > Considering that lobsters are in the cock roach family,...what more
> > could you expect?
>
> I know... they're insects.

No, they aren't. Not even close.

Lobster:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Arthropoda
Subphylum: Crustacea
Class: Malacostraca
Order: Decapoda
Infraorder: Astacidea
Family: Nephropidae

Cockroach:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Arthropoda
Class: Insecta
Subclass: Pterygota
Infraclass: Neoptera
Superorder: Dictyoptera
Order: Blattaria

There are then a number of different families of cockroaches after that.


The two are only related at the phylum level, which makes them less
related than humans are to any other mammal (as that's a Class
relationship).




Brian

--
If televison's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who
won't shut up.
-- Dorothy Gambrell (http://catandgirl.com)

In article >, sf wrote:

> On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:26:27 -0700, dull knife
> > wrote:
>
> >Most places around here co-mingle tips, so that means the cook got
> >some of it. I hope he uses his share to attend a cooking school.
>
> Revise that sentence and it will be a really good line in your new
> "review".

I hope the cook uses his share of the co-mingled tips to attend a
cooking school.

?

In article >,
Melba's Jammin' > wrote:

> In article <080520081746492305%ouchimbleeding@ouchimbleeding. com>,
> dull knife > wrote:
>
> > In article >,
> > Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
> >
> > > Heh! Like I know anything about it. Not. We've a local writer for the
> > > Star Tribune's food section who comes up with some of the damndest
> > > phrases in his restaurant reviews. Hokey. I'm not big on hokey.
> > > Laughable in their pretentiousness.
> >
> > I like hokey. I also use geezo peezo and yabba dabba do.
>
> I'll light a candle.

I say geezo peezo in memory of a nice girl I once dated. Alas, she was
taken by someone else in life's great game of choose-'em-up. She was
kind of a funny looking girl in a good sort of way, but as soon as she
said geezo peezo, a whole lot of things about her made sense.

Yabba dabba do is now reserved exclusively for that nitwit in Iran -
Yabbadabbadoijad (since I have trouble with gutteral sounds).

> > > report. Know your target audience.
> >
> > It's a mill town with main street wiped out by big box stores and mills
> > closing right and left.
>
> The American Way. More's the pity.

Okay, I'm flipping the "rant" switch to the "on" position:

If the country was a restaurant, this would be my "review." On the
retail side of town, the big-box stores have stripped out a lot of
middle-class entrepreneurs and eliminated the stepping-stone jobs they
provided. On the union side of town, middle-class jobs and security
are out the window as mills close.

Big-box stores have consolidated the management function by a factor of
ten, established a boatload of low-wage, low-opportunity,
low-expectation jobs, eliminating everything in between. Unions are
infected with pseudo-neocon types who don't go to meetings and vote at
contract time for adverse contracts that fractionalize (and emasculate)
the workforce.

Non-union big-box grocery stores are full of union workers trying to
save pennies at the expense of union shops, so two major chains have
left town and another sold out, laying everyone off, then reopened as a
non-union shop in order to compete with non-union Winco, also packed
with union workers trying to save pennies (when asked, they lament the
demise of unions when they're partly responsible for it).

Main Street is now a collection if hair salons, short-lived eateries
with little pubs that ain't, vanity/boutique gift shops, storefront
churches and bookstores, a casino, competing gangs of children
perpetrating a crime wave, and pawn shops.

We had none of this 40 years ago. The solution to this town's problems
40 years ago was to put up "No Cruising" signs (which are being removed
this year, BTW). No cruising, the argument was, is silly in the face
of cars that hop up and down, emit thumping music, and kids trying to
kill you if you happen to be wearing an article of clothing of a
certain color. The police don't patrol anymore in favor of sitting
around in the cop house waiting for calls, and then they drive out in
unmarked cars with tinted windows, light bars inside, civilian license
plates, and they say it's because they're _AFRAID_ of getting shot in a
sniper attack (I'm not making this up, I asked and this is what the
response was - and immediately afterwards, a cop stepped around a
corner and took my picture!).

I can't see as that's the American Way. Rather, the American Way is to
protect jobs and markets. Instead, we've let american corporations
help China, India, banks, oil companies, and others, loot America. The
average household now owes $500,000 as its share of government debt,
not counting personal debt, which is up to here. The current
administration has accumulated more debt than all other administrations
_combined_. This in the face of repeated (empty, as it turns out)
promises to balance the budget and eliminate the trade deficit. All of
this free trade and offshoring was supposed to come back to us in
spades in the way of stimulating the economy. Instead, it's caused a
huge inflation we see playing out in the housing market, in fuel and
food prices, in a general across-the-board downward mobility for
younger generations.

So "It's a mill town with main street wiped out by big box stores and
mills closing right and left" is not the disease, it's just a symptom
of something much worse. It's not the American Way. My parents came
out of the Great Depression and dubya dubya two with nothing. We
didn't have a TV, a refrigerator or a car until I was seven or eight
years old. But the '50's and the 60's were good for them, they paid
off a (big) home, two cars, and all of the gadgets you can imagine.
They had great hopes for their children, sent them all to college, etc.
Well, most of us did okay, but do we have the same hopes for debt-free
prosperity for ourselves, and what about our children and
grandchildren? Will they ride a great wave of prosperity?

And what about the Constitution and Bill Of Rights? We're responsible
for the protection and maintenance of it. Will we pass it along
intact? That's out the window. Our deterministic (rather than
common-law) system of lawmaking and jurisprudence is smothering us in
an avalanche of un-constitutionalism, building one bad law upon another
until the only ones who are free to maneuver in this society,
government and economy are corporations and people who can hire the
best lawyers.

Prisons are the new growth industry. When the voters said "no" to a
new jail, they simply took the money for it out of another budget item
and built it anyway. The new jail is full, and so is the old one. It
takes months to get a hearing, and people who are unfortunate enough to
fall deeper into the legal system than a parking ticket are marched
through the courts in orange jumpers, chained together, and have a
court appointed attorney who is allowed 30 minutes of prep time and the
services of an investigator to check one source or lead. State prisons
are packed and run by gangs. A legal system that was once based on the
idea that "so one innocent person does not go to prison, some of the
guilty will go free," has been turned on its head, "so that no guilty
person goes free, some of the innocent will have to go to prison."
Better hope that you or someone in your circle doesn't fall into this
pit because they will be beyond any help.

Ratcheting things up from 9/11 to today and beyond, it looks like the
American Way is done for. WTC (World Trade Centers) has morphed into
WTF (um... yah). We've lived long enough to see infants and even the
government's own airplane cops get turned away from flights because of
names on a no-fly list. Today there's a story about a legal immigrant
who wants to apply for citizenship, who sent a request for her identity
papers to her family, and now UPS is holding the envelope with the
identity documents inside she needs to use to get that very same
envelope she needs to identify herself so she can take delivery.
Whaaaaaa? Hello! Is there any common sense left?

How much worse will it get? If you have a knee replacement or a heart
bypass, your grandkid may not get the job (s)he wants because your
records follow them and will follow their kids until the end of time,
and they don't want to hire someone who might have a tendency to suffer
knee or heart problems because a health insurer will raise their
premium. And all of this record accumulation in a centralized system
means only one thing - when the government knows everything about you,
then _everyone_ will know everything about you. Thefts, unauthorized
releases, friends in the right places, stolen computers, agencies
needing to track down people (like scofflaw dads), university students
needing to do research, landlords, employers, credit agencies... will
all have access to everything about you, and you'll be the only one who
won't have access or have any control over it.

This is most certainly _not_ the American Way. Maybe you meant the
Neo-American Way?

Okay, back to cooking and restaurant reviews.

> > But, you know, a restaurant critic
> > makes for better dining over the long run.
>
> Clarify that for me, please; I don't understand what you mean by "a
> restaurant critic makes for better dining over the long run."

If restaurants have no critics, the public is ignorant. If the public
is ignorant, then restaurant managers and cooks can get away with
anything. The critic exposes their peccadilloes (and worse), so they
have to pay attention and get it right if they don't want to be
exposed. Someone who fancies himself a cook tried to lay off a piece
of rubbery substance on me the other day. Should I roll over in the
clover, lay down, and let them do it to me again? (Rusty Warren)

> > > If I were writing a restaurant review, it would go something like,
> > > "Great food. Great service. You should go." Or, maybe, "Good food;
> > > nothing exceptional about the service. Give it a try." ;-)
> >
> > That's not really a review, is it?
>
> Maybe. Depends on who I said it to and how they value my opinion on
> things gustatory. :-)

Maybe a restaurant review should be entertaining as well as informative.

> Interesting conversation * it has me thinking about how much or even if
> I give credence to a restaurant reviewer's opinion. A successful or
> pleasant experience dining out is affected by more than the taste of the
> food. Mostly I prefer my own cooking to most restaurant fare because,
> to me, it all tastes the same unless the place is a high buck place or a
> locally owned and operated place; here, those are often ethnic places.
>
> If the service and staff are pleasant (and not overly familiar if I'm
> new to the place; i.e., don't call me Hon) and efficient and look like
> they're interested in their work, I can overlook mediocre food if it is
> priced accordingly. If it is expensive and not outstanding, there'd
> better be something to distinguish it and overshadow the taste of the
> meal. A few years ago we had a wonderful meal at Manny's Steakhouse.
> It was expensive, delicious and the service was excellent: efficient,
> friendly, and not intrusive. Whoever took the reservation made a note
> when I mentioned it was an anniversary dinner ‹ dessert was on the
> house. I'd go there again in a trice. Not because of a free dessert
> but because the staff was well informed about menu items and actually
> seemed to care about the customers' dining experience there.

We go to a place because we mention it's mom's birthday and they treat
her like royalty, sing happy b-day (and have fun doing it), bring out a
small cake. My mom loves to go there. She'll be 90 soon.

> > > Right now, I'd like to find a gig to promote a new Vietnamese place near
> > > us. We want so very much for it to succeed. We go there about once a
> > > week (usually for a banh mi lunch and a $10 check for two). I need to
> > > get that Strib reviewer out here.
> >
> > How about a sign out front saying, "Nook Mam for mom on mom's day."
> >
> > No charge for that - it's a freebie. Okay, a hokey freebie. ;-)
>
> And a poorly spelled one at that. Points deducted from credibility
> rating. '-)

You mean Nook Mam, Nuoc mam, Nook mahm, Nuoc Mahm? It really has no
direct translation in terms of spelling. I once lived with a
Vietnamese family in Danang, so I've had the real thing (not FDA
approved). The smelling is more important than the spelling. ;-)

In article >, Janet Wilder
> wrote:

> dull knife wrote:
> > In article >, Janet Wilder
> > > wrote:
> >
> >> If you want to submit your reviews to the media, you need to shorten
> >> them. JMHO
> >>
> >> Texas Janet
> >> (one of the "pro" writers in the group)
> >
> > Here is a shorter version. Since you have experience with these kinds
> > of things, please feel free to, um... correct it. No grade, tho,
> > because I'm just auditing this class :-)
> >
> > My Red Lobster experience:
> >
> > I visited Red Lobster at (location goes here) late on a recent weekday
> > afternoon. There was no wait for a table, I chose a booth instead.
>
> There was no wait for seating is sufficient. The "I chose a booth
> instead" seems weird. "instead" of what?

Instead of not letting the reader know that there was a choice of table
or booth?
>
> > Prices were at the top of my usual range. Expect a meal in the $25 to
> > $30 range plus drinks and tip. Given the name, I ordered lobster, $30.
>
> First sentence is superfluous. No one cares what "your" range is.

I see your point. Maybe a bit chatty.

> > After looking for Guinness and not finding it on the drinks list, I
> > ordered a bottle of craft-style beer I thought I'd like. Other
> > selections included Bud, Miller and Coors, along with their lite/lo-cal
> > versions. I saw they had pina coladas, tequila sunrises, and such.
> > Hard-sell on the mixed drinks. Draft beer is not available, there's no
> > bar, drinks are made in secret and delivered to your table or booth.
>
> Draft beer is not available. Most of the beer selections were mundane
> with the exception of one craft-label type which I ordered. Drinks, like
> pina coladas and other sweet mixtures, can only be ordered at table.
> Most likely they are pre-mixed.

This is a town full of working stiffs. Nobody knows what "mundane" is.
In retrospect (okay, nobody knows what "retrospect" is either, 'cause
it ain't a fish, an alcoholic beverage, a centerfold, or a truck part),
I might have dropped "...drinks are made in secret and delivered to
your table or booth."

> > Biscuits arrived fairly quickly along with a salad, and the beer came
> > with with a chilled glass. I sampled a biscuit, very nice, and saved
> > the rest for the meal. Unrolling the paper napkin revealed a knife and
> > two identical forks. Feeling impertinent, I asked the waitress which
> > one was the salad fork? She pointed to one and said, "That one," and
> > we both had a laugh.
>
> The first sentence is okay.
> The biscuit was very nice is sufficient. Who cares about what you saved.
> No one cares about the napkin and silverware unless they were missing,
> dirty or insufficient. Leave out the rest.

That was the entertainment part of the piece. You're carving out some
important trivia. I remember having this same discussion with an
English teacher, just before she flunked me and I had to take Junior
English over again during my Senior year. Sheesh!

> > The salad was a disappointment - a small bed of lettuce with too much
> > dressing on it, topped with two thin slices from a small tomato, two
> > thin onion rings (that is, one slice of onion broken into rings), two
> > thin slices of cucumber, and seven croutons. Thin is "in" at Red
> > Lobster, apparently. It's been suggested that I might have been
> > happier with cole slaw.
>
> Good description of the salad. Leave out the explanation of the onion.
> Leave out the last two sentences.

So there goes more of my clever levity. The last sentence was added
when someone in this group suggested it. Doesn't "thin is 'in'" tie
together all of the comments about the thinness of the ingredients?

> > The lobster tail was about the size I expected. Five other items on
> > the plate included a reasonably good baked potato, a small wedge of
> > lemon, a tiny syrup dish containing butter for dipping, a serrated
> > (steak) knife, and Neptune's tiny fork.
>
> No one reading this knows what size you expected. What size was it? "a
> small dish of melted butter" would be better. " a serrated steak knife"
> no parentheses. call it a "seafood fork" Most people understand that better.

Neptune's tiny fork? I worked hard on that.

I see what you mean, tho. We have different styles, don't we?

> > With some dismay, I realized that the lobster needed that serrated
> > knife. It took some effort to cut and I was afraid the whole time that
> > I'd slip up and inadvertently sweep the entire meal off the plate. I
> > was able to chew-up and choke-down about half of the lobster before
> > simply giving up. The dipping butter had that heated-for-too-long
> > off-taste. Too bad the prison work-release bus let the cook off here
> > instead of a place with... hello! a cooking school.
>
> Use one or at most two sentences to describe the tough lobster. Use
> another sentence to describe the off-tasting butter.

I suppose I could have said "tough lobster, hard to cut when it should
have been flaky, and the dipping butter had an off taste." But I'm
prone to exposition. You must admit that I cut a lot out of the first
try.

> > The service was excellent. My waitress knew her menu and checked back
> > with me without my feeling pestered. Alas, $36 and change plus a tip
> > later, I'm happy to get out of there. I'll report again on this
> > particular restaurant. Meanwhile, my recommendation is to drive on
> > past until we know more.
>
> Reverse the first and second sentences. Rewrite the third sentence so
> it's not so personal. Leave out the last two sentences.

Geezo peezo!

> You have your homework assignment.

Okay. Thanks. I guess you don't like my sense of humus. I'll work on
it this weekend.

In article >, hahabogus
> wrote:

> A man in line at the bank kept falling
> over...when he got to a teller he asked
> for his balance.

The sign at Subway proclaimed, "Breakfast Made Before Your Eyes." So I
asked, "Do you think you could make the eyes first?"

In article >, blake murphy
> wrote:

> On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:53:26 -0700, dull knife
> > wrote:
>
> >Barb, I would be happy to try it another way. Perhaps you could direct
> >me to a review you like that I could emulate, or give me a set of
> >restaurant-reviewing rules to try. I've only been published once (re.
> >a particularly challenging hang-glider flight), so I readily admit that
> >I have much to learn.
>
> while there's nothing wrong to knowing the 'rules,' make sure you keep
> your own voice. otherwise, you may become like a franchise owner of
> reviewers.
>
> your pal,
> blake

Here's my affliction. My brain connects with my fingers a lot better
than it does to my mouth. I'm much better able to express myself with
a keyboard than I am by speaking.

Why, just the other day, I was stopped by a cop. He asked why I was
going so fast. I said, "I was just trying to get out of your way."

When he asked for my license, I told him, "I wish you guys would get
your act together One day you take it away from me, then the next day
you ask me to show it."

So I showed him the letter I got from an insurance company that was
addressed:

To The Good Driver
(address deleted)

Oops. And that lizard seemed so smart.

In article >, Default User
> wrote:

> dull knife wrote:
>
> > In article >, Billy
> > <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom> wrote:
>
> > > Considering that lobsters are in the cock roach family,...what more
> > > could you expect?
> >
> > I know... they're insects.
>
> No, they aren't. Not even close.
> The two are only related at the phylum level, which makes them less
> related than humans are to any other mammal (as that's a Class
> relationship).
> Brian

If it has an exoskeleton, it's insect enough for me. I try not to
think about it when I'm eating lobster.

You're pretty smart, tho. Thanks for clearing that up.

dull knife wrote:

> In article >, Default User
> > wrote:
>
> > dull knife wrote:
> >
> > > In article >, Billy
> > > <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom> wrote:
> >
> > > > Considering that lobsters are in the cock roach family,...what
> > > > more could you expect?
> > >
> > > I know... they're insects.
> >
> > No, they aren't. Not even close.
> > The two are only related at the phylum level, which makes them less
> > related than humans are to any other mammal (as that's a Class
> > relationship).
> > Brian
>
> If it has an exoskeleton, it's insect enough for me. I try not to
> think about it when I'm eating lobster.

Kind of like, "if it has a spinal cord, it's human enough for me"?




Brian

--
If televison's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who
won't shut up.
-- Dorothy Gambrell (http://catandgirl.com)

dull knife wrote:

> I like shrimp, but I'm off it for the time until I get over a food
> poisoning incident a friend suffered. She fell ill after a shrimp
> dinner at a Rib Eye steakhouse. But I noticed another customer happily
> engaged in homogenizing some sort of shrimpy/fettuccine dish that he
> seemed to enjoy eating.

You can get food poisoning from any food, y'know?

Otherwise, the
> waitress was very good, so I left her a 15% tip.

That much!? LOL

dull knife wrote:

> You're both right. It was narrative and opinion. The rules of
> exposition are going to be looser here than an editor of a newspaper
> might impose on a columnist. I'm just trying my hand at it.
>
> Barb, I would be happy to try it another way. Perhaps you could direct
> me to a review you like that I could emulate, or give me a set of
> restaurant-reviewing rules to try. I've only been published once (re.
> a particularly challenging hang-glider flight), so I readily admit that
> I have much to learn.

I like to read restaurant reviews by people who already know good food.
They know what the standard should be, so they have a point of
comparison on which to base the review. I also appreciate a little
humor. I thought that anyone who doesn't know what a mediocre restaurant
"Dead Lobster" was ...well....that's kinda funny.
I very much enjoyed "Garlic and Sapphires.."
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Gar...3036616/?itm=1

wrote:

> Infact Crap-ple Bee's, Olive Garden (gag), Out House Steak House,
> TGIF--all those ghastly step above Micky D's so called restaurants are
> doing booming business around here.
>
> Why would you think a national chain restaurant would serve anything
> closely resembling food?
>
> Bat

They serve food. They just don't serve noteworthy food or food meant to
please those who know and appreciate a higher standard. It is
functional, sort of the "lowest common denominator" type food.

That said- I was at O'Hara yesterday and after a long day, the
McDonald's in the terminal was *exactly* what I wanted (the alternative
at that gate area was some hot dog joint) because I *knew* what I'd get
and wasn't in the mood for any surprises. I was tired, cranky, lugging
far too heavy luggage and that snack wrap and oatmeal raisin cookie was
almost comfort food because of the predictable taste and cost.

dull knife wrote:


> After looking for Guinness and not finding it on the drinks list, I
> ordered a bottle of craft-style beer I thought I'd like. Other
> selections included Bud, Miller and Coors, along with their lite/lo-cal
> versions.

Not a noteworthy selection worth the comment space- I would prefer
reading something along the lines of "Otherwise just a standard
selection of national beers.."


> I saw they had pina coladas, tequila sunrises, and such.
> Hard-sell on the mixed drinks. Draft beer is not available, there's no
> bar, drinks are made in secret and delivered to your table or booth.

Nothing really unusual (worthy of comment) there either. Standard bar,
and all bars want to sell drinks. The mention of draft beers being
unavailable is more noteworthy, but also would have belonged up in the
comments about beer selection.
The comments about "drinks are made in secret" is just weird. I don't
sit at a restaurant table or booth expecting a bartender to prepare my
drinks before my eyes either. What made it so "secret" and why was this
a problem? It isn't as if you were sitting at the bar, right?

>
> Biscuits arrived fairly quickly along with a salad, and the beer came
> with with a chilled glass.

Perhaps the comment about a chilled beer glass is unnecessary since it
is the norm in this country? And again, the entire content should have
been placed with the beer mention in the first instance?

>
> The salad was a disappointment - a small bed of lettuce with too much
> dressing on it,

What *kind* of lettuce(s)?? What kind of dressing and was it interesting
in any way? I want to read details about the dish in a review-not about
a generic "salad" which in my world might be entirely different from
yours, capisce?


> The lobster tail was about the size I expected. Five other items on
> the plate included a reasonably good baked potato, a small wedge of
> lemon, a tiny syrup dish containing butter for dipping, a serrated
> (steak) knife, and Neptune's tiny fork.

A restaurant reviewer would know how to describe the presentation better
.. Was it the standard drawn butter and lemon wedge? Or was it commercial
grill oil masquerading as butter? Was it a lobster fork? What is a
"syrup dish" ?

dull knife wrote:

>
> Okay. Thanks. I guess you don't like my sense of humus. I'll work on
> it this weekend.

I have no problem with your sense of humor. I quite enjoyed the
original. I was under the impression that you wanted me to edit the
piece so that it could be considered for publication. There is a big
difference in what amuses us and what a newspaper or periodical requires
for a restaurant review. The most important thing to many editors is
word count. No matter how terse you think your piece is, some editor
will happily chop away at it. If you want the piece to read well, you
have to develop the ability to edit yourself.

I understand your consternation. I hated to edit myself and hated it
even more when editors chopped at my stuff. I quickly learned to edit my
own stuff so that what was left made sense, rather than let an editor
screw it up.

I once left a magazine because the editor was so hung up on 800 words
that she actually changed the truth of a piece just to get the word
count. That was after a lengthy explanation of how 800 words would not
be sufficient for the subject.

Keep writing.

I like the way you write and I think you might want to consider starting
your own restaurant review blog. No editor but yourself.

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

In article >, Goomba38
> wrote:

> I like to read restaurant reviews by people who already know good food.
> They know what the standard should be, so they have a point of
> comparison on which to base the review. I also appreciate a little
> humor. I thought that anyone who doesn't know what a mediocre restaurant
> "Dead Lobster" was ...well....that's kinda funny.

Tee hee. Do you know what the Chinese call it? Lead Lobsta. Uh oh,
I'm probably in trouble now. I don't mind ethnic jokes. Call me a Mic
and it doesn't phase me, I'm proud of it. Do you know why I buy Old
Fashioned White Bread? Because I'm an old fashioned white guy. I
could go on, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone. Ethnic jokes don't
have to be mean to be funny.

> I very much enjoyed "Garlic and Sapphires.."
> http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Gar...3036616/?itm=1

Looks like a dilly.

=-=-=-=-=
As she writes, "Every restaurant is a theater . . . even the modest
restaurants offer the opportunity to become someone else, at least for
a little while."
=-=-=-=-=

I do it all the time. Not in restaurants, but other places I have a
hard time keeping up with all of the lies I've spun.

On Fri, 09 May 2008 10:16:57 -0700, dull knife
> wrote:

>In article >, sf wrote:
>
>> On Thu, 08 May 2008 10:26:27 -0700, dull knife
>> > wrote:
>>
>> >Most places around here co-mingle tips, so that means the cook got
>> >some of it. I hope he uses his share to attend a cooking school.
>>
>> Revise that sentence and it will be a really good line in your new
>> "review".
>
>I hope the cook uses his share of the co-mingled tips to attend a
>cooking school.
>
>?

perfect!


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On Fri, 09 May 2008 14:07:06 -0700, dull knife
> wrote:

>You're pretty smart, tho. Thanks for clearing that up.

All it takes is a computer and a will to query.

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