There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting
into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't
even a blip on the horizon... I was in a great mood, too,
thinking about where I was going to hit lunch after my
purchase... When...

Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of
me hard enough to push him into the next crinkling his
aluminum-and-fiberglass Minicooper.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets
out of the car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"

.... And that's when the fight started.

ObFood: Knuckle sandwich

The Ranger

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:11:09 -0700, The Ranger wrote:

> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting
> into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't
> even a blip on the horizon... I was in a great mood, too,
> thinking about where I was going to hit lunch after my
> purchase... When...
>
> Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of
> me hard enough to push him into the next crinkling his
> aluminum-and-fiberglass Minicooper.
>
> So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets
> out of the car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
> and life-stuff seems to get funny?
>
> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"

My money's on GRUMPY...
>
> ... And that's when the fight started.
>
> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>
> The Ranger

Sorry, couldn't help laughing at this. I sincerely hope it was a joke? If
not, I hope you weren't hurt (by the knuckle sandwich). And that you have
insurance ;-)

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

The Ranger wrote:
> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting
> into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't
> even a blip on the horizon... I was in a great mood, too,
> thinking about where I was going to hit lunch after my
> purchase... When...
>
> Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of
> me hard enough to push him into the next crinkling his
> aluminum-and-fiberglass Minicooper.
>
> So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets
> out of the car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
> and life-stuff seems to get funny?
>
> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
> ... And that's when the fight started.
>
> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>
> The Ranger
>
>
You've got to be careful fighting dwarves, they tend to hit normal sized
people below the belt.

The Ranger said...

> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting
> into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't
> even a blip on the horizon... I was in a great mood, too,
> thinking about where I was going to hit lunch after my
> purchase... When...
>
> Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of
> me hard enough to push him into the next crinkling his
> aluminum-and-fiberglass Minicooper.
>
> So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets
> out of the car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
> and life-stuff seems to get funny?
>
> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
> ... And that's when the fight started.
>
> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>
> The Ranger


Ranger,

WTF were you thinking!??

What a stupid thing to say.

Ya BUM!!!

And WHERE was your gun in self defense?!? "Your honor, he said he was going
to kill me."

Have fun in court! You'll certainly get sued.

Andy

On Jun 24, 1:15 pm, Andy <q> wrote:
[Snip-O'-Matic employed]
> WTF were you thinking!??

That it was funny!

The Ranger said...

> On Jun 24, 1:15 pm, Andy <q> wrote:
> [Snip-O'-Matic employed]
>> WTF were you thinking!??
>
> That it was funny!


Well you sure can't take that kind of funny to the bank!

Andy

On Jun 24, 12:59 pm, George Shirley > wrote:
> You've got to be careful fighting dwarves, they tend
> to hit normal sized people below the belt.

"Humph. 'Fair fight?' I've never been in one of those before." --
Cahill, US Marshall

The Ranger wrote:
>
> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"

I just lost over an hour's work when FrameMaker
crashed unexpectedly. (FrameMaker is normally
quite reliable -- I don't recall this ever
happening before.)

Thanks for giving me a laugh when I really needed one.

Mark Thorson > wrote in message
...
> The Ranger wrote:
>> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF!
>> He looks over his car and then storms over to me in my
>> car. Since I was already out, he glares up at me and
>> says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>>
>> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are
>> you then?"
>>
> I just lost over an hour's work when FrameMaker
> crashed unexpectedly. (FrameMaker is normally
> quite reliable -- I don't recall this ever
> happening before.)

Did you have the autosave set up? If so, SWMBO knows a few
tricks on how to recover that work. (BTW: Long live Frame 2!)

> Thanks for giving me a laugh when I really needed one.

Your servant, sir...

The Ranger

On Jun 24, 1:36 pm, Andy <q> wrote:
[snip]
> Well you sure can't take that kind of funny to the bank!

Carot Top's proved otherwise.

Mark Thorson said...

> The Ranger wrote:
>>
>> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
>> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
>> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>>
>> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
> I just lost over an hour's work when FrameMaker
> crashed unexpectedly. (FrameMaker is normally
> quite reliable -- I don't recall this ever
> happening before.)
>
> Thanks for giving me a laugh when I really needed one.


Mark,

FrameMaker 1.0 to 7.0. Adobe dropped the bucket on this beauty!

Excellent WP. I rocked the paragraph style "Run-In Head-Default
Punctuation" formatting (over and over)!!!

That and more than has been featured in another WP!!!

Wrote my own PostScript typesetting program dictionary for the old
LaserWriter for needs beyond Adobe's ability to keep up with the times.

Ever notice PostScript's "to this day" remaining bug?

Glad to know a fellow user!

Andy

"The Ranger" > wrote in message
ndwidth...
> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting into a fight
> was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't even a blip on the
> horizon... I was in a great mood, too, thinking about where I was going to
> hit lunch after my purchase... When...
>
> Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of me hard
> enough to push him into the next crinkling his aluminum-and-fiberglass
> Minicooper.
>
> So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the
> car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems
> to get funny?
>
> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks over his
> car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was already out, he
> glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
> ... And that's when the fight started.
>
> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>
> The Ranger


Great Line

Bad Timing.

A day ruined for one and a half people. Whoops!


--
Old Scoundrel

(AKA Dimitri)

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:11:09 -0700, "The Ranger"
> wrote:

>There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting
>into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't
>even a blip on the horizon... I was in a great mood, too,
>thinking about where I was going to hit lunch after my
>purchase... When...
>
>Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of
>me hard enough to push him into the next crinkling his
>aluminum-and-fiberglass Minicooper.
>
>So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets
>out of the car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed
>and life-stuff seems to get funny?
>
>Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
>over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
>already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
>So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
>... And that's when the fight started.
>
>ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>
>The Ranger
>

I found your story very cute and you wrote it so well. Thinking on
your feet! Just made me giggle.

aloha,
beans
roast beans to kona to email
farmers of Pure Kona

"Dimitri" > wrote in message
...
>
> "The Ranger" > wrote in message
> ndwidth...
>> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting into a fight
>> was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't even a blip on the
>> horizon... I was in a great mood, too, thinking about where I was going
>> to hit lunch after my purchase... When...
>>
>> Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of me hard
>> enough to push him into the next crinkling his aluminum-and-fiberglass
>> Minicooper.
>>
>> So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the
>> car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems
>> to get funny?
>>
>> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks over his
>> car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was already out, he
>> glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>>
>> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>>
>> ... And that's when the fight started.
>>
>> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>>
>> The Ranger
>
>
> Great Line
>
> Bad Timing.
>
> A day ruined for one and a half people. Whoops!

If only the dwarf had had a gun.

The Ranger wrote:

> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting
> into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind.

That's usually the case, in my experience.

> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
> ... And that's when the fight started.
>
> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich

Very funny, thank you for the laugh.

In return, here's the first joke that comes to mind:

My mother-in-law was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands --
and two of them were just napping!

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:11:09 -0700, "The Ranger"
> wrote:

>So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"


WHAT AN OLD JOKE....so there were seven...which one was it? Were you
Sleepy when you hit them?

Billy <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom> boorishly blathered through
message ...
> [..] Were you Sleepy when you hit them?

Happy but you already knew that Dopey.

ObFood: Smart & Final sells a gallon jug of pickled pigs' feet.
I was chubbed; there's a market for this product where I live?
Who knew?

The Ranger

On Jun 24, 5:24 pm, Cuthbert Thistlethwaite >
wrote:
> Very funny, thank you for the laugh.

I live but to serve, sir.

> In return, here's the first joke that comes to mind:
>
> My mother-in-law was a very tough woman. She buried three
> husbands -- and two of them were just napping!

That's a keeper! Forwarded off to my FIL.

The Ranger

"The Ranger" > wrote in news:3cednbWwDa9J2
andwidth:


>
> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>
> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
> ... And that's when the fight started.
>



ROFLMAO!!!!!!!


Thanks :-)




A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked
robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in
because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy
daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and
this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.' Again the mother
told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the
Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came
out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'


--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia


The path of a warrior never deviating,
one has to become not just a part of nature
but a force of nature,
acting in accordance with the laws of the universe.
(Getsumei No Michi, the Moonlit Path)

On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:02:14 -0400, Billy <Hereiam@hotmaildotcom>
wrote:

>On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:11:09 -0700, "The Ranger"
> wrote:
>
>>So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>
>
>WHAT AN OLD JOKE....so there were seven...which one was it? Were you
>Sleepy when you hit them?

good thing doc was there.

your pal,
blake

Dimitri wrote:
>
> "The Ranger" > wrote in message
> ndwidth...
>> There I was on my way into Wal-Mart's parking lot... Getting into a
>> fight was the farthest thing from my mind. It wasn't even a blip on
>> the horizon... I was in a great mood, too, thinking about where I was
>> going to hit lunch after my purchase... When...
>>
>> Three cars quick-stop. Not me; I rear-end the car in front of me hard
>> enough to push him into the next crinkling his aluminum-and-fiberglass
>> Minicooper.
>>
>> So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of
>> the car -- and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff
>> seems to get funny?
>>
>> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks over
>> his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was already out,
>> he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>>
>> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>>
>> ... And that's when the fight started.
>>
>> ObFood: Knuckle sandwich
>>
>> The Ranger
>
>
> Great Line
>
> Bad Timing.
>
> A day ruined for one and a half people. Whoops!
>
>
What that makes me think of is how some of the anti-choice folks think
that a soul is immediately formed with the union of sperm and egg.
Well, what if that fertilized egg twins? Do the two identical twins
have to share the soul, and only have one soul between the two? Does
one twin get the soul, and the other is soulless?

In the alt.punk NG, Dean (of Dean Dean and the Sex Machines) wrote,
"Ashley totally got the soul. Mary Kate is the dirty, souless [sic]
little whore."

--Bryan

PeterLucas wrote:
> "The Ranger" > wrote in news:3cednbWwDa9J2
> andwidth:
>
>
>> Yeah, well, I couldn't *believe* it! He was a DWARF! He looks
>> over his car and then storms over to me in my car. Since I was
>> already out, he glares up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
>>
>> So, I look down at him and ask, "Well, which one are you then?"
>>
>> ... And that's when the fight started.
>>
>
>
>
> ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
>
>
> Thanks :-)
>
>
>
>
> A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked
> robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
> Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in
> because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy
> daughters and a healthy son.
>
> All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
> tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and
> this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.
>
> The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago
> About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
> 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.' Again the mother
> told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
>
> A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the
> Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came
> out.'
>
> 'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'
>
>
Yeah, right. Playing with himself and he *just happened* to have his
erect penis pointed in exactly the direction of the dog. More likely,
he was committing an act of bestiality with the canine. His only
defense is now that the dog is female. "Hey, it's not like I'm *** or
anything."

--Bryan