So the kids are in bed and its Crushendo racking night. And degassing
night. I have obviously bought a whip degasser specially for the
occasion. I have been moving bits of equipment into the bathroom all
night in between gets the kids down to sleep, and I am all ready. I am
totally organised. I even have the scissors that are going to cut the
corner of the baggy of chitin sanitised. Oh yeah. My shit is wired so
tight, I can actually relax.

So I sanitise the whip degasser, add my sulphite and sorbate to the
wine and we're in business....I get my drill and put it over the end
of the degasser, and tighten up, righty tighty, righty tighty until it
wont go any further. Then I carefully assist the end of the degasser
into the wine. It becomes obvious that drills are righty tighty when
you are looking into the drill bit hole, not down the shaft, when the
entire degasser falls in my wine.

And sinks.

Not good.

Including, of course, the part that has just whacked and clanked
against my drill, which, obviously, has the usual grain-deep detritus
of life as a drill all over it.

I dash to sanitise my stirring spoon, and try to retreive the
degasser.

It is not going to happen.

The degasser actually has a bung built onto it to prevent this exact
calamity. Be sure and observe before you use yours that said bung is
for a standard glass demijohn, not a wide mouthed better bottle.
Slipped right in.

There is now only one solution. I will have to sanitise another carboy
as quick as poss and transfer the wine into that, retrieve the
degasser then start again. Off to my wine room,.

Out of carboys.

Only one solution now, I dash to the kitchen, grab the carboy I just
racked the wine out of (a better bottle, thank god...easy clean) and
clean it frantically in the bath, resanitise it, and I am ready to go.
Luckily I have racked into a lightweight better bottle, so I can hold
the 6 gal carboy just enough to tip it into the funnel I will use to
transfer it.

Oh did I say I was strong enough to do that?

As I start, I discover I am exactly one millionth of an ounce less
strong than is actually required, and instead of the wine coming out
the neck and into the funnel, the angle is just weak enough that the
wine comes down the neck, over my completely unsanitised right hand
holding the neck of the carboy, and then into the new sanitised
vessel.

This is bad.

But not quite as bad as the fact that my right hand is also now slippy
and wet with wine, and I lose more grip, and wine is dribbling over my
slipping weakening hand all over the floor, causing me nearly to
tears.

I manage to bring my knees into play to assist the angle,
accomplishing contortions any model for a book on the kama sutra would
be proud of. I get the wine transferred.

Obviously, it is nine PM, I have had less than six hours sleep per
night because of sick kids the last two nights, and my wife is working
her third twelve hour night shift, and I am promised and bound to be
out of the bedroom (and en-suite where this occurred, now drenched in
corvino) before she gets home at quarter after seven. And have cleaned
up after myself.

This is funny, right?

Funny? Maybe after a while.

To me as a retailer it's MAJOR FRUSTRATING. Your story mentions
Crushendo & multiple carboys. That spells $$$expense. But apparently
you pour thru a funnel to move from one vessel to another rather than
use a $5 Syphon rod and hose. Heck even with an (easy to use) Auto
Syphon its still under $15.

I've had guys in my store who are making wine on the CHEAP CHEAP and
want to BORROW a large funnel. When I tell them I don't own a large
funnel, they look at me pretty funny. Some actually buy the $5 syphon
rig. One or two have gone looking for a funnel.

It may sound like I'm picking on you, but you should have spent the $5
long ago, Or if you had a siphon rig already, gone to the basement to
get it.

Steve

Carboys are cheap, shame crushendo kits aren't, but I'm sure it will be fine! It gave me a smile anyway Mostly I
was smiling with a grimace on one side because I was remembering my recent experience with a rosé kit I was making.
This isn't a great anecdote, but it shows what a great teacher experience is does it not?

My Rosé Hell
--------------
Patiently and calmly I made the rosé - admittedly with a few minor adjustments... It's a very cheap kit, about the
cheapest you can get in the UK 'Magnum Rosé' retailing at about £13 for a 30 bottle kit. It does as a make do drink
when times are hard and money is tight and you just want a generic drink. You can make it all in the secondary and
bottle from there too though I prefer now to put it through primary first then ferment the rest of the way and fine in
the secondary.

Having fermented it and fined it, I positioned it up high and gave it 10 days - more than basic recommended settling
time - to make sure everything was bright on bottling day. I had everything ready - I only needed bottles, corks, the
corker and my autosyphon with handy tap at the end. I'd set this up in our spare bedroom since no other space was
available at the time. Just before I began I realised I needed a longer length of syphon tube than was currently fitted
to my autosyphon. So, I went to pull the tube off and using far more effort than required (and far less hot water than
I should have) I snapped the end of the autosyphon clean off. I went to get my manual racking cane and fitted the tube
and tap and got underway feeling irked that I had to spend another £12 on a new autosyphon.

Now the tube was too long still, but it was the best I had at the time and wanted to avoid chopping it because I usually
use it elsewhere on a different syphon so I carried on and tried to start the flow. I just couldn't hold both ends
right so I pulled the airlock out of the boot I used to seal the carboy and stuck the racking cane through that to hold
the top end steady. Well I thought how clever I was to solve the dilemma so easily, but when I went to start it again
the laws of physics just weren't applying.. Try as I might I couldn't get the wine to flow all the way to the bottle,
it kept coming 2/3rds the way down then going back! You guessed it, I had airlocked the carboy, of course it wouldn't
syphon!

Soooo I refitted the boot much looser. Feeling good about the new arrangement I started the syphon being as careful as
I could. I got about 1/3 of the way through the first bottle before realising to my horror that the tap didn't fit the
tube as well as I thought and rosé wine was now pouring over the towels and plastic bags I had laid down and making its
way into my nice beige carpet. I turned off the tap trying to hold the racking cane still in the carboy and slipped,
knocking off the tap entirely and yanking the tube. I realised I had to abort and like he-man in camp pose I hoisted
the syphon tube above my head. I didn't yell "By the power of greyskull", I just whimpered as I watched clouds of
gelatinous fined lees swirling around the secondary and wine dripping over the floor.

I cleaned up and sulked and after a couple of days I checked the wine again which surprisingly looked as clear as
before. The finings which come with it seem to clear it in a matter of minutes and finalise it over another 6 or 7
days. I figured it had just settled down again really easily - it certainly looked like it had. SO I bottled it
without a hitch this time. Now this is a wine you drink because you fancy a drink and haven't got much money. It is
almost as ready straight out the fermenter as it is after 6 months. It makes basic wine sound complex. I gave it a
week and then tried a bottle to get a feeling as to what it was like.

Horrified I saw the slug of sediment down the side of the bottle and opening the bottle stirred it up nicely to make a
suspension of gelatinous mess. Needless to say bought a decanter the next day from my local charity shop and use it
carefully with every bottle I open from this batch... It tastes great and the modifications I made improved it, but I
messed up left right and centre!

You're probably wondering why you read all that - I did say it wasn't a great anecdote! In hindsight though it taught
me several lessons about tubing diameters, illusions of clarity, when help just plain IS required, what equipment I
really needed and when to use a decanter

I bet you have every success with the crushendo, it will be ridiculously delicious.

Jim

On Apr 15, 10:06 pm, Steve > wrote:
> Funny? Maybe after a while.
>
> To me as a retailer it's MAJOR FRUSTRATING. Your story mentions
> Crushendo & multiple carboys. That spells $$$expense. But apparently
> you pour thru a funnel to move from one vessel to another rather than
> use a $5 Syphon rod and hose. Heck even with an (easy to use) Auto
> Syphon its still under $15.
>
> I've had guys in my store who are making wine on the CHEAP CHEAP and
> want to BORROW a large funnel. When I tell them I don't own a large
> funnel, they look at me pretty funny. Some actually buy the $5 syphon
> rig. One or two have gone looking for a funnel.
>
> It may sound like I'm picking on you, but you should have spent the $5
> long ago, Or if you had a siphon rig already, gone to the basement to
> get it.
>
> Steve

Ah, right. Well of course I had just used my siphon, as I had just
performed a rack. Its not the quickest clean, a siphon set up, so I
figured the funnel would be easier and quicker. And yes, it is clearly
time for the next size up

I am not discouraged to see that I am seeing the humor and you are
having the frustration. Perhaps that, in the long run, may demonstrate
itself to be my REAL saving grace

Yes, I found it humorous.

Just a few comments and, as others, I don't mean to pick on you, just point
out some things. You seem overly concerned with sanitation. For instance,
if you had a carboy that you had just racked empty, it probably did not need
to be sanitized. After all, it had been sitting there soaking in alcohol.
Just rinse it and use it. Pouring wine over your hand it no problem
assuming you washed your hand when you started. After all most wines, other
than kits, have you stick your whole arm down in then to punch the cap down,
and you might even stomp the fruit with your feet. (That is not a joke.)
You mention cleaning a siphon rig. They are among the easiest to clean. As
soon as you use one, before the wine can dry on them, rinse them out. It is
now ready to use on the next batch. Again, you just ran alcohol solution
through it. All you want is to be sure than any particles do not dry and
stick to it. You can use it as many times as you want in a day and never
sanitize. Then and the end of all the uses, just pour a little sanitizing
solution into the tube and seal it by fitting the loose end onto the loose
end of the racking wand so it forms a continuous loop with the solution
inside. It will be clean and sanitized next time you need it. Just empty
it and rise as you would between uses during your raking.

As far as every thing else that happened -- no matter how you prepare you
will never be truly ready. After all "No one expects for the Spanish
Inquisition!"

Ray

"snpm" > wrote in message
oups.com...
> So the kids are in bed and its Crushendo racking night. And degassing
> night. I have obviously bought a whip degasser specially for the
> occasion. I have been moving bits of equipment into the bathroom all
> night in between gets the kids down to sleep, and I am all ready. I am
> totally organised. I even have the scissors that are going to cut the
> corner of the baggy of chitin sanitised. Oh yeah. My shit is wired so
> tight, I can actually relax.
>
> So I sanitise the whip degasser, add my sulphite and sorbate to the
> wine and we're in business....I get my drill and put it over the end
> of the degasser, and tighten up, righty tighty, righty tighty until it
> wont go any further. Then I carefully assist the end of the degasser
> into the wine. It becomes obvious that drills are righty tighty when
> you are looking into the drill bit hole, not down the shaft, when the
> entire degasser falls in my wine.
>
> And sinks.
>
> Not good.
>
> Including, of course, the part that has just whacked and clanked
> against my drill, which, obviously, has the usual grain-deep detritus
> of life as a drill all over it.
>
> I dash to sanitise my stirring spoon, and try to retreive the
> degasser.
>
> It is not going to happen.
>
> The degasser actually has a bung built onto it to prevent this exact
> calamity. Be sure and observe before you use yours that said bung is
> for a standard glass demijohn, not a wide mouthed better bottle.
> Slipped right in.
>
> There is now only one solution. I will have to sanitise another carboy
> as quick as poss and transfer the wine into that, retrieve the
> degasser then start again. Off to my wine room,.
>
> Out of carboys.
>
> Only one solution now, I dash to the kitchen, grab the carboy I just
> racked the wine out of (a better bottle, thank god...easy clean) and
> clean it frantically in the bath, resanitise it, and I am ready to go.
> Luckily I have racked into a lightweight better bottle, so I can hold
> the 6 gal carboy just enough to tip it into the funnel I will use to
> transfer it.
>
> Oh did I say I was strong enough to do that?
>
> As I start, I discover I am exactly one millionth of an ounce less
> strong than is actually required, and instead of the wine coming out
> the neck and into the funnel, the angle is just weak enough that the
> wine comes down the neck, over my completely unsanitised right hand
> holding the neck of the carboy, and then into the new sanitised
> vessel.
>
> This is bad.
>
> But not quite as bad as the fact that my right hand is also now slippy
> and wet with wine, and I lose more grip, and wine is dribbling over my
> slipping weakening hand all over the floor, causing me nearly to
> tears.
>
> I manage to bring my knees into play to assist the angle,
> accomplishing contortions any model for a book on the kama sutra would
> be proud of. I get the wine transferred.
>
> Obviously, it is nine PM, I have had less than six hours sleep per
> night because of sick kids the last two nights, and my wife is working
> her third twelve hour night shift, and I am promised and bound to be
> out of the bedroom (and en-suite where this occurred, now drenched in
> corvino) before she gets home at quarter after seven. And have cleaned
> up after myself.
>
> This is funny, right?
>

On Apr 16, 8:46 am, "Ray Calvert" > wrote:
> Yes, I found it humorous.
>
> Just a few comments and, as others, I don't mean to pick on you, just point
> out some things. You seem overly concerned with sanitation. For instance,
> if you had a carboy that you had just racked empty, it probably did not need
> to be sanitized. After all, it had been sitting there soaking in alcohol.
> Just rinse it and use it. Pouring wine over your hand it no problem
> assuming you washed your hand when you started. After all most wines, other
> than kits, have you stick your whole arm down in then to punch the cap down,
> and you might even stomp the fruit with your feet. (That is not a joke.)
> You mention cleaning a siphon rig. They are among the easiest to clean. As
> soon as you use one, before the wine can dry on them, rinse them out. It is
> now ready to use on the next batch. Again, you just ran alcohol solution
> through it. All you want is to be sure than any particles do not dry and
> stick to it. You can use it as many times as you want in a day and never
> sanitize. Then and the end of all the uses, just pour a little sanitizing
> solution into the tube and seal it by fitting the loose end onto the loose
> end of the racking wand so it forms a continuous loop with the solution
> inside. It will be clean and sanitized next time you need it. Just empty
> it and rise as you would between uses during your raking.
>
> As far as every thing else that happened -- no matter how you prepare you
> will never be truly ready. After all "No one expects for the Spanish
> Inquisition!"
>
> Ray
>
> "snpm" > wrote in message
>
> oups.com...
>
>
>
> > So the kids are in bed and its Crushendo racking night. And degassing
> > night. I have obviously bought a whip degasser specially for the
> > occasion. I have been moving bits of equipment into the bathroom all
> > night in between gets the kids down to sleep, and I am all ready. I am
> > totally organised. I even have the scissors that are going to cut the
> > corner of the baggy of chitin sanitised. Oh yeah. My shit is wired so
> > tight, I can actually relax.
>
> > So I sanitise the whip degasser, add my sulphite and sorbate to the
> > wine and we're in business....I get my drill and put it over the end
> > of the degasser, and tighten up, righty tighty, righty tighty until it
> > wont go any further. Then I carefully assist the end of the degasser
> > into the wine. It becomes obvious that drills are righty tighty when
> > you are looking into the drill bit hole, not down the shaft, when the
> > entire degasser falls in my wine.
>
> > And sinks.
>
> > Not good.
>
> > Including, of course, the part that has just whacked and clanked
> > against my drill, which, obviously, has the usual grain-deep detritus
> > of life as a drill all over it.
>
> > I dash to sanitise my stirring spoon, and try to retreive the
> > degasser.
>
> > It is not going to happen.
>
> > The degasser actually has a bung built onto it to prevent this exact
> > calamity. Be sure and observe before you use yours that said bung is
> > for a standard glass demijohn, not a wide mouthed better bottle.
> > Slipped right in.
>
> > There is now only one solution. I will have to sanitise another carboy
> > as quick as poss and transfer the wine into that, retrieve the
> > degasser then start again. Off to my wine room,.
>
> > Out of carboys.
>
> > Only one solution now, I dash to the kitchen, grab the carboy I just
> > racked the wine out of (a better bottle, thank god...easy clean) and
> > clean it frantically in the bath, resanitise it, and I am ready to go.
> > Luckily I have racked into a lightweight better bottle, so I can hold
> > the 6 gal carboy just enough to tip it into the funnel I will use to
> > transfer it.
>
> > Oh did I say I was strong enough to do that?
>
> > As I start, I discover I am exactly one millionth of an ounce less
> > strong than is actually required, and instead of the wine coming out
> > the neck and into the funnel, the angle is just weak enough that the
> > wine comes down the neck, over my completely unsanitised right hand
> > holding the neck of the carboy, and then into the new sanitised
> > vessel.
>
> > This is bad.
>
> > But not quite as bad as the fact that my right hand is also now slippy
> > and wet with wine, and I lose more grip, and wine is dribbling over my
> > slipping weakening hand all over the floor, causing me nearly to
> > tears.
>
> > I manage to bring my knees into play to assist the angle,
> > accomplishing contortions any model for a book on the kama sutra would
> > be proud of. I get the wine transferred.
>
> > Obviously, it is nine PM, I have had less than six hours sleep per
> > night because of sick kids the last two nights, and my wife is working
> > her third twelve hour night shift, and I am promised and bound to be
> > out of the bedroom (and en-suite where this occurred, now drenched in
> > corvino) before she gets home at quarter after seven. And have cleaned
> > up after myself.
>
> > This is funny, right?- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Ha ha! All true, all useful.... I am gratified to hear "its not too
bad after all."

Yes. Humorous. Like a winemaking Seinfeld! It could happen to any of us.
We all have experiences, you have a storytelling nack.
thanks. DAve

snpm wrote:
> So the kids are in bed and its Crushendo racking night. And degassing
> night. I have obviously bought a whip degasser specially for the
> occasion. I have been moving bits of equipment into the bathroom all
> night in between gets the kids down to sleep, and I am all ready. I am
> totally organised. I even have the scissors that are going to cut the
> corner of the baggy of chitin sanitised. Oh yeah. My shit is wired so
> tight, I can actually relax.
>
> So I sanitise the whip degasser, add my sulphite and sorbate to the
> wine and we're in business....I get my drill and put it over the end
> of the degasser, and tighten up, righty tighty, righty tighty until it
> wont go any further. Then I carefully assist the end of the degasser
> into the wine. It becomes obvious that drills are righty tighty when
> you are looking into the drill bit hole, not down the shaft, when the
> entire degasser falls in my wine.
>
> And sinks.
>
> Not good.
>
> Including, of course, the part that has just whacked and clanked
> against my drill, which, obviously, has the usual grain-deep detritus
> of life as a drill all over it.
>
> I dash to sanitise my stirring spoon, and try to retreive the
> degasser.
>
> It is not going to happen.
>
> The degasser actually has a bung built onto it to prevent this exact
> calamity. Be sure and observe before you use yours that said bung is
> for a standard glass demijohn, not a wide mouthed better bottle.
> Slipped right in.
>
> There is now only one solution. I will have to sanitise another carboy
> as quick as poss and transfer the wine into that, retrieve the
> degasser then start again. Off to my wine room,.
>
> Out of carboys.
>
> Only one solution now, I dash to the kitchen, grab the carboy I just
> racked the wine out of (a better bottle, thank god...easy clean) and
> clean it frantically in the bath, resanitise it, and I am ready to go.
> Luckily I have racked into a lightweight better bottle, so I can hold
> the 6 gal carboy just enough to tip it into the funnel I will use to
> transfer it.
>
> Oh did I say I was strong enough to do that?
>
> As I start, I discover I am exactly one millionth of an ounce less
> strong than is actually required, and instead of the wine coming out
> the neck and into the funnel, the angle is just weak enough that the
> wine comes down the neck, over my completely unsanitised right hand
> holding the neck of the carboy, and then into the new sanitised
> vessel.
>
> This is bad.
>
> But not quite as bad as the fact that my right hand is also now slippy
> and wet with wine, and I lose more grip, and wine is dribbling over my
> slipping weakening hand all over the floor, causing me nearly to
> tears.
>
> I manage to bring my knees into play to assist the angle,
> accomplishing contortions any model for a book on the kama sutra would
> be proud of. I get the wine transferred.
>
> Obviously, it is nine PM, I have had less than six hours sleep per
> night because of sick kids the last two nights, and my wife is working
> her third twelve hour night shift, and I am promised and bound to be
> out of the bedroom (and en-suite where this occurred, now drenched in
> corvino) before she gets home at quarter after seven. And have cleaned
> up after myself.
>
> This is funny, right?
>