Hi, gang,

I have a problem. I need to know what kind of veg* I am.

First, let me tell you what I am not.

I am NOT a vegan. However, my diet is very similar to a vegan's. From
what I have read about vegans and from the vegans I've met, they are a
bunch of people whose only reason to be any kind of veg* is out of a
zealous animal rights fanaticism. I've been told that if you are not inot
animal rights you are not a vegan. Furthermore, it seems that, to be a
vegan, you must have the conviction that you must coerce the rest of the
world into accepting your position. Count me out on both of those points!
-- And, please, do not call me a vegan. By the way, one look at my old
(and rather beat up) leather belt will tell you I am not a vegan.

I am not an ovo-lacto-vegetarian because I do not do either eggs or dairy.
Of course, that means that I am lacto-vegetarian or an ovo-vegetarian,
either.

If you are not an ovo-lacto-vegetarian (which means vegetables plus eggs
and milk) or an ovo-vegetarian (which means vegetables plus eggs) or a
lacto-vegetarian (which means vegetables plus dairy), then you would think
that you would be a vegetarian (meaning vegetables plus nothing). Not so,
apparently, for it would seem that the ovo-lacto-vegetarians have coopted
the name "vegetarian" for themselves. A while back, I was in a restaurant
that had "vegetarian black beans" on the menu. To my horror, it was
smothered with cheese. I won't make that mistake again, though it still
gets my goat that the ovo-lacto-vegetarians have coopted the name
vegetarian when they have a name of their own (ovo-lacto-vegetarian).

Well, what about "strict vegetarian"? It seems, though, that vegans (who
already use the name vegan) want to coopt the name "strict vegetarian" as
well.

Now, all I eat are products of vegetation. However, since I am not any
kind of animal rights fanatic, I am not a vegan (or, apparently, even a
"strict vegetarian") and since I do not eat either unborn poultry or dairy
products I am not an ovo-lacto-vegetarian (or even, it would seem, a
"vegetarian"). So what am I?

Sometimes I just feel like calling myself a herbivore, but someone has
probably coopted that name as well.

--
Your friendly, neighborhood Monkkey's Unkle