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Old 03-08-2006, 12:35 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human

I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?

Mrs. Goulder

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Old 03-08-2006, 01:30 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human


wrote in message
...
I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?


Just curious.......was his skull empty?


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Old 03-08-2006, 01:50 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human


wrote:
I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?

Mrs. Goulder


The best way I know to cook a whole human is rotisserie.

First, cut off the head. Take it to your taxidermist. Depending on the
method of death, it may be suitable for mounting.

You've already removed the heart, so I am going to assume that the
chest cavity is open. Remove the remaining organs and entrails. Some
people will save these for other dishes, but I never developed a taste
and usually discard unless a friend or relative requests them. Fill the
chest cavity with halved lemons, oranges, and apples. Close and secure
with metal skewers.

In your back yard, dig a shallow hole about three feet by six feet,
about six to twelve inches deep. Pile it with wood and burn it. You
want the fire to burn all the way down to coals.

Next, spit your husband. This may take two people. Insert the spit into
the anus and slide all the way out the top of the neck. The arms can be
removed or secured to the sides of the body with metal skewers. Tie the
feet to the spit with twine, or again, secure with metal skewers.
Skewers are best here, but can be a bit tricky if you've never done
it before.

Position the spit two to three feet above the coals and keep it moving.
You can employ neighborhood children for this, or just use an electric
rotisserie motor. You will want to keep a fire burning close by and
transfer the coals to the pit. Baste every thirty minutes with a brine
made from one gallon of apple juice to one cup of salt.

After about eight to ten hours, you can begin testing for doneness.
Pierce with a fork. When the juices run clear, you're done.

Enjoy.

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Old 03-08-2006, 04:45 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human

In article ,
wrote:

I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?

Mrs. Goulder


http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-...s/butcher.html
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Old 03-08-2006, 05:51 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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wrote:
I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?



http://web.archive.org/web/200103310....com/home.html


jen

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Old 03-08-2006, 06:02 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage,alt.religion.kibology
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Default How to cook a human

Nomen Nescio wrote:

I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?


Treat as pork, that's why we're
called long pigs.


Not Kosher....
--
"As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more
closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On
some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their
heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a
downright moron." -- H. L. Mencken, in the Baltimore Sun, July 26, 1920
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Old 03-08-2006, 06:04 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human

You know what Rachael Ray's secret is for cooking people? Nutmeg.

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Old 03-08-2006, 06:47 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage,alt.religion.kibology
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Default How to cook a human

On 2006-08-03, Larry Kessler wrote:

Treat as pork, that's why we're
called long pigs.


Not Kosher....


No hooves, no rumination: you're right!

--
It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
[Poe]
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Old 03-08-2006, 06:57 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human


wrote:
I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?

Mrs. Goulder


PLONK

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Old 03-08-2006, 07:46 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage,alt.religion.kibology
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Default How to cook a human


Nomen Nescio wrote:
I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his
heart. Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart.
What do I do next?


Someone else replied:
Treat as pork, that's why we're
called long pigs.


No, no, no, no, no!

Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.


Mark Edwards
--
Proof of Sanity Forged Upon Request

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Old 03-08-2006, 08:04 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.religion.kibology,alt.food.barbecue,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human

On 2006-08-03, Mark Edwards wrote:

Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.


Could you send some references on this to Harold McGee for the third
edition?

--
It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
[Poe]
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Old 03-08-2006, 08:05 PM posted to rec.food.cooking,alt.support.marriage
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Default How to cook a human


"Bugs Bunny" ha scritto nel messaggio
...
In article ,
wrote:

I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?


You can beg his forgiveness and wait for his answer.

--
Kisses
Pandora




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