How to cook a human
 

I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
next?

Mrs. Goulder

How to cook a human
 

> wrote in message
...
>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?

Just curious.......was his skull empty?

How to cook a human
 

wrote:
> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?
>
> Mrs. Goulder

The best way I know to cook a whole human is rotisserie.

First, cut off the head. Take it to your taxidermist. Depending on the
method of death, it may be suitable for mounting.

You've already removed the heart, so I am going to assume that the
chest cavity is open. Remove the remaining organs and entrails. Some
people will save these for other dishes, but I never developed a taste
and usually discard unless a friend or relative requests them. Fill the
chest cavity with halved lemons, oranges, and apples. Close and secure
with metal skewers.

In your back yard, dig a shallow hole about three feet by six feet,
about six to twelve inches deep. Pile it with wood and burn it. You
want the fire to burn all the way down to coals.

Next, spit your husband. This may take two people. Insert the spit into
the anus and slide all the way out the top of the neck. The arms can be
removed or secured to the sides of the body with metal skewers. Tie the
feet to the spit with twine, or again, secure with metal skewers.
Skewers are best here, but can be a bit tricky if you've never done
it before.

Position the spit two to three feet above the coals and keep it moving.
You can employ neighborhood children for this, or just use an electric
rotisserie motor. You will want to keep a fire burning close by and
transfer the coals to the pit. Baste every thirty minutes with a brine
made from one gallon of apple juice to one cup of salt.

After about eight to ten hours, you can begin testing for doneness.
Pierce with a fork. When the juices run clear, you're done.

Enjoy.

How to cook a human
 

How to cook a human
 

Larry Kessler wrote:
> wrote:
>
> >
> wrote:
> >> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> >> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> >> next?
> >>
> >> Mrs. Goulder
> >
> >The best way I know to cook a whole human is rotisserie.
>
> Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal asks the other one,
> "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two cannibals talking to each other:

cannibal_1: "I really hate my mother-in-law."
cannibal_2: "Then just eat the noodles."

How to cook a human
 

In article >,
wrote:

> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?
>
> Mrs. Goulder

http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-...s/butcher.html

How to cook a human
 

wrote:
> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?


http://web.archive.org/web/200103310....com/home.html


jen

How to cook a human
 

Nomen Nescio > wrote:

>> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
>> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
>> next?
>
>Treat as pork, that's why we're
>called long pigs.

Not Kosher....
--
"As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more
closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On
some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their
heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a
downright moron." -- H. L. Mencken, in the Baltimore Sun, July 26, 1920

How to cook a human
 

You know what Rachael Ray's secret is for cooking people? Nutmeg.

How to cook a human
 

Larry Kessler > wrote:

> wrote:
>
> >
> wrote:
> >> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> >> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> >> next?
> >>
> >> Mrs. Goulder
> >
> >The best way I know to cook a whole human is rotisserie.
>
> Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal asks the other one,
> "Does this taste funny to you?"


-=[ cannibals ]=- 6/97
\\\\\//////
.-""-. \\\\\\//////
/ _ _ \ [[[[[[[]]]]]]]]
|(_)(_)| /////////\\\\\\
( /\ ) //// ~0 ( 0~ \\\\
L====J //(, 8-_\-8 ,)\\
`-..-` //|\ .===. /|\\
\\// \ '===' /*
|| \__.__/
_.=||=._ .---'@ @'---.
/| || |\ / '@ @' \
_||_ / . Y . _/\
/ _))-' /|'---{@}---'|\_/\
| _) _.' | --:-- | \ \
jgs \___)-' | --:-- | \ \

How to cook a human
 

On 2006-08-03, Larry Kessler > wrote:

>>Treat as pork, that's why we're
>>called long pigs.
>
> Not Kosher....

No hooves, no rumination: you're right!

--
It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
[Poe]

How to cook a human
 

wrote:
> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?
>
> Mrs. Goulder

<PLONK>

How to cook a human
 

Nomen Nescio > wrote:
>>> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his
>>> heart. Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart.
>>> What do I do next?

Someone else replied:
>>Treat as pork, that's why we're
>>called long pigs.

No, no, no, no, no!

Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.


Mark Edwards
--
Proof of Sanity Forged Upon Request

How to cook a human
 

On 2006-08-03, Mark Edwards > wrote:

> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
> that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.

Could you send some references on this to Harold McGee for the third
edition?

--
It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
[Poe]

How to cook a human
 

"Bugs Bunny" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
> In article >,
> wrote:
>
>> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
>> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
>> next?

You can beg his forgiveness :) and wait for his answer.

--
Kisses
Pandora

How to cook a human
 

Abe wrote:

> >You know what Rachael Ray's secret is for cooking people? Nutmeg.

> Yep, just a little so people say, Hmmm, what's that?

ROFLMAO! "That's my husband's left testicle. Oh, you mean the TASTE?
Nutmeg."

How to cook a human
 

It's all in the sauce.....<G>

How to cook a human
 

> wrote in message
...
>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?


Did you field dress him properly,...or did you just hack away,
puncture the gut sack, and ruin the whole damn thing?

<shakes head>

Freakin' amateurs.

How to cook a human
 

Mark Edwards wrote:

>
> Nomen Nescio > wrote:
>
>>>>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his
>>>>heart. Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart.
>>>>What do I do next?
>
>
> Someone else replied:
>
>>>Treat as pork, that's why we're
>>>called long pigs.
>
>
> No, no, no, no, no!
>
> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
> that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.
>

Treat as lobsters, then?

Matthew

--
You can bet that a week after Daguerre took the first photograph,
vendors were selling feelthy pictures on the streets of Paris.

Thomas A. Horsley on alt.tv.tech.hdtv

How to cook a human
 

"Matthew L. Martin" > wrote in message
...
> Mark Edwards wrote:
>
>> Nomen Nescio > wrote:
>>
>>>>>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his
>>>>>heart. Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I
>>>>>do next?
>>
>>
>> Someone else replied:
>>
>>>>Treat as pork, that's why we're
>>>>called long pigs.
>>
>>
>> No, no, no, no, no!
>>
>> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance that,
>> while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.
>>
>
> Treat as lobsters, then?

Can you hear them scream as you drop them in?

How to cook a human
 

Mrs. Goulder said

> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?

Just don't forget to "Save the liver!".


Casey

How to cook a human
 

On Thu, 03 Aug 2006 06:35:46 -0500, wrote:

>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
>Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
>next?
>
>Mrs. Goulder


Go to your closed gargae, start your car and suck on the tailpipe and,
by doing so, trim the gene pool.


jim

How to cook a human
 

There's a cookbook you might try, full of great recipes...
It's called TO SERVE MAN
:)

How to cook a human
 

> wrote in message
...
> I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?
>
> Mrs. Goulder

UBI: In a book about Maria von Trapp (yes, the Sound of Music's Maria von
Trapp), after her husband died she went on a missionary trip in the South
Pacific. She met with a group of women from a tribe that practiced
cannibalism. When asked the 'best part' to eat of 'long pig', she was told
the inner part of the upper arm is the most tender and succulent. Just
thought you might like to know this.
-ginny

How to cook a human
 

"Cameron" > wrote

>>>>>>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his
>>>>>>heart. Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
>>>>>>next?
>>>
>>> Someone else replied:
>>>
>>>>>Treat as pork, that's why we're
>>>>>called long pigs.
>>>
>>> No, no, no, no, no!
>>>
>>> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance that,
>>> while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.
>>
>> Treat as lobsters, then?
>
> Can you hear them scream as you drop them in?

Yes, until they go under. They rarely come back up.

--oTTo--

How to cook a human
 

On Thu, 3 Aug 2006 20:04:17 +0100, Adam Funk wrote:

>On 2006-08-03, Mark Edwards > wrote:
>
>> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
>> that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.
>
>Could you send some references on this to Harold McGee for the third
>edition?

Break the body down and cook as pork.
http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-...s/butcher.html
--
Pan Ohco
I would like to see the bottom of my monitor, but I have cats.

How to cook a human
 

wrote:
I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?

I usually just eat the liver and throw the rest out

: /=

How to cook a human
 

In article >,
Pan Ohco > wrote:

> On Thu, 3 Aug 2006 20:04:17 +0100, Adam Funk wrote:
>
> >On 2006-08-03, Mark Edwards > wrote:
> >
> >> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
> >> that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.
> >
> >Could you send some references on this to Harold McGee for the third
> >edition?
>
> Break the body down and cook as pork.
> http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-...s/butcher.html

I already posted that link. ;-)

Nyah!
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a bitch"
-- Jack Nicholson

How to cook a human
 

In article .com>,
"bobmarley" > wrote:

> wrote:
> I already removed the heart. What do I do
> > next?
>
> I usually just eat the liver and throw the rest out
>
> : /=

And don't forget the chianti...... ;-)
--
Peace!
Om

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a bitch"
-- Jack Nicholson

How to cook a human
 

"OmManiPadmeOmelet" > wrote

>> >> Humans should be boiled alive. Otherwise, they release a substance
>> >> that, while not toxic, at least makes the flesh unpalatable.
>> >
>> >Could you send some references on this to Harold McGee for the third
>> >edition?
>>
>> Break the body down and cook as pork.
>> http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-...s/butcher.html
>
> I already posted that link. ;-)

Me too!

--oTTo--

How to cook a human
 

On 2006-08-04, Otto Bahn > wrote:

> Me too!

Our computers all do it automatically!

--
When Toad found himself immured in a dank and noisome dungeon, ... he
flung himself at full length on the floor, and shed bitter tears, and
abandoned himself to dark despair. [Kenneth Grahame]

How to cook a human
 

On 4 Aug 2006 03:02:19 -0700, "Laura from MomsRetro.com"
> wrote:

>There's a cookbook you might try, full of great recipes...
>It's called TO SERVE MAN
>:)


Outer Limits, wasn't it?


jim

How to cook a human
 

"ensenadajim" > wrote in message
...
> On 4 Aug 2006 03:02:19 -0700, "Laura from MomsRetro.com"
> > wrote:
>
> >There's a cookbook you might try, full of great recipes...
> >It's called TO SERVE MAN
> >:)
>
>
> Outer Limits, wasn't it?
>
>
> jim
>

Twilight Zone

http://members.cox.net/kaiotea/serveman.htm

How to cook a human
 

In article >,
"Chris Marksberry" > wrote:
> "ensenadajim" > wrote in message
> ...
> > On 4 Aug 2006 03:02:19 -0700, "Laura from MomsRetro.com"
> > > wrote:
> > >There's a cookbook you might try, full of great recipes...
> > >It's called TO SERVE MAN
> > Outer Limits, wasn't it?
> > jim
> Twilight Zone
> http://members.cox.net/kaiotea/serveman.htm

Also a *wonderful* story by Damon Knight (in which the Kanamits are
described as very different than shown on the Twilight Zone episode).

Allie

--
Allen the Ancient

Remove "nospamplease." to reply

How to cook a human
 

OmManiPadmeOmelet wrote:

> And don't forget the chianti...... ;-)

good choice!

say, how do you prepare your liver, and do you like sweet breads with
it?

How to cook a human
 

Chris Marksberry > wrote:

> "ensenadajim" > wrote in message
> ...
> > On 4 Aug 2006 03:02:19 -0700, "Laura from MomsRetro.com"
> > > wrote:
> >
> > >There's a cookbook you might try, full of great recipes...
> > >It's called TO SERVE MAN
> > >:)
> >
> >
> > Outer Limits, wasn't it?
> >
> >
> > jim
> >
>
> Twilight Zone
>
> http://members.cox.net/kaiotea/serveman.htm

A similar scene occurs in The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis.

How to cook a human
 

> > On 4 Aug 2006 03:02:19 -0700, "Laura from MomsRetro.com"
> > > wrote:
> >
> > >There's a cookbook you might try, full of great recipes...
> > >It's called TO SERVE MAN
> >
> >
> > Outer Limits, wasn't it?
> >
> > jim
> >
>
> Twilight Zone
>
> http://members.cox.net/kaiotea/serveman.htm


I meant the Twilight Zone, I had to look it up after I posted it -
great link btw!

I almost forgot, she can also make SOYLENT GREEN!
to save time, here's a link for that one

http://www.scifi.com/sfw/issue55/classic.html

How to cook a human
 

CAN WE ALL SAY TROOL? PEOPLE PUT THE CRAZIEST THINGS IN HERE!!
> wrote in message
...
>I just killed my husband. I drove a kitchen knife through his heart.
> Now I want to cook him. I already removed the heart. What do I do
> next?
>
> Mrs. Goulder

How to cook a human
 

>
> cannibal_1: "I really hate my mother-in-law."
> cannibal_2: "Then just eat the noodles."

cannibal_1:"Oh no whatever you do don't eat the noodles!"
cannibal_2:"Yes, your right, besides it is customary for the bride and
groom to eat first and by the time they are done there will be nothing
left."