In article >,
Julia Altshuler > wrote:
> to keep people away from the funeral of their old friend, but I don't
> see why I should have to be social and displaying public grief at
> exactly the moment I don't want to. Insight and advice from people who
> have been there, please.

You don't. The meal is always preceded by an invitation from the pulpit
or lectern or notice in the Order of Service bulletin. No notice, no
invitation, no announcement, no Dead Spread or reception. It might be
expected, but a word to a couple of your folks' old friends should get
the word out that there will be no such event.

A Dead Spread is probably the custom, and may likely be expected for its
opportunity to renew acquaintances and share fond memories of the Newly
Departed, but I don't this Miss Manners or Emily will hang you for
opting out. Not to worry, Toots!

And, please, don't anyone get your knickers in a bunch about
"opportunity to renew acquaintances" because the reality is that that IS
one of the reasons attend a funeral or memorial service. You see the
old neighbor from when you were a kid, exchange pleasantries about
mutual acquaintances; you run into the guy from the office where you
used to work when a former co-worker croaks and remember the others with
whom you both worked and find out what they're doing since the
reorganization and layoffs; you see your cousins who live in town but,
for whatever reasons, the only time you see them is at a family funeral
or wedding and remember when the Newly Departed Cousin used to always
try to tell you what to do when you were all children because they
could, by virtue of family seniority. Or thought they could. Or at
least tried to. That's just how it is. And then you all say, "Gosh, it
was really nice to see you again -- sorry that the circumstances aren't
happier -- and we should get together again soon, and not wait for a
funeral." And then you part ways, never seeing each other again until
the next common acquaintance or family member dies. Reality check.

(And if you really want to limit the number of mourners at a funeral, do
not place a public obituary in the local newsrag. There's no law that
says you have to.) Deal with that fallout when you're up to it. :-/
I hope you won't be planning services soon, Lia. Better than that, I
hope your folks have already done it on their own behalf. I'm thinking
about writing my own obituary. :-)
-Barb
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 1-27-2006, The Best Dead Spread Yet

On Thu 02 Feb 2006 12:58:10p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Melba's
Jammin'?

> In article >,
> Julia Altshuler > wrote:
>> to keep people away from the funeral of their old friend, but I don't
>> see why I should have to be social and displaying public grief at
>> exactly the moment I don't want to. Insight and advice from people who
>> have been there, please.
>
> You don't. The meal is always preceded by an invitation from the pulpit
> or lectern or notice in the Order of Service bulletin. No notice, no
> invitation, no announcement, no Dead Spread or reception. It might be
> expected, but a word to a couple of your folks' old friends should get
> the word out that there will be no such event.
>
> A Dead Spread is probably the custom, and may likely be expected for its
> opportunity to renew acquaintances and share fond memories of the Newly
> Departed, but I don't this Miss Manners or Emily will hang you for
> opting out. Not to worry, Toots!
>
> And, please, don't anyone get your knickers in a bunch about
> "opportunity to renew acquaintances" because the reality is that that IS
> one of the reasons attend a funeral or memorial service. You see the
> old neighbor from when you were a kid, exchange pleasantries about
> mutual acquaintances; you run into the guy from the office where you
> used to work when a former co-worker croaks and remember the others with
> whom you both worked and find out what they're doing since the
> reorganization and layoffs; you see your cousins who live in town but,
> for whatever reasons, the only time you see them is at a family funeral
> or wedding and remember when the Newly Departed Cousin used to always
> try to tell you what to do when you were all children because they
> could, by virtue of family seniority. Or thought they could. Or at
> least tried to. That's just how it is. And then you all say, "Gosh, it
> was really nice to see you again -- sorry that the circumstances aren't
> happier -- and we should get together again soon, and not wait for a
> funeral." And then you part ways, never seeing each other again until
> the next common acquaintance or family member dies. Reality check.
>
> (And if you really want to limit the number of mourners at a funeral, do
> not place a public obituary in the local newsrag. There's no law that
> says you have to.) Deal with that fallout when you're up to it. :-/
> I hope you won't be planning services soon, Lia. Better than that, I
> hope your folks have already done it on their own behalf. I'm thinking
> about writing my own obituary. :-)
> -Barb

I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands clawing
their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who come
too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I knew this
would happen!"

--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA

Wayne Boatwright wrote:

> I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands clawing
> their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who come
> too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I knew this
> would happen!"

<LOL> Perfect...

Pastorio

Wayne Boatwright wrote:

>
> I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands clawing
> their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who come
> too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I knew this
> would happen!"
>
<chuckle> Good one, Wayne.

--
Cheers
Cathy(xyz)

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
28.19...
>
> I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands clawing
> their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who come
> too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I knew this
> would happen!"

LOL - good luck finding a cemetery that will let you have such a grave
decoration! And if it's insisted that you have a "traditional" flat marker
or something...find someone who'll install a hinge on it that causes it to
fly up and hands reach out of it when someone stands at the foot - that
might make a good second choice.

Sometimes I think I want my epitaph to read, "Where am I, where am I going,
and why am I in this handbasket?"

Lisa Ann

On Fri 03 Feb 2006 03:08:31a, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it"Wayne
Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
> 28.19...
>>
>> I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands clawing
>> their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who come
>> too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I knew
>> this would happen!"
>
> LOL - good luck finding a cemetery that will let you have such a grave
> decoration! And if it's insisted that you have a "traditional" flat
> marker or something...find someone who'll install a hinge on it that
> causes it to fly up and hands reach out of it when someone stands at the
> foot - that might make a good second choice.
>
> Sometimes I think I want my epitaph to read, "Where am I, where am I
> going, and why am I in this handbasket?"

LOL! I like that one!

--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA

On Fri, 03 Feb 2006 10:08:31 GMT, "Lisa Ann" >
connected the dots and wrote:

~"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote in message
. 228.19...
~>
~> I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands
clawing
~> their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who
come
~> too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I
knew this
~> would happen!"
~
~LOL - good luck finding a cemetery that will let you have such a
grave
~decoration! And if it's insisted that you have a "traditional" flat
marker
~or something...find someone who'll install a hinge on it that causes
it to
~fly up and hands reach out of it when someone stands at the foot -
that
~might make a good second choice.

Then when the mowers came around to tidy things up, the plaque would
destroy the blades, and the hands would get chipped.

~
~Sometimes I think I want my epitaph to read, "Where am I, where am I
going,
~and why am I in this handbasket?"
~
~Lisa Ann
~
If you still have this sense of humor when you near your final days,
be sure to prepay and have the stone ordered and prepared.

maxine in ri, where there's an old graveyard in almost every back
yard

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> Julia Altshuler > wrote:
>> to keep people away from the funeral of their old friend, but I don't
>> see why I should have to be social and displaying public grief at
>> exactly the moment I don't want to. Insight and advice from people who
>> have been there, please.
>
> ; you see your cousins who live in town but,
> for whatever reasons, the only time you see them is at a family funeral
> or wedding>
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 1-27-2006, The Best Dead Spread Yet


Reading this reminds me of a funeral I attended of my grandmother's
sister-in-law back in the hills.
As my sister and I passed by, a couple of men sitting on the funeral parlor
porch, I heard one of them say, There goes the Wanstreet sisters. Wanstreet
is my grandmother's maiden name! They were probably happy to see and
identify us, even tho they were partly correct.
Dee Dee

Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> I'm thinking about writing my own obituary. :-)

Can you say those things in a family newspaper...?

Pastorio

On Thu 02 Feb 2006 02:43:55p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Bob (this
one)?

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
> > I'm thinking about writing my own obituary. :-)
>
> Can you say those things in a family newspaper...?
>
> Pastorio
>

Perhaps more to the point, will there be enough room? :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA

"Bob (this one)" > wrote in message
...
> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
> > I'm thinking about writing my own obituary. :-)
>
> Can you say those things in a family newspaper...?

I thought hers was going into Midwest Tat's n Jams?

nancy