On Thu 02 Feb 2006 12:58:10p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Melba's
Jammin'?

> In article >,
> Julia Altshuler > wrote:
>> to keep people away from the funeral of their old friend, but I don't
>> see why I should have to be social and displaying public grief at
>> exactly the moment I don't want to. Insight and advice from people who
>> have been there, please.
>
> You don't. The meal is always preceded by an invitation from the pulpit
> or lectern or notice in the Order of Service bulletin. No notice, no
> invitation, no announcement, no Dead Spread or reception. It might be
> expected, but a word to a couple of your folks' old friends should get
> the word out that there will be no such event.
>
> A Dead Spread is probably the custom, and may likely be expected for its
> opportunity to renew acquaintances and share fond memories of the Newly
> Departed, but I don't this Miss Manners or Emily will hang you for
> opting out. Not to worry, Toots!
>
> And, please, don't anyone get your knickers in a bunch about
> "opportunity to renew acquaintances" because the reality is that that IS
> one of the reasons attend a funeral or memorial service. You see the
> old neighbor from when you were a kid, exchange pleasantries about
> mutual acquaintances; you run into the guy from the office where you
> used to work when a former co-worker croaks and remember the others with
> whom you both worked and find out what they're doing since the
> reorganization and layoffs; you see your cousins who live in town but,
> for whatever reasons, the only time you see them is at a family funeral
> or wedding and remember when the Newly Departed Cousin used to always
> try to tell you what to do when you were all children because they
> could, by virtue of family seniority. Or thought they could. Or at
> least tried to. That's just how it is. And then you all say, "Gosh, it
> was really nice to see you again -- sorry that the circumstances aren't
> happier -- and we should get together again soon, and not wait for a
> funeral." And then you part ways, never seeing each other again until
> the next common acquaintance or family member dies. Reality check.
>
> (And if you really want to limit the number of mourners at a funeral, do
> not place a public obituary in the local newsrag. There's no law that
> says you have to.) Deal with that fallout when you're up to it. :-/
> I hope you won't be planning services soon, Lia. Better than that, I
> hope your folks have already done it on their own behalf. I'm thinking
> about writing my own obituary. :-)
> -Barb

I don't want a gravestone. All I want is a pair of stone hands clawing
their way through the turf, a hidden speaker yelling at people who come
too close to stop standing on me, and an epitaph that reads, "I knew this
would happen!"

--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA