dsi1 wrote:
> Dave Smith wrote:
>
>> I tried that with my wacko sister in law who likes to have big parties
>> at her cottage ....
>
> And who doesn't have a wacko sister-in-law?

A more crazy folks in my family have gradually aged out and died off. I
figure now I am the wacko relative to most of my family.

On the original topic - Some people do come-one-come-all type parties.
Some who do that can't imagine carefully planned parties. Some who
don't do that can't imagine come-one-come-all type parties. Put the
folks who can't imagine each other together and you get folks calling
each other rude or worst when it's really they are aliens to each other.

Expecting a party to be come-one-come-all and being clueless of the
existence of carefully planned parties isn't rude it's clueless.
Fishing among parties for the best one is flakey. Does flakey equal
rude? Depends on how thin your skin is.

On Dec 29, 1:26*pm, ravenlynne > wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." *This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. *Anyway, I stated our
> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
> and let us know. *This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. *I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. *Do I enquire as to whether
> they're coming? *If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. *They do have a
> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
> Currently Reading: *Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

Do as the second poster (ImStillMags) suggested.

She said:


Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
your house. That question should give you all the information you
need.

On 12/29/2010 7:42 PM, Chemo the Clown wrote:
> On Dec 29, 1:26 pm, > wrote:
>> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>> going out of town this year."
>>
>> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
>> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
>> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
>> and let us know. This was Sunday.
>>
>> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
>> they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
>> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
>> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
>> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
>> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
>> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
>> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
>> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>>
>> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>> don't want to burn bridges.
>> --
>> Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold
>
> Do as the second poster (ImStillMags) suggested.
>
> She said:
>
>
> Personally, I'd call her up and say, "so, did you decide what you are
> doing for New Years Eve?" Don't ask directly if they are coming to
> your house. That question should give you all the information you
> need.

This is just what I did...I believe I caught her because what she said
was "My husband just walked in the door and he needs to ask me
something, may I call you right back" then called back 30 seconds later
and accepted the invite. Ah....people.

--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were doing
> for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what everyone is
> doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not going out of
> town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did mean
> it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans without
> inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let us know.
> This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
> coming?

Yes.

If so, when do I do this?

On the phone - saying "have you finalized your plans?"

How long do I wait?

Do it ASAP

Or do I just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me
know so
> I didn't plan for you?

Not acceptable

For crying out loud - say the more you(we) thought about getting together
with "you guys' the better it sounded and if you can't make it NYD/E lets
get together soon.

Dimitri

On Dec 29, 4:26*pm, ravenlynne > wrote:
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
> doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
> everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
> going out of town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." *This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. *Anyway, I stated our
> plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
> did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
> plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
> and let us know. *This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. *I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. *Do I enquire as to whether
> they're coming? *If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
> just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
> I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
> people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
> something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
> invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. *They do have a
> history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
> last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
> last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
> just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
> Currently Reading: *Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

I'd call and demand an answer - "Now". And no pussyfooting around.
Tell them you need to know!! And you might even mention past
performance, too, if she tries to be non-committal.

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were doing
> for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what everyone is
> doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not going out of
> town this year."
>
> I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
> you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
> isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our plans,
> followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I did mean
> it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my plans without
> inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband and let us know.
> This was Sunday.
>
> It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
> and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether they're
> coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I just plan
> for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so I didn't
> plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to people and
> I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or something that
> feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm invited somewhere, I
> let them know pretty much asap. They do have a history of both waiting
> until the day of to let us know or, as happened last time, agreeing to
> come with a group, but them backing out at the last minute because the
> rest of the group had to cancel and "it would just be us, so we'll cancel
> too." (grrr!!!!)
>
> Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
> don't want to burn bridges.
> --
I could be wrong but I would take what they said to mean that they might
have been thinking of throwing a party themselves. I often ask about a
particular day when I am planning my daughter's birthday party. Her
birthday is in July and so many people are on vacation then, that having a
party is difficult. This last year we just did it in May and called it an
unbirthday party. I didn't have to ask around and all but maybe three kids
showed up.

In the case of your friends... Since you already sort of invited them, if I
were you I would ask them now if they are coming and tell them that you need
to plan the menu and buy the food.

On 12/29/2010 9:24 PM, Julie Bove wrote:

> I could be wrong but I would take what they said to mean that they might
> have been thinking of throwing a party themselves. I often ask about a
> particular day when I am planning my daughter's birthday party. Her
> birthday is in July and so many people are on vacation then, that having a
> party is difficult. This last year we just did it in May and called it an
> unbirthday party. I didn't have to ask around and all but maybe three kids
> showed up.

No they rarely throw parties. They have get togethers at their house
sometimes, but everyone who attends has to bring food as they don't
supply any. They feel that opening their home is enough.

Don't look at me like that...I don 't know!



--
Currently Reading: Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> On 12/29/2010 9:24 PM, Julie Bove wrote:
>
>> I could be wrong but I would take what they said to mean that they might
>> have been thinking of throwing a party themselves. I often ask about a
>> particular day when I am planning my daughter's birthday party. Her
>> birthday is in July and so many people are on vacation then, that having
>> a
>> party is difficult. This last year we just did it in May and called it
>> an
>> unbirthday party. I didn't have to ask around and all but maybe three
>> kids
>> showed up.
>
> No they rarely throw parties. They have get togethers at their house
> sometimes, but everyone who attends has to bring food as they don't supply
> any. They feel that opening their home is enough.
>
> Don't look at me like that...I don 't know!

LOL. You're getting looked at like that because you already know these
people are appalling. I guess we've all had those types in our lives at
some time or another and then had to figure out how we get rid of them.

"FarmI" <ask@itshall be given> wrote in message
u...
> "ravenlynne" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On 12/29/2010 9:24 PM, Julie Bove wrote:
>>
>>> I could be wrong but I would take what they said to mean that they might
>>> have been thinking of throwing a party themselves. I often ask about a
>>> particular day when I am planning my daughter's birthday party. Her
>>> birthday is in July and so many people are on vacation then, that having
>>> a
>>> party is difficult. This last year we just did it in May and called it
>>> an
>>> unbirthday party. I didn't have to ask around and all but maybe three
>>> kids
>>> showed up.
>>
>> No they rarely throw parties. They have get togethers at their house
>> sometimes, but everyone who attends has to bring food as they don't
>> supply any. They feel that opening their home is enough.
>>
>> Don't look at me like that...I don 't know!
>
> LOL. You're getting looked at like that because you already know these
> people are appalling. I guess we've all had those types in our lives at
> some time or another and then had to figure out how we get rid of them.

I guess I'm lucky! I never had anyone in my life like that.

I did have one friend (and at one time he was a roommate) who was an
admitted mooch. He never seemed to have any money when we went to the
movies, or out dancing or out to eat. So we did have to pay his way if we
wanted him to come along. Except for when we were dining at the restaurant
where he worked. We got a discount there and his food was usually free.

He did throw the most lavish parties, which is probably why he never had any
money. He threw quite a lot of parties. He had a huge house, excellent
stereo system, tons of music. Always had plenty of food and liquor.

ravenlynne > wrote:

>So some friends of ours called last weekend to inquire what we were
>doing for new years...what was said is "we're trying to see what
>everyone is doing so we can decide what we want to do since we're not
>going out of town this year."
>
>I was uncomfortable...it felt like what she was saying was "tell us what
>you're doing and if that sounds like fun, we'll invite ourselves." This
>isn't something that I do, so I was off put. Anyway, I stated our
>plans, followed by "you're more than welcome to join us" which, while I
>did mean it, felt a bit necessary, as in I'm not going to tell you my
>plans without inviting you. She said she'd discuss it with her husband
>and let us know. This was Sunday.
>
>It's wednesday evening. I need to plan what I'm going to cook and shop
>and I need to do that friday morning. Do I enquire as to whether
>they're coming? If so, when do I do this? How long do I wait? Or do I
>just plan for us and if they come, say "sorry, you didn't let me know so
>I didn't plan for you? I don't know what to do, as I don't DO this to
>people and I'm quite irked about it. I'm not planning on a ham or
>something that feeds plenty, but appetizers and beef filet. When I'm
>invited somewhere, I let them know pretty much asap. They do have a
>history of both waiting until the day of to let us know or, as happened
>last time, agreeing to come with a group, but them backing out at the
>last minute because the rest of the group had to cancel and "it would
>just be us, so we'll cancel too." (grrr!!!!)
>
>Yes, I used the term "friends"....they're important to my husband and I
>don't want to burn bridges.

In certain circles it's routine to try to hit up as many
New Years Eve parties as possible.

I used to always hold a sort of open house on New Years Eve... I'd
tell many people I know that they can come by anytime within a certain
window (say 6 p.m. to 2 a.m.), that they don't need to RSVP, that they
are free to stop by for as long or as brief a visit as they wish since
they might be on their way to the next party. Unlike other nights
of the year, a very brief visit is not insulting, and a no-show
is not particularly insulting.

I know a few people who continue to do something like this. New
Years Eve seems to divide the public into those who are going out
(quite possibly to multiple events), vs. those who are staying in and
holding something resembling a party, or at least staying in
and letting people drop by.

What I'm reading into the above is that you signalled (perhaps
inadvertently) to your friend that you may be doing something along
the lines of the latter.

Steve