"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
> ...
>>i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>
> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do
> it. I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we
> moved back here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just
> couldn't afford it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale.
> I did live in it once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me.
> So we didn't consider it.
>
> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to
> keep going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her
> parents are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to
> help with them.

Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a long
time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it
was no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever
safe, but that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think
it quite fair to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay
bills whatever but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually
think it was better you aren't living close by given they are a "bit"
difficult. I think most aging people know there will come a time when
life changes for them.

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>
>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do it.
>> I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we moved back
>> here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just couldn't afford
>> it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale. I did live in it
>> once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me. So we didn't consider
>> it.
>>
>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to keep
>> going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her parents
>> are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to help with
>> them.
>
> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a long
> time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it was
> no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever safe, but
> that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think it quite fair
> to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay bills whatever
> but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was better
> you aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult. I think most
> aging people know there will come a time when life changes for them.

My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food they
do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go out to eat.
And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I don't think
there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to get them to do
this online but they just refuse to do it that way.

Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino in
another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the two of
them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a maid who comes
once a week and they refuse to be home when she is there. They also go to
the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know how they afford it. We go to
the movies once a month, mainly because they want to go. We can't really
afford to go much more often than that. And we sure can't dine out as often
as they do!

I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His BG
was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner tonight.

The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for herself.
She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my brother. Or my
nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in a while she will
ask me to do something for her. But I have the mindset that I will show you
once, or maybe even twice how to do something and then you'd better be able
to do it yourself! Now sure I do make exceptions. Like I know she is going
blind so if it's a matter of having to be able to read or see something, I
know she isn't capable. But there are things that to me are simple things
and she refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She
has my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item for her
before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I think her memory
is really going. She got very upset with me for ordering it. So I am
really torn on this. And other things involving the computer that to me are
easy to fix. She normally relies on my brother to do computer things
because he is a programmer.

I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for maintenance
or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she tried. It is just a
given that my dad will do these things for her.

We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.

"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>>
>>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do
>>> it. I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we
>>> moved back here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just
>>> couldn't afford it. Actually the house next door to them was for
>>> sale. I did live in it once. But it has stairs and that is no good
>>> for me. So we didn't consider it.
>>>
>>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to
>>> keep going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her
>>> parents are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot
>>> to help with them.
>>
>> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst
>> yourselves worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it
>> might be a long time coming. But people adapt to that. My
>> grandparents had to when it was no longer safe for my grandfather to
>> drive (not that he was ever safe, but that's another story!) Once
>> things have settled down I think it quite fair to say take your mum
>> shopping for food every so often, pay bills whatever but not be
>> expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was better you
>> aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult. I think most
>> aging people know there will come a time when life changes for them.
>
> My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
> they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go
> out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food.
> I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried
> to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
>
> Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
> in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between
> the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have
> a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is
> there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know
> how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because
> they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often than
> that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
>
> I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
> insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His
> BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
> tonight.
>
> The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
> herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
> brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once
> in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the
> mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
> something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure I
> do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
> matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she isn't
> capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and she
> refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She has
> my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
> when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item
> for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
> think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
> ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things involving
> the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on my
> brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
>
> I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
> maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
> tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
>
> We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.

Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
day?...

Ozgirl > wrote:


: "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
: >
: > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
: > they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go
: > out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food.
: > I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried
: > to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
: >
: > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
: > in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between
: > the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have
: > a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is
: > there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know
: > how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because
: > they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often than
: > that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
: >
: > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
: > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His
: > BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
: > tonight.
: >
: > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
: > herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
: > brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once
: > in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the
: > mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
: > something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure I
: > do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
: > matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she isn't
: > capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and she
: > refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She has
: > my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
: > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item
: > for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
: > think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
: > ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things involving
: > the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on my
: > brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
: >
: > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
: > maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
: > tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
: >
: > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.

: Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
: day?...

Given this scenario , with your Mom, not likely to suddently start doing
all these things. Is there a senior living place in the area, the kind
where you live in an apartment and get meals and once a week cleaning and
linen change? This migh tbe what they will have to think of, even if your
father regains some mobility, etc. It is a big change and will, probably
necessitate their selling their house in this bad markt or, at least
renting it. Don't jump and say"never" r "they won't" etc. these kinds of
things do become a reality after a shileunless one of you is prepared to
have them move in with them, which can be EXTREMELY difficult.

Wendy

"W. Baker" > wrote in message
...
> Ozgirl > wrote:
>
>
> : "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> : >
> : > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
> : > they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go
> : > out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food.
> : > I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried
> : > to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
> : >
> : > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
> : > in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between
> : > the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have
> : > a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is
> : > there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know
> : > how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because
> : > they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often than
> : > that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
> : >
> : > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
> : > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His
> : > BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
> : > tonight.
> : >
> : > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
> : > herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
> : > brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once
> : > in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the
> : > mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
> : > something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure I
> : > do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
> : > matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she isn't
> : > capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and she
> : > refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She has
> : > my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
> : > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item
> : > for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
> : > think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
> : > ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things involving
> : > the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on my
> : > brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
> : >
> : > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
> : > maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
> : > tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
> : >
> : > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>
> : Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
> : day?...
>
> Given this scenario , with your Mom, not likely to suddently start doing
> all these things. Is there a senior living place in the area, the kind
> where you live in an apartment and get meals and once a week cleaning and
> linen change? This migh tbe what they will have to think of, even if your
> father regains some mobility, etc. It is a big change and will, probably
> necessitate their selling their house in this bad markt or, at least
> renting it. Don't jump and say"never" r "they won't" etc. these kinds of
> things do become a reality after a shileunless one of you is prepared to
> have them move in with them, which can be EXTREMELY difficult.

There is one near us and they have refused to go. My mom said they can
never move out of their house. She isn't being reasonable on many fronts.
OTOH it is highly unlikely that their house would sell. They have 1 11/2
baths and the realtor said people do not want this. Now they want 2 full
baths.

Their house is paid off. So they only pay the taxes. There is no way they
could afford rent unless they could sell the house.

it may be since the house is paid off that some help could be purchased, Lee
"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "W. Baker" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Ozgirl > wrote:
>>
>>
>> : "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>> : >
>> : > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little
>> food
>> : > they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go
>> : > out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food.
>> : > I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried
>> : > to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
>> : >
>> : > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
>> : > in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between
>> : > the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have
>> : > a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is
>> : > there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know
>> : > how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because
>> : > they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often than
>> : > that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
>> : >
>> : > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
>> : > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now.
>> His
>> : > BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
>> : > tonight.
>> : >
>> : > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
>> : > herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
>> : > brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once
>> : > in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the
>> : > mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
>> : > something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure
>> I
>> : > do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
>> : > matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she
>> isn't
>> : > capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and she
>> : > refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She
>> has
>> : > my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she
>> freaked
>> : > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item
>> : > for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
>> : > think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
>> : > ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things
>> involving
>> : > the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on my
>> : > brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
>> : >
>> : > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
>> : > maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
>> : > tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
>> : >
>> : > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>>
>> : Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
>> : day?...
>>
>> Given this scenario , with your Mom, not likely to suddently start doing
>> all these things. Is there a senior living place in the area, the kind
>> where you live in an apartment and get meals and once a week cleaning and
>> linen change? This migh tbe what they will have to think of, even if
>> your
>> father regains some mobility, etc. It is a big change and will, probably
>> necessitate their selling their house in this bad markt or, at least
>> renting it. Don't jump and say"never" r "they won't" etc. these kinds
>> of
>> things do become a reality after a shileunless one of you is prepared to
>> have them move in with them, which can be EXTREMELY difficult.
>
> There is one near us and they have refused to go. My mom said they can
> never move out of their house. She isn't being reasonable on many fronts.
> OTOH it is highly unlikely that their house would sell. They have 1 11/2
> baths and the realtor said people do not want this. Now they want 2 full
> baths.
>
> Their house is paid off. So they only pay the taxes. There is no way
> they could afford rent unless they could sell the house.
>

Julie Bove > wrote:

: "W. Baker" > wrote in message
: ...
: > Ozgirl > wrote:
: >
: >
: > : "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
: > : >
: > : > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
: > : > they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go
: > : > out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food.
: > : > I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried
: > : > to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
: > : >
: > : > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
: > : > in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between
: > : > the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have
: > : > a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is
: > : > there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know
: > : > how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because
: > : > they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often than
: > : > that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
: > : >
: > : > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
: > : > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His
: > : > BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
: > : > tonight.
: > : >
: > : > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
: > : > herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
: > : > brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once
: > : > in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the
: > : > mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
: > : > something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure I
: > : > do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
: > : > matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she isn't
: > : > capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and she
: > : > refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She has
: > : > my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
: > : > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item
: > : > for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
: > : > think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
: > : > ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things involving
: > : > the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on my
: > : > brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
: > : >
: > : > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
: > : > maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
: > : > tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
: > : >
: > : > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
: >
: > : Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
: > : day?...
: >
: > Given this scenario , with your Mom, not likely to suddently start doing
: > all these things. Is there a senior living place in the area, the kind
: > where you live in an apartment and get meals and once a week cleaning and
: > linen change? This migh tbe what they will have to think of, even if your
: > father regains some mobility, etc. It is a big change and will, probably
: > necessitate their selling their house in this bad markt or, at least
: > renting it. Don't jump and say"never" r "they won't" etc. these kinds of
: > things do become a reality after a shileunless one of you is prepared to
: > have them move in with them, which can be EXTREMELY difficult.

: There is one near us and they have refused to go. My mom said they can
: never move out of their house. She isn't being reasonable on many fronts.
: OTOH it is highly unlikely that their house would sell. They have 1 11/2
: baths and the realtor said people do not want this. Now they want 2 full
: baths.

: Their house is paid off. So they only pay the taxes. There is no way they
: could afford rent unless they could sell the house.

What I said ws they could rent the house (out to someone), thus havig
monthly income for whatever.

Wendy

and find a different realtor, lots of houses still have only one full bath,
trust me i have been doing a LOT of looking at houses/plans...

having said that i will always contend that two full baths keeps a
relationship together through the stressful times, Lee
"W. Baker" > wrote in message
...
> Julie Bove > wrote:
>
> : "W. Baker" > wrote in message
> : ...
> : > Ozgirl > wrote:
> : >
> : >
> : > : "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> : > : >
> : > : > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little
> food
> : > : > they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they
> go
> : > : > out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast
> food.
> : > : > I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have
> tried
> : > : > to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that
> way.
> : > : >
> : > : > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the
> casino
> : > : > in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments
> between
> : > : > the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also
> have
> : > : > a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she
> is
> : > : > there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't
> know
> : > : > how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly
> because
> : > : > they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often
> than
> : > : > that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
> : > : >
> : > : > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about
> the
> : > : > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now.
> His
> : > : > BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
> : > : > tonight.
> : > : >
> : > : > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
> : > : > herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or
> my
> : > : > brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her.
> Once
> : > : > in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have
> the
> : > : > mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
> : > : > something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now
> sure I
> : > : > do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
> : > : > matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she
> isn't
> : > : > capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and
> she
> : > : > refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She
> has
> : > : > my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she
> freaked
> : > : > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this
> item
> : > : > for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
> : > : > think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
> : > : > ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things
> involving
> : > : > the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on
> my
> : > : > brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
> : > : >
> : > : > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
> : > : > maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has
> she
> : > : > tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for
> her.
> : > : >
> : > : > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
> : >
> : > : Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would
> come a
> : > : day?...
> : >
> : > Given this scenario , with your Mom, not likely to suddently start
> doing
> : > all these things. Is there a senior living place in the area, the
> kind
> : > where you live in an apartment and get meals and once a week cleaning
> and
> : > linen change? This migh tbe what they will have to think of, even if
> your
> : > father regains some mobility, etc. It is a big change and will,
> probably
> : > necessitate their selling their house in this bad markt or, at least
> : > renting it. Don't jump and say"never" r "they won't" etc. these
> kinds of
> : > things do become a reality after a shileunless one of you is prepared
> to
> : > have them move in with them, which can be EXTREMELY difficult.
>
> : There is one near us and they have refused to go. My mom said they can
> : never move out of their house. She isn't being reasonable on many
> fronts.
> : OTOH it is highly unlikely that their house would sell. They have 1
> 11/2
> : baths and the realtor said people do not want this. Now they want 2
> full
> : baths.
>
> : Their house is paid off. So they only pay the taxes. There is no way
> they
> : could afford rent unless they could sell the house.
>
> What I said ws they could rent the house (out to someone), thus havig
> monthly income for whatever.
>
> Wendy

In article >, "W. Baker" >
wrote:

> : Their house is paid off. So they only pay the taxes. There is no way they
> : could afford rent unless they could sell the house.
>
> What I said ws they could rent the house (out to someone), thus havig
> monthly income for whatever.

and of course there are those pesky reverse mortgages

"W. Baker" > wrote in message
...
> Julie Bove > wrote:
>
> : "W. Baker" > wrote in message
> : ...
> : > Ozgirl > wrote:
> : >
> : >
> : > : "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> : > : >
> : > : > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little
> food
> : > : > they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they
> go
> : > : > out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast
> food.
> : > : > I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have
> tried
> : > : > to get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that
> way.
> : > : >
> : > : > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the
> casino
> : > : > in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments
> between
> : > : > the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also
> have
> : > : > a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she
> is
> : > : > there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't
> know
> : > : > how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly
> because
> : > : > they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often
> than
> : > : > that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
> : > : >
> : > : > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about
> the
> : > : > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now.
> His
> : > : > BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
> : > : > tonight.
> : > : >
> : > : > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
> : > : > herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or
> my
> : > : > brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her.
> Once
> : > : > in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have
> the
> : > : > mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
> : > : > something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now
> sure I
> : > : > do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
> : > : > matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she
> isn't
> : > : > capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and
> she
> : > : > refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She
> has
> : > : > my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she
> freaked
> : > : > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this
> item
> : > : > for her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I
> : > : > think her memory is really going. She got very upset with me for
> : > : > ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And other things
> involving
> : > : > the computer that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on
> my
> : > : > brother to do computer things because he is a programmer.
> : > : >
> : > : > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
> : > : > maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has
> she
> : > : > tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for
> her.
> : > : >
> : > : > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
> : >
> : > : Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would
> come a
> : > : day?...
> : >
> : > Given this scenario , with your Mom, not likely to suddently start
> doing
> : > all these things. Is there a senior living place in the area, the
> kind
> : > where you live in an apartment and get meals and once a week cleaning
> and
> : > linen change? This migh tbe what they will have to think of, even if
> your
> : > father regains some mobility, etc. It is a big change and will,
> probably
> : > necessitate their selling their house in this bad markt or, at least
> : > renting it. Don't jump and say"never" r "they won't" etc. these
> kinds of
> : > things do become a reality after a shileunless one of you is prepared
> to
> : > have them move in with them, which can be EXTREMELY difficult.
>
> : There is one near us and they have refused to go. My mom said they can
> : never move out of their house. She isn't being reasonable on many
> fronts.
> : OTOH it is highly unlikely that their house would sell. They have 1
> 11/2
> : baths and the realtor said people do not want this. Now they want 2
> full
> : baths.
>
> : Their house is paid off. So they only pay the taxes. There is no way
> they
> : could afford rent unless they could sell the house.
>
> What I said ws they could rent the house (out to someone), thus havig
> monthly income for whatever.

They would never rent a house again. They did that once. When we moved out
here, our house in Wichita hadn't sold. They lost soooo much money on those
renters.

There are two other houses on their street that have been rentals. One was
really, really trashed. The owner had made it into a place for college
students to stay. He didn't have any problems renting out the rooms because
they are close to the community college. But the woman who was in charge of
things was apparently a hoarder. She had even gone so far as to build some
kind of covered thing in the backyard to store stuff. We watched in horror
as all this crap came out on the lawn. There were even kid's ride on toys
and no kids had ever lived there. He had to spend a fortune to get the
house livable again.

The house next door to theirs has been being rented for years because nobody
wants to buy it. Nobody stays there for long. Often they are there for
just 2 or 3 months then they pack up and move. He is certainly not making
any money at all. The size of house they have rents for about $2,000 a
month and in this economy, people can't afford to pay it. And each time
someone moves out there are some kind of damages that have to be dealt with.
He did recently put a bathroom in the basement in the hopes to make it more
livable.

Their house is also very prone to flooding and for that reason alone I don't
think they would want to rent it. I think they would be liable if it did
flood. And they have a sump pump that needs to be dealt with every few
months. I don't know the particulars. But I am pretty sure it is something
a renter wouldn't deal with.

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>>
>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>>i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>>>
>>>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do
>>>> it. I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we
>>>> moved back here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just
>>>> couldn't afford it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale.
>>>> I did live in it once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me. So
>>>> we didn't consider it.
>>>>
>>>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to keep
>>>> going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her parents
>>>> are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to help
>>>> with them.
>>>
>>> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
>>> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a long
>>> time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it
>>> was no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever
>>> safe, but that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think
>>> it quite fair to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay
>>> bills whatever but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually
>>> think it was better you aren't living close by given they are a "bit"
>>> difficult. I think most aging people know there will come a time when
>>> life changes for them.
>>
>> My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
>> they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go out
>> to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I don't
>> think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to get them
>> to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
>>
>> Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino in
>> another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the two
>> of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a maid who
>> comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is there. They
>> also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know how they afford
>> it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because they want to go.
>> We can't really afford to go much more often than that. And we sure
>> can't dine out as often as they do!
>>
>> I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
>> insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His BG
>> was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner tonight.
>>
>> The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
>> herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
>> brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in
>> a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the mindset
>> that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do something and
>> then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure I do make
>> exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a matter of having
>> to be able to read or see something, I know she isn't capable. But there
>> are things that to me are simple things and she refuses to learn how to
>> do them. Like ordering stuff online. She has my dad do it for her. She
>> did have me do it once but then she freaked when she found out how much
>> the item cost! I had ordered this item for her before and I thought she
>> knew that it was expensive but I think her memory is really going. She
>> got very upset with me for ordering it. So I am really torn on this.
>> And other things involving the computer that to me are easy to fix. She
>> normally relies on my brother to do computer things because he is a
>> programmer.
>>
>> I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
>> maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
>> tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
>>
>> We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>
> Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
> day?...

I don't think she ever thought of it.

"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>>
>>>>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>>>>> ...
>>>>>>i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>>>>
>>>>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't
>>>>> do it. I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When
>>>>> we moved back here we did try to buy a house in their city but we
>>>>> just couldn't afford it. Actually the house next door to them was
>>>>> for sale. I did live in it once. But it has stairs and that is no
>>>>> good for me. So we didn't consider it.
>>>>>
>>>>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to
>>>>> keep going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but
>>>>> her parents are both in really bad shape and they have been doing
>>>>> a lot to help with them.
>>>>
>>>> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst
>>>> yourselves worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it
>>>> might be a long time coming. But people adapt to that. My
>>>> grandparents had to when it was no longer safe for my grandfather
>>>> to drive (not that he was ever safe, but that's another story!)
>>>> Once things have settled down I think it quite fair to say take
>>>> your mum shopping for food every so often, pay bills whatever but
>>>> not be expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was
>>>> better you aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult.
>>>> I think most aging people know there will come a time when life
>>>> changes for them.
>>>
>>> My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little
>>> food they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly
>>> they go out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of
>>> fast food. I don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills.
>>> I have tried to get them to do this online but they just refuse to
>>> do it that way.
>>>
>>> Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
>>> in another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between
>>> the two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also
>>> have a maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when
>>> she is there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly
>>> don't know how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month,
>>> mainly because they want to go. We can't really afford to go much
>>> more often than that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they
>>> do!
>>>
>>> I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
>>> insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now.
>>> His BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
>>> tonight.
>>>
>>> The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
>>> herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
>>> brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her.
>>> Once in a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have
>>> the mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
>>> something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure
>>> I do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a
>>> matter of having to be able to read or see something, I know she
>>> isn't capable. But there are things that to me are simple things
>>> and she refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff
>>> online. She has my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once
>>> but then she freaked when she found out how much the item cost! I
>>> had ordered this item for her before and I thought she knew that it
>>> was expensive but I think her memory is really going. She got very
>>> upset with me for ordering it. So I am really torn on this. And
>>> other things involving the computer that to me are easy to fix. She
>>> normally relies on my brother to do computer things because he is a
>>> programmer.
>>>
>>> I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
>>> maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
>>> tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
>>>
>>> We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>>
>> Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come
>> a day?...
>
> I don't think she ever thought of it.

Well it will be a swim or sink situation especially if your dad isn't
capable of driving anymore.

>
>

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>>
>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>>>> ...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>>>>>> ...
>>>>>>>i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do
>>>>>> it. I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we
>>>>>> moved back here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just
>>>>>> couldn't afford it. Actually the house next door to them was for
>>>>>> sale. I did live in it once. But it has stairs and that is no good
>>>>>> for me. So we didn't consider it.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to
>>>>>> keep going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her
>>>>>> parents are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot
>>>>>> to help with them.
>>>>>
>>>>> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
>>>>> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a
>>>>> long time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to
>>>>> when it was no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he
>>>>> was ever safe, but that's another story!) Once things have settled
>>>>> down I think it quite fair to say take your mum shopping for food
>>>>> every so often, pay bills whatever but not be expected to be on call
>>>>> as such. I actually think it was better you aren't living close by
>>>>> given they are a "bit" difficult. I think most aging people know there
>>>>> will come a time when life changes for them.
>>>>
>>>> My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
>>>> they do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go
>>>> out to eat. And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I
>>>> don't think there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to
>>>> get them to do this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
>>>>
>>>> Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino in
>>>> another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the
>>>> two of them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a
>>>> maid who comes once a week and they refuse to be home when she is
>>>> there. They also go to the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know
>>>> how they afford it. We go to the movies once a month, mainly because
>>>> they want to go. We can't really afford to go much more often than
>>>> that. And we sure can't dine out as often as they do!
>>>>
>>>> I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
>>>> insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His
>>>> BG was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner
>>>> tonight.
>>>>
>>>> The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
>>>> herself. She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my
>>>> brother. Or my nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in
>>>> a while she will ask me to do something for her. But I have the
>>>> mindset that I will show you once, or maybe even twice how to do
>>>> something and then you'd better be able to do it yourself! Now sure I
>>>> do make exceptions. Like I know she is going blind so if it's a matter
>>>> of having to be able to read or see something, I know she isn't
>>>> capable. But there are things that to me are simple things and she
>>>> refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She has
>>>> my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
>>>> when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item for
>>>> her before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I think her
>>>> memory is really going. She got very upset with me for ordering it.
>>>> So I am really torn on this. And other things involving the computer
>>>> that to me are easy to fix. She normally relies on my brother to do
>>>> computer things because he is a programmer.
>>>>
>>>> I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
>>>> maintenance or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she
>>>> tried. It is just a given that my dad will do these things for her.
>>>>
>>>> We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>>>
>>> Well, it could be difficult but surely they expected there would come a
>>> day?...
>>
>> I don't think she ever thought of it.
>
> Well it will be a swim or sink situation especially if your dad isn't
> capable of driving anymore.

Yes. I guess we'll see how it all plays out.

On 9/4/2011 3:23 AM, Julie Bove wrote:
> > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "Julie > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>>
>>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do it.
>>> I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we moved back
>>> here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just couldn't afford
>>> it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale. I did live in it
>>> once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me. So we didn't consider
>>> it.
>>>
>>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to keep
>>> going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her parents
>>> are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to help with
>>> them.
>>
>> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
>> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a long
>> time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it was
>> no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever safe, but
>> that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think it quite fair
>> to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay bills whatever
>> but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was better
>> you aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult. I think most
>> aging people know there will come a time when life changes for them.
>
> My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food they
> do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go out to eat.
> And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I don't think
> there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to get them to do
> this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
>
> Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino in
> another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the two of
> them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a maid who comes
> once a week and they refuse to be home when she is there. They also go to
> the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know how they afford it. We go to
> the movies once a month, mainly because they want to go. We can't really
> afford to go much more often than that. And we sure can't dine out as often
> as they do!
>
> I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
> insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His BG
> was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner tonight.
>
> The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for herself.
> She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my brother. Or my
> nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in a while she will
> ask me to do something for her. But I have the mindset that I will show you
> once, or maybe even twice how to do something and then you'd better be able
> to do it yourself! Now sure I do make exceptions. Like I know she is going
> blind so if it's a matter of having to be able to read or see something, I
> know she isn't capable. But there are things that to me are simple things
> and she refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She
> has my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
> when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item for her
> before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I think her memory
> is really going. She got very upset with me for ordering it. So I am
> really torn on this. And other things involving the computer that to me are
> easy to fix. She normally relies on my brother to do computer things
> because he is a programmer.
>
> I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for maintenance
> or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she tried. It is just a
> given that my dad will do these things for her.
>
> We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>
>
The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home 1/2
the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
next day.

i didn't define elderly
he's 102 and she's 97

kate

"Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
...
> On 9/4/2011 3:23 AM, Julie Bove wrote:
>> > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>>
>>> "Julie > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>> > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>> i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
>>>>
>>>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do
>>>> it.
>>>> I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we moved
>>>> back
>>>> here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just couldn't
>>>> afford
>>>> it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale. I did live in it
>>>> once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me. So we didn't
>>>> consider
>>>> it.
>>>>
>>>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to keep
>>>> going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her parents
>>>> are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to help
>>>> with
>>>> them.
>>>
>>> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
>>> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a long
>>> time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it
>>> was
>>> no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever safe,
>>> but
>>> that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think it quite
>>> fair
>>> to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay bills
>>> whatever
>>> but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was
>>> better
>>> you aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult. I think
>>> most
>>> aging people know there will come a time when life changes for them.
>>
>> My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
>> they
>> do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go out to
>> eat.
>> And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I don't think
>> there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to get them to do
>> this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
>>
>> Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino in
>> another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the two
>> of
>> them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a maid who
>> comes
>> once a week and they refuse to be home when she is there. They also go
>> to
>> the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know how they afford it. We go
>> to
>> the movies once a month, mainly because they want to go. We can't really
>> afford to go much more often than that. And we sure can't dine out as
>> often
>> as they do!
>>
>> I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
>> insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His BG
>> was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner tonight.
>>
>> The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
>> herself.
>> She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my brother. Or
>> my
>> nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in a while she will
>> ask me to do something for her. But I have the mindset that I will show
>> you
>> once, or maybe even twice how to do something and then you'd better be
>> able
>> to do it yourself! Now sure I do make exceptions. Like I know she is
>> going
>> blind so if it's a matter of having to be able to read or see something,
>> I
>> know she isn't capable. But there are things that to me are simple
>> things
>> and she refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online.
>> She
>> has my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she
>> freaked
>> when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item for
>> her
>> before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I think her
>> memory
>> is really going. She got very upset with me for ordering it. So I am
>> really torn on this. And other things involving the computer that to me
>> are
>> easy to fix. She normally relies on my brother to do computer things
>> because he is a programmer.
>>
>> I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
>> maintenance
>> or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she tried. It is
>> just a
>> given that my dad will do these things for her.
>>
>> We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
>>
>>
> The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every day
> for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home 1/2 the
> senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft boiled
> egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are their mid
> day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the next day.
>
> i didn't define elderly
> he's 102 and she's 97

It's very expensive to get taxis here. They only have them in Seattle and
Everett and not the cities where we live. It is costing my mom $50 to get
to the hospital.

She just called and they are moving him tomorrow to another floor for
physical therapy. So that means he will likely get out in 2 weeks! And
because tomorrow is a holiday we can visit.

Tiger Lily > wrote:
: On 9/4/2011 3:23 AM, Julie Bove wrote:
: > > wrote in message
: > ...
: >>
: >>
: >> "Julie > wrote in message
: >> ...
: >>>
: >>> > wrote in message
: >>> ...
: >>>> i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
: >>>
: >>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do it.
: >>> I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we moved back
: >>> here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just couldn't afford
: >>> it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale. I did live in it
: >>> once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me. So we didn't consider
: >>> it.
: >>>
: >>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to keep
: >>> going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her parents
: >>> are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to help with
: >>> them.
: >>
: >> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst yourselves
: >> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a long
: >> time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it was
: >> no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever safe, but
: >> that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think it quite fair
: >> to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay bills whatever
: >> but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was better
: >> you aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult. I think most
: >> aging people know there will come a time when life changes for them.
: >
: > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food they
: > do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go out to eat.
: > And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I don't think
: > there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to get them to do
: > this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
: >
: > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino in
: > another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the two of
: > them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a maid who comes
: > once a week and they refuse to be home when she is there. They also go to
: > the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know how they afford it. We go to
: > the movies once a month, mainly because they want to go. We can't really
: > afford to go much more often than that. And we sure can't dine out as often
: > as they do!
: >
: > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
: > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His BG
: > was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner tonight.
: >
: > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for herself.
: > She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my brother. Or my
: > nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in a while she will
: > ask me to do something for her. But I have the mindset that I will show you
: > once, or maybe even twice how to do something and then you'd better be able
: > to do it yourself! Now sure I do make exceptions. Like I know she is going
: > blind so if it's a matter of having to be able to read or see something, I
: > know she isn't capable. But there are things that to me are simple things
: > and she refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online. She
: > has my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she freaked
: > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item for her
: > before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I think her memory
: > is really going. She got very upset with me for ordering it. So I am
: > really torn on this. And other things involving the computer that to me are
: > easy to fix. She normally relies on my brother to do computer things
: > because he is a programmer.
: >
: > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for maintenance
: > or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she tried. It is just a
: > given that my dad will do these things for her.
: >
: > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
: >
: >
: The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
: day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home 1/2
: the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
: boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
: their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
: next day.

: i didn't define elderly
: he's 102 and she's 97

: kate

Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5 das
a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your mother
could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
computer.

Wendy

"W. Baker" > wrote in message
...
> Tiger Lily > wrote:
> : On 9/4/2011 3:23 AM, Julie Bove wrote:
> : > > wrote in message
> : > ...
> : >>
> : >>
> : >> "Julie > wrote in message
> : >> ...
> : >>>
> : >>> > wrote in message
> : >>> ...
> : >>>> i hope he recovers quickly, Lee
> : >>>
> : >>> Thanks! I hope he gets well enough to drive because my mom can't do
> it.
> : >>> I don't really fancy having to drive them everywhere. When we moved
> back
> : >>> here we did try to buy a house in their city but we just couldn't
> afford
> : >>> it. Actually the house next door to them was for sale. I did live in
> it
> : >>> once. But it has stairs and that is no good for me. So we didn't
> consider
> : >>> it.
> : >>>
> : >>> We live far enough away from them now that it is a pain to have to
> keep
> : >>> going out there. My brother and SIL do live near them but her
> parents
> : >>> are both in really bad shape and they have been doing a lot to help
> with
> : >>> them.
> : >>
> : >> Well there is still time to think about and discuss amongst
> yourselves
> : >> worst case scenarios. I think if he ever drives again it might be a
> long
> : >> time coming. But people adapt to that. My grandparents had to when it
> was
> : >> no longer safe for my grandfather to drive (not that he was ever
> safe, but
> : >> that's another story!) Once things have settled down I think it quite
> fair
> : >> to say take your mum shopping for food every so often, pay bills
> whatever
> : >> but not be expected to be on call as such. I actually think it was
> better
> : >> you aren't living close by given they are a "bit" difficult. I think
> most
> : >> aging people know there will come a time when life changes for them.
> : >
> : > My mom doesn't shop for food. And that's a problem. What little food
> they
> : > do keep in the house is stuff that my dad buys. Mostly they go out to
> eat.
> : > And if they don't do that he gets some sort of fast food. I don't
> think
> : > there is any need to go out to pay bills. I have tried to get them to
> do
> : > this online but they just refuse to do it that way.
> : >
> : > Mostly if they are not going out to eat they are going to the casino
> in
> : > another city, to the Dr. (they have a lot of appointments between the
> two of
> : > them) and to the massage therapist weekly. They also have a maid who
> comes
> : > once a week and they refuse to be home when she is there. They also
> go to
> : > the movies a lot too. I honestly don't know how they afford it. We
> go to
> : > the movies once a month, mainly because they want to go. We can't
> really
> : > afford to go much more often than that. And we sure can't dine out as
> often
> : > as they do!
> : >
> : > I think all of their prescriptions come by mail. Not sure about the
> : > insulin. They have my dad on some other kind with meals for now. His
> BG
> : > was high when they admitted him but it was good before dinner tonight.
> : >
> : > The biggest problem is that my mom doesn't do a lot of things for
> herself.
> : > She just expects my dad to do these things for her. Or my brother.
> Or my
> : > nephew. And she pays him to do things for her. Once in a while she
> will
> : > ask me to do something for her. But I have the mindset that I will
> show you
> : > once, or maybe even twice how to do something and then you'd better be
> able
> : > to do it yourself! Now sure I do make exceptions. Like I know she is
> going
> : > blind so if it's a matter of having to be able to read or see
> something, I
> : > know she isn't capable. But there are things that to me are simple
> things
> : > and she refuses to learn how to do them. Like ordering stuff online.
> She
> : > has my dad do it for her. She did have me do it once but then she
> freaked
> : > when she found out how much the item cost! I had ordered this item
> for her
> : > before and I thought she knew that it was expensive but I think her
> memory
> : > is really going. She got very upset with me for ordering it. So I am
> : > really torn on this. And other things involving the computer that to
> me are
> : > easy to fix. She normally relies on my brother to do computer things
> : > because he is a programmer.
> : >
> : > I don't think she has ever put gas in the car, taken the car for
> maintenance
> : > or repairs. She has never assembled things nor has she tried. It is
> just a
> : > given that my dad will do these things for her.
> : >
> : > We'll see. Looks like we are not in for a good time though.
> : >
> : >
> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home 1/2
> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
> : next day.
>
> : i didn't define elderly
> : he's 102 and she's 97
>
> : kate
>
> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5 das
> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your mother
> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
> computer.

Not that I know of but I am pretty sure neither of them would eat that sort
of thing. They are both really picky eaters and they don't like to eat at
home. There is a Greek place and an Italian place that deliver. They do
get food from them once in a while. But they are not cheap and not really
what they should be eating. Too many carbs.

On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
> Tiger > wrote:

> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home 1/2
> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
> : next day.
>
> : i didn't define elderly
> : he's 102 and she's 97
>
> : kate
>
> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5 das
> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your mother
> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
> computer.
>
> Wendy

Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.

kate

"Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
...
> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>> Tiger > wrote:
>
>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home
>> 1/2
>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
>> : next day.
>>
>> : i didn't define elderly
>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>
>> : kate
>>
>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5
>> das
>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your mother
>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>> computer.
>>
>> Wendy
>
> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't know
> about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
> and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
> typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.

I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they live. But
I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary issues and
pickiness it would never work.

"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>
>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>>> every
>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>>> home 1/2
>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a
>>> soft
>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>> are
>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at
>>> home the
>>> : next day.
>>>
>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>
>>> : kate
>>>
>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches
>>> for a
>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house
>>> 5 das
>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>> mother
>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from
>>> the
>>> computer.
>>>
>>> Wendy
>>
>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance,
>> frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale
>> meals and typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on
>> wheels options.
>
> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they
> live. But I know they would never eat that. Between all their
> dietary issues and pickiness it would never work.

Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long
time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is
a well known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres in
this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as
well so she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff
twice a day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous
meals a few times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was there
often enough. She would also do a bit of basic housework as well. It
worked for them. I have tried online shopping a couple of times, didn't
like it as much as going to the supermarket myself but that is workable.
You could order for them if they choose that path.

Tiger Lily > wrote:
: On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
: > Tiger > wrote:

: > : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
: > : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home 1/2
: > : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
: > : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
: > : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
: > : next day.
: >
: > : i didn't define elderly
: > : he's 102 and she's 97
: >
: > : kate
: >
: > Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
: > small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5 das
: > a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your mother
: > could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
: > computer.
: >
: > Wendy

: Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
: know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
: restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
: and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
: typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.

: kate

In the very rural Margateville area there is a senior feeding program at
the local Methodist church(not church run, but gov't run) it has a luch
program for those who can travel or be bussed there and home delivered
meals for those who are homebound. Menus issues monthly-no choice, but
very inexpensive and standard institutional nutritions. Many of the town
have a similar program in Delaware county. Judging from the number of
food stores that Julie seems to have available at less than 50 miles away,
I would say that her area is far less rural than Delaware County.

Wendy

In article >, "W. Baker" >
wrote:

> In the very rural Margateville area there is a senior feeding program at
> the local Methodist church(not church run, but gov't run) it has a luch
> program for those who can travel or be bussed there and home delivered
> meals for those who are homebound. Menus issues monthly-no choice, but
> very inexpensive and standard institutional nutritions. Many of the town
> have a similar program in Delaware county. Judging from the number of
> food stores that Julie seems to have available at less than 50 miles away,
> I would say that her area is far less rural than Delaware County.

doesn't really matter. Julie is convinced there is no solution except the
continuing subjection of her and her kin to this situation. no matter what ideas
or solutions you offer, she will find some way to criticize it.

please don't try to deprive her of her angst

"W. Baker" > wrote in message
...
> Tiger Lily > wrote:
> : On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
> : > Tiger > wrote:
>
> : > : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
> every
> : > : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home
> 1/2
> : > : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
> : > : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
> are
> : > : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
> the
> : > : next day.
> : >
> : > : i didn't define elderly
> : > : he's 102 and she's 97
> : >
> : > : kate
> : >
> : > Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for
> a
> : > small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5
> das
> : > a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
> mother
> : > could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
> : > computer.
> : >
> : > Wendy
>
> : Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
> : know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
> : restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
> : and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
> : typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.
>
> : kate
>
> In the very rural Margateville area there is a senior feeding program at
> the local Methodist church(not church run, but gov't run) it has a luch
> program for those who can travel or be bussed there and home delivered
> meals for those who are homebound. Menus issues monthly-no choice, but
> very inexpensive and standard institutional nutritions. Many of the town
> have a similar program in Delaware county. Judging from the number of
> food stores that Julie seems to have available at less than 50 miles away,
> I would say that her area is far less rural than Delaware County.

My parents live in a suburb of Seattle with pretty much all they might need
except perhaps for some medical specialists which is why he was transferred
to that specific hospital. There is a grocery store within walking distance
from their house. Also some restaurants but for the most part not ones they
would eat in. There is a Subway. My dad likes it. My mom does not. My
dad can not walk very far. My mom can, but given her macular degeneration I
feel it would be unsafe for her to go out on her own. She knows that she
has it, but seems to be in severe denial about how bad it is. She still
seems to think that what she sees (or doesn't see) is what everyone else
sees.

When my dad was driving she would yell at him for jerking the car around
having no clue that he had actually changed to another lane. When we would
tell her that he did she would either say that she didn't know or that he
really hadn't done that.

Once I commented on a woman's green eye shadow (she was totally dressed in
green) and my mom tried to tell me that I couldn't see the woman's eyes.
But I clearly could.

"Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
...
> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>> Tiger > wrote:
>
>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>> every
>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>> home 1/2
>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>> are
>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
>> the
>> : next day.
>>
>> : i didn't define elderly
>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>
>> : kate
>>
>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for
>> a
>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house
>> 5 das
>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>> mother
>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>> computer.
>>
>> Wendy
>
> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance,
> frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale
> meals and typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on
> wheels options.

There are some really nice frozen meals delivered to the door and they
would be cheaper than restaurant meals too. My aunt was laid up with a
broken leg for a while and she is an avid cook, never makes a thing out
of a packet. I have loved going to her house all my life Anyway she
had to get some frozen meals in (they weren't the diet plan type). A
small independent company that made realistic meals, not a thin slice of
meat, 3 peas and a tablespoon of rice and 90% of the weight of the meal
as a sauce, lol).

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>
>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home
>>> 1/2
>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
>>> the
>>> : next day.
>>>
>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>
>>> : kate
>>>
>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5
>>> das
>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>> mother
>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>>> computer.
>>>
>>> Wendy
>>
>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
>> and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
>> typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.
>
> There are some really nice frozen meals delivered to the door and they
> would be cheaper than restaurant meals too. My aunt was laid up with a
> broken leg for a while and she is an avid cook, never makes a thing out of
> a packet. I have loved going to her house all my life Anyway she had to
> get some frozen meals in (they weren't the diet plan type). A small
> independent company that made realistic meals, not a thin slice of meat, 3
> peas and a tablespoon of rice and 90% of the weight of the meal as a
> sauce, lol).

They might eat a frozen meal once in a while but usually they won't.