This is a new column.

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece

Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)

Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
cooked turkey.


(end)

I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
everyone else prefers your stuffing too.

But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
surprised me a bit.

Lenona.

On Nov 23, 9:15*am, Lenona > wrote:

>
>
> * Dear Miss Manners: *Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
>
> Lenona.
>
>
A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
"because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."

There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
whine about some else's cooking.

On Nov 23, 10:25*am, itsjoannotjoann >
wrote:

>
> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> has _asked_ you to bring. *Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."


If you're saying that there's no way to say "no, thank you" to any
particular dish only to accept a serving of a similar dish then or
later on without offending that PARTICULAR host, fine.

All I'm saying is, even MM has said it's OK to lie about what you're
allergic to if you can get away with it, such as when a child actually
fools an adult by saying "I'm allergic to vegetables." (Most adults
aren't fooled by that, of course.)

In my extended family, as I implied, the homeowners would be shocked
and mortified if the other relatives DIDN'T bring anything, since then
there wouldn't be enough to go around - they never have to ask people
to bring contributions. We know each other too well for that. As I
said, nobody else ever hosts the dinner - but sometimes certain people
can't be there, so the hosts always call in their invitations, so
they'll know how many places to set at the table.

And if the person taking the "orders" for each plate at the dinner
hears the words "please make sure it's that stuffing," no one would
think anything of it. The host might even think "great, I prefer my
stuffing to hers - there will be more for me!"

I suppose for people in other families, an alternative for guests
would be to decline the stuffing at the first serving but ask for it
at the second serving, since it would be likely that the hated
stuffing would be gone by then anyway.

Lenona.

On Nov 23, 9:47*am, Lenona > wrote:
> On Nov 23, 10:25*am, itsjoannotjoann >
> wrote:
>
>
>
> > A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> > has _asked_ you to bring. *Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> > picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> > "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>
> If you're saying that there's no way to say "no, thank you" to any
> particular dish only to accept a serving of a similar dish then or
> later on without offending that PARTICULAR host, fine.
>
>
I didn't say that at all.
>
>
> In my extended family, as I implied, the homeowners would be shocked
> and mortified if the other relatives DIDN'T bring anything, since then
> there wouldn't be enough to go around - they never have to ask people
> to bring contributions. We know each other too well for that. As I
> said, nobody else ever hosts the dinner - but sometimes certain people
> can't be there, so the hosts always call in their invitations, so
> they'll know how many places to set at the table.
>
>
Mortified _and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at their
door without a food contribution??? What has the host/hostess have
to be mortified about?? The bringing of food to large get togethers
is done in my family, too, but not just hoping someone will show up
with the correct for dishes. The host/hostess in your family doesn't
request specific dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring
what they hope is a variety?? But bringing your own dressing/stuffing
is silly because you don't like what someone else has prepared. Just
ask if you can bring ALL the stuffing/dressing.
>
>
> And if the person taking the "orders" for each plate at the dinner
> hears the words "please make sure it's that stuffing," no one would
> think anything of it. The host might even think "great, I prefer my
> stuffing to hers - there will be more for me!"
>
>
Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
fill their own plates???? Are y'all that messy when serving
yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? And no, the
host/hostess will not think "there will be more for me if they don't
eat mine" they'll be wondering what it is about their own dressing/
stuffing that is so unappetizing.
>
>

itsjoannotjoann wrote on Tue, 23 Nov 2010 08:13:37 -0800 (PST):

> On Nov 23, 9:47 am, Lenona > wrote:
>> On Nov 23, 10:25 am, itsjoannotjoann >
>> wrote:
>>
> >> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host
> >> or hostess has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing
> >> because you have a picky eater and just cannot fathom
> >> eating what has been prepared "because they don't like
> >> their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>
>> If you're saying that there's no way to say "no, thank you"
>> to any particular dish only to accept a serving of a similar
>> dish then or later on without offending that PARTICULAR host,
>> fine.
>>
> I didn't say that at all.
>>
>> In my extended family, as I implied, the homeowners would be
>> shocked and mortified if the other relatives DIDN'T bring
>> anything, since then there wouldn't be enough to go around -
>> they never have to ask people to bring contributions. We know
>> each other too well for that. As I said, nobody else ever
>> hosts the dinner - but sometimes certain people can't be
>> there, so the hosts always call in their invitations,
>> so they'll know how many places to set at the table.
>>
> Mortified _and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at
> their door without a food contribution??? What has the
> host/hostess have to be mortified about?? The bringing of
> food to large get togethers is done in my family, too, but not
> just hoping someone will show up with the correct for dishes.
> The host/hostess in your family doesn't request specific
> dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring what they
> hope is a variety?? But bringing your own dressing/stuffing
> is silly because you don't like what someone else has
> prepared. Just ask if you can bring ALL the
> stuffing/dressing.
>>
>> And if the person taking the "orders" for each plate at the
>> dinner hears the words "please make sure it's that stuffing,"
>> no one would think anything of it. The host might even think
>> "great, I prefer my stuffing to hers - there will be more for
>> me!"

>Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
>fill their own plates????

In my family, people may, tho' it is not expected, bring wine, usually
champagne in a cooler, and cookies and dried fruit for after dinner.
No-one really objected when a guest said she would like to bring and
cook a Tofurkey for herself and her fiance. We all tried some but were
just polite in our comments. Normally, both my daughter or I would serve
two sorts of stuffing: bread, sage and onion and sausage chestnut. That
seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't like sweet
potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually provided for me. Everyone
seems to like cranberry bread and cranberry dressing.
--

James Silverton
Potomac, Maryland

Email, with obvious alterations: not.jim.silverton.at.verizon.not

In article >,
"James Silverton" > wrote:

> seems to take care of most guests. It's known that I don't like sweet
> potatoes and a regular baked potato is usually provided for me. Everyone
> seems to like cranberry bread and cranberry dressing.

What is cranberry dressing? IMWTK.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

James Silverton added the following to the totality of all human wisdom
on 11/23/2010 in writing
> Tofurkey

the crux of the moral decay

--
Yours,
Dan S.
There are 10 kinds of people, those who can read binary and those who
can't.

On 11/23/2010 11:13 AM, itsjoannotjoann wrote:

> Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
> fill their own plates???? Are y'all that messy when serving
> yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? And no, the
> host/hostess will not think "there will be more for me if they don't
> eat mine" they'll be wondering what it is about their own dressing/
> stuffing that is so unappetizing.

It certainly doesn't sound very nice, IMO.


--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

On Nov 23, 11:13*am, itsjoannotjoann >
wrote:
> On Nov 23, 9:47*am, Lenona > wrote:> On Nov 23, 10:25*am, itsjoannotjoann >
> > wrote:
>
>
> Mortified *_and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at their
> door without a food contribution??? * What has the host/hostess have
> to be mortified about?? *The bringing of food to large get togethers
> is done in my family, too, but not just hoping someone will show up
> with the correct for dishes. *The host/hostess in your family doesn't
> request specific dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring
> what they hope is a variety?? *


After 60 years of watching/doing the same things in the extended
family, the hosts know what to expect - and so do the guests. We all
know who likes to bring the vegetables and who will bring pies or
other desserts.

The hosts would be shocked if no one brought anything, since it's
usually just RELATIVES who are there, and they've ALWAYS brought
contributions! As I said, no other nuclear family else ever hosts.
This is due to the fact that only one house is BIG enough for more
than a few dinner guests.


> Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? *People are not allowed to
> fill their own plates???? *Are y'all that messy when serving
> yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? *

No, we're FORMAL. Everyone but three people or so sits down, partly to
avoid crowding and foot traffic, but it's also gracious to let guests
relax in their seats - especially the oldest ones. The host always
does the carving for the first servings. The two or three volunteers
(I'm often one of them, another would be the hostess) take specific
orders, fill the plates, and serve.

For some reason, I can't remember if we use that method for second
servings, since many don't want seconds, but we DO use it for dessert,
since most people want to wait a while before dessert anyway, and
again, it's faster if most of the guests stay seated.

Thanks to sf for your comments, btw. As well as commentator #40.

Lenona.

"Lenona" > wrote in message
...
> On Nov 23, 11:13 am, itsjoannotjoann >
> wrote:
>> On Nov 23, 9:47 am, Lenona > wrote:> On Nov 23, 10:25
>> am, itsjoannotjoann >
>> > wrote:
>>
>>
>> Mortified _and_ shocked that the invitees didn't show up at their
>> door without a food contribution??? What has the host/hostess have
>> to be mortified about?? The bringing of food to large get togethers
>> is done in my family, too, but not just hoping someone will show up
>> with the correct for dishes. The host/hostess in your family doesn't
>> request specific dishes and just leaves it up to everyone to bring
>> what they hope is a variety??
>
>
> After 60 years of watching/doing the same things in the extended
> family, the hosts know what to expect - and so do the guests. We all
> know who likes to bring the vegetables and who will bring pies or
> other desserts.
>
> The hosts would be shocked if no one brought anything, since it's
> usually just RELATIVES who are there, and they've ALWAYS brought
> contributions! As I said, no other nuclear family else ever hosts.
> This is due to the fact that only one house is BIG enough for more
> than a few dinner guests.
>
>
>> Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? People are not allowed to
>> fill their own plates???? Are y'all that messy when serving
>> yourselves someone else has to do it for you?????????
>
> No, we're FORMAL. Everyone but three people or so sits down, partly to
> avoid crowding and foot traffic, but it's also gracious to let guests
> relax in their seats - especially the oldest ones. The host always
> does the carving for the first servings. The two or three volunteers
> (I'm often one of them, another would be the hostess) take specific
> orders, fill the plates, and serve.
>
> For some reason, I can't remember if we use that method for second
> servings, since many don't want seconds, but we DO use it for dessert,
> since most people want to wait a while before dessert anyway, and
> again, it's faster if most of the guests stay seated.
>
> Thanks to sf for your comments, btw. As well as commentator #40.

I am glad it works for you and your family, but please don't get cross if
other people don't do it your way.

Each to his/her own eh?

--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On Nov 23, 2:47*pm, Lenona > wrote:
> On Nov 23, 11:13*am, itsjoannotjoann >
> wrote:
>
>
> > Is this a restaurant or a nursing home?? *People are not allowed to
> > fill their own plates???? *Are y'all that messy when serving
> > yourselves someone else has to do it for you????????? *
>
> No, we're FORMAL. Everyone but three people or so sits down, partly to
> avoid crowding and foot traffic, but it's also gracious to let guests
> relax in their seats - especially the oldest ones.
>
>
Oh god, what a bore waiting to be served like everybody is either a
child or two senile to fill their own plate. I would have to speak up
and say I'll fill my own plate, thank you very much.
>
>
> The two or three volunteers
> (I'm often one of them, another would be the hostess) take specific
> orders, fill the plates, and serve.
>
>
> Lenona.
>
>
Do you wear a cheap diners apron, pencil behind your ear, and chewing
gum while taking 'orders??' Sounds like a family of control freaks
instead of a 'formal' meal. (Trying to re-create that Norman Rockwell
picture of the family holiday meal where granny places the platter of
turkey in front of gramps to carve?)

I bet conversation is not allowed while eating either. Geez, loosen
up and enjoy the holiday meal instead of being a control freak
waitress and the host/hostess needs to lighten up and enjoy the day,
too, instead of controlling portions.

In article
>,
itsjoannotjoann > wrote:

> On Nov 23, 9:15*am, Lenona > wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > * Dear Miss Manners: *Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> > you don¹t like what the host is serving? (The ³host² is my daughter,
> > and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
> >
> > Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> > for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> > Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter¹s
> > permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> > cooked turkey.
> >
> > (end)
> >
> > I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> > extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> > stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> > since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> > same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> > bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> > dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> > everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
> >
> >
> > Lenona.
> >
> >
> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>
> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> whine about some else's cooking.

Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> In article
> >,
> itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
>>>
>> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
>> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
>> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
>> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>
>> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
>> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
>> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
>> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
>> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
>> whine about some else's cooking.
>
> Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.

<suspiciously> what brands of booze do you stock?

your pal,
blake

In article >,
blake murphy > wrote:

> On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>
> > In article
> > >,
> > itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
> >>>
> >> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> >> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> >> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> >> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
> >>
> >> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> >> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> >> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
> >> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> >> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> >> whine about some else's cooking.
> >
> > Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.
>
> <suspiciously> what brands of booze do you stock?
>
> your pal,
> blake

I've a bunch of old stuff in the cabinet * we almost never drink hard
liquor; Rob has some red wine around. There are a couple liquor stores
within 2 miles of me, though.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 12:17:15 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> In article >,
> blake murphy > wrote:
>
>> On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>>
>>> In article
>>> >,
>>> itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
>>>>>
>>>> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
>>>> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
>>>> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
>>>> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>>>
>>>> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
>>>> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
>>>> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
>>>> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
>>>> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
>>>> whine about some else's cooking.
>>>
>>> Come to Minneapolis, joann‹drinks are on me.
>>
>> <suspiciously> what brands of booze do you stock?
>>
>> your pal,
>> blake
>
> I've a bunch of old stuff in the cabinet * we almost never drink hard
> liquor; Rob has some red wine around. There are a couple liquor stores
> within 2 miles of me, though.

you know i'm teasing, honey. i'd gladly eat (or drink) whatever you saw
fit to serve, or decline without comment.

your pal,
blake

On Nov 23, 11:15Â*am, blake murphy > wrote:
> On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > Â*itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
>
> >> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> >> has _asked_ you to bring. Â*Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> >> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> >> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>
> >> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> >> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> >> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Â*Graciously
> >> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> >> been cooked. Â*Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> >> whine about some else's cooking.
>
> > Come to Minneapolis, joann€¹drinks are on me.
>
> <suspiciously> Â*what brands of booze do you stock?
>
> your pal,
> blake
>
>
She didn't invite you, she invited ME for drinks!

:-)~

On Wed, 24 Nov 2010 06:48:36 -0800 (PST), itsjoannotjoann wrote:

> On Nov 23, 11:15Â*am, blake murphy > wrote:
>> On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
>>> In article
>>> >,
>>> Â*itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
>>
>>>> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
>>>> has _asked_ you to bring. Â*Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
>>>> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
>>>> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>
>>>> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
>>>> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
>>>> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Â*Graciously
>>>> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
>>>> been cooked. Â*Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
>>>> whine about some else's cooking.
>>
>>> Come to Minneapolis, joann€¹drinks are on me.
>>
>> <suspiciously> Â*what brands of booze do you stock?
>>
>> your pal,
>> blake
>>
>>
> She didn't invite you, she invited ME for drinks!
>
> :-)~

i'm a great one for horning in.

your pal,
blake

In article
>,
itsjoannotjoann > wrote:

> On Nov 23, 11:15Â*am, blake murphy > wrote:
> > On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:53:39 -0600, Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > > In article
> > > >,
> > > Â*itsjoannotjoann > wrote:
> >
> > >> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> > >> has _asked_ you to bring. Â*Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> > >> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> > >> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
> >
> > >> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> > >> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> > >> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Â*Graciously
> > >> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> > >> been cooked. Â*Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> > >> whine about some else's cooking.
> >
> > > Come to Minneapolis, joann€¹drinks are on me.
> >
> > <suspiciously> Â*what brands of booze do you stock?
> >
> > your pal,
> > blake
> >
> >
> She didn't invite you, she invited ME for drinks!
>
> :-)~

Good point! Somehow we got sidetracked! But Blake knows he can drink
with me any ol' time.

--
Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Holy Order of the Sacred Sisters of St. Pectina of Jella
"Always in a jam, never in a stew; sometimes in a pickle."
New York trip posted 11-13-2010; http://web.me.com/barbschaller

"itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
...
> On Nov 23, 9:15 am, Lenona > wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
>> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
>> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>>
>> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
>> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
>> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
>> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
>> cooked turkey.
>>
>> (end)
>>
>> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
>> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
>> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
>> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
>> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
>> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
>> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
>> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>>
>>
>> Lenona.
>>
>>
> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>
> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
> whine about some else's cooking.
>

I have to wonder who bothers to write to Miss Manners, or Ann Landers, or
Dear Abby for advice about anything. You do realize these are people with
about as many useful answers to questions as you'll find here on RFC, right?
Do whatever the heck you want. If the boyfriend wants to eat or not eat the
stuffing, that's his choice. It's really a no brainer.

I don't get insulted if someone doesn't want to eat what I've cooked. I
don't get insulted if someone brings a dish I didn't ask for. I figure, let
*them* eat it if I don't want it. What's the big deal? I'm not going to
hunt for tofurkey if someone is a vegetarian. If they want tofurkey or a
spam ham, so be it. Let them bring it to the party. This is all too silly.

Jill

On Thu, 25 Nov 2010 06:07:42 -0500, "jmcquown" >
wrote:

>
>"itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
...
>> On Nov 23, 9:15 am, Lenona > wrote:
>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
>>> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
>>> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>>>
>>> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
>>> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
>>> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
>>> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
>>> cooked turkey.
>>>
>>> (end)
>>>
>>> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
>>> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
>>> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
>>> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
>>> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
>>> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
>>> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
>>> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>>>
>>>
>>> Lenona.
>>>
>>>
>> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
>> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
>> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
>> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>
>> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
>> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
>> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
>> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
>> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
>> whine about some else's cooking.
>>
>
>I have to wonder who bothers to write to Miss Manners, or Ann Landers, or
>Dear Abby for advice about anything.

The very same freaks n' imbeciles who drool over The Jerry Springer
Show.



You do realize these are people with
>about as many useful answers to questions as you'll find here on RFC, right?
>Do whatever the heck you want. If the boyfriend wants to eat or not eat the
>stuffing, that's his choice. It's really a no brainer.
>
>I don't get insulted if someone doesn't want to eat what I've cooked. I
>don't get insulted if someone brings a dish I didn't ask for. I figure, let
>*them* eat it if I don't want it. What's the big deal? I'm not going to
>hunt for tofurkey if someone is a vegetarian. If they want tofurkey or a
>spam ham, so be it. Let them bring it to the party. This is all too silly.
>
>Jill

"Brooklyn1" <Gravesend1> wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 25 Nov 2010 06:07:42 -0500, "jmcquown" >
> wrote:
>
>>
>>"itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
...
>>> On Nov 23, 9:15 am, Lenona > wrote:
>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
>>>> you don't like what the host is serving? (The "host" is my daughter,
>>>> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>>>>
>>>> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
>>>> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
>>>> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter's
>>>> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
>>>> cooked turkey.
>>>>
>>>> (end)
>>>>
>>>> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
>>>> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
>>>> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
>>>> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
>>>> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
>>>> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
>>>> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
>>>> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Lenona.
>>>>
>>>>
>>> A food contribution to a meal should be something the host or hostess
>>> has _asked_ you to bring. Not stuffing/dressing because you have a
>>> picky eater and just cannot fathom eating what has been prepared
>>> "because they don't like their version of stuffing/dressing."
>>>
>>> There are advice/manners columns because people like you don't
>>> understand the concept of being invited to a meal without bringing
>>> your own food because you whine "I don't like that." Graciously
>>> accept the invitation and shut up about what you don't like that has
>>> been cooked. Or stay home and cook what *you* want then you can't
>>> whine about some else's cooking.
>>>
>>
>>I have to wonder who bothers to write to Miss Manners, or Ann Landers, or
>>Dear Abby for advice about anything.
>
> The very same freaks n' imbeciles who drool over The Jerry Springer
> Show.
>
Who is Jerry Springer?

Jill

"Omelet" > wrote in message
news
> Last time, they wanted to contribute some fresh Collards from their
> garden. I detest collards but politely mentioned that I'd never been
> able to enjoy them as perhaps I did not cook them right so they were
> invited early to help with the meal prep. ;-)
>
> Actually, that was far more fun. <g>

But that was you being gracious
--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On Nov 23, 11:32*am, Omelet > wrote:

>
> Additional food was placed on the table in case they wanted "seconds" (I
> do plate the initial dinner), and it did not go uneaten...
>

Having somebody plate my food would be a nightmare. Most people don't
realize how picky I am because I am good at hiding it in public. But
forcing me to accept a plate where most of it is inedible for me means
that I have to make some excuse as to why I didn't eat it, or eat it
and risk throwing up in public. I have problems with certain textures
and combinations.

A couple months ago, we had a huge family dinner, and my sil hosted
it. She mad a LOT of foods, many of which I didn't like, but I was
able to put together a great plate and give lots of compliments for
what I did like. For things that looked possible, I took a very small
serving so that I could sample them. Anything I liked, I could get
more on a second pass. Anything I didn't like would leave only a
bite's worth on the plate. Things I could not identify, I simply asked
if they were spicy, as that one is safe to ask about and politely
refuse. I did get seconds one particular item and request the recipe
as I really liked it. And I was able to empty my plate and have
seconds, so my sil knew I enjoyed the dinner.

If she had made my plate, I would never have been able to eat it all.
And I would have been very embarrassed. By plating my own, I could
quietly avoid the things I do no like, and praise her for the things I
loved. She felt appreciated, and I had a great time.


I did bring my own pop along with a variety of pop to share. I only
drink one flavor of pop, and if no pop, then I will drink water, which
I do not enjoy. So, if I can bring my own pop, I will. I also take my
own pop to my favorite restaurant as nobody serves my pop anywhere
(Sunkist orange), and the water there tastes bad. So, there is
absolutely nothing for me to drink there. They are fine with that, and
I always buy an extra order to of my favorite dish to go, so I make a
decent purchase each time.

Lenona wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
<clipped>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

She's always been good!

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:26:51 -0500, Goomba wrote:

> Lenona wrote:
>> This is a new column.
>>
>> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
> <clipped>
>> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
>> surprised me a bit.
>>
>> Lenona.
>
> She's always been good!

gotta love miss manners. funny lady.

i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.

your pal,
blake

"blake murphy" > wrote in message
...
> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.

I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady

--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On 11/23/2010 1:05 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>
>
> "blake murphy" > wrote in message
> ...
>> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
>> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.
>
> I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
> quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady
>

She's fantastic.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

"ravenlynne" > wrote in message
...
> On 11/23/2010 1:05 PM, Ophelia wrote:
>>
>>
>> "blake murphy" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
>>> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.
>>
>> I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
>> quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady
>>
>
> She's fantastic.

Yes I expected her to be someone who told you where to place your knife
and fork)

--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On Nov 23, 1:05*pm, "Ophelia" > wrote:
..
>
> I had only every heard of her. *This is the first time I had seen her
> quoted. *Not what I expected at all *She is a 'common sense' lady

Indexes for her syndicated columns, if you like:

http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu.../miss-manners/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...032501837.html
(almost the same; this includes a good many readers' comments, but be
careful or you'll be nagged to register)

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationshi...mentid=8318975
(this has completely different columns from her, but the general
style is the same)

Indexes 1 and 3 tell you in advance what half the questions are going
to be.

I've posted a few of the columns in this ng, previously.

Lenona.

"Lenona" > wrote in message
...
> On Nov 23, 1:05 pm, "Ophelia" > wrote:
> .
>>
>> I had only every heard of her. This is the first time I had seen her
>> quoted. Not what I expected at all She is a 'common sense' lady
>
> Indexes for her syndicated columns, if you like:
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu.../miss-manners/
>
> http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...032501837.html
> (almost the same; this includes a good many readers' comments, but be
> careful or you'll be nagged to register)
>
> http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationshi...mentid=8318975
> (this has completely different columns from her, but the general
> style is the same)
>
> Indexes 1 and 3 tell you in advance what half the questions are going
> to be.
>
> I've posted a few of the columns in this ng, previously.

Thank you, I shall have a look
--
--
https://www.shop.helpforheroes.org.uk/

On Nov 23, 12:18*pm, blake murphy > wrote:

> gotta love miss manners. *funny lady.
>
> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.


Here's what I posted in Nov. 2002 in MM's newsgroup:

Saw her at a small gathering at the library last Wednesday. She has a
very nice smile and what surprised me, though I've heard her voice
before, was how down-to-earth it sounds. OK, deep. Anyway, some people
asked questions and one came from the Nigerian novelist S.A.(Sunny)
Abakwue, who asked: "If you had George Bush Sr, Saddam Hussein, George
Bush Jr, and Osama Bin Laden in this room, what would you tell
them?" (Big round of applause.) She told him if she thought
international diplomacy were as simple as etiquette, she would be only
too glad to take on the task,
but it's not the same thing, of course.

I asked her the name of a 17th-century Spanish play she had (in her
column) mentioned seeing with her teen daughter years ago in which the
painful differences, regarding rape, between then and now were made
clear. She said it was by
Calderon de la Barca and I managed to track down a likely candidate -
"The Mayor of Zalamea." (Apparently, it's not as Stone Age as you
might expect in its attitudes, if not quite humane.)

Also, I asked her why we still use the term "feminist" so much still
when black people have never felt the need for a word to describe
black people who believe in racial equality, and she said, in effect,
that it's simply a matter of wanting to preserve the memory of those
who fought for our current rights, paying them tribute, and
remembering when women who thought like that were in fact the
exception.

I also asked her if she liked "old-fashioned liberal" Wendy Kaminer's
books and she said yes. (Actually, I didn't describe her that way, but
I'm sure it wouldn't surprise her to hear that description. For those
not familiar with her, two of her books are "I'm Dysfunctional, You're
Dysfunctional" and the sarcastically titled "True Love Waits.")

Wonderful night, especially since I had friends along!

Lenona.

On Wed, 24 Nov 2010 09:38:55 -0800 (PST), Lenona wrote:

> On Nov 23, 12:18*pm, blake murphy > wrote:
>
>> gotta love miss manners. *funny lady.
>>
>> i saw her at a memorial concert for one of her washington *post*
>> colleagues, and she looked elegant indeed, as you would expect.
>
> Here's what I posted in Nov. 2002 in MM's newsgroup:
>
> Saw her at a small gathering at the library last Wednesday. She has a
> very nice smile and what surprised me, though I've heard her voice
> before, was how down-to-earth it sounds. OK, deep. Anyway, some people
> asked questions and one came from the Nigerian novelist S.A.(Sunny)
> Abakwue, who asked: "If you had George Bush Sr, Saddam Hussein, George
> Bush Jr, and Osama Bin Laden in this room, what would you tell
> them?" (Big round of applause.) She told him if she thought
> international diplomacy were as simple as etiquette, she would be only
> too glad to take on the task,
> but it's not the same thing, of course.
>
> I asked her the name of a 17th-century Spanish play she had (in her
> column) mentioned seeing with her teen daughter years ago in which the
> painful differences, regarding rape, between then and now were made
> clear. She said it was by
> Calderon de la Barca and I managed to track down a likely candidate -
> "The Mayor of Zalamea." (Apparently, it's not as Stone Age as you
> might expect in its attitudes, if not quite humane.)
>
> Also, I asked her why we still use the term "feminist" so much still
> when black people have never felt the need for a word to describe
> black people who believe in racial equality, and she said, in effect,
> that it's simply a matter of wanting to preserve the memory of those
> who fought for our current rights, paying them tribute, and
> remembering when women who thought like that were in fact the
> exception.
>
> I also asked her if she liked "old-fashioned liberal" Wendy Kaminer's
> books and she said yes. (Actually, I didn't describe her that way, but
> I'm sure it wouldn't surprise her to hear that description. For those
> not familiar with her, two of her books are "I'm Dysfunctional, You're
> Dysfunctional" and the sarcastically titled "True Love Waits.")
>
> Wonderful night, especially since I had friends along!
>
> Lenona.

years ago, there was a question in her column that went something like
this:

'last night someone at a party said to me of another man 'have you two
met?' actually, we had met the night before in an anonymous sex situation.
what should i have said?'

her reply: 'you should say 'i believe we might have, but we've never been
properly introduced.'

she's unflappable. (i can't dig it up online, though. )

your pal,
blake

Lenona > wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you dont like what the host is serving? (The host is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughters
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.
>
> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.
>
> Lenona.

Oh go ahead and hurt the host feelings.
However... If it is corn bread stuffing, that is a different story

--
Enjoy Life... Nad R (Garden in zone 5a Michigan)

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 07:15:26 -0800 (PST), Lenona wrote:

> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you donÿt like what the host is serving? (The ´host¡ is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughterÿs
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it?

what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
cook.

your pal,
blake

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 12:12:07 -0500, blake murphy
> wrote:

> what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
> cook.

No it doesn't. It sounds like there are quite a few people giving
advice who don't know anything about hosting large family gatherings.
Only an overly sensitive host would feel that was a way to say they're
"incompetent" and with her boyfriend being Mr. Picky, it might be a
relief to her DD that they're bring something he will like. I say
she should go with her gut and bring it. <shrug> It's the male
version of "happy wife, happy life" to me.

Her family seems to be the come one, come all type and it also seems
like contributions are welcomed. That way the host/hostess doesn't
have to buy and prepare food for an army. After a while people in a
family like that knows who usually brings what, so the possibility of
26 store-bought pumpkin pies isn't very likely.

When the host makes a request, it can be for one of two reasons...
people love what you usually make or they hate what you usually make -
you'll know by the request.

--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 10:40:22 -0800, sf wrote:

> On Tue, 23 Nov 2010 12:12:07 -0500, blake murphy
> > wrote:
>
>> what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
>> cook.
>
> No it doesn't. It sounds like there are quite a few people giving
> advice who don't know anything about hosting large family gatherings.
> Only an overly sensitive host would feel that was a way to say they're
> "incompetent" and with her boyfriend being Mr. Picky, it might be a
> relief to her DD that they're bring something he will like. I say
> she should go with her gut and bring it. <shrug> It's the male
> version of "happy wife, happy life" to me.
>
> Her family seems to be the come one, come all type and it also seems
> like contributions are welcomed. That way the host/hostess doesn't
> have to buy and prepare food for an army. After a while people in a
> family like that knows who usually brings what, so the possibility of
> 26 store-bought pumpkin pies isn't very likely.
>
> When the host makes a request, it can be for one of two reasons...
> people love what you usually make or they hate what you usually make -
> you'll know by the request.

well, this part:

'Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because you don¢t like what the host
is serving?'

....seems to imply that the host can't cook.

your pal,
blake

On Wed, 24 Nov 2010 14:04:46 -0500, blake murphy
> wrote:

> well, this part:
>
> 'Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because you don¢t like what the host
> is serving?'
>
> ...seems to imply that the host can't cook.

It implies that *he* doesn't like the dressing her DD makes and
Mother, his GF, caters to his likes and dislikes. I certainly hope
he's really nice and that's his biggest flaw; but maybe he's a real
jerk and that's just the tip of the iceberg. What I don't think is
that it's a reflection on anyone's cooking ability. I personally
don't like meat (which is usually sausage) or shellfish in dressing,
but I wouldn't go to the extreme of bringing my own version just for
myself. Maybe I'd volunteer to bring a casserole of my dressing so
there could be a variety to choose from, but I sincerely doubt I'd
ever take it that far.

--

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

On 11/23/2010 12:12 PM, blake murphy wrote:

>
> what's wrong with it is that it strongly implies the host is an incompetent
> cook.
>
> your pal,
> blake

And that the writers' daughter isn't making her boyfriend happy with her
recipe for dressing.

--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3

Lenona wrote:
> This is a new column.
>
> http://www.buffalonews.com/life/colu...icle262608.ece
>
> Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own stuffing because
> you don’t like what the host is serving? (The “host” is my daughter,
> and my boyfriend is the stuffing hater.)
>
> Gentle Reader: Since this is a family dinner, there is a polite way
> for him to bring stuffing that he likes. All he has to do, Miss
> Manners begs you to inform him, is to obtain your daughter’s
> permission beforehand to bring it nicely packed inside of a freshly
> cooked turkey.
>
>
> (end)
>
> I don't understand MM's response. What's so terrible about bringing
> extra stuffing without a turkey to go with it? In MY experience,
> stuffing is something people often like MORE than the turkey - and
> since, in my extended family, Thanksgiving dinner is always at the
> same house, it would be wrong, in our opinions, for each of us NOT to
> bring part of the meal - or an "extra" pie, stuffing or vegetable
> dish. So all you'd have to do is bring a generous amount in case
> everyone else prefers your stuffing too.

On the one hand I know that stuffing is one of those things that
people like just the way they want it and it's not a reflection on yours
if they don't love it. On the other hand, would it really kill the guy to
pass on the stuffing for one day, have your kind at your own house.

If I was the host/ess in this scenario, I say bring it, I wouldn't take it
personally. Bring a dessert, too, while you're at it.

> But I do like MM's response to the next letter. Even though it
> surprised me a bit.

I'm with her, what's the BFD, get over yourself. (not you, the whiner
who wrote the letter)

nancy

On 11/23/2010 12:32 PM, Nancy Young wrote:

> If I was the host/ess in this scenario, I say bring it, I wouldn't take it
> personally. Bring a dessert, too, while you're at it.

Well of course, that would be the graceful thing to do.




--
Currently reading: The Chalice by Phil Rickman and The Walking Dead vol 3