This ep starts with SLop in front of a house with Kimber. As Kimber takes the
store-bought bundt cakes inside, SLop rattles off this week's menu. What the
hell is that green thing sticking out of her grocery bag? It looks like a
green leafy vegetable of some sort, but this is SLop! I am so confused...

SLop begins working on the sweet onion tartlets by adding half of a chopped
Vidalia onion into a pan, throwing out the rest, and giving a shout out to us
about how she normally likes to use frozen ones but is going to make an
exception for Thanksgiving dinner. SLop uses pre-made pie dough to make the
crusts for the tartlettes (don't they already have mini tart shells at the
store?) with a biscuit cutter, then blind-baked the shells. As she removes
them from the oven, she comments on how they popped up perfectly. At this
point, Kimmy brings in "cwanberry molds". SLop makes a cranberry mold by
mixing (not) boiling cranberry juice, orange vodka, and cranberry jello. In
other words, jello shots! SLop puts the fluid into the fridge to set up and
removes one that MV made earlier. As Kim zests an orange, Sandie tells her not
to get the white bitter part of the orange. Kim shoots a "Gee, thanks, sis!"
look at SLop. As they decant the boozy jello into molds, SLop chirps that she
"wants no food fights this year!" because "I don't want to clean it up". I am
guessing that's because The Wallet is no longer around to clean up her
kitchen. Kim wanders off while SLop finishes the tartlets, and we bop off to
commercial break.

When we return from commercial, an awkward post-production voice over recaps
what SLop's done thus far. She starts working on the filling, announcing she
is turning off the onions because they are cooking. She mixes some milk,
"fiend" herbs, and dry onion soup mix with the onion, accompanied by another
voice-over announcing "they add great onion flavor!". She puts a little bit of
the onion into the shells, tops them off with the liquid, and sprinkles some
grated cheese on the top. She then starts on the turkey, declaring "it'll be
good because its full of herbs and butter", by creaming two sticks of butter,
poultry seasoning, minced garlic from a jar, and the contents of a garlic herb
sauce packet. SLop notes that this can be used for garlic bread too. She puts
the butter into a glad bag to make logs. In a manner reminiscent of goatse,
SLop violently dilates the turkey's anal cavity for the butter and stuffing.
Ignoring her own "Me washie handsies" advice, she cuts the butter log into
coin shapes and shoves them into the turkey beneath the skin so that the skin
is crunchy on both sides, smearing the leftover butter all over it. Too
little, too late, SLop rinses her hands off in the sink and spots some turkeys
that are conveniently wandering around in the back yard, declaring "Aren't
they cute? I almost feel guilty about them". SLop prepares the roaster pan by
placing sliced carrots and celery on bottom, along with a bag of frozen onions
(too bad she threw that vidalia from earlier away!), and can of chicken broth.
Then the turkey rape begins... she shoves in butter, then lemon slices, a
couple bags of rosemary, the rest of the frozen onions, and a final bag of
herbs. She tells us it's OK if the herbs stick out of the cavity and, ignoring
her own "Me washie handsies" advice again, shills a cheesy pop-up thermometer
in lieu of a real meat thermometer, dumps a ramikin of salt onto the turkey
butt, and puts the turkey into the oven as we bop out to commercial break

When we return from commercial SLop makes cornbread stuffing with a loaf of
cornbread (I have never seen those before), some chicken broth for great
flavor, an egg, 2 tbls from a package of Italian herb seasoning, a can of
creamed corn (for "corn chunks"), a cup of Monterey jack cheese, and
chestnuts, except SLop apparently thinks water chestnuts are chestnuts packed
in water so she used those instead. Before adding the water chestnuts, she
attempts to dice them but only manages to mulch them. As she carefully stirs
in some chicken broth, we abruptly cut to commercials.

When we return from commercial, SLop removes the turkey from the oven and
tells us not to carve it for 30 minutes, interupted by an awkward voice-over
saying "rich and moist and delicious!" and returning just in time to see her
struggling with moving the turkey to a platter using a pair of iron claws.
Beaming with some weird sense of accomplishment, she beams "Pretty good for a
girl, huh?". Yeah, whatever. She then makes gravy from the pan drippings.

I've seen gravy before and that was turkey flour soup, not gravy. Instead of
putting the roasting pan on the stove and adding flour to make gravy, she
transferred the vegtables to a strainer, dumped the contents of the pan over
the vegtables, poured the drained fluid into a fat seperator, then poured it
immediately into a saucepan before the fat could seperate, and added a packet
of poultry seasoning and "gravy flour" (whatever that is, so there's no way to
**** up and have lumps), dirtying half a dozen dishes and removing all the fat
and good stuff from the bottom of the pan in the process.

Sandra introduces her next konkoction by announcing "And now for the yummy
vegetables!" as we suddenly cut to a shot of a pan of bacon swimming in
grease. She tries to make a version of that nasty green bean casserole
everyone makes but adds peas, onions, bacon, and a packet of garlic herb
seasoning and gives this concoction an incredibly long name, "garlic herb
french green bean and early pea casserole". SLop tells us to use tongs to toss
the casserole because the peas would get mushed if you used a spoon or fork.
Only if you tried to, moron.

Why is SLop using bath towels as potholders?

SLop atempted to make mashers with a bag of frozen roasted potatoes that she
microwaved. When she tried to mash them, it was obvious that they had become
vulcanized in the oven. In a saucepan, SLop mixed buttermilk, a half stick of
butter, and a packet of alfredo sauce (because she likes parmesian cheese,
which is what makes alfredo sauce taste so good). She whisked the contents of
the sauce pan but when she pulled the whisk out the stick of unmelted butter
was stuck to it. She added the mixture to the smashed up potatoes, producing a
grey-brown lump.

SLop pours the vomitous beans into a platter. It looks like something a cow
would hork up from one of its four stomachs.

SLop next makes some sort of appetizer with figs, mentioning that if fresh
ones are not available one can substitute dried ones. She bisects them
lengthwise, pipes goat cheese onto them, wraps them in prosciutto, sprinkles
them with pumpkin pie spice, and drizzles them with honey before putting them
in the oven and we bop out to commercial.

When we return from commercial, Sandie's removing the stuffing from the oven
and deep throats one of the figs, but we cut away to a "Mmmmm" and her
beginning her Native American Indian pudding by mixing muffin mix,
butterscotch pudding (an old Native American tradition), eggs, molasses,
ginger, and brown cinnamon (noting that pumpkin pie spice can be substituted).
She combines the dry ingredients and the wet ones separately, because the
molasses is too thick to dump directly into the dry ingredients. Pouring the
wet ingredients into the dry, she exclaims "You can see how rich this is!" and
whisks them and pours it into a slow cooker insert. This time we are spared
that monkey business about putting hot things in a cold crock pot (or vica
versa).

SLop next makes a wreath out of whack-a-dough biscuits. SLop tells us that she
likes to use pumpkin pie spice is everything. Oh really? She dips the biscuits
into cinnamon, takes a rolling pin to them, and stamps out leaves with a
cookie-cutter. On a baking sheet she makes a ring with the leaves, stems
pointed inward and overlapped. With the remaining dough, she makes smaller
leaves and meticulously carves veins into them. For the wreath she makes an
egg wash coating, telling us that it forms a nice sheen and shimmer and then
sprinkles it with raw sugar. Taking a wreath she already baked, she makes a
glaze with watery maple syrup (Does she top off her syrup jar with water too?)
and powdered sugar. As we bop out to commercial she announces her Mayflower
Martini

When we return from commercial, we see a montage of SLop lighting candles,
setting up her table scapes, greeting guests, etc. It appears that she has a
new family now, with the exception of Kimber. SLop enters stage left with
Rafael, a cute young Italian man who reminds me of Joey from "Friends" for
this week's "cocktail time!". Not surprisingly, she clumsily flirts with him
the entire time. Shockingly, however, she dumps the liquor Rafael used to
rinse out their glasses into the sink. Her choice of choking hazard this week
are frozen cranberries. SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
Mayflower Martini in hand, SLop abandons Rafael to make drinks in the kitchen
while she shows us her tablescape. SLop gushes about the usual crappy table
runners and stacks of plates, and shows us how she also put table runners on
all the chairs and tied them off with ribbons. As usual, there is no room on
table for the food, for which I am sure her guests are most thankful. She took
the bundt cakes that Kimber took inside at the beginning of the show and
stuffed "nose gays" into them. She also used those jello shooters she made
earlier as place settings and put cards with everyone's name in them, and of
course, she repeated the ol' "leaves wired to stemware" trick. SLop tells us
she has to go get dressed before taking off and leaving us with a bucolic
montage of food, her guests sitting down, and a guy carving a turkey. SLop
introduces the man carving the turkey as Santos, who shoots her a withering
gaze. For those who watch Emeril's show, you will recognize Santos as one of
his sous chefs. Gee, I wonder what he did to receive this as punishment? SLop
and her poor guests begin to eat, but "strangely" enough, we never see anyone
actually put any of her Food of Shame into their mouths. SLop exclaims "This
turkey is GREAT!!", followed by a sudden cut to a man staring at her in shock
and awe. Busted, Sandie!

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Ubiquitous wrote:
>

<everything snipped>

Whoo Hoo! Food Network is coming soon to my cable system. I'll be able
to roll on the floor watching this shit.

Pete C.

<wiping tears from eyes> Thanks...I really needed that today!

Did she *really* think water chestnuts were chestnuts packed in water? The
mind boggles...

wrote:

><wiping tears from eyes> Thanks...I really needed that today!

Anytime!

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating
the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not
sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of
Miss Lee.

In article >, wrote:

>Did she *really* think water chestnuts were chestnuts packed in water?

Among other things, yes.

I recall her once claiming one could replace ricotta cheese with almond paste...

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

HAHAHAHAAAAA, love it!

What I found so ridiculous was when she dumped all the wonderful turkey
drippings to make the er, um, ah gravy. Her excuse was "they don't
want all that fat in their gravy." Then she turns around and has bacon
frying in the skillet and there's much more bacon grease than there was
turkey fat. She proceeds to make that nasty looking green bean and
frozen peas barf with all the bacon grease.

Ubiquitous wrote:
>
> SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
> Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.

Those are a standard item, $99 for a case of 6:

http://www.dvorsons.com/Libbey/Marti...iniGlasses.htm

There's one on eBay for $32 (w/shipping):

http://cgi.ebay.com/huge-large-giant...QQcmdZViewItem

I was so tired that I took a nap earlier this evening, but set my alarm clock so I wouldn't miss
this. I need to get a life.

Pen? Check.
Paper? Check.
Vodka and Cranberry? Check!

Let the snarking begin.

What? I can't believe she's not dressed as a Pilgrim! What happened to her attention to detail?

I believe this epsiode has broken the record for the number of seasoning packets used and the
number of times the work "nice" was uttered. Seriously, was there anything that didn't involve a
seasoning packet?

Oh. My. Gawd. She actually made Jello shots. Jello shots! I haven't had those since college.

The turkey looked nasty. I literally cringed when she liteally poured the salt over the top. And
of course she touch the raw turkey and then proceded to touch everything else.

Of course you don't want to add salt to your potatoes Sandy. Your "guests" are still reeling from
all the salt on your turkey.

Sandy's logic is retarded, as usual. How would using a fork or spoon on the pea/green bean
disaster "mash" the peas or green beans? Uh, it would if you used a fork or spoon to mash them,
but not if you used them to just mix them with that "sauce."

Ahh...what's Thanksgiving without whack-a-dough? Reminds me of my childhood. I think I went into
a diabetic coma looking at the thing. And Sandy, leaves do not procreate. There are no baby
leaves.

And a klassic kocktail to finish things off. Because when I think of Pilgrims, I think of
alcohol. Methinks someone was jealous of Ina and all her fabulous *** friends. Poor Rafael. What
does she do? Keep him locked in the basement and bring him out for special occasions?

Did Sandy send out a memo? Everyone must wear brown to match the daycor. It was like a sea of doo
doo.

In article >,
wrote:
>
>This ep starts with SLop in front of a house with Kimber. As Kimber takes the
>store-bought bundt cakes inside, SLop rattles off this week's menu. What the
>hell is that green thing sticking out of her grocery bag? It looks like a
>green leafy vegetable of some sort, but this is SLop! I am so confused...
>
>SLop begins working on the sweet onion tartlets by adding half of a chopped
>Vidalia onion into a pan, throwing out the rest, and giving a shout out to us
>about how she normally likes to use frozen ones but is going to make an
>exception for Thanksgiving dinner. SLop uses pre-made pie dough to make the
>crusts for the tartlettes (don't they already have mini tart shells at the
>store?) with a biscuit cutter, then blind-baked the shells. As she removes
>them from the oven, she comments on how they popped up perfectly. At this
>point, Kimmy brings in "cwanberry molds". SLop makes a cranberry mold by
>mixing (not) boiling cranberry juice, orange vodka, and cranberry jello. In
>other words, jello shots! SLop puts the fluid into the fridge to set up and
>removes one that MV made earlier. As Kim zests an orange, Sandie tells her not
>to get the white bitter part of the orange. Kim shoots a "Gee, thanks, sis!"
>look at SLop. As they decant the boozy jello into molds, SLop chirps that she
>"wants no food fights this year!" because "I don't want to clean it up". I am
>guessing that's because The Wallet is no longer around to clean up her
>kitchen. Kim wanders off while SLop finishes the tartlets, and we bop off to
>commercial break.
>
>When we return from commercial, an awkward post-production voice over recaps
>what SLop's done thus far. She starts working on the filling, announcing she
>is turning off the onions because they are cooking. She mixes some milk,
>"fiend" herbs, and dry onion soup mix with the onion, accompanied by another
>voice-over announcing "they add great onion flavor!". She puts a little bit of
>the onion into the shells, tops them off with the liquid, and sprinkles some
>grated cheese on the top. She then starts on the turkey, declaring "it'll be
>good because its full of herbs and butter", by creaming two sticks of butter,
>poultry seasoning, minced garlic from a jar, and the contents of a garlic herb
>sauce packet. SLop notes that this can be used for garlic bread too. She puts
>the butter into a glad bag to make logs. In a manner reminiscent of goatse,
>SLop violently dilates the turkey's anal cavity for the butter and stuffing.
>Ignoring her own "Me washie handsies" advice, she cuts the butter log into
>coin shapes and shoves them into the turkey beneath the skin so that the skin
>is crunchy on both sides, smearing the leftover butter all over it. Too
>little, too late, SLop rinses her hands off in the sink and spots some turkeys
>that are conveniently wandering around in the back yard, declaring "Aren't
>they cute? I almost feel guilty about them". SLop prepares the roaster pan by
>placing sliced carrots and celery on bottom, along with a bag of frozen onions
>(too bad she threw that vidalia from earlier away!), and can of chicken broth.
>Then the turkey rape begins... she shoves in butter, then lemon slices, a
>couple bags of rosemary, the rest of the frozen onions, and a final bag of
>herbs. She tells us it's OK if the herbs stick out of the cavity and, ignoring
>her own "Me washie handsies" advice again, shills a cheesy pop-up thermometer
>in lieu of a real meat thermometer, dumps a ramikin of salt onto the turkey
>butt, and puts the turkey into the oven as we bop out to commercial break
>
>When we return from commercial SLop makes cornbread stuffing with a loaf of
>cornbread (I have never seen those before), some chicken broth for great
>flavor, an egg, 2 tbls from a package of Italian herb seasoning, a can of
>creamed corn (for "corn chunks"), a cup of Monterey jack cheese, and
>chestnuts, except SLop apparently thinks water chestnuts are chestnuts packed
>in water so she used those instead. Before adding the water chestnuts, she
>attempts to dice them but only manages to mulch them. As she carefully stirs
>in some chicken broth, we abruptly cut to commercials.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop removes the turkey from the oven and
>tells us not to carve it for 30 minutes, interupted by an awkward voice-over
>saying "rich and moist and delicious!" and returning just in time to see her
>struggling with moving the turkey to a platter using a pair of iron claws.
>Beaming with some weird sense of accomplishment, she beams "Pretty good for a
>girl, huh?". Yeah, whatever. She then makes gravy from the pan drippings.
>
>I've seen gravy before and that was turkey flour soup, not gravy. Instead of
>putting the roasting pan on the stove and adding flour to make gravy, she
>transferred the vegtables to a strainer, dumped the contents of the pan over
>the vegtables, poured the drained fluid into a fat seperator, then poured it
>immediately into a saucepan before the fat could seperate, and added a packet
>of poultry seasoning and "gravy flour" (whatever that is, so there's no way to
>**** up and have lumps), dirtying half a dozen dishes and removing all the fat
>and good stuff from the bottom of the pan in the process.
>
>Sandra introduces her next konkoction by announcing "And now for the yummy
>vegetables!" as we suddenly cut to a shot of a pan of bacon swimming in
>grease. She tries to make a version of that nasty green bean casserole
>everyone makes but adds peas, onions, bacon, and a packet of garlic herb
>seasoning and gives this concoction an incredibly long name, "garlic herb
>french green bean and early pea casserole". SLop tells us to use tongs to toss
>the casserole because the peas would get mushed if you used a spoon or fork.
>Only if you tried to, moron.
>
>Why is SLop using bath towels as potholders?
>
>SLop atempted to make mashers with a bag of frozen roasted potatoes that she
>microwaved. When she tried to mash them, it was obvious that they had become
>vulcanized in the oven. In a saucepan, SLop mixed buttermilk, a half stick of
>butter, and a packet of alfredo sauce (because she likes parmesian cheese,
>which is what makes alfredo sauce taste so good). She whisked the contents of
>the sauce pan but when she pulled the whisk out the stick of unmelted butter
>was stuck to it. She added the mixture to the smashed up potatoes, producing a
>grey-brown lump.
>
>SLop pours the vomitous beans into a platter. It looks like something a cow
>would hork up from one of its four stomachs.
>
>SLop next makes some sort of appetizer with figs, mentioning that if fresh
>ones are not available one can substitute dried ones. She bisects them
>lengthwise, pipes goat cheese onto them, wraps them in prosciutto, sprinkles
>them with pumpkin pie spice, and drizzles them with honey before putting them
>in the oven and we bop out to commercial.
>
>When we return from commercial, Sandie's removing the stuffing from the oven
>and deep throats one of the figs, but we cut away to a "Mmmmm" and her
>beginning her Native American Indian pudding by mixing muffin mix,
>butterscotch pudding (an old Native American tradition), eggs, molasses,
>ginger, and brown cinnamon (noting that pumpkin pie spice can be substituted).
>She combines the dry ingredients and the wet ones separately, because the
>molasses is too thick to dump directly into the dry ingredients. Pouring the
>wet ingredients into the dry, she exclaims "You can see how rich this is!" and
>whisks them and pours it into a slow cooker insert. This time we are spared
>that monkey business about putting hot things in a cold crock pot (or vica
>versa).
>
>SLop next makes a wreath out of whack-a-dough biscuits. SLop tells us that she
>likes to use pumpkin pie spice is everything. Oh really? She dips the biscuits
>into cinnamon, takes a rolling pin to them, and stamps out leaves with a
>cookie-cutter. On a baking sheet she makes a ring with the leaves, stems
>pointed inward and overlapped. With the remaining dough, she makes smaller
>leaves and meticulously carves veins into them. For the wreath she makes an
>egg wash coating, telling us that it forms a nice sheen and shimmer and then
>sprinkles it with raw sugar. Taking a wreath she already baked, she makes a
>glaze with watery maple syrup (Does she top off her syrup jar with water too?)
>and powdered sugar. As we bop out to commercial she announces her Mayflower
>Martini
>
>When we return from commercial, we see a montage of SLop lighting candles,
>setting up her table scapes, greeting guests, etc. It appears that she has a
>new family now, with the exception of Kimber. SLop enters stage left with
>Rafael, a cute young Italian man who reminds me of Joey from "Friends" for
>this week's "cocktail time!". Not surprisingly, she clumsily flirts with him
>the entire time. Shockingly, however, she dumps the liquor Rafael used to
>rinse out their glasses into the sink. Her choice of choking hazard this week
>are frozen cranberries. SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
>Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
>Mayflower Martini in hand, SLop abandons Rafael to make drinks in the kitchen
>while she shows us her tablescape. SLop gushes about the usual crappy table
>runners and stacks of plates, and shows us how she also put table runners on
>all the chairs and tied them off with ribbons. As usual, there is no room on
>table for the food, for which I am sure her guests are most thankful. She took
>the bundt cakes that Kimber took inside at the beginning of the show and
>stuffed "nose gays" into them. She also used those jello shooters she made
>earlier as place settings and put cards with everyone's name in them, and of
>course, she repeated the ol' "leaves wired to stemware" trick. SLop tells us
>she has to go get dressed before taking off and leaving us with a bucolic
>montage of food, her guests sitting down, and a guy carving a turkey. SLop
>introduces the man carving the turkey as Santos, who shoots her a withering
>gaze. For those who watch Emeril's show, you will recognize Santos as one of
>his sous chefs. Gee, I wonder what he did to receive this as punishment? SLop
>and her poor guests begin to eat, but "strangely" enough, we never see anyone
>actually put any of her Food of Shame into their mouths. SLop exclaims "This
>turkey is GREAT!!", followed by a sudden cut to a man staring at her in shock
>and awe. Busted, Sandie!
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
>

"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
. ..

Snipped because you just can't reproduce greatness.

That was another work of art! Fabulous.

I, too, watched Sandra's little special and was, well, appalled. Astounded.
Aghast. Agog. And a lot of other things. I'm still trying to collect my
thoughts.

"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
. ..

> SLop pours the vomitous beans into a platter. It looks like
> something a cow
> would hork up from one of its four stomachs.
>

Try all four stomachs -- simultaneously!

--
barry in indy

"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
. ..
> This ep starts with SLop in front of a house with Kimber. As Kimber takes
> the
> store-bought bundt cakes inside, SLop rattles off this week's menu. What
> the
> hell is that green thing sticking out of her grocery bag? It looks like a
> green leafy vegetable of some sort, but this is SLop! I am so confused...
>
>

I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
weren't edible.

Puzz

Ubiquitous wrote:

<snipped to get to the point>

> When we return from commercial, we see a montage of SLop lighting candles,
> setting up her table scapes, greeting guests, etc. It appears that she has a
> new family now, with the exception of Kimber. SLop enters stage left with
> Rafael, a cute young Italian man who reminds me of Joey from "Friends" for
> this week's "cocktail time!". Not surprisingly, she clumsily flirts with him
> the entire time. Shockingly, however, she dumps the liquor Rafael used to
> rinse out their glasses into the sink. Her choice of choking hazard this week
> are frozen cranberries. SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
> Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
> Mayflower Martini in hand, SLop abandons Rafael to make drinks in the kitchen
> while she shows us her tablescape. SLop gushes about the usual crappy table
> runners and stacks of plates, and shows us how she also put table runners on
> all the chairs and tied them off with ribbons. As usual, there is no room on
> table for the food, for which I am sure her guests are most thankful. She took
> the bundt cakes that Kimber took inside at the beginning of the show and
> stuffed "nose gays" into them. She also used those jello shooters she made
> earlier as place settings and put cards with everyone's name in them, and of
> course, she repeated the ol' "leaves wired to stemware" trick. SLop tells us
> she has to go get dressed before taking off and leaving us with a bucolic
> montage of food, her guests sitting down, and a guy carving a turkey. SLop
> introduces the man carving the turkey as Santos, who shoots her a withering
> gaze. For those who watch Emeril's show, you will recognize Santos as one of
> his sous chefs. Gee, I wonder what he did to receive this as punishment? SLop
> and her poor guests begin to eat, but "strangely" enough, we never see anyone
> actually put any of her Food of Shame into their mouths. SLop exclaims "This
> turkey is GREAT!!", followed by a sudden cut to a man staring at her in shock
> and awe. Busted, Sandie!

I was floored by Sandy's passel of Ina-esque generic Eurofriends. My
word! Who would have thought they she knew them, and that they knew her.
What on EARTH could they possibly have in common? Why, absolutely
EVERYONE on Food Network is emulating the Big Fat Contessa, and I don't
see any good coming of it.

Ina and Michael Chiarello have always had their Rent-A-Friends, but now
Sandra has them, Giada has them... next thing you know, Rachael will
have them. They are also borrowing production techniques from BF and
Chiarello. The background music and camera angles and close ups are pure
Ina, and they are all just passing them around.

I swear, if this starts happening to Good Eats, I'll boycott. I will!

In article > ,
"puzzlr" > wrote:

> "Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
> . ..
> > This ep starts with SLop in front of a house with Kimber. As Kimber takes
> > the
> > store-bought bundt cakes inside, SLop rattles off this week's menu. What
> > the
> > hell is that green thing sticking out of her grocery bag? It looks like a
> > green leafy vegetable of some sort, but this is SLop! I am so confused...
> >
> >
>
> I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
> RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
> weren't edible.
>
> Puzz

http://www.hub-uk.com/cooking/tipsBBQribs.htm

"The secret to great ribs is to boil them first!

Wrong!!!! . . . Never, ever boil your ribs!!!! I don't care what your
mother taught you or what a famous chef on FoodTV did. Never, ever boil
!! "

In article >,
(Ubiquitous) wrote:


Except she leaves it to sit for at least 3 hours (see below).

interupted by an awkward voice-over
> saying "rich and moist and delicious!" and returning just in time to see her
> struggling with moving the turkey to a platter using a pair of iron claws.
> Beaming with some weird sense of accomplishment, she beams "Pretty good for a
> girl, huh?". Yeah, whatever. She then makes gravy from the pan drippings.
>
> I've seen gravy before and that was turkey flour soup, not gravy.

Ha!

> Sandra introduces her next konkoction by announcing "And now for the yummy
> vegetables!" as we suddenly cut to a shot of a pan of bacon swimming in
> grease. She tries to make a version of that nasty green bean casserole
> everyone makes but adds peas, onions, bacon, and a packet of garlic herb
> seasoning and gives this concoction an incredibly long name, "garlic herb
> french green bean and early pea casserole". SLop tells us to use tongs to
> toss
> the casserole because the peas would get mushed if you used a spoon or fork.
> Only if you tried to, moron.

Hell, she didn't even manage to mash potatoes.
>
> Why is SLop using bath towels as potholders?
>
> SLop atempted to make mashers with a bag of frozen roasted potatoes that she
> microwaved. When she tried to mash them, it was obvious that they had become
> vulcanized in the oven. In a saucepan, SLop mixed buttermilk, a half stick of
> butter, and a packet of alfredo sauce (because she likes parmesian cheese,
> which is what makes alfredo sauce taste so good). She whisked the contents of
> the sauce pan but when she pulled the whisk out the stick of unmelted butter
> was stuck to it. She added the mixture to the smashed up potatoes, producing
> a
> grey-brown lump.

If I had sat down at the table, I'd have looked around and asked if
there were any mashed pototaes, because I'd have never recognized that
mess she made for what it was supposed to be.
>
> SLop pours the vomitous beans into a platter. It looks like something a cow
> would hork up from one of its four stomachs.

green bean sludge.
>
> SLop next makes some sort of appetizer with figs, mentioning that if fresh
> ones are not available one can substitute dried ones. She bisects them
> lengthwise, pipes goat cheese onto them, wraps them in prosciutto, sprinkles
> them with pumpkin pie spice, and drizzles them with honey before putting them
> in the oven and we bop out to commercial.
>
> When we return from commercial, Sandie's removing the stuffing from the oven
> and deep throats one of the figs, but we cut away to a "Mmmmm" and her
> beginning her Native American Indian pudding by mixing muffin mix,
> butterscotch pudding (an old Native American tradition), eggs, molasses,
> ginger, and brown cinnamon (noting that pumpkin pie spice can be
> substituted).
> She combines the dry ingredients and the wet ones separately, because the
> molasses is too thick to dump directly into the dry ingredients. Pouring the
> wet ingredients into the dry, she exclaims "You can see how rich this is!"
> and
> whisks them and pours it into a slow cooker insert. This time we are spared
> that monkey business about putting hot things in a cold crock pot (or vica
> versa).

Oh, she says it. "Put this in while the slow cooker is cold, then turn
it on high"

My question is, why is she starting something that takes THREE FREAKING
HOURS in the slow cooker AFTER she takes the turkey out of the oven?? I
assume she's serving everything stone cold?

>
> SLop next makes a wreath out of whack-a-dough biscuits. SLop tells us that
> she
> likes to use pumpkin pie spice is everything. Oh really? She dips the
> biscuits
> into cinnamon, takes a rolling pin to them, and stamps out leaves with a
> cookie-cutter. On a baking sheet she makes a ring with the leaves, stems
> pointed inward and overlapped. With the remaining dough, she makes smaller
> leaves and meticulously carves veins into them. For the wreath she makes an
> egg wash coating, telling us that it forms a nice sheen and shimmer and then
> sprinkles it with raw sugar. Taking a wreath she already baked, she makes a
> glaze with watery maple syrup

Completely obsuring all the ridiculous detail she'd hand carved in. She
ended up with just a mess that in no way resembled leaves.

Great job, Ubi - thanks!

On Thu, 23 Nov 2006 11:10:35 GMT, "puzzlr" > wrote:

>I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
>RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
>weren't edible.

The only ribs I really like, besides my own grilled Korean ribs, are
James's, and he boils them. To each her own.

Serene
--
"I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten four-year-olds." Laurie Anderson , on turning 40.

http://serenejournal.livejournal.com

In article >,
Pennyaline > wrote:

> Ubiquitous wrote:
>
> <snipped to get to the point>
>
> > When we return from commercial, we see a montage of SLop lighting candles,
> > setting up her table scapes, greeting guests, etc. It appears that she has
> > a
> > new family now, with the exception of Kimber. SLop enters stage left with
> > Rafael, a cute young Italian man who reminds me of Joey from "Friends" for
> > this week's "cocktail time!". Not surprisingly, she clumsily flirts with
> > him
> > the entire time. Shockingly, however, she dumps the liquor Rafael used to
> > rinse out their glasses into the sink. Her choice of choking hazard this
> > week
> > are frozen cranberries. SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
> > Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
> > Mayflower Martini in hand, SLop abandons Rafael to make drinks in the
> > kitchen
> > while she shows us her tablescape. SLop gushes about the usual crappy table
> > runners and stacks of plates, and shows us how she also put table runners
> > on
> > all the chairs and tied them off with ribbons. As usual, there is no room
> > on
> > table for the food, for which I am sure her guests are most thankful. She
> > took
> > the bundt cakes that Kimber took inside at the beginning of the show and
> > stuffed "nose gays" into them. She also used those jello shooters she made
> > earlier as place settings and put cards with everyone's name in them, and
> > of
> > course, she repeated the ol' "leaves wired to stemware" trick. SLop tells
> > us
> > she has to go get dressed before taking off and leaving us with a bucolic
> > montage of food, her guests sitting down, and a guy carving a turkey. SLop
> > introduces the man carving the turkey as Santos, who shoots her a withering
> > gaze. For those who watch Emeril's show, you will recognize Santos as one
> > of
> > his sous chefs. Gee, I wonder what he did to receive this as punishment?
> > SLop
> > and her poor guests begin to eat, but "strangely" enough, we never see
> > anyone
> > actually put any of her Food of Shame into their mouths. SLop exclaims
> > "This
> > turkey is GREAT!!", followed by a sudden cut to a man staring at her in
> > shock
> > and awe. Busted, Sandie!
>
> I was floored by Sandy's passel of Ina-esque generic Eurofriends. My
> word! Who would have thought they she knew them, and that they knew her.
> What on EARTH could they possibly have in common? Why, absolutely
> EVERYONE on Food Network is emulating the Big Fat Contessa, and I don't
> see any good coming of it.
>
> Ina and Michael Chiarello have always had their Rent-A-Friends, but now
> Sandra has them, Giada has them... next thing you know, Rachael will
> have them. They are also borrowing production techniques from BF and
> Chiarello. The background music and camera angles and close ups are pure
> Ina, and they are all just passing them around.
>
> I swear, if this starts happening to Good Eats, I'll boycott. I will!

Alton has had imaginary friends for a LONG time. :-)

My Mom always boiled ribs before grilling or broiling with sauce. It is
common. I usually braise ribs with a dry rub before saucing/grilling.
Alton Brown has a similar approach.

puzzlr wrote:

>
> I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
> RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
> weren't edible.
>
> Puzz
>
>
>

Oh pshaw, on Thu 23 Nov 2006 08:28:42p, Jo Anne Slaven meant to say...

> On Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:53:06 -0600, (Ubiquitous)
> wrote:
>
> <Snip another gem from Ubi>
>
> When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?
>
> Jo Anne

You can have her now, ASAIC.

Today, during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, she offered the following
leftovers "tip", a 5-layer dip:

Layer 1 - Stuffing
Layer 2 - Cranberry Sauce
Layer 3 - Slices of Turkey
Layer 4 - Gravy
Layer 5 - Mashed Potatoes

Said dip to be heated until the potato layer had browned, then dipped up
with hunks of French or sourdough bread.

Frankly, it looked like it had already been eaten. UGH!

--
Wayne Boatwright
__________________________________________________

Useless Invention: Solar powered night light.

On Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:53:06 -0600, (Ubiquitous)
wrote:

<Snip another gem from Ubi>

When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?

Jo Anne

Oh pshaw, on Thu 23 Nov 2006 09:16:42p, Michael "Dog3" Lonergan meant to
say...

> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com>
> 28.19:
>
>>>
>>> When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?
>>>
>>> Jo Anne
>>
>> You can have her now, ASAIC.
>>
>> Today, during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, she offered the
>> following leftovers "tip", a 5-layer dip:
>
> <mercy sip of SLop's dip recipe>
>
> Good Lord. It sounds revolting.
>
> Michael

It looked even worse!

--
Wayne Boatwright
__________________________________________________

Useless Invention: Solar powered night light.

In article >, says...
>Ubiquitous wrote:

>> When we return from commercial, we see a montage of SLop lighting candles,
>> setting up her table scapes, greeting guests, etc. It appears that she has a
>> new family now, with the exception of Kimber. SLop enters stage left with
>> Rafael, a cute young Italian man who reminds me of Joey from "Friends" for
>> this week's "cocktail time!". Not surprisingly, she clumsily flirts with him
>> the entire time. Shockingly, however, she dumps the liquor Rafael used to
>> rinse out their glasses into the sink. Her choice of choking hazard this week
>> are frozen cranberries. SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
>> Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
>> Mayflower Martini in hand, SLop abandons Rafael to make drinks in the kitchen
>> while she shows us her tablescape. SLop gushes about the usual crappy table
>> runners and stacks of plates, and shows us how she also put table runners on
>> all the chairs and tied them off with ribbons. As usual, there is no room on
>> table for the food, for which I am sure her guests are most thankful. She took
>> the bundt cakes that Kimber took inside at the beginning of the show and
>> stuffed "nose gays" into them. She also used those jello shooters she made
>> earlier as place settings and put cards with everyone's name in them, and of
>> course, she repeated the ol' "leaves wired to stemware" trick. SLop tells us
>> she has to go get dressed before taking off and leaving us with a bucolic
>> montage of food, her guests sitting down, and a guy carving a turkey. SLop
>> introduces the man carving the turkey as Santos, who shoots her a withering
>> gaze. For those who watch Emeril's show, you will recognize Santos as one of
>> his sous chefs. Gee, I wonder what he did to receive this as punishment? SLop
>> and her poor guests begin to eat, but "strangely" enough, we never see anyone
>> actually put any of her Food of Shame into their mouths. SLop exclaims "This
>> turkey is GREAT!!", followed by a sudden cut to a man staring at her in shock
>> and awe. Busted, Sandie!
>
>I was floored by Sandy's passel of Ina-esque generic Eurofriends. My
>word! Who would have thought they she knew them, and that they knew her.
>What on EARTH could they possibly have in common? Why, absolutely
>EVERYONE on Food Network is emulating the Big Fat Contessa, and I don't
>see any good coming of it.
>
>Ina and Michael Chiarello have always had their Rent-A-Friends, but now
>Sandra has them, Giada has them... next thing you know, Rachael will
>have them. They are also borrowing production techniques from BF and
>Chiarello. The background music and camera angles and close ups are pure
>Ina, and they are all just passing them around.

I got the impression that Ina and Michael had real friends on their show (or
well-paid great actors, possibly), but since Santos is one of Emirill's
assistants, I have to wonder if the other people were interns unfortunate
enough to be at the wrong place when SLop was staggering around, looking for
some faux friends to sit at her tablescape.

>I swear, if this starts happening to Good Eats, I'll boycott. I will!

What, and miss out on the chnace to mock SLop?

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

In article >, says...
>Ubiquitous wrote:

>> SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
>> Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
>
>Those are a standard item, $99 for a case of 6:
>http://www.dvorsons.com/Libbey/Marti...iniGlasses.htm
>
>There's one on eBay for $32 (w/shipping):
>http://cgi.ebay.com/huge-large-giant...ive_W0QQitemZ1
50062272797QQihZ005QQcategoryZ14QQssPageNameZWDVWQ QrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Gawd-damn, people paying money for those big-ass glasses?

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

In article >,
says...
>"Ubiquitous" > wrote:

>Snipped because you just can't reproduce greatness.
>
>That was another work of art! Fabulous.
>
>I, too, watched Sandra's little special and was, well, appalled. Astounded.
>Aghast. Agog. And a lot of other things. I'm still trying to collect my
>thoughts.

Thanks Kev! It was indeed an amazing ep. I need to see if she'll be doing
a new one for X-mas this year.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

"Dennis" > wrote in message
. ..
> puzzlr wrote:
>
>>
>> I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
>> RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
>> weren't edible.
>>
>> Puzz
>>
>>
>>> My Mom always boiled ribs before grilling or broiling with sauce. It is
> common. I usually braise ribs with a dry rub before saucing/grilling.
> Alton Brown has a similar approach.
>

Your top posting was kinda confusing. I don't care who says it's okay to
boil your ribs before you cook them, its wrong and nasty. Where do you
live, btw? If you try that crap here (TX) you'll get run out on a rail.

Puzz

Originally from Chicago. Not recommending "boiling" (think it weakens
the flavor of the meat) but it is common. However the braising is a good
method. Breaks down the connective tissue but still leaves "bite" and
the dry rub mixing with the braising liquid is the start of a good
sauce for the grill.

Dennis

puzzlr wrote:
>
> Your top posting was kinda confusing. I don't care who says it's okay to
> boil your ribs before you cook them, its wrong and nasty. Where do you
> live, btw? If you try that crap here (TX) you'll get run out on a rail.
>
> Puzz
>
>
>

In article 9>,
Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote:

> > When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?
> >
> > Jo Anne
>
> You can have her now, ASAIC.
>
> Today, during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, she offered the following
> leftovers "tip", a 5-layer dip:

Strangely enough, that wasn't SLop's offering -- it was Rachael
Ray's. :-(

sd

Oh pshaw, on Fri 24 Nov 2006 06:04:46a, sd meant to say...

> In article 9>,
> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> > When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?
>> >
>> > Jo Anne
>>
>> You can have her now, ASAIC.
>>
>> Today, during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, she offered the
>> following leftovers "tip", a 5-layer dip:
>
> Strangely enough, that wasn't SLop's offering -- it was Rachael
> Ray's. :-(
>
> sd

Oops! Well, I find it difficult telling their crap apart. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright
__________________________________________________

Useless Invention: Solar powered night light.

Oh pshaw, on Fri 24 Nov 2006 09:32:27a, TammyM meant to say...

> On Fri, 24 Nov 2006 07:04:46 -0600, sd > wrote:
>
>>In article 9>,
>> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> > When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?
>>> >
>>> > Jo Anne
>>>
>>> You can have her now, ASAIC.
>>>
>>> Today, during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, she offered the
>>> following leftovers "tip", a 5-layer dip:
>>
>>Strangely enough, that wasn't SLop's offering -- it was Rachael
>>Ray's. :-(
>>
>>sd
>
> And was one of the most god-awful looking things I've ever seen. My
> sister just stared at the tv in horror - she may never recover!
>
> TammyM, waving hello to SteveD :-D

It would terrify anyone who thought they might have to eat it!

--
Wayne Boatwright
__________________________________________________

Useless Invention: Solar powered night light.

On Fri, 24 Nov 2006 07:04:46 -0600, sd > wrote:

>In article 9>,
> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright_at_gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> > When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?
>> >
>> > Jo Anne
>>
>> You can have her now, ASAIC.
>>
>> Today, during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, she offered the following
>> leftovers "tip", a 5-layer dip:
>
>Strangely enough, that wasn't SLop's offering -- it was Rachael
>Ray's. :-(
>
>sd

And was one of the most god-awful looking things I've ever seen. My
sister just stared at the tv in horror - she may never recover!

TammyM, waving hello to SteveD :-D

On Wed, 22 Nov 2006 19:34:16 -0800, Mark Thorson >
wrote:

>Ubiquitous wrote:
>>
>> SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
>> Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
>
>Those are a standard item, $99 for a case of 6:
>
>http://www.dvorsons.com/Libbey/Marti...iniGlasses.htm
>
>There's one on eBay for $32 (w/shipping):
>
>http://cgi.ebay.com/huge-large-giant...QQcmdZViewItem

Now THAT'S my kinda martini (cocktail) glass!!!!! I'd go broke buying
Bombay Sapphire gin and Spanish Table lemon-stuffed olives!!!!!

What a way to go :-D

TammyM

In article
>,
Anim8rFSK > wrote:

> In article >,
> Pennyaline > wrote:
>
> > Ubiquitous wrote:

> > I swear, if this starts happening to Good Eats, I'll boycott. I will!
>
> Alton has had imaginary friends for a LONG time. :-)

Except that they are actually there. Sandra Lee is always talking about
who the food is for, but they seldom show up.

I don't mind if the TV chef cooks just to show us how to do it, but when
they keep claiming that it's for friends, relatives, etc, I expect them
to show up.

--
Dan Abel

Petaluma, California, USA

In article >,
Serene > wrote:

> On Thu, 23 Nov 2006 11:10:35 GMT, "puzzlr" > wrote:
>
> >I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
> >RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
> >weren't edible.
>
> The only ribs I really like, besides my own grilled Korean ribs, are
> James's, and he boils them. To each her own.


If you had seen the show, you wouldn't be posting this.

:-(

She boiled them (little ones) for three hours. When she pulled them out
of the pot, they just fell to pieces, "Oh that's OK". Then she put them
on the grill, and pasted on sauce. Now, bottled BBQ sauce is already
pretty sweet, but she mixed it half and half with honey!

I looked at the web site, and it said to boil for one hour. I guess
Sandra Lee isn't real good at following her own recipes.

--
Dan Abel

Petaluma, California, USA

In article >,
Jo Anne Slaven > wrote:

> On Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:53:06 -0600, (Ubiquitous)
> wrote:
>
> <Snip another gem from Ubi>
>
> When, Oh WHEN?? are we going to get SLop in Canada?!?!?


My understanding is that Dish Network carries her in Canada, although
with a different pricing structure than the US.

--
Dan Abel

Petaluma, California, USA

On Fri, 24 Nov 2006 10:08:39 -0800, Dan Abel > wrote:

>In article >,
> Serene > wrote:
>
>> On Thu, 23 Nov 2006 11:10:35 GMT, "puzzlr" > wrote:
>>
>> >I gave up on her, when she said it was okay to boil your ribs. BOILED
>> >RIBS?!! I forgot what she did with them afterwards, because I know they
>> >weren't edible.
>>
>> The only ribs I really like, besides my own grilled Korean ribs, are
>> James's, and he boils them. To each her own.
>
>
>If you had seen the show, you wouldn't be posting this.

Yeah, I would.

>
>:-(
>
>She boiled them (little ones) for three hours. When she pulled them out
>of the pot, they just fell to pieces, "Oh that's OK". Then she put them
>on the grill, and pasted on sauce. Now, bottled BBQ sauce is already
>pretty sweet, but she mixed it half and half with honey!

Well, that's just gross. :-)

Serene
--
"I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten four-year-olds." Laurie Anderson , on turning 40.

http://serenejournal.livejournal.com

In article >,
Dan Abel > wrote:

> In article
> >,
> Anim8rFSK > wrote:
>
> > In article >,
> > Pennyaline > wrote:
> >
> > > Ubiquitous wrote:
>
> > > I swear, if this starts happening to Good Eats, I'll boycott. I will!
> >
> > Alton has had imaginary friends for a LONG time. :-)
>
> Except that they are actually there. Sandra Lee is always talking about
> who the food is for, but they seldom show up.
>
> I don't mind if the TV chef cooks just to show us how to do it, but when
> they keep claiming that it's for friends, relatives, etc, I expect them
> to show up.

Except when SLop's friends DO show up, it's worse. She inflicts those
kisses on her neices and nephews like it's child abuse, or at least
punishment. I would like to see some of their reactions though. Like
'where the hell do we SIT?' or the high school football player and his
friends 'why is this all chick food?'

wrote:
> Anim8rFSK > wrote:

>> Alton has had imaginary friends for a LONG time. :-)
>
>Except that they are actually there. Sandra Lee is always talking about
>who the food is for, but they seldom show up.

And when they do, the odds are better than 50-50 that she flees in the
opposite direction! :-D

SLop: (Looks to her left) "And now my guests are arriving, Bye-byw!"
(SLop hastily exits stage left)


>I don't mind if the TV chef cooks just to show us how to do it, but when
>they keep claiming that it's for friends, relatives, etc, I expect them
>to show up.

Fer sure.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

Anim8rFSK wrote:

>> Sandra introduces her next konkoction by announcing "And now for the yummy
>> vegetables!" as we suddenly cut to a shot of a pan of bacon swimming in
>> grease. She tries to make a version of that nasty green bean casserole
>> everyone makes but adds peas, onions, bacon, and a packet of garlic herb
>> seasoning and gives this concoction an incredibly long name, "garlic herb
>> french green bean and early pea casserole". SLop tells us to use tongs to
>> toss
>> the casserole because the peas would get mushed if you used a spoon or fork.
>> Only if you tried to, moron.
>
> Hell, she didn't even manage to mash potatoes.

And that in spite of her typical instructions, to wit:

What I want you to do is just come in here with your (pertinent
implement) and ...

-or-

All you have to do is just come in here with your (pertinent implement)
and ...

-or-

What I want you to do is just take your (pertinent implement) and ...

-or-

You get the picture.

How on earth would we manage if she stopped telling us to just come in here?


> If I had sat down at the table, I'd have looked around and asked if
> there were any mashed pototaes, because I'd have never recognized that
> mess she made for what it was supposed to be.

After a year of perusing gourmet magazines and attending some of the
local hoity toity eateries that the natives tend to mistake high end
restaurants, my sister in law announced this year that she would be
serving "restaurant style" *smashed potatoes* instead of mashed potatoes
with dinner this Thanksgiving.

We revolted loudly. We triumphed. I'm sorry about her feelings, but
smashed potatoes doesn't even pass for rustic fare -- just reflection of
our gullibility.

In article >,
Pennyaline > wrote:

> Anim8rFSK wrote:
>
> >> Sandra introduces her next konkoction by announcing "And now for the yummy
> >> vegetables!" as we suddenly cut to a shot of a pan of bacon swimming in
> >> grease. She tries to make a version of that nasty green bean casserole
> >> everyone makes but adds peas, onions, bacon, and a packet of garlic herb
> >> seasoning and gives this concoction an incredibly long name, "garlic herb
> >> french green bean and early pea casserole". SLop tells us to use tongs to
> >> toss
> >> the casserole because the peas would get mushed if you used a spoon or
> >> fork.
> >> Only if you tried to, moron.
> >
> > Hell, she didn't even manage to mash potatoes.
>
> And that in spite of her typical instructions, to wit:
>
> What I want you to do is just come in here with your (pertinent
> implement) and ...
>
> -or-
>
> All you have to do is just come in here with your (pertinent implement)
> and ...
>
> -or-
>
> What I want you to do is just take your (pertinent implement) and ...
>
> -or-
>
> You get the picture.
>
> How on earth would we manage if she stopped telling us to just come in here?

ya know

I bet you've just exactly described her bedroom talk to 'the wallet'
which is why he dumped her. :-)
>
>
> > If I had sat down at the table, I'd have looked around and asked if
> > there were any mashed pototaes, because I'd have never recognized that
> > mess she made for what it was supposed to be.
>
> After a year of perusing gourmet magazines and attending some of the
> local hoity toity eateries that the natives tend to mistake high end
> restaurants, my sister in law announced this year that she would be
> serving "restaurant style" *smashed potatoes* instead of mashed potatoes
> with dinner this Thanksgiving.
>
> We revolted loudly. We triumphed. I'm sorry about her feelings, but
> smashed potatoes doesn't even pass for rustic fare -- just reflection of
> our gullibility.

Yeah. At least make BOTH and let's see which people take.

In article >,
wrote:
>
>
>This ep starts with SLop in front of a house with Kimber. As Kimber takes the
>store-bought bundt cakes inside, SLop rattles off this week's menu. What the
>hell is that green thing sticking out of her grocery bag? It looks like a
>green leafy vegetable of some sort, but this is SLop! I am so confused...
>
>SLop begins working on the sweet onion tartlets by adding half of a chopped
>Vidalia onion into a pan, throwing out the rest, and giving a shout out to us
>about how she normally likes to use frozen ones but is going to make an
>exception for Thanksgiving dinner. SLop uses pre-made pie dough to make the
>crusts for the tartlettes (don't they already have mini tart shells at the
>store?) with a biscuit cutter, then blind-baked the shells. As she removes
>them from the oven, she comments on how they popped up perfectly. At this
>point, Kimmy brings in "cwanberry molds". SLop makes a cranberry mold by
>mixing (not) boiling cranberry juice, orange vodka, and cranberry jello. In
>other words, jello shots! SLop puts the fluid into the fridge to set up and
>removes one that MV made earlier. As Kim zests an orange, Sandie tells her
not
>to get the white bitter part of the orange. Kim shoots a "Gee, thanks, sis!"
>look at SLop. As they decant the boozy jello into molds, SLop chirps that she
>"wants no food fights this year!" because "I don't want to clean it up". I am
>guessing that's because The Wallet is no longer around to clean up her
>kitchen. Kim wanders off while SLop finishes the tartlets, and we bop off to
>commercial break.
>
>When we return from commercial, an awkward post-production voice over recaps
>what SLop's done thus far. She starts working on the filling, announcing she
>is turning off the onions because they are cooking. She mixes some milk,
>"fiend" herbs, and dry onion soup mix with the onion, accompanied by another
>voice-over announcing "they add great onion flavor!". She puts a little bit
of
>the onion into the shells, tops them off with the liquid, and sprinkles some
>grated cheese on the top. She then starts on the turkey, declaring "it'll be
>good because its full of herbs and butter", by creaming two sticks of butter,
>poultry seasoning, minced garlic from a jar, and the contents of a garlic
herb
>sauce packet. SLop notes that this can be used for garlic bread too. She puts
>the butter into a glad bag to make logs. In a manner reminiscent of goatse,
>SLop violently dilates the turkey's anal cavity for the butter and stuffing.
>Ignoring her own "Me washie handsies" advice, she cuts the butter log into
>coin shapes and shoves them into the turkey beneath the skin so that the skin
>is crunchy on both sides, smearing the leftover butter all over it. Too
>little, too late, SLop rinses her hands off in the sink and spots some
turkeys
>that are conveniently wandering around in the back yard, declaring "Aren't
>they cute? I almost feel guilty about them". SLop prepares the roaster pan by
>placing sliced carrots and celery on bottom, along with a bag of frozen
onions
>(too bad she threw that vidalia from earlier away!), and can of chicken
broth.
>Then the turkey rape begins... she shoves in butter, then lemon slices, a
>couple bags of rosemary, the rest of the frozen onions, and a final bag of
>herbs. She tells us it's OK if the herbs stick out of the cavity and,
ignoring
>her own "Me washie handsies" advice again, shills a cheesy pop-up thermometer
>in lieu of a real meat thermometer, dumps a ramikin of salt onto the turkey
>butt, and puts the turkey into the oven as we bop out to commercial break
>
>When we return from commercial SLop makes cornbread stuffing with a loaf of
>cornbread (I have never seen those before), some chicken broth for great
>flavor, an egg, 2 tbls from a package of Italian herb seasoning, a can of
>creamed corn (for "corn chunks"), a cup of Monterey jack cheese, and
>chestnuts, except SLop apparently thinks water chestnuts are chestnuts packed
>in water so she used those instead. Before adding the water chestnuts, she
>attempts to dice them but only manages to mulch them. As she carefully stirs
>in some chicken broth, we abruptly cut to commercials.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop removes the turkey from the oven and
>tells us not to carve it for 30 minutes, interupted by an awkward voice-over
>saying "rich and moist and delicious!" and returning just in time to see her
>struggling with moving the turkey to a platter using a pair of iron claws.
>Beaming with some weird sense of accomplishment, she beams "Pretty good for a
>girl, huh?". Yeah, whatever. She then makes gravy from the pan drippings.
>
>I've seen gravy before and that was turkey flour soup, not gravy. Instead of
>putting the roasting pan on the stove and adding flour to make gravy, she
>transferred the vegtables to a strainer, dumped the contents of the pan over
>the vegtables, poured the drained fluid into a fat seperator, then poured it
>immediately into a saucepan before the fat could seperate, and added a packet
>of poultry seasoning and "gravy flour" (whatever that is, so there's no way
to
>**** up and have lumps), dirtying half a dozen dishes and removing all the
fat
>and good stuff from the bottom of the pan in the process.
>
>Sandra introduces her next konkoction by announcing "And now for the yummy
>vegetables!" as we suddenly cut to a shot of a pan of bacon swimming in
>grease. She tries to make a version of that nasty green bean casserole
>everyone makes but adds peas, onions, bacon, and a packet of garlic herb
>seasoning and gives this concoction an incredibly long name, "garlic herb
>french green bean and early pea casserole". SLop tells us to use tongs to
toss
>the casserole because the peas would get mushed if you used a spoon or fork.
>Only if you tried to, moron.
>
>Why is SLop using bath towels as potholders?
>
>SLop atempted to make mashers with a bag of frozen roasted potatoes that she
>microwaved. When she tried to mash them, it was obvious that they had become
>vulcanized in the oven. In a saucepan, SLop mixed buttermilk, a half stick of
>butter, and a packet of alfredo sauce (because she likes parmesian cheese,
>which is what makes alfredo sauce taste so good). She whisked the contents of
>the sauce pan but when she pulled the whisk out the stick of unmelted butter
>was stuck to it. She added the mixture to the smashed up potatoes, producing
a
>grey-brown lump.
>
>SLop pours the vomitous beans into a platter. It looks like something a cow
>would hork up from one of its four stomachs.
>
>SLop next makes some sort of appetizer with figs, mentioning that if fresh
>ones are not available one can substitute dried ones. She bisects them
>lengthwise, pipes goat cheese onto them, wraps them in prosciutto, sprinkles
>them with pumpkin pie spice, and drizzles them with honey before putting them
>in the oven and we bop out to commercial.
>
>When we return from commercial, Sandie's removing the stuffing from the oven
>and deep throats one of the figs, but we cut away to a "Mmmmm" and her
>beginning her Native American Indian pudding by mixing muffin mix,
>butterscotch pudding (an old Native American tradition), eggs, molasses,
>ginger, and brown cinnamon (noting that pumpkin pie spice can be
substituted).
>She combines the dry ingredients and the wet ones separately, because the
>molasses is too thick to dump directly into the dry ingredients. Pouring the
>wet ingredients into the dry, she exclaims "You can see how rich this is!"
and
>whisks them and pours it into a slow cooker insert. This time we are spared
>that monkey business about putting hot things in a cold crock pot (or vica
>versa).
>
>SLop next makes a wreath out of whack-a-dough biscuits. SLop tells us that
she
>likes to use pumpkin pie spice is everything. Oh really? She dips the
biscuits
>into cinnamon, takes a rolling pin to them, and stamps out leaves with a
>cookie-cutter. On a baking sheet she makes a ring with the leaves, stems
>pointed inward and overlapped. With the remaining dough, she makes smaller
>leaves and meticulously carves veins into them. For the wreath she makes an
>egg wash coating, telling us that it forms a nice sheen and shimmer and then
>sprinkles it with raw sugar. Taking a wreath she already baked, she makes a
>glaze with watery maple syrup (Does she top off her syrup jar with water
too?)
>and powdered sugar. As we bop out to commercial she announces her Mayflower
>Martini
>
>When we return from commercial, we see a montage of SLop lighting candles,
>setting up her table scapes, greeting guests, etc. It appears that she has a
>new family now, with the exception of Kimber. SLop enters stage left with
>Rafael, a cute young Italian man who reminds me of Joey from "Friends" for
>this week's "cocktail time!". Not surprisingly, she clumsily flirts with him
>the entire time. Shockingly, however, she dumps the liquor Rafael used to
>rinse out their glasses into the sink. Her choice of choking hazard this week
>are frozen cranberries. SLop apparently looted the set where Land of the
>Giants was filmed, judging by the size of the martini glasses she used.
>Mayflower Martini in hand, SLop abandons Rafael to make drinks in the kitchen
>while she shows us her tablescape. SLop gushes about the usual crappy table
>runners and stacks of plates, and shows us how she also put table runners on
>all the chairs and tied them off with ribbons. As usual, there is no room on
>table for the food, for which I am sure her guests are most thankful. She took
>the bundt cakes that Kimber took inside at the beginning of the show and
>stuffed "nose gays" into them. She also used those jello shooters she made
>earlier as place settings and put cards with everyone's name in them, and of
>course, she repeated the ol' "leaves wired to stemware" trick. SLop tells us
>she has to go get dressed before taking off and leaving us with a bucolic
>montage of food, her guests sitting down, and a guy carving a turkey. SLop
>introduces the man carving the turkey as Santos, who shoots her a withering
>gaze. For those who watch Emeril's show, you will recognize Santos as one of
>his sous chefs. Gee, I wonder what he did to receive this as punishment?

I knew it! I just knew that all of her guests were Food Network crew. I knew she doesn't really
have friends.

This whole thing was disgusting. The first thing I caught was at the beginning when she said the
skin of the turkey would "crispy outside...and inside!" I wasn't aware you could get the skin of
the turkey crispy on both sides!

Then later when she was educating us about how the Native Americans used corn in their baking
like in stews and cornbread.......baked stew?

She leaned into the oven when she put the turkey in there, had that oven actually been preheating
at 425* like she said, the girls would have been seared along with her waist because that's how
long the girls hang. But as we all know, the oven is just for looks.

And Indian pudding - why yes, Sandy is keeping right along with the traditional use of cornmeal,
because you just know all the Pilgrims and Native Americans used instant butterscotch pudding in
everything.

She's an assnugget.