This is getting very frustrating. First the lack of appetite and now this.
Right now pretty much nothing sounds good to eat, ever. On the plus side I
do seem to have an appetite sometimes. Sometimes an incredible appetite.
It's as though I can hear my insides squeaking, I feel so empty.

I am having a horrible time coming up with things to eat for meals and
snacks. Breakfast is not such a problem. I just eat toast then and I tend
to eat it as quickly as possible just to get it over with. If I need a
snack between then and dinner (and sometimes I do) then I eat a fruit snack.
That's over with in 3 bites and they do taste good to me so really not a
problem. But soon I'll be out and will have to switch over to Craisins.
Angela was sneaking the fruit snacks so I can't buy them any more.

The problem is with dinner and my bed time snack. No matter what I fix to
eat or order in a restaurant, I just don't want it once I have it. I have
even taken to dishing up smaller portions when at home because I know I
won't be able to eat it all. I take two bites and then this weird sensation
comes over me. I feel like I want to cry. I don't actually cry. I just
get this thought in my mind that I want to cry. And then I feel like I just
want to go to bed and sleep and forget about food. I don't really want to
sleep and most of the time when I get this thought I am not even sleepy or
tired.

The other night this happened in a restaurant. I had a hamburger patty with
lettuce, tomato and onion. This would never be my first choice for a meal
and I don't really like this so much but it is one of the few things I can
eat in a restaurant. As in, I am not intolerant to these foods and I can
digest them. The weird thing is that the food tasted really good to me. I
even commented on how good it was because I didn't think I was going to like
it. But after the two bites I just didn't want to eat any more. I still
felt hungry. But I didn't want to eat it. I had to force myself. And then
I had the French fries which I knew that I had to eat because my BG was a
little on the low side. I really had to force myself to eat those and I
must say that they did taste weird to me. They had some sort of seasoning
on them.

Even foods that I really like, like black bean soup, baked beans, refried
beans, etc. are now difficult for me to eat beyond the second bite.

This all seemed to start up when I stopped taking the Metoclopramide. I
know it speeds up digestion and I also know that it does something to the
dopamine in the body. It was originally designed to treat depression (I
think) but it failed miserably at that. They did notice that it sped up
digestion so it is used for that and also for migraines. Although oddly the
information I read about it said it could also cause migraines.

I did read that the withdrawals from this med can be brutal but nobody
really spelled out what would/could happen when you withdraw from it.

Right now I just wish that I never had to eat again. If I could get all of
my nutrition in a pill, I would be very happy. And although I do take a lot
of supplements, I know I am not getting enough calories from them. Plus
they wouldn't keep my BG up and unlike many diabetics if I don't eat enough
carbs, I go hypo.

Logically, my mind is telling me that this is sort of like depression and
yet... It is very fleeting. I seem to get these feelings only when I have
to eat. I had similar feelings when I was pregnant but then I did burst
into tears when faced with a meal mainly because of the amount of food I was
supposed to eat when pregnant. There was just no way I could ever eat that
much! Breakfast was fine because that was the smallest meal of the day.
But lunch was bad and dinner was sheer torture. Plus I was supposed to eat
snacks that I didn't want.

When I was pregnant I would spent a good two hours crying while trying to
eat the food. Now I do not cry. I just have thoughts that I should. I
almost always wind up not being able to eat all of the food even with
reduced portions. And then once I get rid of the remaining food, I feel
fine. Of course eating less food is causing problems with a few hypos. I
have been solving this by eating gummy bears which I don't particularly like
but neither do I dislike them.

When I am not eating a meal or snack, I feel fine. I do not feel like I am
depressed at all. But when it's time to eat, it isn't pretty.