"Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
...
> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>> Tiger > wrote:
>
>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home
>> 1/2
>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs are
>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home the
>> : next day.
>>
>> : i didn't define elderly
>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>
>> : kate
>>
>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5
>> das
>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your mother
>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>> computer.
>>
>> Wendy
>
> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't know
> about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
> and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
> typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.

I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they live. But
I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary issues and
pickiness it would never work.

"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
> ...
>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>
>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>>> every
>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>>> home 1/2
>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a
>>> soft
>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>> are
>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at
>>> home the
>>> : next day.
>>>
>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>
>>> : kate
>>>
>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches
>>> for a
>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house
>>> 5 das
>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>> mother
>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from
>>> the
>>> computer.
>>>
>>> Wendy
>>
>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance,
>> frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale
>> meals and typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on
>> wheels options.
>
> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they
> live. But I know they would never eat that. Between all their
> dietary issues and pickiness it would never work.

Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long
time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is
a well known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres in
this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as
well so she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff
twice a day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous
meals a few times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was there
often enough. She would also do a bit of basic housework as well. It
worked for them. I have tried online shopping a couple of times, didn't
like it as much as going to the supermarket myself but that is workable.
You could order for them if they choose that path.

and even if the basics/dry goods are odered online and fresh is picked up
that works also, there are always options in this situation, my mother and i
recently discussed this and she said in no way would they move in with any
of us it would be assisted living or a nursing home as its too stressful for
the caregivers once you can't live alone, she was dead serious and meant
every word... Lee
"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>>
>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home
>>>> 1/2
>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>>> are
>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
>>>> the
>>>> : next day.
>>>>
>>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>>
>>>> : kate
>>>>
>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5
>>>> das
>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>>> mother
>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>>>> computer.
>>>>
>>>> Wendy
>>>
>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
>>> and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
>>> typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.
>>
>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they live.
>> But I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary issues
>> and pickiness it would never work.
>
> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
> The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
> Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long time
> ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is a well
> known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres in this
> wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as well so
> she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff twice a
> day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous meals a few
> times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was there often enough.
> She would also do a bit of basic housework as well. It worked for them. I
> have tried online shopping a couple of times, didn't like it as much as
> going to the supermarket myself but that is workable. You could order for
> them if they choose that path.

"Storrmmee" > wrote in message
...
> and even if the basics/dry goods are odered online and fresh is picked up
> that works also, there are always options in this situation, my mother and
> i recently discussed this and she said in no way would they move in with
> any of us it would be assisted living or a nursing home as its too
> stressful for the caregivers once you can't live alone, she was dead
> serious and meant every word... Lee

Safeway still delivers groceries here but I doubt they would go for that.

I do know that I am not capable of caring for anyone for any length of time.
I tried to do that with my MIL but given my own medical problems and
disability I am not fit for that. I can cook meals and do a little light
housekeeping. That's it!

We don't have any room in our house for them at all. I don't think my
brother does either and nobody would be home at their house anyway.

knowing your limits and those of your brother is an excellent starting
point, it might be a screaming match but you and brother if he will are
going to just have to say, this is what we can do to help, in order to keep
you out of a nursing home this is what we need to have you do... that could
be shopping with you, o r letting you shop for them... i swear julie scaring
them into understanding that once socail services gets into it is an ok
stratedgy, i have seen som horrid results when even well meaning socail
service people get into it, Lee
"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
> ...
>> and even if the basics/dry goods are odered online and fresh is picked up
>> that works also, there are always options in this situation, my mother
>> and i recently discussed this and she said in no way would they move in
>> with any of us it would be assisted living or a nursing home as its too
>> stressful for the caregivers once you can't live alone, she was dead
>> serious and meant every word... Lee
>
> Safeway still delivers groceries here but I doubt they would go for that.
>
> I do know that I am not capable of caring for anyone for any length of
> time. I tried to do that with my MIL but given my own medical problems and
> disability I am not fit for that. I can cook meals and do a little light
> housekeeping. That's it!
>
> We don't have any room in our house for them at all. I don't think my
> brother does either and nobody would be home at their house anyway.
>

Given the relationship between Julie and her parents I would be inclined
to start as I mean to go on. As you say, letting them know up front what
you are willing/capable of doing. Not everyone has the ability to look
after aging parents. Just before my mum went into a home I had two young
babies. It was very stressful despite the fact that we had always got on
well.

"Storrmmee" > wrote in message
...
> knowing your limits and those of your brother is an excellent starting
> point, it might be a screaming match but you and brother if he will
> are going to just have to say, this is what we can do to help, in
> order to keep you out of a nursing home this is what we need to have
> you do... that could be shopping with you, o r letting you shop for
> them... i swear julie scaring them into understanding that once socail
> services gets into it is an ok stratedgy, i have seen som horrid
> results when even well meaning socail service people get into it, Lee
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> and even if the basics/dry goods are odered online and fresh is
>>> picked up that works also, there are always options in this
>>> situation, my mother and i recently discussed this and she said in
>>> no way would they move in with any of us it would be assisted living
>>> or a nursing home as its too stressful for the caregivers once you
>>> can't live alone, she was dead serious and meant every word... Lee
>>
>> Safeway still delivers groceries here but I doubt they would go for
>> that.
>>
>> I do know that I am not capable of caring for anyone for any length
>> of time. I tried to do that with my MIL but given my own medical
>> problems and disability I am not fit for that. I can cook meals and
>> do a little light housekeeping. That's it!
>>
>> We don't have any room in our house for them at all. I don't think
>> my brother does either and nobody would be home at their house
>> anyway.
>>
>
>
>

my mother cared for my paternal grandmother until she passed away at home,
then she continued to care for my paternal grandfather until he became
uncontrollable... he lingered for five more years... my mom and grandmother
were extremely close, she is now sharing cargiving duties for her mother...
this is why she is flatly refusing to have us care for her/my dad... she
says even when you love and respect the person it make you resentful, Lee
"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
> Given the relationship between Julie and her parents I would be inclined
> to start as I mean to go on. As you say, letting them know up front what
> you are willing/capable of doing. Not everyone has the ability to look
> after aging parents. Just before my mum went into a home I had two young
> babies. It was very stressful despite the fact that we had always got on
> well.
>
> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
> ...
>> knowing your limits and those of your brother is an excellent starting
>> point, it might be a screaming match but you and brother if he will are
>> going to just have to say, this is what we can do to help, in order to
>> keep you out of a nursing home this is what we need to have you do...
>> that could be shopping with you, o r letting you shop for them... i swear
>> julie scaring them into understanding that once socail services gets into
>> it is an ok stratedgy, i have seen som horrid results when even well
>> meaning socail service people get into it, Lee
>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> "Storrmmee" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> and even if the basics/dry goods are odered online and fresh is picked
>>>> up that works also, there are always options in this situation, my
>>>> mother and i recently discussed this and she said in no way would they
>>>> move in with any of us it would be assisted living or a nursing home as
>>>> its too stressful for the caregivers once you can't live alone, she was
>>>> dead serious and meant every word... Lee
>>>
>>> Safeway still delivers groceries here but I doubt they would go for
>>> that.
>>>
>>> I do know that I am not capable of caring for anyone for any length of
>>> time. I tried to do that with my MIL but given my own medical problems
>>> and disability I am not fit for that. I can cook meals and do a little
>>> light housekeeping. That's it!
>>>
>>> We don't have any room in our house for them at all. I don't think my
>>> brother does either and nobody would be home at their house anyway.
>>>
>>
>>
>>

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
> Given the relationship between Julie and her parents I would be inclined
> to start as I mean to go on. As you say, letting them know up front what
> you are willing/capable of doing. Not everyone has the ability to look
> after aging parents. Just before my mum went into a home I had two young
> babies. It was very stressful despite the fact that we had always got on
> well.

Angela and I have both suggested two facilities that we found for seniors
but they were totally unwilling to even consider it. My mom however has
mentioned that she might have to put my dad in a home. But she is very much
in denial about herself.

"Storrmmee" > wrote in message
...
> knowing your limits and those of your brother is an excellent starting
> point, it might be a screaming match but you and brother if he will are
> going to just have to say, this is what we can do to help, in order to
> keep you out of a nursing home this is what we need to have you do... that
> could be shopping with you, o r letting you shop for them... i swear julie
> scaring them into understanding that once socail services gets into it is
> an ok stratedgy, i have seen som horrid results when even well meaning
> socail service people get into it, Lee

Well they did seem to be shocked when they were told he couldn't drive for 6
months. I got the idea that they thought after the end of the 2 weeks of
therapy he could be back to normal.

I know he could physically still drive a car but with his memory problems it
could be very dangerous! He currently seems very slow to be able to process
some thoughts.

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>>
>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant every
>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take home
>>>> 1/2
>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>>> are
>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
>>>> the
>>>> : next day.
>>>>
>>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>>
>>>> : kate
>>>>
>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for a
>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house 5
>>>> das
>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>>> mother
>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>>>> computer.
>>>>
>>>> Wendy
>>>
>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance, frozen
>>> and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale meals and
>>> typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on wheels options.
>>
>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they live.
>> But I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary issues
>> and pickiness it would never work.
>
> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
> The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
> Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long time
> ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is a well
> known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres in this
> wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as well so
> she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff twice a
> day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous meals a few
> times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was there often enough.
> She would also do a bit of basic housework as well. It worked for them. I
> have tried online shopping a couple of times, didn't like it as much as
> going to the supermarket myself but that is workable. You could order for
> them if they choose that path.

I found out tonight that most likely he will not be allowed to drive for 6
months. He is doing quite well in some ways but there are some memory
issues. We were told this will most likely get better.

I told the person who was working with him that my mom doesn't like to cook
(she took offense to this) and that they normally go out to eat, which they
do. I also told her that he doesn't know how to cook much, which he
doesn't. So she said they would put him in the kitchen and teach him how to
cook a few things. My mom seemed a bit horrified at this and said he was
capable of getting his own cereal and making eggs if he wanted them. And
that she could cook but didn't because *he* liked to go out to eat. I am
not sure how much truth there is in this at all. Frankly I don't think so.

Yes, I know they both like to go out to eat and always have. But I think it
is more a matter of her not wanting to cook over the years and her being so
limited as to what she will cook.

I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Personally I don't think
she should be allowed to drive but they did just renew her license in May.
She is very stubborn and will fight me tooth and nail if I try to do the
shopping for them (which I likely could not because she is super picky about
brands and things) or even drive them to the store. She hates to shop and
worse yet she and my dad hate to go shopping with me! I like to go up and
down every aisle looking for new products and if I am going to buy something
I read the label. That is not how she shops. Although my dad does like to
look for new things and will frequently pick up things that catch his eye
that are not on the list.

I may have to drive them to some Drs. appointments and such. My SIL has her
hands full with her own parents who are older than mine. And my nephew is
now back in college and baby-sits his girlfriend's nieces and nephews in his
spare time. So that kind of just leaves me.

"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>>>>> every
>>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>>>>> home 1/2
>>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a
>>>>> soft
>>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left
>>>>> overs are
>>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at
>>>>> home the
>>>>> : next day.
>>>>>
>>>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>>>
>>>>> : kate
>>>>>
>>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches
>>>>> for a
>>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the
>>>>> house 5 das
>>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>>>> mother
>>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from
>>>>> the
>>>>> computer.
>>>>>
>>>>> Wendy
>>>>
>>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I
>>>> don't know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I
>>>> know some restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in
>>>> advance, frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be
>>>> more upscale meals and typically are a touch more appealing than
>>>> the meals on wheels options.
>>>
>>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they
>>> live. But I know they would never eat that. Between all their
>>> dietary issues and pickiness it would never work.
>>
>> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options
>> though. The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole
>> lifestyle. Its too late to say they should have thought these things
>> out a long time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a
>> stroke, his wife is a well known author. They lived not all that far
>> from me but on acres in this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look
>> after him and write as well so she got a nursing service in to do all
>> his personal needs stuff twice a day. She also hired a woman who came
>> in and cooked fabulous meals a few times a week. They didn't need to
>> be frozen as she was there often enough. She would also do a bit of
>> basic housework as well. It worked for them. I have tried online
>> shopping a couple of times, didn't like it as much as going to the
>> supermarket myself but that is workable. You could order for them if
>> they choose that path.
>
> I found out tonight that most likely he will not be allowed to drive
> for 6 months. He is doing quite well in some ways but there are some
> memory issues. We were told this will most likely get better.
>
> I told the person who was working with him that my mom doesn't like to
> cook (she took offense to this) and that they normally go out to eat,
> which they do. I also told her that he doesn't know how to cook much,
> which he doesn't. So she said they would put him in the kitchen and
> teach him how to cook a few things. My mom seemed a bit horrified at
> this and said he was capable of getting his own cereal and making eggs
> if he wanted them. And that she could cook but didn't because *he*
> liked to go out to eat. I am not sure how much truth there is in this
> at all. Frankly I don't think so.
>
> Yes, I know they both like to go out to eat and always have. But I
> think it is more a matter of her not wanting to cook over the years
> and her being so limited as to what she will cook.
>
> I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Personally I don't
> think she should be allowed to drive but they did just renew her
> license in May. She is very stubborn and will fight me tooth and nail
> if I try to do the shopping for them (which I likely could not because
> she is super picky about brands and things) or even drive them to the
> store. She hates to shop and worse yet she and my dad hate to go
> shopping with me! I like to go up and down every aisle looking for
> new products and if I am going to buy something I read the label.
> That is not how she shops. Although my dad does like to look for new
> things and will frequently pick up things that catch his eye that are
> not on the list.
>
> I may have to drive them to some Drs. appointments and such. My SIL
> has her hands full with her own parents who are older than mine. And
> my nephew is now back in college and baby-sits his girlfriend's nieces
> and nephews in his spare time. So that kind of just leaves me.

Dunno how it works there but here, in this situation, a social worker
would come and talk to the patient and spouse/carer to make sure
everything is going to be ok when the patient is discharged. If someone
other than you can do all the talking that your mum hates it might have
a better effect. Eventually your mum will realise she has to "give" on a
few things.

i am not sure about elswhere either, but if the social worker is not
convinced that adequate care will be given they can reccomend that the
paitent is only released to assitive living or a nursing care facility, once
this happens lots of the choices are removed from the patient and spouse...
my brother who is 55 was in this quandry as he is now single and his
children work/and aren't close, in order to get him released from the
hospital the last time my mom had to spend two weeks with him it was a month
the time before that. Lee
"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>>
>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>>>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>>>>>> every
>>>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>>>>>> home 1/2
>>>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>>>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>>>>> are
>>>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
>>>>>> the
>>>>>> : next day.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>>>>
>>>>>> : kate
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for
>>>>>> a
>>>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house
>>>>>> 5 das
>>>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>>>>> mother
>>>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>>>>>> computer.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Wendy
>>>>>
>>>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>>>>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>>>>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance,
>>>>> frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale
>>>>> meals and typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on
>>>>> wheels options.
>>>>
>>>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they live.
>>>> But I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary issues
>>>> and pickiness it would never work.
>>>
>>> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
>>> The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
>>> Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long
>>> time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is
>>> a well known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres in
>>> this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as
>>> well so she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff
>>> twice a day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous
>>> meals a few times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was there
>>> often enough. She would also do a bit of basic housework as well. It
>>> worked for them. I have tried online shopping a couple of times, didn't
>>> like it as much as going to the supermarket myself but that is workable.
>>> You could order for them if they choose that path.
>>
>> I found out tonight that most likely he will not be allowed to drive for
>> 6 months. He is doing quite well in some ways but there are some memory
>> issues. We were told this will most likely get better.
>>
>> I told the person who was working with him that my mom doesn't like to
>> cook (she took offense to this) and that they normally go out to eat,
>> which they do. I also told her that he doesn't know how to cook much,
>> which he doesn't. So she said they would put him in the kitchen and
>> teach him how to cook a few things. My mom seemed a bit horrified at
>> this and said he was capable of getting his own cereal and making eggs if
>> he wanted them. And that she could cook but didn't because *he* liked to
>> go out to eat. I am not sure how much truth there is in this at all.
>> Frankly I don't think so.
>>
>> Yes, I know they both like to go out to eat and always have. But I think
>> it is more a matter of her not wanting to cook over the years and her
>> being so limited as to what she will cook.
>>
>> I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Personally I don't think
>> she should be allowed to drive but they did just renew her license in
>> May. She is very stubborn and will fight me tooth and nail if I try to do
>> the shopping for them (which I likely could not because she is super
>> picky about brands and things) or even drive them to the store. She
>> hates to shop and worse yet she and my dad hate to go shopping with me!
>> I like to go up and down every aisle looking for new products and if I am
>> going to buy something I read the label. That is not how she shops.
>> Although my dad does like to look for new things and will frequently pick
>> up things that catch his eye that are not on the list.
>>
>> I may have to drive them to some Drs. appointments and such. My SIL has
>> her hands full with her own parents who are older than mine. And my
>> nephew is now back in college and baby-sits his girlfriend's nieces and
>> nephews in his spare time. So that kind of just leaves me.
>
> Dunno how it works there but here, in this situation, a social worker
> would come and talk to the patient and spouse/carer to make sure
> everything is going to be ok when the patient is discharged. If someone
> other than you can do all the talking that your mum hates it might have a
> better effect. Eventually your mum will realise she has to "give" on a few
> things.

"Ozgirl" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>>
>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>>>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>>>>>> every
>>>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>>>>>> home 1/2
>>>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a soft
>>>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>>>>> are
>>>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at home
>>>>>> the
>>>>>> : next day.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>>>>
>>>>>> : kate
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches for
>>>>>> a
>>>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house
>>>>>> 5 das
>>>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>>>>> mother
>>>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from the
>>>>>> computer.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Wendy
>>>>>
>>>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>>>>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>>>>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance,
>>>>> frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale
>>>>> meals and typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on
>>>>> wheels options.
>>>>
>>>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they live.
>>>> But I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary issues
>>>> and pickiness it would never work.
>>>
>>> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
>>> The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
>>> Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long
>>> time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is
>>> a well known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres in
>>> this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as
>>> well so she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff
>>> twice a day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous
>>> meals a few times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was there
>>> often enough. She would also do a bit of basic housework as well. It
>>> worked for them. I have tried online shopping a couple of times, didn't
>>> like it as much as going to the supermarket myself but that is workable.
>>> You could order for them if they choose that path.
>>
>> I found out tonight that most likely he will not be allowed to drive for
>> 6 months. He is doing quite well in some ways but there are some memory
>> issues. We were told this will most likely get better.
>>
>> I told the person who was working with him that my mom doesn't like to
>> cook (she took offense to this) and that they normally go out to eat,
>> which they do. I also told her that he doesn't know how to cook much,
>> which he doesn't. So she said they would put him in the kitchen and
>> teach him how to cook a few things. My mom seemed a bit horrified at
>> this and said he was capable of getting his own cereal and making eggs if
>> he wanted them. And that she could cook but didn't because *he* liked to
>> go out to eat. I am not sure how much truth there is in this at all.
>> Frankly I don't think so.
>>
>> Yes, I know they both like to go out to eat and always have. But I think
>> it is more a matter of her not wanting to cook over the years and her
>> being so limited as to what she will cook.
>>
>> I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Personally I don't think
>> she should be allowed to drive but they did just renew her license in
>> May. She is very stubborn and will fight me tooth and nail if I try to do
>> the shopping for them (which I likely could not because she is super
>> picky about brands and things) or even drive them to the store. She
>> hates to shop and worse yet she and my dad hate to go shopping with me!
>> I like to go up and down every aisle looking for new products and if I am
>> going to buy something I read the label. That is not how she shops.
>> Although my dad does like to look for new things and will frequently pick
>> up things that catch his eye that are not on the list.
>>
>> I may have to drive them to some Drs. appointments and such. My SIL has
>> her hands full with her own parents who are older than mine. And my
>> nephew is now back in college and baby-sits his girlfriend's nieces and
>> nephews in his spare time. So that kind of just leaves me.
>
> Dunno how it works there but here, in this situation, a social worker
> would come and talk to the patient and spouse/carer to make sure
> everything is going to be ok when the patient is discharged. If someone
> other than you can do all the talking that your mum hates it might have a
> better effect. Eventually your mum will realise she has to "give" on a few
> things.

Someone did come in and talk while my mom was out of the room. Then she
came back and pretty much said that everything I said was wrong. Gah!

get used to it, she is facing losing control and will fight you even when
you are right, and given the combative nature of your family dynamics it
might even be worse... Lee
"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>>
>>>>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
>>>>> ...
>>>>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
>>>>>>> Tiger > wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
>>>>>>> every
>>>>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
>>>>>>> home 1/2
>>>>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a
>>>>>>> soft
>>>>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left overs
>>>>>>> are
>>>>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at
>>>>>>> home the
>>>>>>> : next day.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> : i didn't define elderly
>>>>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> : kate
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches
>>>>>>> for a
>>>>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the house
>>>>>>> 5 das
>>>>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
>>>>>>> mother
>>>>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from
>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>> computer.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Wendy
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I don't
>>>>>> know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I know some
>>>>>> restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in advance,
>>>>>> frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be more upscale
>>>>>> meals and typically are a touch more appealing than the meals on
>>>>>> wheels options.
>>>>>
>>>>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they
>>>>> live. But I know they would never eat that. Between all their dietary
>>>>> issues and pickiness it would never work.
>>>>
>>>> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options though.
>>>> The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole lifestyle.
>>>> Its too late to say they should have thought these things out a long
>>>> time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a stroke, his wife is
>>>> a well known author. They lived not all that far from me but on acres
>>>> in this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look after him and write as
>>>> well so she got a nursing service in to do all his personal needs stuff
>>>> twice a day. She also hired a woman who came in and cooked fabulous
>>>> meals a few times a week. They didn't need to be frozen as she was
>>>> there often enough. She would also do a bit of basic housework as well.
>>>> It worked for them. I have tried online shopping a couple of times,
>>>> didn't like it as much as going to the supermarket myself but that is
>>>> workable. You could order for them if they choose that path.
>>>
>>> I found out tonight that most likely he will not be allowed to drive for
>>> 6 months. He is doing quite well in some ways but there are some memory
>>> issues. We were told this will most likely get better.
>>>
>>> I told the person who was working with him that my mom doesn't like to
>>> cook (she took offense to this) and that they normally go out to eat,
>>> which they do. I also told her that he doesn't know how to cook much,
>>> which he doesn't. So she said they would put him in the kitchen and
>>> teach him how to cook a few things. My mom seemed a bit horrified at
>>> this and said he was capable of getting his own cereal and making eggs
>>> if he wanted them. And that she could cook but didn't because *he*
>>> liked to go out to eat. I am not sure how much truth there is in this
>>> at all. Frankly I don't think so.
>>>
>>> Yes, I know they both like to go out to eat and always have. But I
>>> think it is more a matter of her not wanting to cook over the years and
>>> her being so limited as to what she will cook.
>>>
>>> I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Personally I don't
>>> think she should be allowed to drive but they did just renew her license
>>> in May. She is very stubborn and will fight me tooth and nail if I try
>>> to do the shopping for them (which I likely could not because she is
>>> super picky about brands and things) or even drive them to the store.
>>> She hates to shop and worse yet she and my dad hate to go shopping with
>>> me! I like to go up and down every aisle looking for new products and if
>>> I am going to buy something I read the label. That is not how she shops.
>>> Although my dad does like to look for new things and will frequently
>>> pick up things that catch his eye that are not on the list.
>>>
>>> I may have to drive them to some Drs. appointments and such. My SIL has
>>> her hands full with her own parents who are older than mine. And my
>>> nephew is now back in college and baby-sits his girlfriend's nieces and
>>> nephews in his spare time. So that kind of just leaves me.
>>
>> Dunno how it works there but here, in this situation, a social worker
>> would come and talk to the patient and spouse/carer to make sure
>> everything is going to be ok when the patient is discharged. If someone
>> other than you can do all the talking that your mum hates it might have a
>> better effect. Eventually your mum will realise she has to "give" on a
>> few things.
>
> Someone did come in and talk while my mom was out of the room. Then she
> came back and pretty much said that everything I said was wrong. Gah!
>

"Storrmmee" > wrote in message
...
> get used to it, she is facing losing control and will fight you even when
> you are right, and given the combative nature of your family dynamics it
> might even be worse... Lee

Yes. Both of my parents are very combative. We got into a fight tonight
over Metformin. They told my mom she had to bring his from home because
they didn't have that high of a dose in the pharmacy. Which I thought was
odd because he could take more than one pill. But when his dinner came she
insisted he have his one pill for his gallbladder or maybe it's the
pancreas. I don't remember but he gets really sick to his stomach without
it.

She said she didn't know when he takes his Metformin and wasn't going to
worry about it. I told her it was usually taken with dinner. Then she
snapped that it didn't matter when *I* took it. I told her this was in the
prescribing information to take it always with meals. So she asked the
nurse who didn't really know and said maybe he gets it at bedtime? Part of
the problem is that my mom said he has always been responsible for his own
meds and she doesn't know when he takes them. This whole thing could have
easily been solved by looking at the prescription bottle. But after being
told to shut up once by her and twice by him and also being told to leave by
him (which I did not because he would have been alone in the room), I wasn't
about to argue any more.

Ozgirl > wrote:


: "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
: ...
: >
: > "Ozgirl" > wrote in message
: > ...
: >>
: >>
: >> "Julie Bove" > wrote in message
: >> ...
: >>>
: >>> "Tiger Lily" > wrote in message
: >>> ...
: >>>> On 9/4/2011 6:22 PM, W. Baker wrote:
: >>>>> Tiger > wrote:
: >>>>
: >>>>> : The is an elderly couple who take a taxi to/from the restaurant
: >>>>> every
: >>>>> : day for their dinner. Dinner is 4:30 pm for them and they take
: >>>>> home 1/2
: >>>>> : the senior's portion they just ate. The lady indicates that a
: >>>>> soft
: >>>>> : boiled egg, toast and coffee is their morning meal; the left
: >>>>> overs are
: >>>>> : their mid day meal; dinner ensures they have at least lunch at
: >>>>> home the
: >>>>> : next day.
: >>>>>
: >>>>> : i didn't define elderly
: >>>>> : he's 102 and she's 97
: >>>>>
: >>>>> : kate
: >>>>>
: >>>>> Do they have a senior feeding program either like senior lunches
: >>>>> for a
: >>>>> small fee or meals on wheels whic bring a prepared meal to the
: >>>>> house 5 das
: >>>>> a week? The other meals woul only entail light shopping that your
: >>>>> mother
: >>>>> could learn to do or that one of you could send over or oder from
: >>>>> the
: >>>>> computer.
: >>>>>
: >>>>> Wendy
: >>>>
: >>>> Wendy, Meals on Wheels provides this service to the elderly. I
: >>>> don't know about the remote area that Julie's parents live in. I
: >>>> know some restaurants make your choice from 10 items, prepared in
: >>>> advance, frozen and you only need to reheat them. These would be
: >>>> more upscale meals and typically are a touch more appealing than
: >>>> the meals on wheels options.
: >>>
: >>> I know that is available in Seattle. Don't know about where they
: >>> live. But I know they would never eat that. Between all their
: >>> dietary issues and pickiness it would never work.
: >>
: >> Its amazing what people will do when there aren't other options
: >> though. The time has now come where they have to rethink their whole
: >> lifestyle. Its too late to say they should have thought these things
: >> out a long time ago though. I used to care for a man who had a
: >> stroke, his wife is a well known author. They lived not all that far
: >> from me but on acres in this wonderful valley. The wife couldn't look
: >> after him and write as well so she got a nursing service in to do all
: >> his personal needs stuff twice a day. She also hired a woman who came
: >> in and cooked fabulous meals a few times a week. They didn't need to
: >> be frozen as she was there often enough. She would also do a bit of
: >> basic housework as well. It worked for them. I have tried online
: >> shopping a couple of times, didn't like it as much as going to the
: >> supermarket myself but that is workable. You could order for them if
: >> they choose that path.
: >
: > I found out tonight that most likely he will not be allowed to drive
: > for 6 months. He is doing quite well in some ways but there are some
: > memory issues. We were told this will most likely get better.
: >
: > I told the person who was working with him that my mom doesn't like to
: > cook (she took offense to this) and that they normally go out to eat,
: > which they do. I also told her that he doesn't know how to cook much,
: > which he doesn't. So she said they would put him in the kitchen and
: > teach him how to cook a few things. My mom seemed a bit horrified at
: > this and said he was capable of getting his own cereal and making eggs
: > if he wanted them. And that she could cook but didn't because *he*
: > liked to go out to eat. I am not sure how much truth there is in this
: > at all. Frankly I don't think so.
: >
: > Yes, I know they both like to go out to eat and always have. But I
: > think it is more a matter of her not wanting to cook over the years
: > and her being so limited as to what she will cook.
: >
: > I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Personally I don't
: > think she should be allowed to drive but they did just renew her
: > license in May. She is very stubborn and will fight me tooth and nail
: > if I try to do the shopping for them (which I likely could not because
: > she is super picky about brands and things) or even drive them to the
: > store. She hates to shop and worse yet she and my dad hate to go
: > shopping with me! I like to go up and down every aisle looking for
: > new products and if I am going to buy something I read the label.
: > That is not how she shops. Although my dad does like to look for new
: > things and will frequently pick up things that catch his eye that are
: > not on the list.
: >
: > I may have to drive them to some Drs. appointments and such. My SIL
: > has her hands full with her own parents who are older than mine. And
: > my nephew is now back in college and baby-sits his girlfriend's nieces
: > and nephews in his spare time. So that kind of just leaves me.

: Dunno how it works there but here, in this situation, a social worker
: would come and talk to the patient and spouse/carer to make sure
: everything is going to be ok when the patient is discharged. If someone
: other than you can do all the talking that your mum hates it might have
: a better effect. Eventually your mum will realise she has to "give" on a
: few things.

If your Dad is on regular medicare, not an advantage plan(Ieach of those
works differently) he should get certain home care once he is ou of the
rehab. with Syd it was 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, of home health aid,
who can cook or do light cleaning and help with personal care, 3 times a
week physical therapy and 3 times a week occupational therapy. this help
decreases over time unti it disappears. It can help but you miht need to
hire someone for more hours if your Mother can't handle everything.

Wendy

"W. Baker" > wrote in message
...
> If your Dad is on regular medicare, not an advantage plan(Ieach of those
> works differently) he should get certain home care once he is ou of the
> rehab. with Syd it was 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, of home health aid,
> who can cook or do light cleaning and help with personal care, 3 times a
> week physical therapy and 3 times a week occupational therapy. this help
> decreases over time unti it disappears. It can help but you miht need to
> hire someone for more hours if your Mother can't handle everything.


They have a maid. They will not be in the house when she is in. He would
not put up with other people coming into the house. And I don't know what
kind of Medicare he has.

you need to know that in some medicare instances, if he refuses the
recommended/prescribed help they can refuse to pay for tretments that
medicare feels could have been prevented by the recommended services, ie, if
physical therapy is recoomended and he has a joint issue or mobility issue
later they can, and do refuse to pay, Lee
"Julie Bove" > wrote in message
...
>
> "W. Baker" > wrote in message
> ...
>> If your Dad is on regular medicare, not an advantage plan(Ieach of those
>> works differently) he should get certain home care once he is ou of the
>> rehab. with Syd it was 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, of home health aid,
>> who can cook or do light cleaning and help with personal care, 3 times a
>> week physical therapy and 3 times a week occupational therapy. this help
>> decreases over time unti it disappears. It can help but you miht need to
>> hire someone for more hours if your Mother can't handle everything.
>
>
> They have a maid. They will not be in the house when she is in. He would
> not put up with other people coming into the house. And I don't know what
> kind of Medicare he has.
>

Julie Bove > wrote:

: "W. Baker" > wrote in message
: ...
: > If your Dad is on regular medicare, not an advantage plan(Ieach of those
: > works differently) he should get certain home care once he is ou of the
: > rehab. with Syd it was 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, of home health aid,
: > who can cook or do light cleaning and help with personal care, 3 times a
: > week physical therapy and 3 times a week occupational therapy. this help
: > decreases over time unti it disappears. It can help but you miht need to
: > hire someone for more hours if your Mother can't handle everything.


: They have a maid. They will not be in the house when she is in. He would
: not put up with other people coming into the house. And I don't know what
: kind of Medicare he has.

If he can't go to the bathroom by himself, or walk around, or shower, or
many other of life's activities, he may not have the choice, unless your
mother is a trained health care aid and strong and is willing to devote
herself entirely to being there to take care of him. Evenif he gets
better over time, there will be a loooooong convelescence. How old is he?
that can also affect how wel lhe can recuperate and how long it will take.
Strokes can be fairly mild or very terrible, It sounds like he is in tthe
middle somewhere, but it take a strong ewill, hard work and time even in
the best of cases unless it is caught in the firs 3 hours and he gets the
shot that dissovles the clot. If he finds he canno accept paid help, and
your mother cannot handle it he may well find himself in a nursing home
before very long, even if it might not be fully necessary. In that case,
once he has used up his savings etc, he will, most liki=y go on Medicade
to pay the home and there will be a lien on his house so it can't be sold
unless the State gets it money back that it has paid out for the nursing
home.

I sincerely hope he recouperates adn can resume a normal or close to
normal life, but that cannot be asured at this time and what the physical
therrapy community considers functinal may well NOT be where he was befoe
or where he and your mother would like him to be. Sorry to be so blunt,
but I have seen so much of this in my life. In famillies with little
money who want to avoid nusrsing homes, the kids have to do a great deal
to help out, either pysicall taking care orf that is impossible, in doign
the shopping, managing, just baby sittingso mom can get out for a little
time, etc.

Wendy