My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
to haunt me now, eh?

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

Did they catch the guy, or is wandering around minus an eye?

"Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>Did they catch the guy, or is wandering around minus an eye?
No, he's still wandering around, and will continue to, if the usual
Nothing happens, like it seems to around here. I don't know if she
actually destroyed his eye, but she seems to think so. I'm sure my
tax dollars will make him well - and around here, it wouldn't surprise
me if he files a damage suit against us - and WINS, by the way.
Welcome to Amerika.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> "Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>>Did they catch the guy, or is wandering around minus an eye?
> No, he's still wandering around, and will continue to, if the usual
> Nothing happens, like it seems to around here. I don't know if she
> actually destroyed his eye, but she seems to think so. I'm sure my
> tax dollars will make him well - and around here, it wouldn't surprise
> me if he files a damage suit against us - and WINS, by the way.
> Welcome to Amerika.

That last comment is the best reason of all to do one or both of:

1) Hopefully, it never happens again. But, if it does, rephrase your comment
to the cop. "Will you be filling out forms, or actually trying to catch this
guy? I'm asking because if I find him first, you better have a REAL strong
stomach".

2) Wait two more years and see if your daughter wants a handgun. Rape
usually does away with any nonsensical thoughts about how evil guns are.

The perp belongs in a dumpster.

"Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>That last comment is the best reason of all to do one or both of:
I thank you for your comments, and your points are noted. She has no
fear of guns, by the way. She can outshoot me on any given day, as she
has since she was little. It's embarassing.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> "Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>>That last comment is the best reason of all to do one or both of:
> I thank you for your comments, and your points are noted. She has no
> fear of guns, by the way. She can outshoot me on any given day, as she
> has since she was little. It's embarassing.

I was referring to the "guns are bad" mentality held by some people,
including those who've survived rape. Pipe wrenches can be bad, too.

On Tue, 8 Mar 2005, TheAlligator wrote:

> "Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>> That last comment is the best reason of all to do one or both of:
> I thank you for your comments, and your points are noted. She has no
> fear of guns, by the way. She can outshoot me on any given day, as she
> has since she was little. It's embarassing.

just don't try using guns to defend yourself... it is _such_ a bad idea.
if people want to use stuff to defend themselves, there are more practical
ideas (like sound grenades).

never try to defend yourself with something that requires line-of-sight.
in most situations, you're lucky if you have _awareness_ of an attack,
before it occurs, let alone time enough to "point, aim, shoot"

lena

guns are offensive weapons.

On Tue, 8 Mar 2005, Doug Kanter wrote:

>
> "TheAlligator" > wrote in message
> ...
>> "Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>>> Did they catch the guy, or is wandering around minus an eye?
>> No, he's still wandering around, and will continue to, if the usual
>> Nothing happens, like it seems to around here. I don't know if she
>> actually destroyed his eye, but she seems to think so. I'm sure my
>> tax dollars will make him well - and around here, it wouldn't surprise
>> me if he files a damage suit against us - and WINS, by the way.
>> Welcome to Amerika.
>
> That last comment is the best reason of all to do one or both of:
>
>
> 2) Wait two more years and see if your daughter wants a handgun. Rape
> usually does away with any nonsensical thoughts about how evil guns are.

oh, to hell with that idea!

try this one: get her the kind of purse you can put a 9mm in (it's not
big and bulky, it looks like a pagebag). Then teach her how to walk like
she's got heat.

preventitive medicine, with none of the bad consequences of carrying a
concealed weapon.

lena

"Lena B Katz" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> On Tue, 8 Mar 2005, Doug Kanter wrote:
>
>>
>> "TheAlligator" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> "Doug Kanter" > wrote:
>>>> Did they catch the guy, or is wandering around minus an eye?
>>> No, he's still wandering around, and will continue to, if the usual
>>> Nothing happens, like it seems to around here. I don't know if she
>>> actually destroyed his eye, but she seems to think so. I'm sure my
>>> tax dollars will make him well - and around here, it wouldn't surprise
>>> me if he files a damage suit against us - and WINS, by the way.
>>> Welcome to Amerika.
>>
>> That last comment is the best reason of all to do one or both of:
>>
>>
>> 2) Wait two more years and see if your daughter wants a handgun. Rape
>> usually does away with any nonsensical thoughts about how evil guns are.
>
> oh, to hell with that idea!
>
> try this one: get her the kind of purse you can put a 9mm in (it's not
> big and bulky, it looks like a pagebag). Then teach her how to walk like
> she's got heat.
>
> preventitive medicine, with none of the bad consequences of carrying a
> concealed weapon.
>
> lena

What bad consequences? If you have 50 acquaintances, I'll bet 20 carry
concealed, legally, and you have no awareness of it.

TheAlligator wrote:

> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

Thank goodness - a parent's worst fear for sure. But a gutsy, brave gal.
Edrena

The Joneses > wrote:
>Thank goodness - a parent's worst fear for sure. But a gutsy, brave gal.
>Edrena
I know I'm prejudiced, but she is truly one-in-a-million Edrena. But
now, I'm dealing with the POST trauma phase. She's handling it a lot
better than I am. I watched her jump in the car and drive off to
school a while ago. My guts are churning.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> The Joneses > wrote:
>>Thank goodness - a parent's worst fear for sure. But a gutsy, brave gal.
>>Edrena
> I know I'm prejudiced, but she is truly one-in-a-million Edrena. But
> now, I'm dealing with the POST trauma phase. She's handling it a lot
> better than I am. I watched her jump in the car and drive off to
> school a while ago. My guts are churning.

One more thing, I don't think you should blow it up into a huge thing,
she sounds like she can deal with it. Man, if my parents had any idea
of stuff I had happen to me, they would have flipped out. That would
not have helped me one bit.

nancy

"Nancy Young" > wrote:
>One more thing, I don't think you should blow it up into a huge thing,
>she sounds like she can deal with it. Man, if my parents had any idea
>of stuff I had happen to me, they would have flipped out. That would
>not have helped me one bit.
>
>nancy
>
>
Oh, apparently she's fine. I'm not. And I don't know how to GET
fine, again.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>One more thing, I don't think you should blow it up into a huge thing,
>>she sounds like she can deal with it. Man, if my parents had any idea
>>of stuff I had happen to me, they would have flipped out. That would
>>not have helped me one bit.
>>
>>nancy
>>
>>
> Oh, apparently she's fine. I'm not. And I don't know how to GET
> fine, again.

If you were in Rochester NY, I'd give you the name of a therapist who's
completely amazing. But hey...don't many police departments send cops for
counseling if they've had to shoot someone? Maybe they can give you a name.
You didn't shoot the perp, but maybe you're not too far from similar
feelings.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised.

Don't beat yourself up about it. I think we all have our moments.
By that I mean all, not just white people. Live and learn.

Meanwhile, consider this, statistics say that most women are
subject to what happened to your daughter. I sure was. Luckily
for me, I was deceptively strong. I'm so very very happy for
you and your family that it turned out the way it did, we all know
it's not always that way.

> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to.

They have seen it all.

> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

Please forgive me that I laughed out loud at this.

nancy

"Nancy Young" > wrote:
>> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
>> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
>> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
>> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
>> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
>> to haunt me now, eh?
>
>Please forgive me that I laughed out loud at this.
>
>nancy
>
>
You're very much forgiven, Nancy. I guess there is SOME humor in all
of it. Thank you for your nice comments. God, I love this girl so
much. Now I'm afraid every time she is out of my sight. I'm gonna
Have to just get over it.

In article >, x-no-archive: yes
wrote:

> "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> >> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> >> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> >> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> >> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> >> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> >> to haunt me now, eh?
> >
> >Please forgive me that I laughed out loud at this.
> >
> >nancy
> >
> >
> You're very much forgiven, Nancy. I guess there is SOME humor in all
> of it. Thank you for your nice comments. God, I love this girl so
> much. Now I'm afraid every time she is out of my sight. I'm gonna
> Have to just get over it.

No, you're gonna have to find someone to talk it out with, too.
Serious. Find a rape crisis center and see what they can offer to a
parent. Personally, I think you've got a right to be uncontrollably
rageful and fury-filled for about a week. If you haven't settled some
by then, find that counselor sooner rather than later. Keep your anger
inside and you'll find yourself inflicting all kinds of damage on all
kinds of innocent people. Including yourself.
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> Sweet Potato Follies added 2/24/05.
"I read recipes the way I read science fiction: I get to the end and
say,'Well, that's not going to happen.'" - Comedian Rita Rudner,
performance at New York, New York, January 10, 2005.

Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
>No, you're gonna have to find someone to talk it out with, too.
>Serious. Find a rape crisis center and see what they can offer to a
>parent. Personally, I think you've got a right to be uncontrollably
>rageful and fury-filled for about a week. If you haven't settled some
>by then, find that counselor sooner rather than later. Keep your anger
>inside and you'll find yourself inflicting all kinds of damage on all
>kinds of innocent people. Including yourself.
>--
>-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> Sweet Potato Follies added 2/24/05.
>"I read recipes the way I read science fiction: I get to the end and
>say,'Well, that's not going to happen.'" - Comedian Rita Rudner,
>performance at New York, New York, January 10, 2005.
No, I'm already settling down. I just thank God that things turned
out the way they did. I still have a lot of apologizing to do, and I
think that'll help me even more. A lot of my settling down is due to
the help of all you fine people. Thanks.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
>>No, you're gonna have to find someone to talk it out with, too.
>>Serious. Find a rape crisis center and see what they can offer to a
>>parent. Personally, I think you've got a right to be uncontrollably
>>rageful and fury-filled for about a week. If you haven't settled some
>>by then, find that counselor sooner rather than later. Keep your anger
>>inside and you'll find yourself inflicting all kinds of damage on all
>>kinds of innocent people. Including yourself.
>>--
>>-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> Sweet Potato Follies added 2/24/05.
>>"I read recipes the way I read science fiction: I get to the end and
>>say,'Well, that's not going to happen.'" - Comedian Rita Rudner,
>>performance at New York, New York, January 10, 2005.
> No, I'm already settling down. I just thank God that things turned
> out the way they did. I still have a lot of apologizing to do, and I
> think that'll help me even more. A lot of my settling down is due to
> the help of all you fine people. Thanks.

Jeez...don't apologize to the cops. They, too should live in a state of
terror, wondering how long it'll be before you storm into their boss' office
if they don't find the perp.

TheAlligator wrote:
> "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
>>>I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
>>>in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
>>>and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
>>>actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
>>>out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
>>>to haunt me now, eh?
>>
>>Please forgive me that I laughed out loud at this.
>>
>>nancy
>>
>>
>
> You're very much forgiven, Nancy. I guess there is SOME humor in all
> of it. Thank you for your nice comments. God, I love this girl so
> much. Now I'm afraid every time she is out of my sight. I'm gonna
> Have to just get over it.


Yes. She has proven that she can take care of herself. If you go
overboard you will just frighten her to no good result. Now you
know that you won't always be ont he scene to protect her, but she
can do a pretty good job by herself.

By the way: I'd be a lot more afraid of a predetory date/boyfriend
than a rapist for my daughter because the incidence is a lot greater
and harder to know when to fight.

gloria p

Puester > wrote:
>By the way: I'd be a lot more afraid of a predetory date/boyfriend
>than a rapist for my daughter because the incidence is a lot greater
>and harder to know when to fight.
>
>gloria p
That's very true, Gloria. It's a scary world out there these days.

In article >,
(TheAlligator) wrote:

> "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> >> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> >> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> >> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> >> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> >> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> >> to haunt me now, eh?
> >
> >Please forgive me that I laughed out loud at this.
> >
> >nancy
> >
> >
> You're very much forgiven, Nancy. I guess there is SOME humor in all
> of it. Thank you for your nice comments. God, I love this girl so
> much. Now I'm afraid every time she is out of my sight. I'm gonna
> Have to just get over it.

I think the recommendations for counseling for *everyone* are good ones.
You need help with this, too. Please consider it.

Priscilla
--
"You can't welcome someone into a body of Christ and then say only
certain rooms are open." -- dancertm in alt.religion.christian.episcopal

TheAlligator wrote:

> "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
>>>I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
>>>in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
>>>and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
>>>actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
>>>out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
>>>to haunt me now, eh?
>>
>>Please forgive me that I laughed out loud at this.
>>
>>nancy
>>
>>
>
> You're very much forgiven, Nancy. I guess there is SOME humor in all
> of it. Thank you for your nice comments. God, I love this girl so
> much. Now I'm afraid every time she is out of my sight. I'm gonna
> Have to just get over it.

If you love someone, you need to let go, if they come back you know it
is love. I know it is hard letting your kids grow up. She will learn
and likely considerably from her close call. And she will *always* be
your little girl no matter how old she gets

In article >, "Nancy Young"
> wrote:

> Meanwhile, consider this, statistics say that most women are
> subject to what happened to your daughter. I sure was.

Most? I thought the numbers were 1 in 3 or 1 in 4?

Regards,
Ranee (to clarify, that's still horrible)

--
Remove Do Not and Spam to email

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

See my Blog at: http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

1. Any parent who has a daughter will understand your rage.
2. Make damn sure she sees a trusted or experienced rape counselor.
3. There are time when what is told to the parents ( for a variety of
reasons) is not always the truth as it really happened. See point # 2.
4. Maybe you should see someone as well just to take the edge off your
anger.

Dimitri

(Father of 4 girls)

PS I seem to remember the statistic is 1 in 4 will experience some sort of
attack.

"Dimitri" > wrote:
>1. Any parent who has a daughter will understand your rage.
>2. Make damn sure she sees a trusted or experienced rape counselor.
>3. There are time when what is told to the parents ( for a variety of
>reasons) is not always the truth as it really happened. See point # 2.
>4. Maybe you should see someone as well just to take the edge off your
>anger.
>
>Dimitri
>
>(Father of 4 girls)
>
>PS I seem to remember the statistic is 1 in 4 will experience some sort of
>attack.
Thanks, Dimitri. She wasn't actually raped. She seems to be OK, I'm
starting to think I'm the one who needs help. As far as point #3, I'm
not so sure. She is a committed Christian girl, high morals, can
stretch a dollar farther than I've ever seen, is a Straight A student
(well, except for Chemistry this year - I think she is reconsidering
becoming a vet) and the biggest non-conformist I have ever known. I
have never had the occasion to think she ever told me the smallest
lie, because, believe it or not, that's just the way she is. She
REALLY doesn't care what anyone thinks of her, or what she wears, or
so on. By George, I guess she's my hero. I wish I could be just like
her. Except, not a girl . . . anyway, you get the picture. By the
way, she saved enough money from presents and baby-sitting over the
years to buy herself a new Sunfire when she got her license. She
wouldn't let us pay for hardly any of it, despite my protests.

"TheAlligator" > wrote in message
...
> "Dimitri" > wrote:
>>1. Any parent who has a daughter will understand your rage.
>>2. Make damn sure she sees a trusted or experienced rape counselor.
>>3. There are time when what is told to the parents ( for a variety of
>>reasons) is not always the truth as it really happened. See point # 2.
>>4. Maybe you should see someone as well just to take the edge off your
>>anger.
>>
>>Dimitri
>>
>>(Father of 4 girls)
>>
>>PS I seem to remember the statistic is 1 in 4 will experience some sort of
>>attack.
> Thanks, Dimitri. She wasn't actually raped. She seems to be OK, I'm
> starting to think I'm the one who needs help. As far as point #3, I'm
> not so sure. She is a committed Christian girl, high morals, can
> stretch a dollar farther than I've ever seen, is a Straight A student
> (well, except for Chemistry this year - I think she is reconsidering
> becoming a vet) and the biggest non-conformist I have ever known. I
> have never had the occasion to think she ever told me the smallest
> lie, because, believe it or not, that's just the way she is. She
> REALLY doesn't care what anyone thinks of her, or what she wears, or
> so on. By George, I guess she's my hero. I wish I could be just like
> her. Except, not a girl . . . anyway, you get the picture. By the
> way, she saved enough money from presents and baby-sitting over the
> years to buy herself a new Sunfire when she got her license. She
> wouldn't let us pay for hardly any of it, despite my protests.

Be very careful here. If in fact something did happen and she and she is
too embarrassed to say so then the "you're my hero" will propagate the
burying of the truth. Only she and the attacker really know what happened.
Even though she was not rapped being attacked is trauma enough - don't trust
my judgment call a rape hot line and explain what happened . Trust
professionals that is what they do.

Dimitri

"Dimitri" > wrote:
>Be very careful here. If in fact something did happen and she and she is
>too embarrassed to say so then the "you're my hero" will propagate the
>burying of the truth. Only she and the attacker really know what happened.
>Even though she was not rapped being attacked is trauma enough - don't trust
>my judgment call a rape hot line and explain what happened . Trust
>professionals that is what they do.
>
>Dimitri
>
>
Good advice my friend. I need to suck it up and get things fixed,
whatever it takes.

On Tue, 8 Mar 2005, Dimitri wrote:

>
> "TheAlligator" > wrote in message
> ...
>> "Dimitri" > wrote:
>>> 1. Any parent who has a daughter will understand your rage.
>>> 2. Make damn sure she sees a trusted or experienced rape counselor.
>>> 3. There are time when what is told to the parents ( for a variety of
>>> reasons) is not always the truth as it really happened. See point # 2.
>>> 4. Maybe you should see someone as well just to take the edge off your
>>> anger.
>>>
>>> Dimitri
>>>
>>> (Father of 4 girls)
>>>
>>> PS I seem to remember the statistic is 1 in 4 will experience some sort of
>>> attack.
>> Thanks, Dimitri. She wasn't actually raped. She seems to be OK, I'm
>> starting to think I'm the one who needs help. As far as point #3, I'm
>> not so sure. She is a committed Christian girl, high morals, can
>> stretch a dollar farther than I've ever seen, is a Straight A student
>> (well, except for Chemistry this year - I think she is reconsidering
>> becoming a vet) and the biggest non-conformist I have ever known. I
>> have never had the occasion to think she ever told me the smallest
>> lie, because, believe it or not, that's just the way she is. She
>> REALLY doesn't care what anyone thinks of her, or what she wears, or
>> so on. By George, I guess she's my hero. I wish I could be just like
>> her. Except, not a girl . . . anyway, you get the picture. By the
>> way, she saved enough money from presents and baby-sitting over the
>> years to buy herself a new Sunfire when she got her license. She
>> wouldn't let us pay for hardly any of it, despite my protests.
>
> Be very careful here. If in fact something did happen and she and she is
> too embarrassed to say so then the "you're my hero" will propagate the
> burying of the truth. Only she and the attacker really know what happened.
> Even though she was not rapped being attacked is trauma enough - don't trust
> my judgment call a rape hot line and explain what happened . Trust
> professionals that is what they do.

finding someone to talk about it with is probably a good thing. ymmv about
counselors. find someone you trust, and preferably someone who's been
through it themselves.


lena

"Lena B Katz" > wrote in message
...

<snip>


>>> Thanks, Dimitri. She wasn't actually raped. She seems to be OK, I'm
>>> starting to think I'm the one who needs help. As far as point #3, I'm
>>> not so sure. She is a committed Christian girl, high morals, can
>>> stretch a dollar farther than I've ever seen, is a Straight A student
>>> (well, except for Chemistry this year - I think she is reconsidering
>>> becoming a vet) and the biggest non-conformist I have ever known. I
>>> have never had the occasion to think she ever told me the smallest
>>> lie, because, believe it or not, that's just the way she is. She
>>> REALLY doesn't care what anyone thinks of her, or what she wears, or
>>> so on. By George, I guess she's my hero. I wish I could be just like
>>> her. Except, not a girl . . . anyway, you get the picture. By the
>>> way, she saved enough money from presents and baby-sitting over the
>>> years to buy herself a new Sunfire when she got her license. She
>>> wouldn't let us pay for hardly any of it, despite my protests.
>>
>> Be very careful here. If in fact something did happen and she and she is
>> too embarrassed to say so then the "you're my hero" will propagate the
>> burying of the truth. Only she and the attacker really know what
>> happened.
>> Even though she was not rapped being attacked is trauma enough - don't
>> trust
>> my judgment call a rape hot line and explain what happened . Trust
>> professionals that is what they do.
>
> finding someone to talk about it with is probably a good thing. ymmv about
> counselors.

1. Probably is a very bad choice of words.

find someone you trust, and preferably someone who's been
> through it themselves.

If you trust your trash collector - he can't do any good - find a reputable
professional who is equipped to deal with the subject.



>
> lena
>

In article >, x-no-archive: yes
wrote:

> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

Haunt you? Haunt you? Hell, man, you ought to be looking for the
instructor and buy him lunch and drinks! God bless your daughter and
keep her safe. And make sure she talks about the incident and ends the
conversation with an affirmation of her smarts and cool head to think in
a crisis. I'm so sorry it happened to her. Keep an eye on her
emotional state.
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> Sweet Potato Follies added 2/24/05.
"I read recipes the way I read science fiction: I get to the end and
say,'Well, that's not going to happen.'" - Comedian Rita Rudner,
performance at New York, New York, January 10, 2005.

Melba's Jammin' > wrote:
>Haunt you? Haunt you? Hell, man, you ought to be looking for the
>instructor and buy him lunch and drinks! God bless your daughter and
>keep her safe. And make sure she talks about the incident and ends the
>conversation with an affirmation of her smarts and cool head to think in
>a crisis. I'm so sorry it happened to her. Keep an eye on her
>emotional state.
>--
>-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> Sweet Potato Follies added 2/24/05.
>"I read recipes the way I read science fiction: I get to the end and
>say,'Well, that's not going to happen.'" - Comedian Rita Rudner,
>performance at New York, New York, January 10, 2005.
Thank you so much, Barb. The real problem is that she rarely talks
about stuff. It's difficult to guage her actual reaction to things,
because she is so private and cool about stuff. I'm afraid she
internalizes way too much for her own good. We'll have to keep a very
close eye on her for a while. Thanks for your prayers.

TheAlligator wrote:
> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which
was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving
a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this
kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?


Glad your daughter and you are okay. Hope they catch the perp, he
deserves to be put six feet under.

Rusty

In article >,
(TheAlligator) wrote:

> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction.

Oh my God! Thank goodness she's OK.

> I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from.

Terror, rage? Being a human loving father?

> It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was
> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

Good for her for taking care of herself! And good for you for getting
her to those classes.

Priscilla
--
"You can't welcome someone into a body of Christ and then say only
certain rooms are open." -- dancertm in alt.religion.christian.episcopal

> (TheAlligator) wrote:
>
> > My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> > abduction.

Sounds like you've raised your daughter to be independent, courageous and
confident. Congratulations. This probably helped her in dealing with this
scumbag.

Now you have to be very careful not to allow your fears to become her
fears................

Elaine

TheAlligator wrote:
> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or


My condolences on the incident. Make sure she does not bottle her
feelings up. Counseling has been suggested and is good advice.

BTW, someone showing up at local hospitals with a severely damaged eye
would not be too common. I suspect the police are monitoring for that.


jim

JimLane > wrote:
>BTW, someone showing up at local hospitals with a severely damaged eye
>would not be too common. I suspect the police are monitoring for that.
>
>
>jim
That's pretty much the only hope of finding him. I'm not sure he's
hurt all that bad - we'll have to wait and see.

TheAlligator wrote:

> My daughter was attacked yesterday - apparently an attempted rape or
> abduction. I responded like a spoiled brat, and have publically
> apologized in another group for the filthy, racist statements that I
> made. I'm really quite ashamed of myself, and I don't quite know
> where it all came from. It's not the way I was raised. Why is it
> that we really think we have it all together and then when the chips
> are down, we always disappoint ourselves and everyone around us? I'm
> feeling pretty damn humble right now, and have a lot of people to
> apologize to. Particularly the law enforcement guys, one of which was

I am so sorry to hear of this close call! Don't beat yourself up so
much. This is a tramatic experience and you reacted to the loss of
security, threat to your daughter, anger at the perp, guilt you weren't
there to help or prevent the attack, fear it might happen again, and so
many other emotions. I went through a very tramatic experience (murder
of a loved one) so know first hand how emotions can get the best of you.

> wise and kind enough to ignore my statements about killing him to get
> to the guy if I had to. My daughter is only 16, and quite a looker,
> if I say so myself (she must be adopted). She has only been driving a
> few weeks, and everytime she leaves the house, I worry about this kind
> of thing more than driving problems. And then it actually happened.
> I'm still in shock. Turns out, she is OK because she nailed the perp
> in the crotch, then poked out one of his eyes. 105 pounds of beauty

Good for her!!! That's one fiesty daughter and you should be very proud
she had the good sense to protect herself.
> and sheer terror in one package. I feel sorry for the guy that
> actually marries her someday. Guess all those muffled sighs I gave
> out while sitting through endless Tae Kwan Do classes are coming back
> to haunt me now, eh?

Please, please see that your daughter gets counseling. And for
yourself as well. This is not an idle suggestion. I was violently
raped and the after effects were very damaging. I was visiting in St.
Croix, staying at the luxury Hotel Buccaneer. The man I was traveling
with was in the dining room having a business breakfast , and I took a
walk on the beach, 8:15 in the morning. I got to the end of the cove
and was looking over the rocks at some beautiful sea birds. A native
man walked out of the palm trees toward me, big and strong, he held his
arms like a man who lifts weights. He put out his hand as though to
shake mine. I turned and ran into the ocean, but he followed me. The
terror was so strong I could hardly breathe. I couldn't have called for
help, or blown a whistle. He held me under water until I was coughing
and weak. My feet were being badly cut by the sea urchins, but the
fear I was feeling kept me from noticing this till later. He dragged
me back across the sea urchins, the sand, the shrubbery and threw me on
my back. He was very strong and held my arms immobile. When I continued
to struggle he hit me with a rock, in the side of my head, very hard.
(Later it was x-rayed and there was a "spider" fracture). I was
stripped, and the rest followed..I truly felt that I was dying, from
fright, disgust. There were moments when I felt myself almost flip over
into insanity, that my mind would be gone. I almost wanted to die to
stop it. But I forced myself to think this: "I'm not really here .the
real me has left my body. This terrible thing is just happening to my
body, not to me. He was going to hurt me some more, he got rough.
Instinctively I said, "You don't really want to do this. I think you're
too nice a man to do this." Obviously I didn't mean it, but I thought
it might have an effect on him somehow. It did. He let me go.
I was taken to a doctor, a woman, and her first question was "How many
were there?"--so at least I escaped that. She said "It happens on that
beach all the time.
But here's the important part. I was psychologically damaged for
quite a long time. I was unable to make sensible decisions. I allowed
myself to be led into marriage by the man I was with. I knew before
the incident that I didn't want to marry him. I was listless. When I
got home I had several close calls while driving. I was unable to make
decisions. I did finally get some therapy and it slowly helped. I
ended the marriage. It was such a relief. I never told any of my
friends about it. My daughter guessed something was very wrong when I
got home. I just said, "There was a man on the beach", and she knew.
No one else knows. It has been a long time now, and I handle things
better. But I don't tell my friends. I guess I feel anonymous with
all of you, so I've let myself tell you the story. I hope it helps
someone. It takes will to make that phone call for a therapist. But
they can help in a way that family and friends can't .
Thanks for listening.
Nancree

nancree wrote:

> Please, please see that your daughter gets counseling. And for
> yourself as well. This is not an idle suggestion. I was violently
> raped and the after effects were very damaging. I was visiting in St.
> Croix, staying at the luxury Hotel Buccaneer. The man I was traveling
> with was in the dining room having a business breakfast , and I took a
> walk on the beach, 8:15 in the morning. I got to the end of the cove
> and was looking over the rocks at some beautiful sea birds. A native
> man walked out of the palm trees toward me, big and strong, he held his
> arms like a man who lifts weights. He put out his hand as though to
> shake mine. I turned and ran into the ocean, but he followed me. The
> terror was so strong I could hardly breathe. I couldn't have called for
> help, or blown a whistle. He held me under water until I was coughing
> and weak. My feet were being badly cut by the sea urchins, but the
> fear I was feeling kept me from noticing this till later. He dragged
> me back across the sea urchins, the sand, the shrubbery and threw me on
> my back. He was very strong and held my arms immobile. When I continued
> to struggle he hit me with a rock, in the side of my head, very hard.
> (Later it was x-rayed and there was a "spider" fracture). I was
> stripped, and the rest followed..I truly felt that I was dying, from
> fright, disgust. There were moments when I felt myself almost flip over
> into insanity, that my mind would be gone. I almost wanted to die to
> stop it. But I forced myself to think this: "I'm not really here .the
> real me has left my body. This terrible thing is just happening to my
> body, not to me. He was going to hurt me some more, he got rough.
> Instinctively I said, "You don't really want to do this. I think you're
> too nice a man to do this." Obviously I didn't mean it, but I thought
> it might have an effect on him somehow. It did. He let me go.
> I was taken to a doctor, a woman, and her first question was "How many
> were there?"--so at least I escaped that. She said "It happens on that
> beach all the time.
> But here's the important part. I was psychologically damaged for
> quite a long time. I was unable to make sensible decisions. I allowed
> myself to be led into marriage by the man I was with. I knew before
> the incident that I didn't want to marry him. I was listless. When I
> got home I had several close calls while driving. I was unable to make
> decisions. I did finally get some therapy and it slowly helped. I
> ended the marriage. It was such a relief. I never told any of my
> friends about it. My daughter guessed something was very wrong when I
> got home. I just said, "There was a man on the beach", and she knew.
> No one else knows. It has been a long time now, and I handle things
> better. But I don't tell my friends. I guess I feel anonymous with
> all of you, so I've let myself tell you the story. I hope it helps
> someone. It takes will to make that phone call for a therapist. But
> they can help in a way that family and friends can't .
> Thanks for listening.
> Nancree
>
Wow! Sending you {{{{{hugs}}}}}.

Being a victim of violence is no fun, speaking from experience.
According to the DA, I'm a murder victim as in a loved one was murdered.
I got to pick up the pieces, arrange the funeral, clean out the actual
victim's appartment, and sit through several days of the trial. It
wasn't pleasant.I agree you need to talk these things out. I
unsuccessfully tried the counselling. The cousellor wanted to go back
to when I was born for Pete's sake without even touching on the violent
event. My opinion of her was she was a royal f*ckwad! Sorry to be so
blunt but to want to go to the beginning instead of helping the
immediate problem, what more can I say. I gave up on her incompetence
and turned to DH and my church. With the help of both, I came to a
quiet acceptance. On the anniversary date, I still get quite aggitated
and very emotional. I still have bad days where the pain is just too
much. Again I turn to DH and my church. In a couple of years, the jerk
will be up for parole. I intend to be there with my victims impact
statement to keep him where he belongs! Once again, I will see his
face! Funny, at the first trial, I thought he doesn't look like a
monster. Given what he had done, he was. Yet, he looked like a normal
person! How dare he! Like you, my friends don't know. I just don't
talk about it. A couple of very close friends. They came to the
funeral. We just don't talk about it. People are uncomfortable if I
mention the murder on the very rare occasion. They get very antsy and
very quiet then they act very nervous. I've learned to just keep quiet.