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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855
Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what we do with most friends.. The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with your husband. Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the privilege of going out with him. It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you want to have any friends left. (end) Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to get mad. Lenona. |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote:
> On 1/9/2018 11:28 AM, wrote: >> https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855 >> >> Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what we do with most friends. >> >> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >> >> However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. >> >> Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. >> >> I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. >> >> >> >> Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with your husband. >> >> Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the privilege of going out with him. >> >> It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you want to have any friends left. >> >> (end) >> >> Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to get mad. >> >> >> Lenona. >> > > > Huh? > > For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? > > Wow. > must be a progressive. |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 2018-01-09 11:44 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
> On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: >> On 1/9/2018 11:28 AM, wrote: >>> >>> https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855 >>> >>> >>> Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with >>> another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate >>> checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He >>> believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what >>> we do with most friends. >>> >>> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually >>> only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only >>> contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >>> >>> However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined >>> to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I >>> have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always >>> grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. >>> >>> Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 >>> more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony >>> calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted >>> him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing >>> that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. >>> >>> I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my >>> appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. >>> Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. >>> >>> >>> >>> Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find >>> that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with >>> your husband. >>> >>> Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his >>> favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra >>> cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the >>> privilege of going out with him. >>> >>> It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering >>> hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is >>> agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing unfriendly >>> about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you >>> want to have any friends left. >>> >>> (end) >>> >>> Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to >>> get mad. >>> >>> >>> Lenona. >>> >> >> >> Huh? >> >> For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? >> >> Wow. >> > > must be a progressive. On the contrary! In my experience, liberals and left-wingers will nickel and dime a restaurant bill to death! It's always the well-heeled, conservative voters who "generously" split the bill evenly. |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On Tue, 9 Jan 2018 11:48:38 -0700, graham > wrote:
>On 2018-01-09 11:44 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote: >> On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: <snip hard to read Google Groups text> >>> Huh? >>> >>> For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? >>> >>> Wow. >>> >> >> must be a progressive. >On the contrary! In my experience, liberals and left-wingers will >nickel and dime a restaurant bill to death! It's always the well-heeled, >conservative voters who "generously" split the bill evenly. Yoho, smug, right-wing blanket statements! |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 1/9/2018 11:48 AM, graham wrote:
> On 2018-01-09 11:44 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote: >> On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: >>> On 1/9/2018 11:28 AM, wrote: >>>> https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855 >>>> >>>> >>>> Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with >>>> another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate >>>> checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He >>>> believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is >>>> what we do with most friends. >>>> >>>> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually >>>> only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only >>>> contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >>>> >>>> However, we are friends with one other couple who has always >>>> declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my >>>> husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my >>>> husband has always grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. >>>> >>>> Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 >>>> more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony >>>> calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted >>>> him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing >>>> that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. >>>> >>>> I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my >>>> appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. >>>> Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find >>>> that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with >>>> your husband. >>>> >>>> Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his >>>> favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra >>>> cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the >>>> privilege of going out with him. >>>> >>>> It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering >>>> hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is >>>> agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing >>>> unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good >>>> idea if you want to have any friends left. >>>> >>>> (end) >>>> >>>> Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to >>>> get mad. >>>> >>>> >>>> Lenona. >>>> >>> >>> >>> Huh? >>> >>> For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? >>> >>> Wow. >>> >> >> must be a progressive. > On the contrary! In* my experience, liberals and left-wingers will > nickel and dime a restaurant bill to death! It's always the well-heeled, > conservative voters who "generously" split the bill evenly. Conservatives do tend to fiscal conservatism I suppose...but subsidy? Who knew? ;-) |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 1/9/2018 1:48 PM, graham wrote:
>>>> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually >>>> only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only >>>> contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >>>> >> >> must be a progressive. > On the contrary! In* my experience, liberals and left-wingers will > nickel and dime a restaurant bill to death! It's always the well-heeled, > conservative voters who "generously" split the bill evenly. Politics aside, what has worked for us is one of three scenarios I pay it all You pay it all We split it even If I was ordering lopsided I'd certainly add in more than half. The husband of the writer is just a cheap SOB taking advantage of friends. I'd let it go the first time, maybe would not say anything the second time, but there would not be a third time. |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 1/9/2018 2:11 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
> Politics aside, what has worked for us is one of three scenarios > I pay it all > You pay it all > We split it even > > If I was ordering lopsided I'd certainly add in more than half.* The > husband of the writer is just a cheap SOB taking advantage of friends. > I'd let it go the first time, maybe would not say anything the second > time, but there would not be a third time. I agree with you 100%. If I like you enough to spend time with you at a restaurant, I'm going to split the check or we take turns paying. It goes both ways, I'm not going to begrudge you a few bucks and I'd hope vice versa. Now, if the other person orders a lot out of line with me I'd be very disappointed if they didn't attempt to make up for that. It's a good reason not to order a bunch of extras if you want to split the bill. I would never let that slide if it was me doing the most of the ordering, it would be my cue it was my turn to pay the bill. The guy's a jerk but I'd also rather not go out all the time with "Tony" who's keeping score, either. Maybe he's been burned by jerk before. Who knows. nancy |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 2018-01-09 2:11 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
> On 1/9/2018 1:48 PM, graham wrote: > Politics aside, what has worked for us is one of three scenarios > I pay it all > You pay it all > We split it even > > If I was ordering lopsided I'd certainly add in more than half.* The > husband of the writer is just a cheap SOB taking advantage of friends. > I'd let it go the first time, maybe would not say anything the second > time, but there would not be a third time. I am fine with separate bills. It means that I don't have to feel guilty about ordering something more expensive if I want to, and that I don't have to pay for the extravagance of someone else and not get to benefit from it. We don't know what sort of restaurants they are going to and what sorts of bills they are running up. If the bill is $500, then a $40 disparity is minor. I might even suggest that if they can afford to go out for an expensive dinner like that the extra $40 should not be an issue. If they are going to a less expensive place an extra meal or 5 extra drinks, then he should pay. I agree with you. Let it go the first time. Say nothing the second time, but the pattern is clear and there will not be a third time. I can tell you that I have treated lots of people to dinners, bu there have been occasions where people have really taken advantage. There were no second dinners for them. The big niece is an example of that. When we took her and her husband out for lunch she ordered a lunch special that involved an entree and choice of salad or soup. She opted for soup, but then ordered a large salad. Excuse me, but a large salad is a meal. Then she ordered a cheese platter (for two) for herself for dessert. I paid it, but it will never happen again. Last year her mother took her and us out for supper and she pulled a similar stunt, ordering an entree that came with a side and then ordering both sides. We had a guy at work you used to show up at at meal time and come with us to restaurants and then not have money to pay. They are all playing variations of the same game. The come along and take advantage and then expect to make you feel guilty if you call them out on their games, as if we are the cheap ones. |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
Ed Pawlowski wrote:
> On 1/9/2018 1:48 PM, graham wrote: > > > > > > The difference in price between what each couple orders is > > > > > usually only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent > > > > > less only contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. > > > > > > > > > > > > > must be a progressive. > > On the contrary! In* my experience, liberals and left-wingers will > > nickel and dime a restaurant bill to death! It's always the > > well-heeled, conservative voters who "generously" split the bill > > evenly. > > Politics aside, what has worked for us is one of three scenarios > I pay it all > You pay it all > We split it even > > If I was ordering lopsided I'd certainly add in more than half. The > husband of the writer is just a cheap SOB taking advantage of > friends. I'd let it go the first time, maybe would not say anything > the second time, but there would not be a third time. Same here. I take my friends out on various simple 'adventures' in ethnic grocery places (or ones with good sales). Sometimes there is a meal place either near, or right there. My ethics are simple. If we keep it to under 10$ each and there are 4-5 of us, I buy. My friends do ok, but are not 'well heeled' and this is taken into account when a place is selected. They are always lunch places and many times, just a simple noshe sort of place. 5-9$ for a normal meal and tea or soda. By something never needing to be spoken, they cover the tip if I pay for the meals. Now if there are 8 of us, I generally will get a few interesting appetizers and shre them about (and pay for them) and they cover my share of the tip. Simple and clean. Carol |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 1/9/2018 11:44 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
> On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: >> On 1/9/2018 11:28 AM, wrote: >>> >>> https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855 >>> >>> >>> Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with >>> another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate >>> checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He >>> believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what >>> we do with most friends. >>> >>> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually >>> only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only >>> contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >>> >>> However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined >>> to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I >>> have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always >>> grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. >>> >>> Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 >>> more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony >>> calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted >>> him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing >>> that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. >>> >>> I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my >>> appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. >>> Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. >>> >>> >>> >>> Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find >>> that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with >>> your husband. >>> >>> Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his >>> favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra >>> cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the >>> privilege of going out with him. >>> >>> It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering >>> hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is >>> agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing unfriendly >>> about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you >>> want to have any friends left. >>> >>> (end) >>> >>> Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to >>> get mad. >>> >>> >>> Lenona. >>> >> >> >> Huh? >> >> For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? >> >> Wow. >> > > must be a progressive. <VBG> |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 2018-01-09 12:02 PM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote:
> On 1/9/2018 11:44 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote: >> On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: >>> On 1/9/2018 11:28 AM, wrote: >>>> https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855 >>>> >>>> >>>> Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with >>>> another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate >>>> checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He >>>> believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is >>>> what we do with most friends. >>>> >>>> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually >>>> only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only >>>> contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >>>> >>>> However, we are friends with one other couple who has always >>>> declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my >>>> husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my >>>> husband has always grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. >>>> >>>> Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 >>>> more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony >>>> calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted >>>> him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing >>>> that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. >>>> >>>> I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my >>>> appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. >>>> Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find >>>> that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with >>>> your husband. >>>> >>>> Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his >>>> favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra >>>> cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the >>>> privilege of going out with him. >>>> >>>> It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering >>>> hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is >>>> agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing >>>> unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good >>>> idea if you want to have any friends left. >>>> >>>> (end) >>>> >>>> Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to >>>> get mad. >>>> >>>> >>>> Lenona. >>>> >>> >>> >>> Huh? >>> >>> For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? >>> >>> Wow. >>> >> >> must be a progressive. > > <VBG> :-) Everyone who disagrees with T&S is progressive!:-) |
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Miss Manners on splitting the check at restaurants
On 1/9/2018 12:24 PM, graham wrote:
> On 2018-01-09 12:02 PM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: >> On 1/9/2018 11:44 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote: >>> On 1/9/2018 10:30 AM, Casa estilo antiguo wrote: >>>> On 1/9/2018 11:28 AM, wrote: >>>>> https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...=.57759b6bf855 >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Dear Miss Manners When my husband and I go out to dinner with >>>>> another couple, he thinks its petty either to request separate >>>>> checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He >>>>> believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is >>>>> what we do with most friends. >>>>> >>>>> The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually >>>>> only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only >>>>> contributes $5 to $10 for the other couples food. >>>>> >>>>> However, we are friends with one other couple who has always >>>>> declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my >>>>> husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my >>>>> husband has always grumbled afterward to me about Tonys stinginess. >>>>> >>>>> Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 >>>>> more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony >>>>> calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted >>>>> him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing >>>>> that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends. >>>>> >>>>> I dont think friends are obligated to subsidize my husbands and my >>>>> appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when its $40 worth. >>>>> Also, I think its okay to request separate checks. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Gentle Reader This problem is likely to solve itself when you find >>>>> that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with >>>>> your husband. >>>>> >>>>> Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his >>>>> favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that little extra >>>>> cost of going out with friends"; he is charging them for the >>>>> privilege of going out with him. >>>>> >>>>> It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering >>>>> hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is >>>>> agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing >>>>> unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good >>>>> idea if you want to have any friends left. >>>>> >>>>> (end) >>>>> >>>>> Some people! I wouldn't expect anyone other than a crass teenager to >>>>> get mad. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Lenona. >>>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Huh? >>>> >>>> For a regularly repeating $40 split meal subsidy? >>>> >>>> Wow. >>>> >>> >>> must be a progressive. >> >> <VBG> > :-) Everyone who disagrees with T&S is progressive!:-) > Not everyone who disagrees with me is a progressive, but they are all equally wrong.  |
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