The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings, flying
around the kitchen. The next thing I know the bird lunged straight at
me and went for my neck and had me in a strangle hold. Daughter and
husband were laughing their asses off eating Milk Duds and Junior
Mints. I managed to call the pet psychic and put her on speakerphone
and she performed a special turkey chant over the phone and calmed the
bird down just as I was turning blue and about to pass out and it fell
to the ground with a big SPLAT. We then called the fire department
and they stormed into the house and just looked at the bird on the
kitchen floor and kicked it with their feet a couple times and said it
was dead again we should be just fine but they would not take the Evil
turkey away! Even the cats wouldn't go near it but that's not
surprising since they're intolerant to turkey and kitchen floors. I
called the Target Thanksgiving hotline and they wouldn't send anybody
out to collect the turkey either - they told me to put it in the oven
on the clean cycle but we were all too afraid to touch it. We ended
up going to the Bean Buffet for dinner instead but I still have this
turkey on my kitchen floor and teh husband can't pick it up due to
illness. What should I do with it?

On Sunday, December 1, 2013 10:44:34 AM UTC-8, Bulie Jove wrote:

> The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
> this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
> which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
> store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
> likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
> butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings

Stop right there. This story is fake Fake FAKE.

The real Julie only buys canned poultry.

On Sunday, December 1, 2013 12:56:37 PM UTC-6, wrote:
>
>
> Stop right there. This story is fake Fake FAKE.
>
Yep!
>
>
> The real Julie only buys canned poultry.
>
>
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

itsjoannotjoann wrote:
>spamtr wrote:
>>
>> Stop right there. This story is fake Fake FAKE.
>>
>Yep!
>>
>> The real Julie only buys canned poultry.
>>
>BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

Um, the real Julie IS a turkey! LOL-LOL

"Bulie Jove" > wrote in message
...
> The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
> this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
> which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
> store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
> likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
> butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings, flying
> around the kitchen. The next thing I know the bird lunged straight at
> me and went for my neck and had me in a strangle hold. Daughter and
> husband were laughing their asses off eating Milk Duds and Junior
> Mints. I managed to call the pet psychic and put her on speakerphone
> and she performed a special turkey chant over the phone and calmed the
> bird down just as I was turning blue and about to pass out and it fell
> to the ground with a big SPLAT. We then called the fire department
> and they stormed into the house and just looked at the bird on the
> kitchen floor and kicked it with their feet a couple times and said it
> was dead again we should be just fine but they would not take the Evil
> turkey away! Even the cats wouldn't go near it but that's not
> surprising since they're intolerant to turkey and kitchen floors. I
> called the Target Thanksgiving hotline and they wouldn't send anybody
> out to collect the turkey either - they told me to put it in the oven
> on the clean cycle but we were all too afraid to touch it. We ended
> up going to the Bean Buffet for dinner instead but I still have this
> turkey on my kitchen floor and teh husband can't pick it up due to
> illness. What should I do with it?

I had an idea, but then I realized it wouldn't work.

On 12/1/2013 12:44 PM, Bulie Jove wrote:
> The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
> this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
> which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
> store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
> likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
> butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings, flying
> around the kitchen. The next thing I know the bird lunged straight at
> me and went for my neck and had me in a strangle hold. Daughter and
> husband were laughing their asses off eating Milk Duds and Junior
> Mints. I managed to call the pet psychic and put her on speakerphone
> and she performed a special turkey chant over the phone and calmed the
> bird down just as I was turning blue and about to pass out and it fell
> to the ground with a big SPLAT. We then called the fire department
> and they stormed into the house and just looked at the bird on the
> kitchen floor and kicked it with their feet a couple times and said it
> was dead again we should be just fine but they would not take the Evil
> turkey away! Even the cats wouldn't go near it but that's not
> surprising since they're intolerant to turkey and kitchen floors. I
> called the Target Thanksgiving hotline and they wouldn't send anybody
> out to collect the turkey either - they told me to put it in the oven
> on the clean cycle but we were all too afraid to touch it. We ended
> up going to the Bean Buffet for dinner instead but I still have this
> turkey on my kitchen floor and teh husband can't pick it up due to
> illness. What should I do with it?
>

Bravo!

>> On 12/1/2013 12:44 PM, Bulie Jove wrote:
>> The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
>> this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
>> which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
>> store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
>> likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
>> butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings, flying
>> around the kitchen. The next thing I know the bird lunged straight at
>> me and went for my neck and had me in a strangle hold. Daughter and
>> husband were laughing their asses off eating Milk Duds and Junior
>> Mints. I managed to call the pet psychic and put her on speakerphone
>> and she performed a special turkey chant over the phone and calmed the
>> bird down just as I was turning blue and about to pass out and it fell
>> to the ground with a big SPLAT. We then called the fire department
>> and they stormed into the house and just looked at the bird on the
>> kitchen floor and kicked it with their feet a couple times and said it
>> was dead again we should be just fine but they would not take the Evil
>> turkey away! Even the cats wouldn't go near it but that's not
>> surprising since they're intolerant to turkey and kitchen floors. I
>> called the Target Thanksgiving hotline and they wouldn't send anybody
>> out to collect the turkey either - they told me to put it in the oven
>> on the clean cycle but we were all too afraid to touch it. We ended
>> up going to the Bean Buffet for dinner instead but I still have this
>> turkey on my kitchen floor and teh husband can't pick it up due to
>> illness. What should I do with it?
>>

Divorce it. Give it custody of the daughter. Marry the turkey. L'chaim.

pavane

On Sunday, December 1, 2013 1:44:34 PM UTC-5, Bulie Jove wrote:
> The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
>
> this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
>
> which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
>
> store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
>
> likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
>
> butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings, flying
>
> around the kitchen. The next thing I know the bird lunged straight at
>
> me and went for my neck and had me in a strangle hold. Daughter and
>
> husband were laughing their asses off eating Milk Duds and Junior
>
> Mints. I managed to call the pet psychic and put her on speakerphone
>
> and she performed a special turkey chant over the phone and calmed the
>
> bird down just as I was turning blue and about to pass out and it fell
>
> to the ground with a big SPLAT. We then called the fire department
>
> and they stormed into the house and just looked at the bird on the
>
> kitchen floor and kicked it with their feet a couple times and said it
>
> was dead again we should be just fine but they would not take the Evil
>
> turkey away! Even the cats wouldn't go near it but that's not
>
> surprising since they're intolerant to turkey and kitchen floors. I
>
> called the Target Thanksgiving hotline and they wouldn't send anybody
>
> out to collect the turkey either - they told me to put it in the oven
>
> on the clean cycle but we were all too afraid to touch it. We ended
>
> up going to the Bean Buffet for dinner instead but I still have this
>
> turkey on my kitchen floor and teh husband can't pick it up due to
>
> illness. What should I do with it?

Engage a turkey psychic.

Thanks for sharing information,your information are very helpful for me and increase my knowledge.
________________________________________________
benefits of weight loss smoothie recipes – nutribullet recipes

"Sqwertz" > wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 5 Dec 2013 04:14:50 +0000, haydennathan wrote:
>
>> Thanks for sharing information,your information are very helpful for me
>> and increase my knowledge.
>
> Where do these people come from?
>
> I have honestly tried to track down the source of these kinds of posts
> for years.
>
> These are the same posts that usually go somewhat like:
>
> "I am a new member to your group and I look forward to learning more
> about cooking. Do you have any Europeean recipes?"
>
> My best guess is that John Mcafee is hosting Usenet classes in
> third-world countries trying to amass an army of yeah-sayers:
>
> <http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/john-mcafee-course-m-little-crazy-entrepreneurs-151354159.html>
>
> -sw

Hehehehe. I have NO idea! But they are a tad funny.

"Sqwertz" > wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 5 Dec 2013 04:14:50 +0000, haydennathan wrote:
>
>> Thanks for sharing information,your information are very helpful for me
>> and increase my knowledge.
>
> Where do these people come from?
>
> I have honestly tried to track down the source of these kinds of posts
> for years.
>
> These are the same posts that usually go somewhat like:
>
> "I am a new member to your group and I look forward to learning more
> about cooking. Do you have any Europeean recipes?"
>
> My best guess is that John Mcafee is hosting Usenet classes in
> third-world countries trying to amass an army of yeah-sayers:
>
> <http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/john-mcafee-course-m-little-crazy-entrepreneurs-151354159.html>

I am ashamed to say that atm I don't open posts from any unknown
names/nicks. The trolls get me down and I can't be bothered to take
chances. So I apologise in advance to any new people I appear to be
ignoring.


--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

On 12/5/2013 3:15 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
> Where do these people come from?
>
> I have honestly tried to track down the source of these kinds of posts
> for years.

Yeah, no shit...you absurd dwarf control freak.