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Column on getting kids to eat - not what you might expect
I find it odd that I almost never find this guy's column at any
website that actually attracts/lists comments with every column - and he's written a dozen books or so and has been on plenty of news shows, so it can't be for lack of fans. I have to say that had I not had his philosophies well in mind when I was babysitting for a 3-year-old for two weeks, I could easily have been brainwashed by the "common wisdom" that says you have to ask kids' permission before you make them do anything - and if they cry about, say, having to walk for more than five minutes because they hate walking and prefer to take taxis everywhere, you HAVE to at least apologize and carry them or else you'll traumatize them for life! Thank goodness I knew differently beforehand (the mother wasn't so informed, really). Lenona. http://www.kansascity.com/2011/02/08...-children.html I must, in the interest of full disclosure, begin this column with a confession: I am a voyeur; more specifically, a parenting voyeur. In the words of Chauncey Gardner, I like to watch; more specifically, I like to watch people interact with their kids. I do my voyeur thing in restaurants, stores, shopping centers, parking lots, and so on. I try to do it without staring, of course. The trick is to be casual about it, to go unnoticed. So, I am walking up and down the aisles of my local grocery store the other day (I also like to shop), on a mission for my wife and myself, and I turn from one aisle into the next and begin walking up on a Mom and Dad who are hovering over a shopping cart, talking to some third person whom I cannot see at first. Using my amazing powers of deductive reasoning, I correctly (it turns out) figure they are talking to a child. "What do you think about this, buddy? Eh? Look good? Eh?" Dad is saying. He's holding up a bag of what looks like frozen chunks of breaded chicken. After several seconds of silence, Mom chimes in with "If we buy that for you, will you eat it?" "Yeah, buddy," Dad says. "We won't buy it unless you promise to eat it. How about it. Huh?" During this exchange, as I stroll ever closer to this little family drama, I have been pretending to peruse the shelves for my favorite brand of baking soda. As I pass their cart, I am able to see the child in question. He is sitting in the basket. I suppose he refuses to sit in the child seat. He's eating something that looks, at a glance, like candy. He looks to be 21/2. One parenting picture is worth a thousand words. These two people don't have a clue, but they are digging an ever-deepening hole for themselves. At this stage of the game, they can, with minimal effort, climb out of it, but the longer they allow this "hey buddy" and "will you eat this?" silliness go on, the more difficult climbing out is going to be. This child is not yet 3, and he is ringmaster of the family circus. At some point, these parents are going to complain (if they have not already) to others about how "strong-willed" he is, how he won't accept "no" for an answer, and the like. But he is not the problem. His behavior is nothing more than an expression of the problem. Trying to correct him is not and will not be the answer. To correct this problem, the horse will have to be put out in front of the cart. The problem will not only be his ever-worsening behavior. The best research has clearly shown that the happiest children are also the most obedient. So the paradox will be that although this child will be getting his own way, he will not really be a happy camper. Eventually, he may even be miserable. The further problem is that this tragic-comedy is close to being the norm in America. At dinner tables all over the country, children are being served special meals that keep them happy today and increase their chances of being malcontents later on. A week after my grocery store voyeurism, I read a mother's online story of her 3-year-old daughter who is "food phobic." The mother spends an inordinate amount of time and energy fixing this foods that do not kick her "phobia" into action. So now we even have the beginnings of a new diagnosis and a new mental health industry. Maybe even a new food industry: Every item - steak, chicken, broccoli, mashed potatoes, you name it - is processed and packaged to look and even taste like candy. That's not a joke; it's a prediction. And it's not funny anyway. |
Posted to rec.food.cooking
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Column on getting kids to eat - not what you might expect
Omelet > wrote:
>Give kids a choice and do not FORCE them! It really makes a difference. >I used to get beaten (with a belt) for refusing to eat some stuff that >was nasty and I still won't eat some stuff to this day because of the >horrendous childhood memories! (I'm 48). >Please, I beg of you, do NOT subject your kids to that experience. >I think I could enjoy beets now (and turnips) if it was not for that >shit. Despite what some of this thread's posters feel is my actual opinion, I entirely concur with this sentiment. To often, kids dislike methods of preparation rather than ingredients. I'm glad my family didn't give up on certain foods just because I disliked them prepared in certain ways. When I've advocated the inculcation of appreciation for different foods in children, I never condoned cruelty as a preferred methodology. On the contrary, I think parents use cruelty to mask their ineptitude in preparing foods in different ways. If I were force fed cauliflower in cheese sauce, I'd probably gag on the first attempted bite. But, roast it or dip it in egg before frying and I'm on board. I likewise prefer roasted carrots to mushy steamed ones. It's also important for parents and children to dialogue honestly regarding food preferences, textures, odors, visual aesthetics, etc. It's not enough to shut down valuable discussions with kids expressing abhorrence and parents threatening punishment if they don't eat what's put before them. I and my family learned a lot about food by talking about what different relatives liked/disliked. For instance, I eventually learned that my dislike for creamy textures only applied to dairy, which opened up a world of pureed foods, from humus and refried beans to squash and fruit. Had my parents unquestioningly taken my dislike as gospel, I and they wouldn't have learned what we did. All too often, kids end up associating specific preparations with certain ingredients because that's how they've been served at home. "Foodies" like us know that there are probably thousands of ways to prepare many foods, each with different seasonings and cooking methods, each producing radically different textures and aromas. I vote for exposing kids to a variety of preparations of supposedly disliked foodstuffs before banishing them. Orlando |
Posted to rec.food.cooking
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Column on getting kids to eat - not what you might expect
Omelet wrote:
> >I used to get beaten (with a belt) for refusing to eat some stuff that >was nasty and I still won't eat some stuff to this day because of the >horrendous childhood memories! (I'm 48). >Please, I beg of you, do NOT subject your kids to that experience. That's very extreme. I doubt many beat their kids for not eating everything they're served, least I'd hope not. My mother would very occasionally prepare something that my father prefered but us kids wouldn't even try... now that I look back there was nothing wrong with potted meat (really just stew). If we didn't want to eat any then we didn't have to but there was nothing else, we could just sit there quietly... if we made any commotion we were sent to our room... didn't take long to learn how to stfu. We didn't get beaten, we simply missed the main part of the meal, which might have been stewed chicken, or more likely braised meaty soup bones, but there was always plenty of bread and butter and milk, we didn't starve, far from it, we'd even get dessert if there was any... but like I said, that was very rare. I really don't remember my mother preparing foods we didn't like except those very few times she'd make something my father requested because it was something his mother made. And now as an adult I like all those "disgusting" foods my father liked... he would never eat rare beef so we never ate steak and my father didn't have the greatest teeth so he couldn't chew well done beef. We ate a lot of ground beef and noodle dishes, meat loaf with egg noodles and gravy was my father's favorite, now it's mine too. We may have missed a few meals but never got beaten for not eating something... my father would just say "More for me". When anyone asked what my father liked to eat my mother always answered "Everything", not anything... there's a difference. My father drove for a living, my mother didn't feed him, she filled his tank! LOL But eventually I learned to like and even crave all those "disgusting" foods my father liked (my mother liked them too). Nowadays I love things like flanken, short ribs, and with plenty of onions and turnips, borscht to die for, cabbage soup what would give an orgasm. I make all my father's soups, and before he passed all he had to find out is that I was preparing one of my huge pots filled with meaty soup bones braised with tons of onions,turnips, carrots, spuds, and a mess o' fresh dill and he'd drive over two hundred miles in the middle of the night to suprise me with a visit, he'd ring my bell before sun up, not so much to see me, but for my cooking... and he'd not leave until he ate it all even if it took him three days. And believe me, he could eat like you wouldn't believe. His very favorite was cole slaw... one day he spotted the cabbages in my garden and begged me to make cole slaw, so I prepared four huge heads worth... do you know he got up in the middle of the night to check the fridge that no one stole his cole slaw, I'd find him at the kitchen table at 3 AM stuffing it in at olympic speed. I'd tell him dad, I'll pack it up so you can take it home, he'd say I don't want to put you to any trouble so I'll just eat it while I'm here. And when he left he had eaten it all. It always amazed him that I could cook Latvian just like his mother. He loved my mother's mother's cooking too... I can cook all those Slavic dishes as well. The one dish dad admitted I prepared better than anyone is kasha varniskas... everytime I cook a batch I wish he were still around to see who could shovel in more... Im sure he'd win. Beating a kid for not eating something I think is a good indication of criminal behaviour, nowadays those parents go to prison, as they should. |
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Quote:
"didn't take long to learn how to stfu". ^ Mhmm. They sound like stearn but fair folks. |
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