I remember something from a cousin's wedding 30 years ago. I was seated
at a large round table with elderly relatives. I must have been around
20. I was there with great-aunts. The photographer came around to get
the photo of the table. He interupted and started directing half the
table to stand behind the half that would remain seated so he could get
the table shot. He told me to remain seated and an 80 year old lady to
stand behind me. I knew that was wrong and got up. He began motioning
for me to stay seated, and I didn't know how to tell him that his
directions were wrong, that you didn't have teenagers in chairs and old
folks standing behind them, even if those old folks can walk.


My
great-aunt must not have known how to tell him directly either, because
she started telling me, loud enough for the photographer to hear, that I
had bad manners and should know to give seats to the elderly. It was
easier for her to talk to family than to the "help." I didn't do
anything wrong! I've remembered that ever since, sometimes wondered if
I should have said something to the photographer, but I didn't know how
to talk to the help either.


Recently at a pre-wedding dinner party in a private room of a restaurant
in Stamford, I was seated at a table with my boyfriend, brother, and
parents. I'm 50. My parents are in their mid-80s. When the entrees
started coming from the kitchen, several waiters were delivering them
all at once. One waiter had one in his hand when he got to our table,
so he put it down in front of me, then returned to the kitchen for more.
I was embarrassed. Didn't he know to serve my mother first? It sat
there in front of me while he went for more.


I wouldn't have said anything, but when the head waiter came over to ask
if everything was alright and did we need anything, I told him to please
make sure in the future to serve my parents first. He nodded his
agreement, said that he'd speak to the waiters, and assured me that he'd
make sure the the food came out faster. I told him that speed didn't
matter as much to me, that the important thing was that they not serve
the younger people at the table before the elders.


When the dessert came, they did exactly the same thing, served me, then
went for more. I don't think the waiter ever understood the point, and
it's baffling to me. I can think of places where there's disagreement
about whether ladies go first, but I can't think of a culture on earth
where it's good manners to make the elderly wait for last. (And lest
any of you wise-asses start making comments about my ancient looks, I'm
normally middle aged looking.)


I was going to say something about the food at the event, but all I
remember from it is the bad manners of the service staff, that and these
fantastic amaretto cookies served with coffee and how we started talking
about recreating the flavor and texture and stuffing croissants with them.


--Lia

In article >,
Julia Altshuler > wrote:

> about whether ladies go first, but I can't think of a culture on earth
> where it's good manners to make the elderly wait for last.
> --Lia

The geezers' food will be sitting, untouched and getting cold, for a
shorter time if they're last to be served. :-)
--
-Barb, Geezer Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.mac.com/barbschaller, and here's the link to my appearance
on "A Prairie Home Companion," <http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/
programs/2008/08/30/>

Julia Altshuler wrote:
> When the dessert came, they did exactly the same thing, served me,
> then went for more. I don't think the waiter ever understood the
> point, and it's baffling to me. I can think of places where there's
> disagreement about whether ladies go first, but I can't think of a
> culture on earth where it's good manners to make the elderly wait for
> last. (And lest any of you wise-asses start making comments about my
> ancient looks,
> I'm normally middle aged looking.)
>
> --Lia


I agree, it's rude not to serve the seniors at the table first. And in my
experience they eat more slowly so it makes good sense to boot.

Jill

wrote:
>Recently at a pre-wedding dinner party in a private room of a restaurant
>in Stamford, I was seated at a table with my boyfriend, brother, and
>parents. I'm 50. My parents are in their mid-80s. When the entrees
>started coming from the kitchen, several waiters were delivering them
>all at once. One waiter had one in his hand when he got to our table,
>so he put it down in front of me, then returned to the kitchen for more.
> I was embarrassed. Didn't he know to serve my mother first? It sat
>there in front of me while he went for more.
>I wouldn't have said anything, but when the head waiter came over to ask
>if everything was alright and did we need anything, I told him to please
>make sure in the future to serve my parents first. He nodded his
>agreement, said that he'd speak to the waiters, and assured me that he'd
>make sure the the food came out faster. I told him that speed didn't
>matter as much to me, that the important thing was that they not serve
>the younger people at the table before the elders.
>When the dessert came, they did exactly the same thing, served me, then
>went for more. I don't think the waiter ever understood the point, and
>it's baffling to me. I can think of places where there's disagreement
>about whether ladies go first, but I can't think of a culture on earth
>where it's good manners to make the elderly wait for last.

If you weren't so hell bent on proving a point, you could have slid your entree
over to your parents since you were seated at table with them. But no, your
point here is that you suspect the hapless waiter deliberately served you
first. I imagine that he was stressed with full hands and much to do, so he
deposited whatever he could at the appropriate table without worrying who got
served first. At a restaurant, if your food is ready sooner than your parents',
would you insist on the staff holding or reheating your food so your parents
could be served first? The custom of serving the elderly first assumes everyone
is eating the same food and that it's all ready at the same time, so that the
only variable is serving order.

Orlando

"Julia Altshuler" > wrote in message
>
> Recently at a pre-wedding dinner party in a private room of a restaurant
> in Stamford, I was seated at a table with my boyfriend, brother, and
> parents. I'm 50. My parents are in their mid-80s. When the entrees
> started coming from the kitchen, several waiters were delivering them all
> at once. One waiter had one in his hand when he got to our table, so he
> put it down in front of me, then returned to the kitchen for more. I was
> embarrassed. Didn't he know to serve my mother first? It sat there in
> front of me while he went for more.
>

No, he probably didn't know anything but to start at a certain point of the
table and go around. That assures that everyone is served. The help at
most of those places is poorly trained and poorly paid and just don't care.
It is just a job to make some money, not a life career in catering.


>
> When the dessert came, they did exactly the same thing, served me, then
> went for more. I don't think the waiter ever understood the point, and
> it's baffling to me.

Not baffling at all. They don't care.

On Wed 24 Sep 2008 05:48:39a, Julia Altshuler told us...

> I remember something from a cousin's wedding 30 years ago. I was seated
> at a large round table with elderly relatives. I must have been around
> 20. I was there with great-aunts. The photographer came around to get
> the photo of the table. He interupted and started directing half the
> table to stand behind the half that would remain seated so he could get
> the table shot. He told me to remain seated and an 80 year old lady to
> stand behind me. I knew that was wrong and got up. He began motioning
> for me to stay seated, and I didn't know how to tell him that his
> directions were wrong, that you didn't have teenagers in chairs and old
> folks standing behind them, even if those old folks can walk.
>
>
> My
> great-aunt must not have known how to tell him directly either, because
> she started telling me, loud enough for the photographer to hear, that I
> had bad manners and should know to give seats to the elderly. It was
> easier for her to talk to family than to the "help." I didn't do
> anything wrong! I've remembered that ever since, sometimes wondered if
> I should have said something to the photographer, but I didn't know how
> to talk to the help either.
>
>
> Recently at a pre-wedding dinner party in a private room of a restaurant
> in Stamford, I was seated at a table with my boyfriend, brother, and
> parents. I'm 50. My parents are in their mid-80s. When the entrees
> started coming from the kitchen, several waiters were delivering them
> all at once. One waiter had one in his hand when he got to our table,
> so he put it down in front of me, then returned to the kitchen for more.
> I was embarrassed. Didn't he know to serve my mother first? It sat
> there in front of me while he went for more.
>
>
> I wouldn't have said anything, but when the head waiter came over to ask
> if everything was alright and did we need anything, I told him to please
> make sure in the future to serve my parents first. He nodded his
> agreement, said that he'd speak to the waiters, and assured me that he'd
> make sure the the food came out faster. I told him that speed didn't
> matter as much to me, that the important thing was that they not serve
> the younger people at the table before the elders.
>
>
> When the dessert came, they did exactly the same thing, served me, then
> went for more. I don't think the waiter ever understood the point, and
> it's baffling to me. I can think of places where there's disagreement
> about whether ladies go first, but I can't think of a culture on earth
> where it's good manners to make the elderly wait for last. (And lest
> any of you wise-asses start making comments about my ancient looks, I'm
> normally middle aged looking.)
>
>
> I was going to say something about the food at the event, but all I
> remember from it is the bad manners of the service staff, that and these
> fantastic amaretto cookies served with coffee and how we started talking
> about recreating the flavor and texture and stuffing croissants with
them.
>
>
> --Lia
>
>

Catered affairs, unless they are very top drawer, are definitely not the
equivalent of a "starred" restaurant, and I wouldn't really expect the
service to be particularly better or more correct that what you
experienced. The objective is usually to serve as many people as possible
as quickly as possible. That's not to say that the waitstaff can't be more
observant, correcvt, or attentive, but they often are not. No big surprise
here.

--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 09(IX)/24(XXIV)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
6wks 5dys 3hrs 37mins
*******************************************
Hey! Welcome back to Kansas!
*******************************************

On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 08:48:39 -0400, Julia Altshuler
> wrote:

<snip>
>
>Recently at a pre-wedding dinner party in a private room of a restaurant
>in Stamford, I was seated at a table with my boyfriend, brother, and
>parents. I'm 50. My parents are in their mid-80s. When the entrees
>started coming from the kitchen, several waiters were delivering them
>all at once. One waiter had one in his hand when he got to our table,
>so he put it down in front of me, then returned to the kitchen for more.
> I was embarrassed. Didn't he know to serve my mother first? It sat
>there in front of me while he went for more.
>
>
>I wouldn't have said anything, but when the head waiter came over to ask
>if everything was alright and did we need anything, I told him to please
>make sure in the future to serve my parents first. He nodded his
>agreement, said that he'd speak to the waiters, and assured me that he'd
>make sure the the food came out faster. I told him that speed didn't
>matter as much to me, that the important thing was that they not serve
>the younger people at the table before the elders.
>
>
>When the dessert came, they did exactly the same thing, served me, then
>went for more. I don't think the waiter ever understood the point, and
>it's baffling to me. I can think of places where there's disagreement
>about whether ladies go first, but I can't think of a culture on earth
>where it's good manners to make the elderly wait for last. (And lest
>any of you wise-asses start making comments about my ancient looks, I'm
>normally middle aged looking.)
>
>
>I was going to say something about the food at the event, but all I
>remember from it is the bad manners of the service staff, that and these
>fantastic amaretto cookies served with coffee and how we started talking
>about recreating the flavor and texture and stuffing croissants with them.
>
Maybe one dish came out before another and it was served first? So,
you just happened to be the lucky recipient both times. <smile>

My DD is getting married next year, I'll mention that situation to
her. It's a real consideration. In polite company, you don't start
to eat before the last person is served... so I don't know how it
would change the situation other than the older people will eat cold
food.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

sf wrote:
>
> Maybe one dish came out before another and it was served first? So,
> you just happened to be the lucky recipient both times. <smile>


This explanation makes sense. I don't think they were purposely trying
to dis the seniors, just not paying attention and going by whatever
happens in the kitchen.


> My DD is getting married next year, I'll mention that situation to
> her. It's a real consideration. In polite company, you don't start
> to eat before the last person is served... so I don't know how it
> would change the situation other than the older people will eat cold
> food.


There's a special etiquette rule for large tables. If you're seated at
a long banquet table, you wait until 2 people to your side have been
served, then you eat. In other words, person 1 waits until 2 and 3 have
their food before starting to eat. Person 2 waits until 3 and 4 have
been served to start and so on. When folks are seated in husband and
wife pairs, they wait in pairs.


None of that is relevant to the situation at hand, but I think it's fun
to know. If there are only 6 at the table, then everyone waits until
all 6 are served, and the longish delay between one person being served
and the others was awkward.


--Lia

On Thu, 25 Sep 2008 08:33:18 -0400, Julia Altshuler wrote:
>
> There's a special etiquette rule for large tables. If you're seated at
> a long banquet table, you wait until 2 people to your side have been
> served, then you eat. In other words, person 1 waits until 2 and 3 have
> their food before starting to eat. Person 2 waits until 3 and 4 have
> been served to start and so on. When folks are seated in husband and
> wife pairs, they wait in pairs.
>
>
> None of that is relevant to the situation at hand, but I think it's fun
> to know. If there are only 6 at the table, then everyone waits until
> all 6 are served, and the longish delay between one person being served
> and the others was awkward.
>
>
> --Lia

this i hadn't heard. no wonder miss manners threw me out of her house.

your pal,
blake

On Thu, 25 Sep 2008 08:33:18 -0400, Julia Altshuler
> wrote:

>There's a special etiquette rule for large tables. If you're seated at
>a long banquet table, you wait until 2 people to your side have been
>served, then you eat. In other words, person 1 waits until 2 and 3 have
>their food before starting to eat. Person 2 waits until 3 and 4 have
>been served to start and so on. When folks are seated in husband and
>wife pairs, they wait in pairs.

Huh. I haven't heard that one.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

On Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:40:39 -0700, sf wrote:
>
> My DD is getting married next year, I'll mention that situation to
> her. It's a real consideration. In polite company, you don't start
> to eat before the last person is served... so I don't know how it
> would change the situation other than the older people will eat cold
> food.

i thought that was the scoop as well, unless invited to go ahead by those
not yet served.

your pal,
blake