"Dave Smith" > wrote

> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
takes no skill!

It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!

nancy

Nancy Young wrote:

> "You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
> takes no skill!
>
> It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
> friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
> your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!
>

And to do it on such a grand scale. I would throw a lot more parties if I had
the cojones to expect neighbours I hardly know to put out big bucks to feed my
friends.

On May 30, 5:50*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
> incredible. *Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? *Still. *But then,
> telling her what wines to bring?? *Hello, pick it up yourself, that
> takes no skill! *

Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
chef's wife just may be thoughtless. I guess my point is to not be
too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem

"aem" > wrote

>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>> takes no skill!

>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.

And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
close enough to welcome that role?

I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
surprised "guests" ... things like that.

nancy

"Nancy Young" > wrote in message
. ..
>
> "aem" > wrote
>>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>
>>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>>> takes no skill!
>
>>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.
>
> And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
> close enough to welcome that role?
>
> I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
> a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
> surprised "guests" ... things like that.
> nancy

ugh. I have had that happen. At a steak place that was well over my budget.
I was invited to a 'party' I ate a baked potato and salad (At the time I
wasn't eating animal products) and then they took the bill and split it 10
ways. I ended up paying 3X as much as I would have if I just had paid my
own bill. I was young and didn't say anything. I would now.

On Fri, 30 May 2008 21:41:38 -0400, "Nancy Young" >
wrote:

>
>"aem" > wrote
>
>>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>
>>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>>> takes no skill!
>
>>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.
>
>And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
>close enough to welcome that role?
>
>I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
>a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
>surprised "guests" ... things like that.

I wouldn't pay anything if it was an invited party, and it would end
the friendship.

I have a family member who threw a birthday party for one of the kids
at a pizza joint. The kid got at least 2 grand in cash and gifts.
$100 from me. When the bill came, family member complained how
expensive it was having kids and these parties, and mentioned the bill
was $196. Was I supposed to "pitch in" for the 2 beers and piece of
pizza I already paid $100 for? A few weeks later the family members
wife was complaining about people who give checks and gift
certificates rather than cash because she has to run the kids around
to take care of things. That was the last birthday party we went to
and we don't send gifts to their kids either. Unfortunately idiots
sometimes reside in your own family. My/our friends would never be
so tacky as we've chosen them well.

Lou

"Lou Decruss" > wrote in message
news
> On Fri, 30 May 2008 21:41:38 -0400, "Nancy Young" >
> wrote:
>
>>
>>"aem" > wrote
>>
>>>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>>
>>>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>>>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>>>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>>>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>>>> takes no skill!
>>
>>>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>>>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>>>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>>>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>>>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>>>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>>>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>>>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.
>>
>>And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
>>close enough to welcome that role?
>>
>>I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
>>a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
>>surprised "guests" ... things like that.
>
> I wouldn't pay anything if it was an invited party, and it would end
> the friendship.
>
> I have a family member who threw a birthday party for one of the kids
> at a pizza joint. The kid got at least 2 grand in cash and gifts.
> $100 from me. When the bill came, family member complained how
> expensive it was having kids and these parties, and mentioned the bill
> was $196. Was I supposed to "pitch in" for the 2 beers and piece of
> pizza I already paid $100 for? A few weeks later the family members
> wife was complaining about people who give checks and gift
> certificates rather than cash because she has to run the kids around
> to take care of things. That was the last birthday party we went to
> and we don't send gifts to their kids either. Unfortunately idiots
> sometimes reside in your own family. My/our friends would never be
> so tacky as we've chosen them well.
>
> Lou

I know, the family ones are the worst. Had a SIL who, if you purchased
something for her kids, would, in the middle of the festivities, ask for the
receipt, so as she so bluntly put it.....'could take it back for the cash'
and then announce that SHE would keep the cash as the kids would be too
irresponsible to handle it and after all it did cost CASH MONEY to raise the
little ingrates. We have been 'busy' since that time whenever we are
invited to this 'family' do.
-ginny

On Sat, 31 May 2008 09:14:11 -0400, "Virginia Tadrzynski"
> wrote:

>
>"Lou Decruss" > wrote in message
>news
>> On Fri, 30 May 2008 21:41:38 -0400, "Nancy Young" >
>> wrote:

>> I wouldn't pay anything if it was an invited party, and it would end
>> the friendship.
>>
>> I have a family member who threw a birthday party for one of the kids
>> at a pizza joint. The kid got at least 2 grand in cash and gifts.
>> $100 from me. When the bill came, family member complained how
>> expensive it was having kids and these parties, and mentioned the bill
>> was $196. Was I supposed to "pitch in" for the 2 beers and piece of
>> pizza I already paid $100 for? A few weeks later the family members
>> wife was complaining about people who give checks and gift
>> certificates rather than cash because she has to run the kids around
>> to take care of things. That was the last birthday party we went to
>> and we don't send gifts to their kids either. Unfortunately idiots
>> sometimes reside in your own family. My/our friends would never be
>> so tacky as we've chosen them well.
>>
>> Lou
>
>I know, the family ones are the worst. Had a SIL who, if you purchased
>something for her kids, would, in the middle of the festivities, ask for the
>receipt, so as she so bluntly put it.....'could take it back for the cash'
>and then announce that SHE would keep the cash as the kids would be too
>irresponsible to handle it and after all it did cost CASH MONEY to raise the
>little ingrates. We have been 'busy' since that time whenever we are
>invited to this 'family' do.
>-ginny

The SIL I referred to is just as tacky as that. She will always
announce how much the party cost, the price of the meat, how much work
it was getting ready, etc. etc. We just don't go anymore. We even
blew them off this past Christmas. Family or not I have little
patience for jerks.

Lou

Nancy Young wrote:

> I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
> a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
> surprised "guests" ... things like that.

It's so common among my peer group to throw parties in restaurants with
the full expectation that everyone will pay her/his own way, that I
don't even think twice I just decline the invitations to my friends'
parties if they're going to be in restaurants.

Serene

In article >,
Serene Vannoy > wrote:

> Nancy Young wrote:
>
> > I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
> > a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
> > surprised "guests" ... things like that.
>
> It's so common among my peer group to throw parties in restaurants with
> the full expectation that everyone will pay her/his own way, that I
> don't even think twice I just decline the invitations to my friends'
> parties if they're going to be in restaurants.
>
> Serene


What's the difference between "throwing a party in a restaurant" and
"getting together for dinner in a restaurant"? Is a special occasion
implied in the former?

Some Twin Cities r.f.c. folks occasionally get together for restaurant
dinners and we split the bill equally.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

"Melba's Jammin'" > ha scritto nel messaggio news
> What's the difference between "throwing a party in a restaurant" and
> "getting together for dinner in a restaurant"? Is a special occasion
> implied in the former?

Doesn't "throwing a party" imply hosting it and therefore paying for it?

Get togethers are a different thing Someone may arrange them, but no one is
throwing it or hosting it.

It's always the same 4-5 people who actually host anything here. The rest
come but never get around to inviting or hosting anything.

In article >,
"Giusi" > wrote:

> "Melba's Jammin'" > ha scritto nel messaggio news
> > What's the difference between "throwing a party in a restaurant" and
> > "getting together for dinner in a restaurant"? Is a special occasion
> > implied in the former?
>
> Doesn't "throwing a party" imply hosting it and therefore paying for it?

I do believe it do.
I re-read what I wrote and it does sound pretty dumb. :-/ I plead jet
lag and throw myself on the mercy and kindness of the stylin' judge in
the red dress and lime green shoes. (Vewwy, vewwy nice, by the bye.)

> Get togethers are a different thing Someone may arrange them, but no one is
> throwing it or hosting it.
>
> It's always the same 4-5 people who actually host anything here. The rest
> come but never get around to inviting or hosting anything.

Does that bother you? Do the invitees who never host have other
redeeming qualities? I almost never entertain. I don't know how.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Huffy and Bubbles Do France: http://www.jamlady.eboard.com

Melba's Jammin' wrote:

>
> > It's so common among my peer group to throw parties in restaurants with
> > the full expectation that everyone will pay her/his own way, that I
> > don't even think twice I just decline the invitations to my friends'
> > parties if they're going to be in restaurants.
> >
> > Serene
>
> What's the difference between "throwing a party in a restaurant" and
> "getting together for dinner in a restaurant"? Is a special occasion
> implied in the former?
>
> Some Twin Cities r.f.c. folks occasionally get together for restaurant
> dinners and we split the bill equally.

I would think that there is a difference between some friends or
acquaintances arranging to meet in a restaurant and a party, the latter
usually implying invited guests. I have no problem accepting invitations to
parties and attending as a guest at the person's house, hall or restaurant.
If I am going to spend my own money it will be at a restaurant of my choice.
I don't mind entertaining myself at my expense but if I am not likely to be
attending and paying to be entertained by others.

On Wed, 11 Jun 2008 08:03:35 -0500, Melba's Jammin'
> wrote:

>What's the difference between "throwing a party in a restaurant" and
>"getting together for dinner in a restaurant"? Is a special occasion
>implied in the former?

Yes. More importantly, if you're hosting it - you're paying for it.
"Getting together" implies you're not a guest. You're meeting friends
at an agreed upon restaurant and paying your own way.

The arrangements are clearly communicated in advance with words like
"I'd like you to be my guest..." and sending a formal invitation card
or picking up the phone and saying "Let's get together for dinner next
weekend....".

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

I was recently invited to a birthday party a friend was giving for
himself....or so we thought. It was at a very good Chinese restaurant
in SF. When the bill was presented to him, he looked it over and
announced how much it would be per person. We were all shocked and 2
men excused themselves to go to the nearest ATM. Doing this was so out
of character for the birthday boy....I wonder what he was thinking.

Have a happy Sunday and a good week,

Ellie

wrote:

> I was recently invited to a birthday party a friend was giving for
> himself....or so we thought. It was at a very good Chinese restaurant
> in SF. When the bill was presented to him, he looked it over and
> announced how much it would be per person. We were all shocked and 2
> men excused themselves to go to the nearest ATM. Doing this was so out
> of character for the birthday boy....I wonder what he was thinking.
>
> Have a happy Sunday and a good week,
>

I think that is pretty tacky too. If you invite someone to a party and
nothing is said about paying it should be safe to assume there is no
financial obligation. I would be shocked. I would pay my share. I would not
accept another "invitation".

Dave Smith wrote:

> I think that is pretty tacky too. If you invite someone to a party and
> nothing is said about paying it should be safe to assume there is no
> financial obligation. I would be shocked. I would pay my share. I would not
> accept another "invitation".
>
I think people have become so confused anymore about manners (don't get
me started on RSVP's!) and invitation wording that I wonder if that was
part of the confusion?
If I heard "Come be our guest at dinner at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant"
I would expect that the host (inviter) was paying. Yet if they said
"Would you like to join us at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant?" I'd assume
I was paying my own way.

On Sun 01 Jun 2008 04:21:16p, Goomba told us...

> Dave Smith wrote:
>
>> I think that is pretty tacky too. If you invite someone to a party and
>> nothing is said about paying it should be safe to assume there is no
>> financial obligation. I would be shocked. I would pay my share. I
>> would not accept another "invitation".
>>
> I think people have become so confused anymore about manners (don't get
> me started on RSVP's!) and invitation wording that I wonder if that was
> part of the confusion?
> If I heard "Come be our guest at dinner at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant"
> I would expect that the host (inviter) was paying. Yet if they said
> "Would you like to join us at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant?" I'd assume
> I was paying my own way.

I find "join us" to sometimes be misconstrued. We usually say, "Would you
like to *meet* us at happy Cat Chinese Restaurant for dinner?" To me that
implies nothing more than getting together for a meal.



--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Sunday, 06(VI)/01(I)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Hard work must have killed someone!
-------------------------------------------

Goomba wrote:

>
> I think people have become so confused anymore about manners (don't get
> me started on RSVP's!) and invitation wording that I wonder if that was
> part of the confusion?
> If I heard "Come be our guest at dinner at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant"
> I would expect that the host (inviter) was paying. Yet if they said
> "Would you like to join us at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant?" I'd assume
> I was paying my own way.

If I were to receive an invitation to attend Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant and
realized I would be expected to pay for myself and my sweetie I would have to
consider whether I wanted to spend the money to go out with my sweetie with a
bunch of other people and weight the pros and cons of doing that or going
elsewhere with my sweetie. Thanks but no thanks, I would rather just go out with
her, unless I wanted to go there anyway. And if I went, I would want to pay my
own way and not be subsidizing the hangers on who will drink and eat their faces
off and expecting their over indulgence to be subsidized by the rest of the party.

Goomba wrote:
>>
> I think people have become so confused anymore about manners (don't get
> me started on RSVP's!) and invitation wording that I wonder if that was
> part of the confusion?

> If I heard "Come be our guest at dinner at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant"
> I would expect that the host (inviter) was paying. Yet if they said
> "Would you like to join us at Happy Cat Chinese Restaurant?" I'd assume
> I was paying my own way.
>

Except that most of the time it's not "join us", it's "We're having a
birthday party for Joe at XYZ Restaurant Friday at 6PM. Can you make it?"

As Dear Daughter often says: "Who's this 'we', Kemo Sabe?"

If it's in a restaurant, I assume it's Dutch treat unless it's a
wedding reception or anniversary party but even then, you never know.


gloria p

wrote:
> I was recently invited to a birthday party a friend was giving for
> himself....or so we thought. It was at a very good Chinese restaurant
> in SF. When the bill was presented to him, he looked it over and
> announced how much it would be per person. We were all shocked and 2
> men excused themselves to go to the nearest ATM. Doing this was so out
> of character for the birthday boy....I wonder what he was thinking.

Yeah, that stuff drives me crazy.

There was a friend-of-a-friend who was going to be in town, and we were
gonna get together for dinner. He said "And I can even treat, because
I'm on an expense account." Okay, fine. So when we got to the end of
the meal, he not only didn't offer to pay, but he didn't have enough for
his half, and I didn't have enough cash on me, so I had to call my wife
to run to the ATM and bring me money. I was, shall we say, not amused.

If I'd been less stunned, maybe I would've dealt with it better, but at
the time, I just wanted out of there.

Serene

Serene Vannoy wrote:

> There was a friend-of-a-friend who was going to be in town, and we were
> gonna get together for dinner. He said "And I can even treat, because
> I'm on an expense account." Okay, fine. So when we got to the end of
> the meal, he not only didn't offer to pay, but he didn't have enough for
> his half, and I didn't have enough cash on me, so I had to call my wife
> to run to the ATM and bring me money. I was, shall we say, not amused.
>
> If I'd been less stunned, maybe I would've dealt with it better, but at
> the time, I just wanted out of there.
>
> Serene

No one carries a credit card with them??

Goomba wrote:
> Serene Vannoy wrote:
>
>> There was a friend-of-a-friend who was going to be in town, and we
>> were gonna get together for dinner. He said "And I can even treat,
>> because I'm on an expense account." Okay, fine. So when we got to the
>> end of the meal, he not only didn't offer to pay, but he didn't have
>> enough for his half, and I didn't have enough cash on me, so I had to
>> call my wife to run to the ATM and bring me money. I was, shall we
>> say, not amused.
>>
>> If I'd been less stunned, maybe I would've dealt with it better, but
>> at the time, I just wanted out of there.
>>
>> Serene
>
> No one carries a credit card with them??

I don't have a credit card, and at the time, I had about twenty dollars
on me and not enough in the bank to get out more to pay the whole bill,
about $40. I have a debit card now that I can use, but I don't have a
lot of money, and as some other posters have pointed out, if I'm going
to spend $40 on lunch, I'd rather go out with my family and spend it on us.

Serene

"Goomba" > wrote
>
> No one carries a credit card with them??

Once again, your ASSumptions stagger. Many people actually CHOOSE
not to use credit cards.

Serene Vannoy wrote:

>
>
> There was a friend-of-a-friend who was going to be in town, and we were
> gonna get together for dinner. He said "And I can even treat, because
> I'm on an expense account." Okay, fine. So when we got to the end of
> the meal, he not only didn't offer to pay, but he didn't have enough for
> his half, and I didn't have enough cash on me, so I had to call my wife
> to run to the ATM and bring me money. I was, shall we say, not amused.
>
> If I'd been less stunned, maybe I would've dealt with it better, but at
> the time, I just wanted out of there.

At work we used to refer to that as "getting Andied" Andy was notorious for
meeting us in restaurants for meals and not having enough money to pay. We
were one expense accounts and he never seemed to be able to get it together
enough to save money from one expense to pay for the next few weeks .

The last time it happened to me, I had the lunch special, a bowl of soup,
toasted western side with fries on the side and coffee for the unbelievable
price of $2.65 a damned good deal even 15 years ago when this happened. Andy
had fish and chips with double fish, a milkshake, coffee and a chocolate
sundae. When the bill came, Andy had no money.

I ended up paying for Andy's meal. Andy claimed his meal on his expense
account. When his check came in he forgot to cash it, forgot the money...spent
the money. The ******* claimed for the lunch that I paid for and then pocketed
the money.

That never happened to me again, or anyone else with me when Andy came along.
We made him show us that he had money before we would let him come to a
restaurant with us.

On Mon, 02 Jun 2008 07:30:50 -0400, Dave Smith
> wrote:

>That never happened to me again, or anyone else with me when Andy came along.
>We made him show us that he had money before we would let him come to a
>restaurant with us.

I wouldn't even share a table with someone like that.

Lou

aem wrote:
> On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>> takes no skill!
>
> Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
> outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
> "lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
> money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
> husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
> sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
> and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
> they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
> chef's wife just may be thoughtless. I guess my point is to not be
> too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
> report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
> case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem

I find the entire instance too hard to comprehend. Maybe it's because I
was raised with the concept that a guest honors you by accepting an
invitation to your home. Hospitality is up there with the same rule that
says it's a good deed to visit the sick.

I have no doubts that the story is true, and I give aem credit for
attempting to find the positive side of it, but I just can't wrap my
brain around a $200 invite to a house party.


--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

aem wrote:

> Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
> outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
> "lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
> money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
> husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife.

They seem outrageous because they are. There may be some people who would
not be offended, but our friend certainly was. Rich people don't expect
their friends to pay to come to their parties.


> For another, wives
> sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
> and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
> they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
> chef's wife just may be thoughtless.

I suppose that it may be a matter of having mistakenly over estimated the
relationship and thinking that our friend would be delighted to spend
$200 to help surprise the husband. However, when our friend declined, the
wife then over estimated the relationship with another neighbour who was
invited in place of our friend. She was upset enough at the gall of the
chef's wife that she called our friend. Imagine how that woman would have
felt if she was a second string invitation, having been invited only after
our friend had declined.



> I guess my point is to not be
> too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
> report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
> case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem

On May 30, 6:27*pm, Nina > wrote:
>
> I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
> *and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
> it. *I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
> even "bring a salad <or whatever> for 20 people". *It's a little less
> reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
> with exactly this wine.

Sure, in most cases, but we don't really know the specifics here. In
particular, we don't know what the chef's wife had in mind for this
whole party. Chefs by nature have to controlling personalities, maybe
their wives are, too. <g>

I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
more subtly..... -aem

aem wrote:

>
> I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
> party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
> more subtly..... -aem
>

I have been to hundreds of pot lucks and have, on occasion, been asked
to bring a specific type of dish, but never $200 worth!

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

Janet Baraclough wrote:

>
>
> If invited to a meal provided entirely by the host, normal practice
> here is for guests to bring a bottle of their own choosing. For the host
> to tell a guest which wine to bring, would be viewed as unbelievably
> crass.

I have a friend who is into wine in a big way. It is common for him to ask
what we are serving and how we are cooking it, because he will be bringing
some very good wine to pair with it. When we go there I will take some
nice wines, usually something from one of the local wineries and one of
those which he had called to recommend..... and no.. he did not recommend
them for that occasions. He regularly calls to let me know about some of
the exceptional local wines that I should stock up on.

"aem" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
On May 30, 6:27 pm, Nina > wrote:
>
> I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
> *and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
> it. I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
> even "bring a salad <or whatever> for 20 people". It's a little less
> reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
> with exactly this wine.

Sure, in most cases, but we don't really know the specifics here. In
particular, we don't know what the chef's wife had in mind for this
whole party. Chefs by nature have to controlling personalities, maybe
their wives are, too. <g>

I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
more subtly..... -aem

Really aem, if you can find anyway in which to make this situation normal,
you need to look further for friends. When I ask what cxan I bring, I am
often told, "An American dessert!" but never which and never for X number of
people, because I would not be expected to bring servings for all the
guests. Others would be providing other choices.

"Nina" wrote

> I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
> *and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
> it. I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
> even "bring a salad <or whatever> for 20 people". It's a little less
> reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
> with exactly this wine.

Grin, I'm with you though I will allow being asked for a few of my signiture
dishes. They are easy and not too expensive. If someone asked me to bring
my 'dashi-tofu-seaweed-miso with rice' soup for 20, I wouldnt be upset. Now
the wine? Hostess job unless I said (or was known) as a non-cook and
*asked* what I could bring. Then a list of wine types desired would be
acceptable.

Ms Manners, demand no more than good convivial behavior of your guests, let
them chose the rest. A list of what they want to bring presented to others
to aviod too much duplication is acceptable for a pot-luck/cookout.

Grin, doing one at work next week. I'm bringing fresh bread from the
breadmaker and my 'butter garlic loaf' (stick of butter rolled in garlic,
onion, parsley, and parmesan with a little paprika). We'll firm up who's
got what onhand later and I might add a meatball-pasta dish if it seems
there isnt a main one. One of the guys lives in the barracks with minimal
cooking facilities so will be bringing some nice cheeses (I'm to bring my
cheese slicer) and another is bringing some green salad stuff.

In article >,
says...
>
> "Dave Smith" > wrote
>
> > I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> > decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> > "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> > with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> > people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
> takes no skill!
>
> It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
> friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
> your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!
>
> nancy
>


That's something that doesn't happen with my circle of friends. The only
standing order is that if you don't like something or most things on the
menu then you're welcome to bring a dish of your own.

Otherwise no requirements. Food and wine are provided at the event by us
since we are after all the ones hosting.

Some people just don't understand the concept.

"T" > wrote in message
>
> That's something that doesn't happen with my circle of friends. The only
> standing order is that if you don't like something or most things on the
> menu then you're welcome to bring a dish of your own.
>
> Otherwise no requirements. Food and wine are provided at the event by us
> since we are after all the ones hosting.
>
> Some people just don't understand the concept.

If you can't afford it, don't have it. If I invite someone I want their
company, not their price of admission.

OTOH, we often have informal get-togethers with two to four couples that
are close friends. To spread the workload a bit we'll offer to bring
something, usually a dessert or an appetizer. Sometimes we'll get a phone
call "I bought a big turkey on sale, come on over for dinner" and if my wife
is baking the reply will be "OK, I have a pie in the oven so I'll bring it".

Edwin Pawlowski wrote:
> "T" > wrote in message
>> That's something that doesn't happen with my circle of friends. The only
>> standing order is that if you don't like something or most things on the
>> menu then you're welcome to bring a dish of your own.
>>
>> Otherwise no requirements. Food and wine are provided at the event by us
>> since we are after all the ones hosting.
>>
>> Some people just don't understand the concept.
>
> If you can't afford it, don't have it. If I invite someone I want their
> company, not their price of admission.

EXACTLY!!

>
> OTOH, we often have informal get-togethers with two to four couples that
> are close friends. To spread the workload a bit we'll offer to bring
> something, usually a dessert or an appetizer. Sometimes we'll get a phone
> call "I bought a big turkey on sale, come on over for dinner" and if my wife
> is baking the reply will be "OK, I have a pie in the oven so I'll bring it".

Right. This is totally different from "Come on over, and by the way,
bring dinner".

Serene