Dear Family & Friends,
I know that you were eager to accept our family's invitation to
Thanksgiving dinner when you found out that the famous Martha
Stewart would be joining us. However, due to scheduling conflicts
beyond her control, Ms. Stewart finds that she is unable to grace
our table this year. With that in mind, there will be a few minor
changes regarding the meal and decor, as outlined below. Please be
aware of them, and adjust your appetite and dress appropriately.

Thank you


1)Our driveway will not be lined with homemade, paper bag
luminaries. After several trial runs and two visits from the fire
department, it was decided that, no matter how cleverly done, rows
of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

2)Once inside, please note that the entry space will not be
decorated with swags of Indian corn and fall foliage. Instead, we
included our dog in decorating by having him track in colorful
autumn leaves from the back yard. The mud was his idea.

3)The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy
china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that
match and everyone will get a fork. Since this is Thanksgiving, we
will refrain from using the paper SpongeBob dinner plates, the
leftover Halloween napkins, and our plastic cup collection.

4)Our centerpiece will not be a tower of fresh fruit and flowers.
Instead we will be proudly displaying a hedgehog-like decoration
hand-crafted from the finest construction paper and pine cones. The
artist assures me it is a turkey, albeit one without wings, legs,
or a beak.

5)We will be dining somewhat later than planned. However, our
daughter will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure she will be
happy to share every choice comment her mother made regarding
Thanksgiving, pilgrims, stuffing choices, the turkey hotline, and,
especially, her father. Please remember that most of these comments
were made at 7:00AM upon discovering that said father had only
remembered to pull the turkey from the freezer at 6:00 AM, and that
the thing was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

6)As an accompaniment to our daughter's recital of these events, I
will play a recording of Native American tribal drumming.
Curiously, the tribal drumming sounds a great deal like a frozen
turkey in a clothes dryer, but that only enhances the holiday
appropriateness. If our daughter should mention that we don't own a
recording of Native American tribal drumming, ignore her. She's
only nine; what does she know?

7)A dainty silver bell will not be rung to announce the start of
our feast. We have chosen to keep our traditional method of
assembling when the smoke alarm goes off.

8)There will be no formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm
sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In
the spirit of harmony, we will ask all the children to sit at a
separate table. In a separate room. Next door. And I would like to
take this opportunity to remind our younger diners that "passing
the rolls" is neither a football play nor an excuse to bean your
cousin in the head with bread.

9)The turkey will not be carved at the table. I know you have seen
the Norman Rockwell image of one person carving a turkey in front
of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. Such a scene may occur
somewhere in America , but it won't be happening at our dinner
table. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in the kitchen
at a private ceremony. I stress "private", meaning Do not, under
any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send
small, unsuspecting children, or older, helpful grandparents into
the kitchen to check on my progress. I have a very large, very
sharp knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will
eventually win the battle. When I do, we will eat.

10)Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious
desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished
with whipped cream and dog tongue marks. You still have a choice:
take it or leave it.

That concludes our list of alterations. Again, I apologize that
Martha will not be joining us this year.

Bob-tx

funny, for the very first year ever we have had to resort to ordering a
turkey already cooked, it was that or eat in some overcrowded eatery with a
bunch of people who couldn't make it home for turkey, thereby being crankier
than usual... we only can't go to our parents because we have no way to take
care of the cats, as our house burnt and we are living in a hotel with no
oven, not nearly as bad as being in a food joint with weirdos, Lee
"Bob-tx" <NOBSPAM > wrote in message
...
>
>
> Dear Family & Friends, I know that you were eager to accept our family's
> invitation to Thanksgiving dinner when you found out that the famous
> Martha Stewart would be joining us. However, due to scheduling conflicts
> beyond her control, Ms. Stewart finds that she is unable to grace our
> table this year. With that in mind, there will be a few minor changes
> regarding the meal and decor, as outlined below. Please be aware of them,
> and adjust your appetite and dress appropriately.
>
> Thank you
>
>
> 1)Our driveway will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.
> After several trial runs and two visits from the fire department, it was
> decided that, no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do
> not have the desired welcoming effect.
>
> 2)Once inside, please note that the entry space will not be decorated
> with swags of Indian corn and fall foliage. Instead, we included our dog
> in decorating by having him track in colorful autumn leaves from the back
> yard. The mud was his idea.
>
> 3)The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy
> china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and
> everyone will get a fork. Since this is Thanksgiving, we will refrain
> from using the paper SpongeBob dinner plates, the leftover Halloween
> napkins, and our plastic cup collection.
>
> 4)Our centerpiece will not be a tower of fresh fruit and flowers. Instead
> we will be proudly displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted
> from the finest construction paper and pine cones. The artist assures me
> it is a turkey, albeit one without wings, legs, or a beak.
>
> 5)We will be dining somewhat later than planned. However, our daughter
> will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure she will be happy to share
> every choice comment her mother made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims,
> stuffing choices, the turkey hotline, and, especially, her father. Please
> remember that most of these comments were made at 7:00AM upon discovering
> that said father had only remembered to pull the turkey from the freezer
> at 6:00 AM, and that the thing was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
>
> 6)As an accompaniment to our daughter's recital of these events, I will
> play a recording of Native American tribal drumming. Curiously, the
> tribal drumming sounds a great deal like a frozen turkey in a clothes
> dryer, but that only enhances the holiday appropriateness. If our
> daughter should mention that we don't own a recording of Native American
> tribal drumming, ignore her. She's only nine; what does she know?
>
> 7)A dainty silver bell will not be rung to announce the start of our
> feast. We have chosen to keep our traditional method of assembling when
> the smoke alarm goes off.
>
> 8)There will be no formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm
> sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the
> spirit of harmony, we will ask all the children to sit at a separate
> table. In a separate room. Next door. And I would like to take this
> opportunity to remind our younger diners that "passing the rolls" is
> neither a football play nor an excuse to bean your cousin in the head
> with bread.
>
> 9)The turkey will not be carved at the table. I know you have seen the
> Norman Rockwell image of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd
> of appreciative onlookers. Such a scene may occur somewhere in America ,
> but it won't be happening at our dinner table. For safety reasons, the
> turkey will be carved in the kitchen at a private ceremony. I stress
> "private", meaning Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to
> laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children, or older, helpful
> grandparents into the kitchen to check on my progress. I have a very
> large, very sharp knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that
> I will eventually win the battle. When I do, we will eat.
>
> 10)Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts,
> we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped
> cream and dog tongue marks. You still have a choice: take it or leave it.
>
> That concludes our list of alterations. Again, I apologize that Martha
> will not be joining us this year.
>
> Bob-tx

i am truly just grateful to be on this side of the dirt, one decision
different and all of us might have been smoked...

holidays should be fine this year, except that we have to kennel the cats
when we leave the hotel room, so can't be gone much over 24 hours...

ins co is being very decent, am currently working on desigining the house
its lots harder than one might initally think, things like how many/where/
and in what position will the el outlets be...

right now am working on the kitchen, real stress that as we want everything,

Lee
"Omelet" > wrote in message
news
> In article >,
> "Storrmmee" > wrote:
>
>> funny, for the very first year ever we have had to resort to ordering a
>> turkey already cooked, it was that or eat in some overcrowded eatery with
>> a
>> bunch of people who couldn't make it home for turkey, thereby being
>> crankier
>> than usual... we only can't go to our parents because we have no way to
>> take
>> care of the cats, as our house burnt and we are living in a hotel with no
>> oven, not nearly as bad as being in a food joint with weirdos, Lee
>
> It's good to hear from you luv. :-) Here is hoping for a better Holiday
> season next year for y'all! I also hope the home owners insurance is
> paying...
>
> Cheers!
> --
> Peace! Om
>
> Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>
> Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or
> no influence on society. -- Mark Twain

a bit of both. I ended up losing one kitty, he was an elderly man, and was
out overnight, and his system couldn't take the stress, when all of that was
added to his other nurosis it was too much so i had to help him take the
next step...

it is a huge price to pay for a new house, expecailly as we were very close
to having this one paid ofr. on the other hand, i have learned just how
kind people can be. and figuring out what we want is a great adventure...
the kennels we have are dog crates so they can have a box in and food water
and a bed, its just that they object to being incarcerated, but then they
are out of sorts because this hotel suite isn't big enough for a proper
kitty race and our house was long and they could run a great race track
adventure without having to stop so this is quite irritating for them...

Lee
"Omelet" > wrote in message
news
> In article >,
> "Storrmmee" > wrote:
>
>> i am truly just grateful to be on this side of the dirt, one decision
>> different and all of us might have been smoked...
>>
>> holidays should be fine this year, except that we have to kennel the cats
>> when we leave the hotel room, so can't be gone much over 24 hours...
>>
>> ins co is being very decent, am currently working on desigining the
>> house
>> its lots harder than one might initally think, things like how
>> many/where/
>> and in what position will the el outlets be...
>>
>> right now am working on the kitchen, real stress that as we want
>> everything,
>>
>> Lee
>
> Heh! Should I be sad or envious?
>
> I just pray it all works out for y'all.
> Seems a helluva price to have a dream kitchen!
>
> As for kenneling the kitties, just get the largest cages you can afford!
>
> They understand more than one might realize, and adapt nicely.
> They are more lucky to be alive than y'all are as they tend to run
> TOWARDS danger! :-(
>
> Cheers!
> --
> Peace! Om
>
> Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>
> Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or
> no influence on society. -- Mark Twain

they are getting their own enclosed porch with catflap, and two count em cat
genis, Lee
"Omelet" > wrote in message
news
> In article >,
> "Storrmmee" > wrote:
>
>> a bit of both. I ended up losing one kitty, he was an elderly man, and
>> was
>> out overnight, and his system couldn't take the stress, when all of that
>> was
>> added to his other nurosis it was too much so i had to help him take the
>> next step...
>
> Ouch. What can I say except I'm so sorry? I've held more than one kitty
> in my arms while they passed on from old age. And it always hurts.
>
>>
>> it is a huge price to pay for a new house, expecailly as we were very
>> close
>> to having this one paid ofr. on the other hand, i have learned just how
>> kind people can be. and figuring out what we want is a great adventure...
>> the kennels we have are dog crates so they can have a box in and food
>> water
>> and a bed, its just that they object to being incarcerated, but then they
>> are out of sorts because this hotel suite isn't big enough for a proper
>> kitty race and our house was long and they could run a great race track
>> adventure without having to stop so this is quite irritating for them...
>>
>> Lee
>
> It'll be better for them in the long term. <smiles> Talk to them about
> it!
>
> It will work out... It has to!
> --
> Peace! Om
>
> Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>
> Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or
> no influence on society. -- Mark Twain