SLop enters stage left with a bottle of booze in her hands and sets it onto a
counter. It is at this point that I realize a few things: (1) She's in someone
else's kitchen, (2) this show is on film instead of tape, and (3) she's wearing
something much more appropriate than usual (including a bra, no less!). At this
point I realize we're going to be in for a lot of changes. SLop tells us that
she and her friends (yeah, right) made up "girl's night in" so they don't have
to worry about "making reservations or any of that monkey business like driving
[drunk] and just enjoy each others' company with some great laughs and fabulous
food". No, really, that's what she said! I am unable pay attention to her
rattling off her menu because I am laughing too hard about what she just
claimed. I did notice, however, that she blamed half on the recipes on Carrie
and Kimmy. After running off the menu, she natters something about being in
Kimmy's kitchen and waiting for the girls to show up. We then do a slow fade
into some totally new opening credits that are accompanied by an acoustical
guitar with her stupid back story and her 70% store-bought/30% fresh
ingredients and creative touches credo. The only thing amusing in this new
version is a quick cut of her kissing Brycer, the singularly most beat up boy
in America.

Sandra enters stage left with a bottle of ranch dressing in her hand and tells
us that her friend, "Miss Carrie" is getting the stuff for the drink. Yeah,
right. To my amazement, Carrie enters stage left clutching two bottles of
vodka and a unlabeled bottle of V8 Splash. "Yay! Gifts for me!" SLop squeals,
but before they start boozing it up, they begin to work on the olive poppers.
Carrie begins by making a dipping sauce and "kicks it up a notch" by adding
Tabasco sauce, stating that since they won't be kissing anyone tonight it won't
matter (ouch!). While Carrie stirs the dip, SLop makes a batter for the olives
out of a boxed tempura mix and ice water, asiding that they don't want to use
too much ice or it'll take away from "cocktail time", to which Carrie nervously
laughs. SLop then "kicks up" the batter by stirring in some cayenne
pepper, warning us not to overstir it. SLop empties a jar of colossal blue
cheese stuffed olives into a strainer, saving the liquid for the cocktail, and
commenting about how they love Kevin, Carrie's husband, when he stays home
(ouch!). She pats the olives dry with a paper towel so the batter will stick
better and then dumps them into the bowl of batter as Carrie stands back a few
feet and stares on with this dead look in her eyes. Poor thing. For some reason
the batter and olives appear pink. Once the olives are coated, she puts them in
a Fry Daddy, instructing us that the hot oil is at 375, thus very warm.
As SLop puts the olives into the oil, Carries tells us through clenched teeth
that if you put too many in the pot, the batter in the oil will expand too much
and could catch on fire, adding that they didn't invite firemen, too which SLop
quips "Only if they're 25 or younger!", prompting much giggling. As the olives
cook, they announce "cocktail time!". Normally, this is accompanied by the
all-too-familiar pop-up graphic, but apparently someone managed to convince
SLop just how stupid it is, so there isn't one. Carrie instructs SLop that
her dirty Mary is made of equal parts vodka, pepper vodka, and tomato juice,
prompting a "Yummy!" from Sandra. When they get to the tomato juice, Carrie
asks if they can just "do a splash", to which SLop says "This is our first one,
we better be good". (what?) To make it 'dirty", they add a splash of the olive
liquid, you know, the one that has blue cheese particulate matter and gawd
knows what else in it, followed by Carrie showing her mom's "trick" of using a
wet paper towel the rim of the glass, adding that instead of water they'll use
vodka. Drink much, Carrie? I am sure I've seen this "trick" before on this
show, but whatever. SLop then blames Carrie and Kimber for speaking a "whole
new language". News flash, SLop; it's the booze. For a change of pace, SLop
only garnishes the drink with a celery stalk and pours the drinks, suddenly
remembering the poppers that have been frying all this time. SLop puts the
poppers, which resemble fried eyeballs, on a plate lined with a paper towel to
drain. SLop has apparently finally realized that she'll give herself third
degree burns to her mouth and throat if she deep throats them, so SLop toasts
her sister (wait, I thought Kimmy's her sister?) and they take a sip of their
drinks. "Oooh! YUMMY!" squeals Kim as her eyes bug out like a toad that's been
stepped on, followed by a fade to white as it morphs into a "I just threw up in
my mouth a little" expression.

When we return from commercial, SLop is at her sister's house cutting up some
prosciutto for her prosciutto Parmesan biscuit and cantaloupe martini because
she is hosting. It should be interesting to see at whose house she is next
week. She begins with some thinly-disguised Bisquick and adds some heavy cream,
about eight slices (eight ounces)of prosciutto, and some black pepper for
color. SLop then stirs it with a spatula and tells us this is called a "shaggy
dough" because it is dry. Well, it would be if you hadn't added that heavy
cream about THIRTY SECOND AGO. SLop then sprinkles some flour onto the table,
commenting that she usually uses cake flour if it's sweet. She pats down the
dough to about half an inch thick, then uses a biscuit cutter, warning us not
to twist the cutter or the biscuits won't rise. She places the disks on a
baking sheet and brushes them with olive oil so they are shiny and the cheese
sticks to them on top . She puts them in the oven, giddily telling us if we
thought those were easy, wait until we see her cantaloup martini, relating how
when she had it at one of Wolfgang's restaurants they refused to give her the
recipe, forcing her to make it on her own, which is always a bad sign. She
begins by making a puree of cantaloupe, sugar, and water in a blender, then
straining it to catch any remaining lumpy bits, recommending we save the pulp
to make ice cubes, iced tea, or smoothies. I think I'll pass, thanks. She mixes
some of the "juice", ice cubes, half and half, and melon vodka into a mixing
glass, then adds juice from a juicy lime, instructing us that dry ones are
bitter. Warning us to seal it tightly, she puts on the lid and shakes it. No
doubt she's gotten liquor spilled all over herself many times before. She pours
it into a martini glass and starts to chug as we fade to white with a voice
over announcing her sister Kim will be showing her recipes. Wait, I though
Carrie's her sister?

We return from commercial to SLop and her best friend, her sister Kimber
(huh?), who is smiling awkwardly at the camera. They banter about how SLop will
be staying with her three kids for a week and how to feed them. Ah! I guess we
know from whose kitchen SLop will be cooking for awhile. Kimber replies that
they'll eat anything that's in a Quesadilla, but first SLop makes orange
marmalade and prosciutto sandwiches out of those biscuits. SLop and Kim talk
about the first time they had these but cannot recall if it was in England or
Germany. While Kim assembles the rest of the sandwiches, SLop works on the
Quesadilla by spreading some "borsign" cheese onto a tortia and topping it with
smoked salmon. Kimber mentions that her kids like it and she tries to put it on
everything she makes. I am incredulous. SLop tops it with some "preshredded"
Monterey jack cheese and capers, claiming they are always good with salmon. She
then confides to Kim that she likes to add the juice to cream cheese because it
"dolls it up", to which Kimber responds with a noncommittal "Oh?" and continues
to assembles biscuit sandwiches. SLop puts a tortia on top of it and "folds" it
into the skillet by dropping it in. As SLop assaults an avocado with a knife,
they banter about what other green things her kids love, presumably so she
knows what to make for them. Kimber adds that they're not shy about letting her
know what they don't like, to which SLop responds "Brycer is so sweet; he'll
eat anything I make!", thus insuring he gets an extra beating at school on
Monday. SLop then claims that everyone else is due to arrive at any minute,
including a tall Greek goddess named Alexander and Leanne who has a very
interesting husband, but never explaining why. SLop flips the Quesadilla, to
which Kimber says her kids won't eat it if you burn it. Ha! Kimber adds that
these are pretty good and asks if SLop wants a bit, making an odd expression
with her mouth. SLop then announces 'this requires sour cream" but fails to
elaborate further. She adds some chopped chives, possibly MV-style. While
Kimber stirs the sour cream, SLop banters about how cast iron pans always smoke
like that, which is nice because they have a lot of favour. She announces she
is cutting the Quesadilla into fourths, then proceeds to cut it into eighths.
As she plates them, she tells Kimber she's going to make eXpresso martinis, to
which Kimber claims she and her husband drank all the time in Hawai'i. SLop
counters by claiming that Carrie told her it was her husband's creation and she
had never seen them before. I guess she forgot about the time she made them on
her show, to which Kimber gives an incredulous "Well...". SLop then mocks
Kimber for having her hand on her hip, not noticing that it's no longer there,
then jokes about them giving him grief about it later. They plate the food and
SLop, as we fade out to commercial, threatens us with her tablesscape and
eXpresso martini.

When we return from commercial, SLop rushes in from stage right clutching two
bottles of booze, overly excited about the final cocktail. She mixes one part
vodka, one part coffee liquor, and one part cooled coffee, topped off with a
teaspoon of instant eXpresso, and shakes it well so everything is dissolved.
She tells us Kimmy loves this recipe, emphasizing that Carrie's husband KEVIN
invented it, followed by a sudden cut to her straining the drink into a small
glass, commenting that one could top it with cool whip if one wanted and that
she didn't fill the cups all the way so it would be very authentic. As if on
cue, Kimmy strides in from stage right to claim her drink, adding that "all the
candles have been lit" and both exit stage left with a slow dissolve to them
entering the living room, stage right, where Carrie is awaiting them on a
couch. Carrie, BTW, is affecting that "stepped on frog" expression again as she
grunts "Oh, gorgeous!". We cut to an over-the-should shot of one of the blonds
as Sandra expositions that the rest of the guests are due to arrive at any
minute (I guess old habits die hard) with the "faux Buddah" clearly in view
behind her. Did she drag that thing all the way to Kim's house in WI for this
show? As the camera pans over a coffee table covered by wallpaper with a
pattern whose name escapes me that's been littered with junk, SLop begins to
explain what she did. SLop bought some tiny vases and glued gold leaf (or are
they gold-colored plastic leaves?) and big gaudy cheap earrings to them. She
also filled them with chocolates so they have a snack to take home. Wait. Isn't
at least one of them at home already? SLop then tells them about the "faux
plastic ruby crystal" bowls and mini-chandeliers on the table, to which Carrie
exclaims "Holy cow!". SLop also used cheap plastic bracelets for napkin rings
that they can keep, to which Carrie says "Stephanie will love this!". SLop then
adds that in addition to all this, she also got an extra fabric for her so
Kimmy can redo her bedroom. Carrie looks less than thrilled about that. With
each holding a different drink in her hand, they clink their glasses for a
toast and SLop rattles off her "Keep it" trifecta, followed by a trio of
"Whoots" and chugging.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in
your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up
either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Thought the name would be Kary which goes better with Kimber and Kevin.
Next show will be with friends Laura, Linda and Louie.

Ubiquitous wrote:
> SLop enters stage left with a bottle of booze in her hands and sets it onto a
> counter. It is at this point that I realize a few things: (1) She's in someone
> else's kitchen, (2) this show is on film instead of tape, and (3) she's wearing
> something much more appropriate than usual (including a bra, no less!). At this
> point I realize we're going to be in for a lot of changes. SLop tells us that
> she and her friends (yeah, right) made up "girl's night in" so they don't have
> to worry about "making reservations or any of that monkey business like driving
> [drunk] and just enjoy each others' company with some great laughs and fabulous
> food". No, really, that's what she said! I am unable pay attention to her
> rattling off her menu because I am laughing too hard about what she just
> claimed. I did notice, however, that she blamed half on the recipes on Carrie
> and Kimmy. After running off the menu, she natters something about being in
> Kimmy's kitchen and waiting for the girls to show up. We then do a slow fade
> into some totally new opening credits that are accompanied by an acoustical
> guitar with her stupid back story and her 70% store-bought/30% fresh
> ingredients and creative touches credo. The only thing amusing in this new
> version is a quick cut of her kissing Brycer, the singularly most beat up boy
> in America.
>
> Sandra enters stage left with a bottle of ranch dressing in her hand and tells
> us that her friend, "Miss Carrie" is getting the stuff for the drink. Yeah,
> right. To my amazement, Carrie enters stage left clutching two bottles of
> vodka and a unlabeled bottle of V8 Splash. "Yay! Gifts for me!" SLop squeals,
> but before they start boozing it up, they begin to work on the olive poppers.
> Carrie begins by making a dipping sauce and "kicks it up a notch" by adding
> Tabasco sauce, stating that since they won't be kissing anyone tonight it won't
> matter (ouch!). While Carrie stirs the dip, SLop makes a batter for the olives
> out of a boxed tempura mix and ice water, asiding that they don't want to use
> too much ice or it'll take away from "cocktail time", to which Carrie nervously
> laughs. SLop then "kicks up" the batter by stirring in some cayenne
> pepper, warning us not to overstir it. SLop empties a jar of colossal blue
> cheese stuffed olives into a strainer, saving the liquid for the cocktail, and
> commenting about how they love Kevin, Carrie's husband, when he stays home
> (ouch!). She pats the olives dry with a paper towel so the batter will stick
> better and then dumps them into the bowl of batter as Carrie stands back a few
> feet and stares on with this dead look in her eyes. Poor thing. For some reason
> the batter and olives appear pink. Once the olives are coated, she puts them in
> a Fry Daddy, instructing us that the hot oil is at 375, thus very warm.
> As SLop puts the olives into the oil, Carries tells us through clenched teeth
> that if you put too many in the pot, the batter in the oil will expand too much
> and could catch on fire, adding that they didn't invite firemen, too which SLop
> quips "Only if they're 25 or younger!", prompting much giggling. As the olives
> cook, they announce "cocktail time!". Normally, this is accompanied by the
> all-too-familiar pop-up graphic, but apparently someone managed to convince
> SLop just how stupid it is, so there isn't one. Carrie instructs SLop that
> her dirty Mary is made of equal parts vodka, pepper vodka, and tomato juice,
> prompting a "Yummy!" from Sandra. When they get to the tomato juice, Carrie
> asks if they can just "do a splash", to which SLop says "This is our first one,
> we better be good". (what?) To make it 'dirty", they add a splash of the olive
> liquid, you know, the one that has blue cheese particulate matter and gawd
> knows what else in it, followed by Carrie showing her mom's "trick" of using a
> wet paper towel the rim of the glass, adding that instead of water they'll use
> vodka. Drink much, Carrie? I am sure I've seen this "trick" before on this
> show, but whatever. SLop then blames Carrie and Kimber for speaking a "whole
> new language". News flash, SLop; it's the booze. For a change of pace, SLop
> only garnishes the drink with a celery stalk and pours the drinks, suddenly
> remembering the poppers that have been frying all this time. SLop puts the
> poppers, which resemble fried eyeballs, on a plate lined with a paper towel to
> drain. SLop has apparently finally realized that she'll give herself third
> degree burns to her mouth and throat if she deep throats them, so SLop toasts
> her sister (wait, I thought Kimmy's her sister?) and they take a sip of their
> drinks. "Oooh! YUMMY!" squeals Kim as her eyes bug out like a toad that's been
> stepped on, followed by a fade to white as it morphs into a "I just threw up in
> my mouth a little" expression.
>
> When we return from commercial, SLop is at her sister's house cutting up some
> prosciutto for her prosciutto Parmesan biscuit and cantaloupe martini because
> she is hosting. It should be interesting to see at whose house she is next
> week. She begins with some thinly-disguised Bisquick and adds some heavy cream,
> about eight slices (eight ounces)of prosciutto, and some black pepper for
> color. SLop then stirs it with a spatula and tells us this is called a "shaggy
> dough" because it is dry. Well, it would be if you hadn't added that heavy
> cream about THIRTY SECOND AGO. SLop then sprinkles some flour onto the table,
> commenting that she usually uses cake flour if it's sweet. She pats down the
> dough to about half an inch thick, then uses a biscuit cutter, warning us not
> to twist the cutter or the biscuits won't rise. She places the disks on a
> baking sheet and brushes them with olive oil so they are shiny and the cheese
> sticks to them on top . She puts them in the oven, giddily telling us if we
> thought those were easy, wait until we see her cantaloup martini, relating how
> when she had it at one of Wolfgang's restaurants they refused to give her the
> recipe, forcing her to make it on her own, which is always a bad sign. She
> begins by making a puree of cantaloupe, sugar, and water in a blender, then
> straining it to catch any remaining lumpy bits, recommending we save the pulp
> to make ice cubes, iced tea, or smoothies. I think I'll pass, thanks. She mixes
> some of the "juice", ice cubes, half and half, and melon vodka into a mixing
> glass, then adds juice from a juicy lime, instructing us that dry ones are
> bitter. Warning us to seal it tightly, she puts on the lid and shakes it. No
> doubt she's gotten liquor spilled all over herself many times before. She pours
> it into a martini glass and starts to chug as we fade to white with a voice
> over announcing her sister Kim will be showing her recipes. Wait, I though
> Carrie's her sister?
>
> We return from commercial to SLop and her best friend, her sister Kimber
> (huh?), who is smiling awkwardly at the camera. They banter about how SLop will
> be staying with her three kids for a week and how to feed them. Ah! I guess we
> know from whose kitchen SLop will be cooking for awhile. Kimber replies that
> they'll eat anything that's in a Quesadilla, but first SLop makes orange
> marmalade and prosciutto sandwiches out of those biscuits. SLop and Kim talk
> about the first time they had these but cannot recall if it was in England or
> Germany. While Kim assembles the rest of the sandwiches, SLop works on the
> Quesadilla by spreading some "borsign" cheese onto a tortia and topping it with
> smoked salmon. Kimber mentions that her kids like it and she tries to put it on
> everything she makes. I am incredulous. SLop tops it with some "preshredded"
> Monterey jack cheese and capers, claiming they are always good with salmon. She
> then confides to Kim that she likes to add the juice to cream cheese because it
> "dolls it up", to which Kimber responds with a noncommittal "Oh?" and continues
> to assembles biscuit sandwiches. SLop puts a tortia on top of it and "folds" it
> into the skillet by dropping it in. As SLop assaults an avocado with a knife,
> they banter about what other green things her kids love, presumably so she
> knows what to make for them. Kimber adds that they're not shy about letting her
> know what they don't like, to which SLop responds "Brycer is so sweet; he'll
> eat anything I make!", thus insuring he gets an extra beating at school on
> Monday. SLop then claims that everyone else is due to arrive at any minute,
> including a tall Greek goddess named Alexander and Leanne who has a very
> interesting husband, but never explaining why. SLop flips the Quesadilla, to
> which Kimber says her kids won't eat it if you burn it. Ha! Kimber adds that
> these are pretty good and asks if SLop wants a bit, making an odd expression
> with her mouth. SLop then announces 'this requires sour cream" but fails to
> elaborate further. She adds some chopped chives, possibly MV-style. While
> Kimber stirs the sour cream, SLop banters about how cast iron pans always smoke
> like that, which is nice because they have a lot of favour. She announces she
> is cutting the Quesadilla into fourths, then proceeds to cut it into eighths.
> As she plates them, she tells Kimber she's going to make eXpresso martinis, to
> which Kimber claims she and her husband drank all the time in Hawai'i. SLop
> counters by claiming that Carrie told her it was her husband's creation and she
> had never seen them before. I guess she forgot about the time she made them on
> her show, to which Kimber gives an incredulous "Well...". SLop then mocks
> Kimber for having her hand on her hip, not noticing that it's no longer there,
> then jokes about them giving him grief about it later. They plate the food and
> SLop, as we fade out to commercial, threatens us with her tablesscape and
> eXpresso martini.
>
> When we return from commercial, SLop rushes in from stage right clutching two
> bottles of booze, overly excited about the final cocktail. She mixes one part
> vodka, one part coffee liquor, and one part cooled coffee, topped off with a
> teaspoon of instant eXpresso, and shakes it well so everything is dissolved.
> She tells us Kimmy loves this recipe, emphasizing that Carrie's husband KEVIN
> invented it, followed by a sudden cut to her straining the drink into a small
> glass, commenting that one could top it with cool whip if one wanted and that
> she didn't fill the cups all the way so it would be very authentic. As if on
> cue, Kimmy strides in from stage right to claim her drink, adding that "all the
> candles have been lit" and both exit stage left with a slow dissolve to them
> entering the living room, stage right, where Carrie is awaiting them on a
> couch. Carrie, BTW, is affecting that "stepped on frog" expression again as she
> grunts "Oh, gorgeous!". We cut to an over-the-should shot of one of the blonds
> as Sandra expositions that the rest of the guests are due to arrive at any
> minute (I guess old habits die hard) with the "faux Buddah" clearly in view
> behind her. Did she drag that thing all the way to Kim's house in WI for this
> show? As the camera pans over a coffee table covered by wallpaper with a
> pattern whose name escapes me that's been littered with junk, SLop begins to
> explain what she did. SLop bought some tiny vases and glued gold leaf (or are
> they gold-colored plastic leaves?) and big gaudy cheap earrings to them. She
> also filled them with chocolates so they have a snack to take home. Wait. Isn't
> at least one of them at home already? SLop then tells them about the "faux
> plastic ruby crystal" bowls and mini-chandeliers on the table, to which Carrie
> exclaims "Holy cow!". SLop also used cheap plastic bracelets for napkin rings
> that they can keep, to which Carrie says "Stephanie will love this!". SLop then
> adds that in addition to all this, she also got an extra fabric for her so
> Kimmy can redo her bedroom. Carrie looks less than thrilled about that. With
> each holding a different drink in her hand, they clink their glasses for a
> toast and SLop rattles off her "Keep it" trifecta, followed by a trio of
> "Whoots" and chugging.
>

God, I love it... Snadra took her tendency to misunderstand and mangle
time-tested cooking/entertaining concepts to the next level. Now, she's taken
the concept of a tastefully produced, successful cooking show (Giada's Everyday
Italian) and completely, well, misunderstand and mangled it. "That little
Italian girl...you know...what's her name? Her grandpa's high up in the movie
business? I want a show like hers...you know, all soft lighting and film and
lots of people over? That'd be f'ntastic." Of course, through the Snadra
filter, the point of such a cooking show is to prove to your detractors that
you actually have friends, not to actually cook anything anybody would want to
eat. Because, true to form, in today's episode, NOBODY EATS ANYTHING.

Plenty of boozin' in the daylight hours goin' on, though.

And also I loved the crack about one of the many "-ee"s (Kimmee, Caree,
C'lleen'ee, etc.) having an "interesting" husband. Class.

In article >,
wrote:
>
>SLop enters stage left with a bottle of booze in her hands and sets it onto a
>counter. It is at this point that I realize a few things: (1) She's in someone
>else's kitchen, (2) this show is on film instead of tape, and (3) she's
wearing
>something much more appropriate than usual (including a bra, no less!). At
this
>point I realize we're going to be in for a lot of changes. SLop tells us that
>she and her friends (yeah, right) made up "girl's night in" so they don't have
>to worry about "making reservations or any of that monkey business like
driving
>[drunk] and just enjoy each others' company with some great laughs and
fabulous
>food". No, really, that's what she said! I am unable pay attention to her
>rattling off her menu because I am laughing too hard about what she just
>claimed. I did notice, however, that she blamed half on the recipes on Carrie
>and Kimmy. After running off the menu, she natters something about being in
>Kimmy's kitchen and waiting for the girls to show up. We then do a slow fade
>into some totally new opening credits that are accompanied by an acoustical
>guitar with her stupid back story and her 70% store-bought/30% fresh
>ingredients and creative touches credo. The only thing amusing in this new
>version is a quick cut of her kissing Brycer, the singularly most beat up boy
>in America.
>
>Sandra enters stage left with a bottle of ranch dressing in her hand and tells
>us that her friend, "Miss Carrie" is getting the stuff for the drink. Yeah,
>right. To my amazement, Carrie enters stage left clutching two bottles of
>vodka and a unlabeled bottle of V8 Splash. "Yay! Gifts for me!" SLop squeals,
>but before they start boozing it up, they begin to work on the olive poppers.
>Carrie begins by making a dipping sauce and "kicks it up a notch" by adding
>Tabasco sauce, stating that since they won't be kissing anyone tonight it
won't
>matter (ouch!). While Carrie stirs the dip, SLop makes a batter for the olives
>out of a boxed tempura mix and ice water, asiding that they don't want to use
>too much ice or it'll take away from "cocktail time", to which Carrie
nervously
>laughs. SLop then "kicks up" the batter by stirring in some cayenne
>pepper, warning us not to overstir it. SLop empties a jar of colossal blue
>cheese stuffed olives into a strainer, saving the liquid for the cocktail, and
>commenting about how they love Kevin, Carrie's husband, when he stays home
>(ouch!). She pats the olives dry with a paper towel so the batter will stick
>better and then dumps them into the bowl of batter as Carrie stands back a few
>feet and stares on with this dead look in her eyes. Poor thing. For some
reason
>the batter and olives appear pink. Once the olives are coated, she puts them
in
>a Fry Daddy, instructing us that the hot oil is at 375, thus very warm.
>As SLop puts the olives into the oil, Carries tells us through clenched teeth
>that if you put too many in the pot, the batter in the oil will expand too
much
>and could catch on fire, adding that they didn't invite firemen, too which
SLop
>quips "Only if they're 25 or younger!", prompting much giggling. As the olives
>cook, they announce "cocktail time!". Normally, this is accompanied by the
>all-too-familiar pop-up graphic, but apparently someone managed to convince
>SLop just how stupid it is, so there isn't one. Carrie instructs SLop that
>her dirty Mary is made of equal parts vodka, pepper vodka, and tomato juice,
>prompting a "Yummy!" from Sandra. When they get to the tomato juice, Carrie
>asks if they can just "do a splash", to which SLop says "This is our first
one,
>we better be good". (what?) To make it 'dirty", they add a splash of the olive
>liquid, you know, the one that has blue cheese particulate matter and gawd
>knows what else in it, followed by Carrie showing her mom's "trick" of using a
>wet paper towel the rim of the glass, adding that instead of water they'll use
>vodka. Drink much, Carrie? I am sure I've seen this "trick" before on this
>show, but whatever. SLop then blames Carrie and Kimber for speaking a "whole
>new language". News flash, SLop; it's the booze. For a change of pace, SLop
>only garnishes the drink with a celery stalk and pours the drinks, suddenly
>remembering the poppers that have been frying all this time. SLop puts the
>poppers, which resemble fried eyeballs, on a plate lined with a paper towel to
>drain. SLop has apparently finally realized that she'll give herself third
>degree burns to her mouth and throat if she deep throats them, so SLop toasts
>her sister (wait, I thought Kimmy's her sister?) and they take a sip of their
>drinks. "Oooh! YUMMY!" squeals Kim as her eyes bug out like a toad that's been
>stepped on, followed by a fade to white as it morphs into a "I just threw up
in
>my mouth a little" expression.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop is at her sister's house cutting up some
>prosciutto for her prosciutto Parmesan biscuit and cantaloupe martini because
>she is hosting. It should be interesting to see at whose house she is next
>week. She begins with some thinly-disguised Bisquick and adds some heavy
cream,
>about eight slices (eight ounces)of prosciutto, and some black pepper for
>color. SLop then stirs it with a spatula and tells us this is called a "shaggy
>dough" because it is dry. Well, it would be if you hadn't added that heavy
>cream about THIRTY SECOND AGO. SLop then sprinkles some flour onto the table,
>commenting that she usually uses cake flour if it's sweet. She pats down the
>dough to about half an inch thick, then uses a biscuit cutter, warning us not
>to twist the cutter or the biscuits won't rise. She places the disks on a
>baking sheet and brushes them with olive oil so they are shiny and the cheese
>sticks to them on top . She puts them in the oven, giddily telling us if we
>thought those were easy, wait until we see her cantaloup martini, relating how
>when she had it at one of Wolfgang's restaurants they refused to give her the
>recipe, forcing her to make it on her own, which is always a bad sign. She
>begins by making a puree of cantaloupe, sugar, and water in a blender, then
>straining it to catch any remaining lumpy bits, recommending we save the pulp
>to make ice cubes, iced tea, or smoothies. I think I'll pass, thanks. She
mixes
>some of the "juice", ice cubes, half and half, and melon vodka into a mixing
>glass, then adds juice from a juicy lime, instructing us that dry ones are
>bitter. Warning us to seal it tightly, she puts on the lid and shakes it. No
>doubt she's gotten liquor spilled all over herself many times before. She
pours
>it into a martini glass and starts to chug as we fade to white with a voice
>over announcing her sister Kim will be showing her recipes. Wait, I though
>Carrie's her sister?
>
>We return from commercial to SLop and her best friend, her sister Kimber
>(huh?), who is smiling awkwardly at the camera. They banter about how SLop
will
>be staying with her three kids for a week and how to feed them. Ah! I guess we
>know from whose kitchen SLop will be cooking for awhile. Kimber replies that
>they'll eat anything that's in a Quesadilla, but first SLop makes orange
>marmalade and prosciutto sandwiches out of those biscuits. SLop and Kim talk
>about the first time they had these but cannot recall if it was in England or
>Germany. While Kim assembles the rest of the sandwiches, SLop works on the
>Quesadilla by spreading some "borsign" cheese onto a tortia and topping it
with
>smoked salmon. Kimber mentions that her kids like it and she tries to put it
on
>everything she makes. I am incredulous. SLop tops it with some "preshredded"
>Monterey jack cheese and capers, claiming they are always good with salmon.
She
>then confides to Kim that she likes to add the juice to cream cheese because
it
>"dolls it up", to which Kimber responds with a noncommittal "Oh?" and
continues
>to assembles biscuit sandwiches. SLop puts a tortia on top of it and "folds"
it
>into the skillet by dropping it in. As SLop assaults an avocado with a knife,
>they banter about what other green things her kids love, presumably so she
>knows what to make for them. Kimber adds that they're not shy about letting
her
>know what they don't like, to which SLop responds "Brycer is so sweet; he'll
>eat anything I make!", thus insuring he gets an extra beating at school on
>Monday. SLop then claims that everyone else is due to arrive at any minute,
>including a tall Greek goddess named Alexander and Leanne who has a very
>interesting husband, but never explaining why. SLop flips the Quesadilla, to
>which Kimber says her kids won't eat it if you burn it. Ha! Kimber adds that
>these are pretty good and asks if SLop wants a bit, making an odd expression
>with her mouth. SLop then announces 'this requires sour cream" but fails to
>elaborate further. She adds some chopped chives, possibly MV-style. While
>Kimber stirs the sour cream, SLop banters about how cast iron pans always
smoke
>like that, which is nice because they have a lot of favour. She announces she
>is cutting the Quesadilla into fourths, then proceeds to cut it into eighths.
>As she plates them, she tells Kimber she's going to make eXpresso martinis, to
>which Kimber claims she and her husband drank all the time in Hawai'i. SLop
>counters by claiming that Carrie told her it was her husband's creation and
she
>had never seen them before. I guess she forgot about the time she made them on
>her show, to which Kimber gives an incredulous "Well...". SLop then mocks
>Kimber for having her hand on her hip, not noticing that it's no longer there,
>then jokes about them giving him grief about it later. They plate the food and
>SLop, as we fade out to commercial, threatens us with her tablesscape and
>eXpresso martini.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop rushes in from stage right clutching two
>bottles of booze, overly excited about the final cocktail. She mixes one part
>vodka, one part coffee liquor, and one part cooled coffee, topped off with a
>teaspoon of instant eXpresso, and shakes it well so everything is dissolved.
>She tells us Kimmy loves this recipe, emphasizing that Carrie's husband KEVIN
>invented it, followed by a sudden cut to her straining the drink into a small
>glass, commenting that one could top it with cool whip if one wanted and that
>she didn't fill the cups all the way so it would be very authentic. As if on
>cue, Kimmy strides in from stage right to claim her drink, adding that "all
the
>candles have been lit" and both exit stage left with a slow dissolve to them
>entering the living room, stage right, where Carrie is awaiting them on a
>couch. Carrie, BTW, is affecting that "stepped on frog" expression again as
she
>grunts "Oh, gorgeous!". We cut to an over-the-should shot of one of the blonds
>as Sandra expositions that the rest of the guests are due to arrive at any
>minute (I guess old habits die hard) with the "faux Buddah" clearly in view
>behind her. Did she drag that thing all the way to Kim's house in WI for this
>show? As the camera pans over a coffee table covered by wallpaper with a
>pattern whose name escapes me that's been littered with junk, SLop begins to
>explain what she did. SLop bought some tiny vases and glued gold leaf (or are
>they gold-colored plastic leaves?) and big gaudy cheap earrings to them. She
>also filled them with chocolates so they have a snack to take home. Wait.
Isn't
>at least one of them at home already? SLop then tells them about the "faux
>plastic ruby crystal" bowls and mini-chandeliers on the table, to which Carrie
>exclaims "Holy cow!". SLop also used cheap plastic bracelets for napkin rings
>that they can keep, to which Carrie says "Stephanie will love this!". SLop
then
>adds that in addition to all this, she also got an extra fabric for her so
>Kimmy can redo her bedroom. Carrie looks less than thrilled about that. With
>each holding a different drink in her hand, they clink their glasses for a
>toast and SLop rattles off her "Keep it" trifecta, followed by a trio of
>"Whoots" and chugging.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in
>your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
>liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
>being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up
>either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
>

In article >, wrote:

>Thought the name would be Kary which goes better with Kimber and Kevin.
>Next show will be with friends Laura, Linda and Louie.

Did anyone else catch the end of Paula Dean's show immediately before this
came on? Right before it ended, she was bantering with her sons about
something or other, turned to the camera, and said "If you believe THAT B.S.,
stay tuned..." (OMG! OMG!) ".. to NEXT week's show!". Pretty sneaky, Paula!

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in
your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up
either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

The blog http://blog.foodienyc.com/ runs a "Loathe Sandra Lee" recipe
contest. Has great recipes, restaurant reviews and some great digital pics.

Ubiquitous wrote:
> In article >, wrote:
>
>
>>Thought the name would be Kary which goes better with Kimber and Kevin.
>>Next show will be with friends Laura, Linda and Louie.
>
>
> Did anyone else catch the end of Paula Dean's show immediately before this
> came on? Right before it ended, she was bantering with her sons about
> something or other, turned to the camera, and said "If you believe THAT B.S.,
> stay tuned..." (OMG! OMG!) ".. to NEXT week's show!". Pretty sneaky, Paula!
>

I do NOT FOR A MINUTE believe that Loosey Lush is on a first name basis with
Wolfgang. That is all SORTS of WRONG. Also, props to the folks at Spago or
where ever that they didn't give Sandy the recipe to the cantaloup mixer.

Notice at the end of the program, when Sandy graciously and giddily gave away
the party favors- i.e. little nickle and dime store bracelets (OH sorry, dollar
store crap- my age is showing.) Anyways, she's giving crappy bracelets to her
best friend sistah and other best friend. Immediately, one of them says (It
must have been bf sistah) I'm gonna give this to Steph!" Hah! Sandy. Even your
best friends don't want your crap!

****in' hack.

I've never in my life seen middle aged women so giddy/slap-happy about getting
drunk. Slushes! Sandra looked especially slutty with the hair. I think the eyes
have been done. What's up with her throat? I heard what a 60-some year-old
woman said earlier- and I'm almost there too, honey- but I don't have those
stripes down my throat. Gah!

In article >,
wrote:
>
>SLop enters stage left with a bottle of booze in her hands and sets it onto a
>counter. It is at this point that I realize a few things: (1) She's in someone
>else's kitchen, (2) this show is on film instead of tape, and (3) she's
wearing
>something much more appropriate than usual (including a bra, no less!). At
this
>point I realize we're going to be in for a lot of changes. SLop tells us that
>she and her friends (yeah, right) made up "girl's night in" so they don't have
>to worry about "making reservations or any of that monkey business like
driving
>[drunk] and just enjoy each others' company with some great laughs and
fabulous
>food". No, really, that's what she said! I am unable pay attention to her
>rattling off her menu because I am laughing too hard about what she just
>claimed. I did notice, however, that she blamed half on the recipes on Carrie
>and Kimmy. After running off the menu, she natters something about being in
>Kimmy's kitchen and waiting for the girls to show up. We then do a slow fade
>into some totally new opening credits that are accompanied by an acoustical
>guitar with her stupid back story and her 70% store-bought/30% fresh
>ingredients and creative touches credo. The only thing amusing in this new
>version is a quick cut of her kissing Brycer, the singularly most beat up boy
>in America.
>
>Sandra enters stage left with a bottle of ranch dressing in her hand and tells
>us that her friend, "Miss Carrie" is getting the stuff for the drink. Yeah,
>right. To my amazement, Carrie enters stage left clutching two bottles of
>vodka and a unlabeled bottle of V8 Splash. "Yay! Gifts for me!" SLop squeals,
>but before they start boozing it up, they begin to work on the olive poppers.
>Carrie begins by making a dipping sauce and "kicks it up a notch" by adding
>Tabasco sauce, stating that since they won't be kissing anyone tonight it
won't
>matter (ouch!). While Carrie stirs the dip, SLop makes a batter for the olives
>out of a boxed tempura mix and ice water, asiding that they don't want to use
>too much ice or it'll take away from "cocktail time", to which Carrie
nervously
>laughs. SLop then "kicks up" the batter by stirring in some cayenne
>pepper, warning us not to overstir it. SLop empties a jar of colossal blue
>cheese stuffed olives into a strainer, saving the liquid for the cocktail, and
>commenting about how they love Kevin, Carrie's husband, when he stays home
>(ouch!). She pats the olives dry with a paper towel so the batter will stick
>better and then dumps them into the bowl of batter as Carrie stands back a few
>feet and stares on with this dead look in her eyes. Poor thing. For some
reason
>the batter and olives appear pink. Once the olives are coated, she puts them
in
>a Fry Daddy, instructing us that the hot oil is at 375, thus very warm.
>As SLop puts the olives into the oil, Carries tells us through clenched teeth
>that if you put too many in the pot, the batter in the oil will expand too
much
>and could catch on fire, adding that they didn't invite firemen, too which
SLop
>quips "Only if they're 25 or younger!", prompting much giggling. As the olives
>cook, they announce "cocktail time!". Normally, this is accompanied by the
>all-too-familiar pop-up graphic, but apparently someone managed to convince
>SLop just how stupid it is, so there isn't one. Carrie instructs SLop that
>her dirty Mary is made of equal parts vodka, pepper vodka, and tomato juice,
>prompting a "Yummy!" from Sandra. When they get to the tomato juice, Carrie
>asks if they can just "do a splash", to which SLop says "This is our first
one,
>we better be good". (what?) To make it 'dirty", they add a splash of the olive
>liquid, you know, the one that has blue cheese particulate matter and gawd
>knows what else in it, followed by Carrie showing her mom's "trick" of using a
>wet paper towel the rim of the glass, adding that instead of water they'll use
>vodka. Drink much, Carrie? I am sure I've seen this "trick" before on this
>show, but whatever. SLop then blames Carrie and Kimber for speaking a "whole
>new language". News flash, SLop; it's the booze. For a change of pace, SLop
>only garnishes the drink with a celery stalk and pours the drinks, suddenly
>remembering the poppers that have been frying all this time. SLop puts the
>poppers, which resemble fried eyeballs, on a plate lined with a paper towel to
>drain. SLop has apparently finally realized that she'll give herself third
>degree burns to her mouth and throat if she deep throats them, so SLop toasts
>her sister (wait, I thought Kimmy's her sister?) and they take a sip of their
>drinks. "Oooh! YUMMY!" squeals Kim as her eyes bug out like a toad that's been
>stepped on, followed by a fade to white as it morphs into a "I just threw up
in
>my mouth a little" expression.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop is at her sister's house cutting up some
>prosciutto for her prosciutto Parmesan biscuit and cantaloupe martini because
>she is hosting. It should be interesting to see at whose house she is next
>week. She begins with some thinly-disguised Bisquick and adds some heavy
cream,
>about eight slices (eight ounces)of prosciutto, and some black pepper for
>color. SLop then stirs it with a spatula and tells us this is called a "shaggy
>dough" because it is dry. Well, it would be if you hadn't added that heavy
>cream about THIRTY SECOND AGO. SLop then sprinkles some flour onto the table,
>commenting that she usually uses cake flour if it's sweet. She pats down the
>dough to about half an inch thick, then uses a biscuit cutter, warning us not
>to twist the cutter or the biscuits won't rise. She places the disks on a
>baking sheet and brushes them with olive oil so they are shiny and the cheese
>sticks to them on top . She puts them in the oven, giddily telling us if we
>thought those were easy, wait until we see her cantaloup martini, relating how
>when she had it at one of Wolfgang's restaurants they refused to give her the
>recipe, forcing her to make it on her own, which is always a bad sign. She
>begins by making a puree of cantaloupe, sugar, and water in a blender, then
>straining it to catch any remaining lumpy bits, recommending we save the pulp
>to make ice cubes, iced tea, or smoothies. I think I'll pass, thanks. She
mixes
>some of the "juice", ice cubes, half and half, and melon vodka into a mixing
>glass, then adds juice from a juicy lime, instructing us that dry ones are
>bitter. Warning us to seal it tightly, she puts on the lid and shakes it. No
>doubt she's gotten liquor spilled all over herself many times before. She
pours
>it into a martini glass and starts to chug as we fade to white with a voice
>over announcing her sister Kim will be showing her recipes. Wait, I though
>Carrie's her sister?
>
>We return from commercial to SLop and her best friend, her sister Kimber
>(huh?), who is smiling awkwardly at the camera. They banter about how SLop
will
>be staying with her three kids for a week and how to feed them. Ah! I guess we
>know from whose kitchen SLop will be cooking for awhile. Kimber replies that
>they'll eat anything that's in a Quesadilla, but first SLop makes orange
>marmalade and prosciutto sandwiches out of those biscuits. SLop and Kim talk
>about the first time they had these but cannot recall if it was in England or
>Germany. While Kim assembles the rest of the sandwiches, SLop works on the
>Quesadilla by spreading some "borsign" cheese onto a tortia and topping it
with
>smoked salmon. Kimber mentions that her kids like it and she tries to put it
on
>everything she makes. I am incredulous. SLop tops it with some "preshredded"
>Monterey jack cheese and capers, claiming they are always good with salmon.
She
>then confides to Kim that she likes to add the juice to cream cheese because
it
>"dolls it up", to which Kimber responds with a noncommittal "Oh?" and
continues
>to assembles biscuit sandwiches. SLop puts a tortia on top of it and "folds"
it
>into the skillet by dropping it in. As SLop assaults an avocado with a knife,
>they banter about what other green things her kids love, presumably so she
>knows what to make for them. Kimber adds that they're not shy about letting
her
>know what they don't like, to which SLop responds "Brycer is so sweet; he'll
>eat anything I make!", thus insuring he gets an extra beating at school on
>Monday. SLop then claims that everyone else is due to arrive at any minute,
>including a tall Greek goddess named Alexander and Leanne who has a very
>interesting husband, but never explaining why. SLop flips the Quesadilla, to
>which Kimber says her kids won't eat it if you burn it. Ha! Kimber adds that
>these are pretty good and asks if SLop wants a bit, making an odd expression
>with her mouth. SLop then announces 'this requires sour cream" but fails to
>elaborate further. She adds some chopped chives, possibly MV-style. While
>Kimber stirs the sour cream, SLop banters about how cast iron pans always
smoke
>like that, which is nice because they have a lot of favour. She announces she
>is cutting the Quesadilla into fourths, then proceeds to cut it into eighths.
>As she plates them, she tells Kimber she's going to make eXpresso martinis, to
>which Kimber claims she and her husband drank all the time in Hawai'i. SLop
>counters by claiming that Carrie told her it was her husband's creation and
she
>had never seen them before. I guess she forgot about the time she made them on
>her show, to which Kimber gives an incredulous "Well...". SLop then mocks
>Kimber for having her hand on her hip, not noticing that it's no longer there,
>then jokes about them giving him grief about it later. They plate the food and
>SLop, as we fade out to commercial, threatens us with her tablesscape and
>eXpresso martini.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop rushes in from stage right clutching two
>bottles of booze, overly excited about the final cocktail. She mixes one part
>vodka, one part coffee liquor, and one part cooled coffee, topped off with a
>teaspoon of instant eXpresso, and shakes it well so everything is dissolved.
>She tells us Kimmy loves this recipe, emphasizing that Carrie's husband KEVIN
>invented it, followed by a sudden cut to her straining the drink into a small
>glass, commenting that one could top it with cool whip if one wanted and that
>she didn't fill the cups all the way so it would be very authentic. As if on
>cue, Kimmy strides in from stage right to claim her drink, adding that "all
the
>candles have been lit" and both exit stage left with a slow dissolve to them
>entering the living room, stage right, where Carrie is awaiting them on a
>couch. Carrie, BTW, is affecting that "stepped on frog" expression again as
she
>grunts "Oh, gorgeous!". We cut to an over-the-should shot of one of the blonds
>as Sandra expositions that the rest of the guests are due to arrive at any
>minute (I guess old habits die hard) with the "faux Buddah" clearly in view
>behind her. Did she drag that thing all the way to Kim's house in WI for this
>show? As the camera pans over a coffee table covered by wallpaper with a
>pattern whose name escapes me that's been littered with junk, SLop begins to
>explain what she did. SLop bought some tiny vases and glued gold leaf (or are
>they gold-colored plastic leaves?) and big gaudy cheap earrings to them. She
>also filled them with chocolates so they have a snack to take home. Wait.
Isn't
>at least one of them at home already? SLop then tells them about the "faux
>plastic ruby crystal" bowls and mini-chandeliers on the table, to which Carrie
>exclaims "Holy cow!". SLop also used cheap plastic bracelets for napkin rings
>that they can keep, to which Carrie says "Stephanie will love this!". SLop
then
>adds that in addition to all this, she also got an extra fabric for her so
>Kimmy can redo her bedroom. Carrie looks less than thrilled about that. With
>each holding a different drink in her hand, they clink their glasses for a
>toast and SLop rattles off her "Keep it" trifecta, followed by a trio of
>"Whoots" and chugging.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in
>your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
>liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
>being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up
>either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
>
>
>
>

--
It is simply breathtaking to watch the glee and abandon with which
the liberal media and the Angry Left have been attempting to turn
our military victory in Iraq into a second Vietnam quagmire. Too bad
for them, it's failing.

I was waiting in gleeful anticipation for this epi to come on. I even told the
bf that I wasn't going downtown with him until I had finished watching SLop.
The show started out looking kinda promising (the footage of SLop in the
produce section of her "regular groshery store", looking quizzically at all the
different veggies, probably asking herself, "what the hell is all this stuff?"
was priceless). But that didn't last for long. Not even 5 minutes into the show
she had proven that she's just as idiotic as ever. I actually felt a little
embarrased for her as I listened to her prattle on about booze and young
firemen. It was like happy hour with horny middle-aged lushes. And you would
think her friend ("Sistah!") would tell her to pay a little more "attention to
detail" and let the excess batter drip off the olives before putting them in
the oil, instead of just ladeling spoonfuls of olive-studded batter into the
FryDaddy. But as soon as I heard "olive juice", I had had enough, and shut off
the TV. (I'm going to make another attempt to watch it tonight.)

> "Oooh! YUMMY!" squeals Kim as her eyes bug out like a toad that's been
> stepped on

I just can't stop giggling over this!

In article >,
wrote:
>
>In article >, wrote:
>
>>Thought the name would be Kary which goes better with Kimber and Kevin.
>>Next show will be with friends Laura, Linda and Louie.
>
>Did anyone else catch the end of Paula Dean's show immediately before this
>came on? Right before it ended, she was bantering with her sons about
>something or other, turned to the camera, and said "If you believe THAT B.S.,
>stay tuned..." (OMG! OMG!) ".. to NEXT week's show!". Pretty sneaky, Paula!

YES!!! I was so sure she was going to say "...stay tuned for Semi-Homemade."
I would have sent Paula a dozen roses if she had said that.

In article >,
wrote:

>God, I love it... Snadra took her tendency to misunderstand and mangle
>time-tested cooking/entertaining concepts to the next level. Now, she's taken
>the concept of a tastefully produced, successful cooking show (Giada's
>Everyday Italian) and completely, well, misunderstand and mangled it. "That
>little Italian girl...you know...what's her name? Her grandpa's high up in
>the movie business? I want a show like hers...you know, all soft lighting
>and film and lots of people over? That'd be f'ntastic." Of course, through
>the Snadra filter, the point of such a cooking show is to prove to your
>detractors that you actually have friends, not to actually cook anything
>anybody would want to eat. Because, true to form, in today's episode, NOBODY
>EATS ANYTHING.

The real kicker is that Giada once worked as a food stylist, arranging tasteful
presentations of the food for photographing in the magazines.Everything she
makes looks gorgeous and appetizing. Unlike Shamdy, for whom simply sauteeing
an onion requires a seasoning packet, a bottle of ranch dressing, and a hot
glue gun.

In article <b311d2d30605011608w5a6563afp29037c20aa7f052b@mail .gmail.com>,
wrote:
>
>In article >,
>wrote:
>
>>God, I love it... Snadra took her tendency to misunderstand and mangle
>>time-tested cooking/entertaining concepts to the next level. Now, she's taken
>>the concept of a tastefully produced, successful cooking show (Giada's
>>Everyday Italian) and completely, well, misunderstand and mangled it. "That
>>little Italian girl...you know...what's her name? Her grandpa's high up in
>>the movie business? I want a show like hers...you know, all soft lighting
>>and film and lots of people over? That'd be f'ntastic." Of course, through
>>the Snadra filter, the point of such a cooking show is to prove to your
>>detractors that you actually have friends, not to actually cook anything
>>anybody would want to eat. Because, true to form, in today's episode, NOBODY
>>EATS ANYTHING.
>
>The real kicker is that Giada once worked as a food stylist, arranging
>tasteful presentations of the food for photographing in the magazines.
>Everything she makes looks gorgeous and appetizing. Unlike Shamdy, for whom
>simply sauteeing an onion requires a seasoning packet, a bottle of ranch
>dressing, and a hot glue gun.

Holy crap, I step away and they retool Semi-Ho? I had the end of Barefoot
Contessa on this afternoon, and then Semi-Ho started and I almost fell off my
chair. Different film format? No more "Your Menses & You" music? WHAAA? I had
no idea this was coming.

Drunks who encourage each other to be even more drunk are sweet, don'tcha
think? "We only need a little splash of tomato juice in the Bloody Marys,
right?" Must be a classy and sophisticated affair each month. Really strong
drinks with finger food... awesome. I can just picture her drunk dialing folks
at 3:00am.

Dang it, new episodes mean I have to start watching again. Couldn't FN have
just let it fade away?

In article >,
wrote:
>
>SLop enters stage left with a bottle of booze in her hands and sets it onto a
>counter. It is at this point that I realize a few things: (1) She's in someone
>else's kitchen, (2) this show is on film instead of tape, and (3) she's
wearing
>something much more appropriate than usual (including a bra, no less!). At
this
>point I realize we're going to be in for a lot of changes. SLop tells us that
>she and her friends (yeah, right) made up "girl's night in" so they don't have
>to worry about "making reservations or any of that monkey business like
driving
>[drunk] and just enjoy each others' company with some great laughs and
fabulous
>food". No, really, that's what she said! I am unable pay attention to her
>rattling off her menu because I am laughing too hard about what she just
>claimed. I did notice, however, that she blamed half on the recipes on Carrie
>and Kimmy. After running off the menu, she natters something about being in
>Kimmy's kitchen and waiting for the girls to show up. We then do a slow fade
>into some totally new opening credits that are accompanied by an acoustical
>guitar with her stupid back story and her 70% store-bought/30% fresh
>ingredients and creative touches credo. The only thing amusing in this new
>version is a quick cut of her kissing Brycer, the singularly most beat up boy
>in America.
>
>Sandra enters stage left with a bottle of ranch dressing in her hand and tells
>us that her friend, "Miss Carrie" is getting the stuff for the drink. Yeah,
>right. To my amazement, Carrie enters stage left clutching two bottles of
>vodka and a unlabeled bottle of V8 Splash. "Yay! Gifts for me!" SLop squeals,
>but before they start boozing it up, they begin to work on the olive poppers.
>Carrie begins by making a dipping sauce and "kicks it up a notch" by adding
>Tabasco sauce, stating that since they won't be kissing anyone tonight it
won't
>matter (ouch!). While Carrie stirs the dip, SLop makes a batter for the olives
>out of a boxed tempura mix and ice water, asiding that they don't want to use
>too much ice or it'll take away from "cocktail time", to which Carrie
nervously
>laughs. SLop then "kicks up" the batter by stirring in some cayenne
>pepper, warning us not to overstir it. SLop empties a jar of colossal blue
>cheese stuffed olives into a strainer, saving the liquid for the cocktail, and
>commenting about how they love Kevin, Carrie's husband, when he stays home
>(ouch!). She pats the olives dry with a paper towel so the batter will stick
>better and then dumps them into the bowl of batter as Carrie stands back a few
>feet and stares on with this dead look in her eyes. Poor thing. For some
reason
>the batter and olives appear pink. Once the olives are coated, she puts them
in
>a Fry Daddy, instructing us that the hot oil is at 375, thus very warm.
>As SLop puts the olives into the oil, Carries tells us through clenched teeth
>that if you put too many in the pot, the batter in the oil will expand too
much
>and could catch on fire, adding that they didn't invite firemen, too which
SLop
>quips "Only if they're 25 or younger!", prompting much giggling. As the olives
>cook, they announce "cocktail time!". Normally, this is accompanied by the
>all-too-familiar pop-up graphic, but apparently someone managed to convince
>SLop just how stupid it is, so there isn't one. Carrie instructs SLop that
>her dirty Mary is made of equal parts vodka, pepper vodka, and tomato juice,
>prompting a "Yummy!" from Sandra. When they get to the tomato juice, Carrie
>asks if they can just "do a splash", to which SLop says "This is our first
one,
>we better be good". (what?) To make it 'dirty", they add a splash of the olive
>liquid, you know, the one that has blue cheese particulate matter and gawd
>knows what else in it, followed by Carrie showing her mom's "trick" of using a
>wet paper towel the rim of the glass, adding that instead of water they'll use
>vodka. Drink much, Carrie? I am sure I've seen this "trick" before on this
>show, but whatever. SLop then blames Carrie and Kimber for speaking a "whole
>new language". News flash, SLop; it's the booze. For a change of pace, SLop
>only garnishes the drink with a celery stalk and pours the drinks, suddenly
>remembering the poppers that have been frying all this time. SLop puts the
>poppers, which resemble fried eyeballs, on a plate lined with a paper towel to
>drain. SLop has apparently finally realized that she'll give herself third
>degree burns to her mouth and throat if she deep throats them, so SLop toasts
>her sister (wait, I thought Kimmy's her sister?) and they take a sip of their
>drinks. "Oooh! YUMMY!" squeals Kim as her eyes bug out like a toad that's been
>stepped on, followed by a fade to white as it morphs into a "I just threw up
in
>my mouth a little" expression.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop is at her sister's house cutting up some
>prosciutto for her prosciutto Parmesan biscuit and cantaloupe martini because
>she is hosting. It should be interesting to see at whose house she is next
>week. She begins with some thinly-disguised Bisquick and adds some heavy
cream,
>about eight slices (eight ounces)of prosciutto, and some black pepper for
>color. SLop then stirs it with a spatula and tells us this is called a "shaggy
>dough" because it is dry. Well, it would be if you hadn't added that heavy
>cream about THIRTY SECOND AGO. SLop then sprinkles some flour onto the table,
>commenting that she usually uses cake flour if it's sweet. She pats down the
>dough to about half an inch thick, then uses a biscuit cutter, warning us not
>to twist the cutter or the biscuits won't rise. She places the disks on a
>baking sheet and brushes them with olive oil so they are shiny and the cheese
>sticks to them on top . She puts them in the oven, giddily telling us if we
>thought those were easy, wait until we see her cantaloup martini, relating how
>when she had it at one of Wolfgang's restaurants they refused to give her the
>recipe, forcing her to make it on her own, which is always a bad sign. She
>begins by making a puree of cantaloupe, sugar, and water in a blender, then
>straining it to catch any remaining lumpy bits, recommending we save the pulp
>to make ice cubes, iced tea, or smoothies. I think I'll pass, thanks. She
mixes
>some of the "juice", ice cubes, half and half, and melon vodka into a mixing
>glass, then adds juice from a juicy lime, instructing us that dry ones are
>bitter. Warning us to seal it tightly, she puts on the lid and shakes it. No
>doubt she's gotten liquor spilled all over herself many times before. She
pours
>it into a martini glass and starts to chug as we fade to white with a voice
>over announcing her sister Kim will be showing her recipes. Wait, I though
>Carrie's her sister?
>
>We return from commercial to SLop and her best friend, her sister Kimber
>(huh?), who is smiling awkwardly at the camera. They banter about how SLop
will
>be staying with her three kids for a week and how to feed them. Ah! I guess we
>know from whose kitchen SLop will be cooking for awhile. Kimber replies that
>they'll eat anything that's in a Quesadilla, but first SLop makes orange
>marmalade and prosciutto sandwiches out of those biscuits. SLop and Kim talk
>about the first time they had these but cannot recall if it was in England or
>Germany. While Kim assembles the rest of the sandwiches, SLop works on the
>Quesadilla by spreading some "borsign" cheese onto a tortia and topping it
with
>smoked salmon. Kimber mentions that her kids like it and she tries to put it
on
>everything she makes. I am incredulous. SLop tops it with some "preshredded"
>Monterey jack cheese and capers, claiming they are always good with salmon.
She
>then confides to Kim that she likes to add the juice to cream cheese because
it
>"dolls it up", to which Kimber responds with a noncommittal "Oh?" and
continues
>to assembles biscuit sandwiches. SLop puts a tortia on top of it and "folds"
it
>into the skillet by dropping it in. As SLop assaults an avocado with a knife,
>they banter about what other green things her kids love, presumably so she
>knows what to make for them. Kimber adds that they're not shy about letting
her
>know what they don't like, to which SLop responds "Brycer is so sweet; he'll
>eat anything I make!", thus insuring he gets an extra beating at school on
>Monday. SLop then claims that everyone else is due to arrive at any minute,
>including a tall Greek goddess named Alexander and Leanne who has a very
>interesting husband, but never explaining why. SLop flips the Quesadilla, to
>which Kimber says her kids won't eat it if you burn it. Ha! Kimber adds that
>these are pretty good and asks if SLop wants a bit, making an odd expression
>with her mouth. SLop then announces 'this requires sour cream" but fails to
>elaborate further. She adds some chopped chives, possibly MV-style. While
>Kimber stirs the sour cream, SLop banters about how cast iron pans always
smoke
>like that, which is nice because they have a lot of favour. She announces she
>is cutting the Quesadilla into fourths, then proceeds to cut it into eighths.
>As she plates them, she tells Kimber she's going to make eXpresso martinis, to
>which Kimber claims she and her husband drank all the time in Hawai'i. SLop
>counters by claiming that Carrie told her it was her husband's creation and
she
>had never seen them before. I guess she forgot about the time she made them on
>her show, to which Kimber gives an incredulous "Well...". SLop then mocks
>Kimber for having her hand on her hip, not noticing that it's no longer there,
>then jokes about them giving him grief about it later. They plate the food and
>SLop, as we fade out to commercial, threatens us with her tablesscape and
>eXpresso martini.
>
>When we return from commercial, SLop rushes in from stage right clutching two
>bottles of booze, overly excited about the final cocktail. She mixes one part
>vodka, one part coffee liquor, and one part cooled coffee, topped off with a
>teaspoon of instant eXpresso, and shakes it well so everything is dissolved.
>She tells us Kimmy loves this recipe, emphasizing that Carrie's husband KEVIN
>invented it, followed by a sudden cut to her straining the drink into a small
>glass, commenting that one could top it with cool whip if one wanted and that
>she didn't fill the cups all the way so it would be very authentic. As if on
>cue, Kimmy strides in from stage right to claim her drink, adding that "all
the
>candles have been lit" and both exit stage left with a slow dissolve to them
>entering the living room, stage right, where Carrie is awaiting them on a
>couch. Carrie, BTW, is affecting that "stepped on frog" expression again as
she
>grunts "Oh, gorgeous!". We cut to an over-the-should shot of one of the blonds
>as Sandra expositions that the rest of the guests are due to arrive at any
>minute (I guess old habits die hard) with the "faux Buddah" clearly in view
>behind her. Did she drag that thing all the way to Kim's house in WI for this
>show? As the camera pans over a coffee table covered by wallpaper with a
>pattern whose name escapes me that's been littered with junk, SLop begins to
>explain what she did. SLop bought some tiny vases and glued gold leaf (or are
>they gold-colored plastic leaves?) and big gaudy cheap earrings to them. She
>also filled them with chocolates so they have a snack to take home. Wait.
Isn't
>at least one of them at home already? SLop then tells them about the "faux
>plastic ruby crystal" bowls and mini-chandeliers on the table, to which Carrie
>exclaims "Holy cow!". SLop also used cheap plastic bracelets for napkin rings
>that they can keep, to which Carrie says "Stephanie will love this!". SLop
then
>adds that in addition to all this, she also got an extra fabric for her so
>Kimmy can redo her bedroom. Carrie looks less than thrilled about that. With
>each holding a different drink in her hand, they clink their glasses for a
>toast and SLop rattles off her "Keep it" trifecta, followed by a trio of
>"Whoots" and chugging.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in
>your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
>liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
>being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up
>either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

Why on Earth are they repeating this one NOW? I mean, come on... it's only been
two weeks since we saw this... monstrosity.

I like how she said at the beginning that it was going to be a girl's night in-
so they wouldn't have to worry about any of that "monkey business"- like
driving. I guess I should be thankful Sandy's not drinking and driving, but it
is disturbing how their drinking is planned out. Does this little party turn
into a sleepover? I feel sorry for the kids. I can just imagine little Miss
Stephanie or Bryce/Brycer/Brycie/Sweetness having to get up in the middle of
the night to go downstairs and get a drink of water and they have to LITERALLY
step over passed-out bodies of middle-age lushes in the living room. By the
way, what happened to Scottie? He seems to have disappeared. He didn't even
show up for the party Sandy threw for him and his little friends several weeks
ago, which, God knows, I wouldn't either if I could at all help it.

wrote:

>The blog http://blog.foodienyc.com/ runs a "Loathe Sandra Lee" recipe
>contest. Has great recipes, restaurant reviews and some great digital pics.

Awesome! I shall take a look.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in
your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up
either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.