---= Spoons =---

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and our
utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I looked
around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the
waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen
Consulting to revamp all our processes. After serveral months of
analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped
utensil. It represents a drop frequency of apporximately 3 spoons per
table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the
number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can
save time in the restroom by tying this string to the tip of you know
what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to
wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 %."

I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered. "I don't know about the others, but I use the
spoon."


-anon-

Sheldon

In article >,
Steve Wertz > wrote:

> On 3 Mar 2006 08:24:13 -0800, "Sheldon" > wrote:
>
> > ---= Spoons =---
> >
> >Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
> >that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
>
> This had only been posted here a dozen times. You may as well
> follow it up with the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe
>
> -sw

Ok, here is one that rarely makes the rounds... One of many ways to get
rid of telemarketers. I have mo

RRRrrrrinnggg!>

"Hello?"

"Hello! Mr. Michaels?"

"Speaking."

"How are you today?"

"OK so far..."

"My name is Debbie from Pointless Industries, and I'm calling to
offer you a fabulous new offer that we are offering...."

"Who is this really?"

"My name is Debbie from---"

"How did you get this number?"

"Well.. you are on our list of preferred---"

<Urgent whisper> "Listen to me, and listen good! You tell Lupo and

his goons I lived up to my end of the deal! I cut up the bodies like he
said,I ditched the car like he said, now I'm out of it, understand? You
tell him he bothers me or my family again and I take everything I know
to the Man, and don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!"

<hang up>
--
Peace, Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson

Steve Wertz wrote:
> OmManiPadmeOmelet
> > wrote:
>
> >Ok, here is one that rarely makes the rounds... One of many ways to get
> >rid of telemarketers. I have mo
>
> I get really nasty with them. If it's a woman, I ask them what
> they're wearing, or about their innermost sexual fantasies. If
> it's a man, I accuse them of being homosexual and making advances
> towards me. Then I call them all sorts of names.

Identity stealer!

In article >,
Steve Wertz > wrote:

> On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:07:45 -0600, OmManiPadmeOmelet
> > wrote:
>
> >Ok, here is one that rarely makes the rounds... One of many ways to get
> >rid of telemarketers. I have mo
>
> I get really nasty with them. If it's a woman, I ask them what
> they're wearing, or about their innermost sexual fantasies. If
> it's a man, I accuse them of being homosexual and making advances
> towards me. Then I call them all sorts of names.
>
> It was hard the first few times, but I quickly got over it. I
> don't get many telemarketers thanks to the FDNCL, but I always
> seem to get a few on Sundays between 7 and 9 PM for some reason.
> Times when it's illegal even if I wasn't on the DNCL.
>
> -sw

For some reason, I get the ones that call about 8 pm at night.
Those **** me off and I just hang up on them after asking for them to
remove me from their calling list.

Lately, I've been getting recorded telemarketers! WTF is up with that?
I hang up every time.......
--
Peace, Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson

Steve Wertz wrote:

> On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:07:45 -0600, OmManiPadmeOmelet
> > wrote:
>
> > Ok, here is one that rarely makes the rounds... One of many ways to
> > get rid of telemarketers. I have mo
>
> I get really nasty with them.

Why not just sign up for the no-call list and save everyone a lot of
trouble? Wouldn't that be easier than whining about it (to quote
someone from somewhere else).



Brian
--
If televison's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who
won't shut up.
-- Dorothy Gambrell (http://catandgirl.com)

On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:58:43 -0600, Steve Wertz
> wrote:

>On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:07:45 -0600, OmManiPadmeOmelet
> wrote:
>
>>Ok, here is one that rarely makes the rounds... One of many ways to get
>>rid of telemarketers. I have mo
>
>I get really nasty with them. If it's a woman, I ask them what
>they're wearing, or about their innermost sexual fantasies. If
>it's a man, I accuse them of being homosexual and making advances
>towards me. Then I call them all sorts of names.
>
>It was hard the first few times, but I quickly got over it. I
>don't get many telemarketers thanks to the FDNCL, but I always
>seem to get a few on Sundays between 7 and 9 PM for some reason.
>Times when it's illegal even if I wasn't on the DNCL.
>
>-sw


I crank the stereo way up, put oon a death metal cd, put the phone on
it after saying, I'll be with you in a moment, here's some music for
you.

Chaeck back in a couple of min and if they're still there, apologize
and tell them to keep hanging on - then go cook a quesadilla.


jim

Steve Wertz wrote:

> On 3 Mar 2006 22:10:42 GMT, "Default User"
> > wrote:
>
> > Steve Wertz wrote:
> >
> >> On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:07:45 -0600, OmManiPadmeOmelet
> >> > wrote:
> >>
> >> > Ok, here is one that rarely makes the rounds... One of many ways
> to >> > get rid of telemarketers. I have mo
> >>
> >> I get really nasty with them.
> >
> > Why not just sign up for the no-call list and save everyone a lot of
> > trouble?
>
> I am on the DNCL, like I mentioned in my post.

Heh. I didn't read the last part of it. Oh well.

I'm surprised you get any, the MO no-call pretty much shut down
everything.



Brian

--
If televison's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who
won't shut up.
-- Dorothy Gambrell (http://catandgirl.com)

On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:05:38 -0600, Steve Wertz wrote:

> This had only been posted here a dozen times. You may as well
> follow it up with the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe

Oh? I missed it the other 5 times then.
--

Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.

On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 20:52:32 -0600, Steve Wertz wrote:

> On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 18:20:31 -0800, sf
> > wrote:
>
> >On Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:05:38 -0600, Steve Wertz wrote:
> >
> >> This had only been posted here a dozen times. You may as well
> >> follow it up with the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe
> >
> >Oh? I missed it the other 5 times then.
>
> This is Usenet. You always either multiply or divide your
> estimate by 2, depending on what point you're trying to make.
>
<sharpening pencil> I'll make a note of that.

--

Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.