We begin in the kitchen with the usual vasoline-smeared-on-lenses look with
Barbra Streissand making a special guest appearance in Sandra's kitchen. Oh,
sorry, it's just SLop with a half-assed looking crimped and bleached hair.
She babbles about having a classy booze and dinner party and we cut to a
mini-cake with a ridiculously too-large disco mirror ball on top of it. Hey!
This is that disco theme we saw on ET last Xmas!

We return form the opening credits to more of the tipsy-cam ™ as SLop
declares this ep is "all about cocktails, tiarrahs, and bowties'. She
removes some of the pre-chive roasted potatoes from the oven and sets them
aside so they "set up", making sure to emphasise this point for some reason,
then makes some more, claiming that people will be scarfing these things
down, by cutting some potatoes into strips, except she's really slicing them
lengthwise into disks. Moron. She puts the brownish potato disks into a bowl
and drizzles them with olive oil and salt. She then tells us to add fresh
chives because she prefers the fresh to dried (I kid you not!) and then
pretends to chop the chives. Thanks to a quick cut, there is suddenly a huge
mound of chopped chives on the countertop! She puts the chives into the bowl
and gives them a "good toss" by using a spoon to flip over two slices of
potato and puts them onto a baking sheet, adding that the oil will keep them
from sticking. She tells us to put the potato disks into the oven for 2
minutes at 400 degrees, but I doubt they'll be done that fast. She then
makes a sour cream and horseradish sauce for the topping, reminding us that
we shouldn't use too much horseradish. SLop tells us we don't have to buy
expensive caviar because no one will notice and the flavours will melt
together and they make the potatoes classy. She dabs the potatoes with a
little bit of the sour cream mixture and then tops them off with the cheap
caviar. I am laughing too hard at this point to hear her reasoning, but I
think she said she wanted to do this swawwwray on the cheap and didn't think
anyone could tell the difference. She then uses a plastic knife because a
metal spoon would make it taste funny. I suspect that's just the cheap
caviar, sweetie. She dusts the plate with more chives and exits stage left
just in time for the commercial break.

We return from commercial to an empty and silent kitchen. Aroused from her
drunken slumber, SLop enters stage right with a can and a couple flavour
packets in hand and tells us that she's going to show us how to make a herb
salt crusted prime rib like you get a those fancy restaurants. To a large
bowl of kosher salt, she adds a packet of Italian dressing and marvels over
all the herbs and seasonings in it, adding how expensive it would be to buy
them fresh and separately. Like a cat in a litter pan, she covers up the
packet contents in the bowl and adds a a container of egg whites and some
water. SLop then grabs a bottle of wine and empties it over the prime rib.
Correction. It's a wine-bottle sized bottle of Worcestershire sauce. She
lovingly massages the sauce into the meat, wipes her hands on a paper towel,
and then sprinkles a generous portion of "seasoned pepper" over the ribs to
"infuse it with flavour". We suddenly cut to a pink stunt roast with a
thermometer sticking out of it. She prepares a bed of salt in the bottom of
an aluminum foil lined baking dish and covers it with the salt mixture. With
a gleeful "Me washie handsies! Me washie handsies!", she finally washes her
hands, reminding us to use soap after handling meat. Snatching the
thermometer from the stunt meat, she tells us to cook it for about 12
minutes per pound at 425 degrees, then tells us to cook it for about 14-16
minutes per pound. Huh? Sandra then places a saucepan halfway between two
burners and empties a can of beef broth and a package of onion soup mix into
it and tells us to let it simmer. Without moving the pan or turning on the
stove, she whisks the "faux jus" with a fork. For once, SLop has let her
meat rest but inadequately describes the juices as being sucked right back
into the meat. SLop tries to use a knife to crack the salt shell, but then
ends up using Brycer's stupid toy rolling pin. OK, so why did she add that
seasoning to the salt crust, again? She puts the meat onto a cutting board
and attempts to slice the way-too-pink-for-my-comfort meat into rough
chunks. As we head to commercial, we get to hear the extended version of her
bumper music as she struggles with her meat.

We return from the commercial break with a glamour shot of the champagne
cake with a mini disco ball on top. Sandra enters stage right with the now
familiar tub of white icing and champagne extract and claims her girlfriend
makes this all the time. She puts some white cake mix into a bowl but only
adds the egg whites, adding you can use store bought egg whites too. She
then adds some vegetable oil and champagne, adding that it has to be a dry
champagne. As she pours it into the bowl, she calls it "sparkling wine". She
mixes it with a hand blender, warning us to use the lowest setting so it
doesn't go flying all over the kitchen (hmmm), then puts it into a baking
pan. Using a three inch biscuit cutter (you can use an empty pineapple can
if you want), she punches out six smaller cakes and sets the scraps aside to
make trifle later. What's wrong, are twinkies not good enough for your
trifle now? She plops one of the mini-cakes onto an icing pedestal (instead
of a plate on an inverted bowl for once) and ices it with the frosting
embellished with the extract. Once she is finished, she dusts it with
sanding sugar and some silver dragees (hmm, aren't those non-edible?) and
tops it with a lime-size disco mirror ball. It looks as ridiculous as it
sounds. As we head out to commercial, she tries to keep her composure as she
announces her cocktail and tablesscape are up next.

During the commercial break, I see a Food Network ad which features a quick
clip of Snadra in a green dress with a matching *tini chowing down on a
chocolate-dipped strawberry like Shamu eating a fish at Sea World. Ewwww.

When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen
that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop enters, stage right, with this
strangely ecstatic look on her face as she shakes two bottles of red booze
in her hands like maracas as she sing-songs "It's cocktail time!!". She
tells us she likes this one because you can make it year-round, but loves it
on the holidays because it is egg-nog based. I have no clue what she is
babbling on about until she reveals that using vanilla ice cream means you
can have it any time of year. Whatever. She adds a scoop of vanilla ice
cream, some egg nog (one can substitute one of those vanilla yogurt drinks),
a "little bit" of brandy (glug glug glug), and a "little bit" of amaretto
(glug glug glug). SLop offers up a serving tip. As she struggles with
sticking a martini glass of epic proportions onto a plate of sugar, she
tells us to soak a paper towel with water or champagne. According to her,
this makes the glasses coated just enough. She then pours the rest of the
drink in the blender into some of the champagne glasses in her "champagne
glass bowkay" that will serve as her tablescape centerpiece. Half contain
the "crystal cocktail" and the rest have champagne. If this isn't the proof
that one needs to have an intervention and taken directly to the Betty Ford
Clinic, I do not know what is. Incidentally, when I stopped the tape to get
a better look at this monstrosity of a centerpiece, I caught Sandra leering
over the top of the it like Linda Blair in The Exercise. Holy crap! Sandra
then picks up her drink and a cheap-looking silver box with a hinged lid and
strolls over to her tablescape. Umm, aren't you forgetting something? She
then procedes to tell us that she took some cheap cardboard boxes with
aluminum foil glued to it, filled it with "silver filler" (ie., Xmas tree
tinsel), a baseball-sized disco mirror ball, and a "computer-generated
invitation", and then mailed them out as invitations to her guests,
mentioning that they only cost a couple dollars to make. At this point, I
feel profound pity for those poor souls who are on her party list and
continuously receive these bizarre things in the mail from her. Hmm, I bet
it costs more to mail those invitations than to make them. Anyhow, I'd like
to add at this point that this tablescape easily rivals the "Poo and Pee
Party" one for retinal burn-out -- everything in the room is white or coated
with silver, and there are various small white (natch) candles all over the
place. This, combined with the Vaseline on the camera lens, makes it very
difficult to see what's going on. Did I mention there's about half a dozen
disco mirror balls of various sizes hanging on varying lengths of silver
chain throughout the room? SLop then shows us her centerpiece, which for
some reason is now three multiple-tiered tea servers with lit white votive
candles. So much for that "booze bowkay"... As the camera pans the
tablescape, I notice that each plate has a small black and white photo in a
silver picture frame and a folded card with initials bedazzled into it for
place settings. Ugh. She then shows us how she took a white tablecloth and
placed a sheer silver mylar sheet over it for the table before telling us to
Keep it simple, keep it sensational, and keep it sparkly.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

Wow. I saw this show one (not the episode you talk about) and wondered
how many people need video instruction on how to prepare boxed mixes. I
thought about the average human, laughed a bit, and changed the
channel.

I certainly didn't bother to watch the whole show and critique every
element of it. It seems like someone has an unhealthy obsession. Or
perhaps you need to turn the TV off. Sometimes, despite the umpteen
gazillion channels you may have paid for, there is nothing on worth
watching. This is when it is time to, gasp!, TURN OFF THE TV.

Dean G.
who hasn't had cable or satelite TV for many years
Ironically, the few moments I can spare to watch TV, I can always find
something better than Sandy.

Dean G. wrote:
> Wow. I saw this show one (not the episode you talk about) and wondered
> how many people need video instruction on how to prepare boxed mixes. I
> thought about the average human, laughed a bit, and changed the
> channel.
>
> I certainly didn't bother to watch the whole show and critique every
> element of it. It seems like someone has an unhealthy obsession. Or
> perhaps you need to turn the TV off. Sometimes, despite the umpteen
> gazillion channels you may have paid for, there is nothing on worth
> watching. This is when it is time to, gasp!, TURN OFF THE TV.

No way! We make up a big batch of pop corn and fight for prime seating
in this house when SLop is on! We have to be careful, though, not to
*choke* on the pop corn when we're laughing that hard.

Dean G. wrote:

> Wow. I saw this show one (not the episode you talk about) and wondered
> how many people need video instruction on how to prepare boxed mixes. I
> thought about the average human, laughed a bit, and changed the
> channel.
>
> I certainly didn't bother to watch the whole show and critique every
> element of it. It seems like someone has an unhealthy obsession. Or
> perhaps you need to turn the TV off. Sometimes, despite the umpteen
> gazillion channels you may have paid for, there is nothing on worth
> watching. This is when it is time to, gasp!, TURN OFF THE TV.

Didn't you ever watch Mystery Science Theater just for the comments made
about the bad movies by the "audience" ?
Goomba

On Wed, 29 Jun 2005 17:11:27 -0400, Goomba38 >
wrote:

>Dean G. wrote:
>
>> Wow. I saw this show one (not the episode you talk about) and wondered
>> how many people need video instruction on how to prepare boxed mixes. I
>> thought about the average human, laughed a bit, and changed the
>> channel.
>>
>> I certainly didn't bother to watch the whole show and critique every
>> element of it. It seems like someone has an unhealthy obsession. Or
>> perhaps you need to turn the TV off. Sometimes, despite the umpteen
>> gazillion channels you may have paid for, there is nothing on worth
>> watching. This is when it is time to, gasp!, TURN OFF THE TV.
>
>Didn't you ever watch Mystery Science Theater just for the comments made
>about the bad movies by the "audience" ?
>Goomba

Naaww, I bet he's a CNN person. All serious all the time.

On 29 Jun 2005 07:13:45 -0700, "Dean G." > wrote:

>Wow. I saw this show one (not the episode you talk about) and wondered
>how many people need video instruction on how to prepare boxed mixes. I
>thought about the average human, laughed a bit, and changed the
>channel.
>
>I certainly didn't bother to watch the whole show and critique every
>element of it. It seems like someone has an unhealthy obsession. Or
>perhaps you need to turn the TV off. Sometimes, despite the umpteen
>gazillion channels you may have paid for, there is nothing on worth
>watching. This is when it is time to, gasp!, TURN OFF THE TV.
>
>Dean G.
>who hasn't had cable or satelite TV for many years
>Ironically, the few moments I can spare to watch TV, I can always find
>something better than Sandy.

Another person that doesn't understand the comedic elements of Sandra
Lee. Entertainment, man!

pepsi

In article .com>,
wrote:

>Wow. I saw this show one (not the episode you talk about) and wondered
>how many people need video instruction on how to prepare boxed mixes. I
>thought about the average human, laughed a bit, and changed the
>channel.
>
>I certainly didn't bother to watch the whole show and critique every
>element of it. It seems like someone has an unhealthy obsession. Or
>perhaps you need to turn the TV off. Sometimes, despite the umpteen
>gazillion channels you may have paid for, there is nothing on worth
>watching. This is when it is time to, gasp!, TURN OFF THE TV.

And you read my recap because?
And you bothered to share this with us because?

--
--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.

Ubiquitous wrote:

> We begin in the kitchen with the usual vasoline-smeared-on-lenses
> look with Barbra Streissand making a special guest appearance in
> Sandra's kitchen. Oh, sorry, it's just SLop with a half-assed looking
> crimped and bleached hair.

Yeah, the hair has looked better.

I am impressed by the number of complete sets of Kitchen Aid appliances in
varying colors she has.


Ya know, I used to watch the Two Fat Ladies with the same kind of horror
that you seem to have when you watch this show. It wasn't because of them
though, it was the British food they cooked.

In article >,
wrote:
>
>Ubiquitous wrote:
>
>> We begin in the kitchen with the usual vasoline-smeared-on-lenses
>> look with Barbra Streissand making a special guest appearance in
>> Sandra's kitchen. Oh, sorry, it's just SLop with a half-assed looking
>> crimped and bleached hair.
>
>Yeah, the hair has looked better.
>
>I am impressed by the number of complete sets of Kitchen Aid appliances in
>varying colors she has.

And yet she somehow rarely ever manages to use them. :-D

>Ya know, I used to watch the Two Fat Ladies with the same kind of horror
>that you seem to have when you watch this show. It wasn't because of them
>though, it was the British food they cooked.

British cooking is scarey, but at least they know what they're doing.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.