From the Miss Conduct etiquette column.

I'm amazed I've never heard of this solution before - I seem to remember Ann Landers or Dear Abby saying something like "just accept the gift, throw it out, and say nothing." But then, I think that old letter was in reference to someone who really didn't understand what tastes bad to most people. This MAY be different.

Oddly, no one has commented on that letter yet - just the other, unrelated one.

http://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/...DEL/story.html

How do you tell a friend that her gifts of homemade goodies are not safe? Many of us who have received gifts have had to toss them because of mold, leaky jars, or because they just tasted bad. I have mentioned the problem to her, but only my experiences. We dont want to hurt her feelings by telling her to stop, as she means well. What would you suggest?

M.C. / Andover

Dont say anything about the leaky jars of yesteryear, but the next time you get an alarming€‰€”€‰unsafe, not merely unappetizing€‰€”€‰gift from Botulism Betty, speak up loud and clear. Youre only worrying about being tactful because you think Bettys an awful cook. If she were a good one€‰€”€‰Nutritious Nancy€‰€”€‰youd get on the horn immediately and say something like €œNancy! I had to warn you! Those jars are leaking! I knew youd want to know because you take such pride in your work. Good grief, youll probably have to throw the whole batch away now, wont you? What a nuisance!€� Keep a similar brisk, can-do frame with Betty: No recriminations, no excuses, these things happen to everyone. Encourage your friends to do likewise, and if Betty is capable of getting the message, then, eventually, she will.

(end)


Lenona.