We moved here when I was 7 and had few relatives here so my parents adopted
a grandma for us. She would eat very little other than lime Jell-O. The
minister of our church (where my parents found her) had us take food to her
regularly because she wasn't eating. He said for us to try to get her to
eat a bite of everything. But that was super hard to do. She died not long
after. The minister also said that most elderly people seem to prefer
sweets. And I think this is true.

Not sure what the problem is in my dad's case. He did have some brain
bleeds and the problems began after that. He seemed to lose quite a good
deal of his memory. There is some kind of dementia also but my mom either
doesn't know or isn't being straight with us on that. He is 82 now. Not
only did he forget what foods were, but he forgot how to eat them. Now this
is a man who was nearly constantly eating! Suddenly not only did he not
want to eat anything but he was convinced that he disliked all foods.

While he was in the hospital, my mom ordered his meals for him. They had a
raw veggie plate that came with Ranch dressing. He dipped the veggies in
the dressing. And this was very odd for him. We always had raw veggies at
celebration type meals and often even just at dinner. He never dipped his
veggies into anything! We just never had dip like that. But suddenly he
was dipping because my mom told him to. So all of a sudden, he thought all
of his food should be dipped. He picked up the dinner roll, dipped it in
the dressing, made a face, then put it down. Said that it was terrible. We
all tried to talk him out of it. Told him that it would be better to put
butter on the roll. But he wouldn't listen.

Then when he got home, he dipped a grilled cheese sandwich in applesauce.
But then later, something else bad happened and he seemed to temporarily
forget how to eat. This was the day that I eventually dialed 911, thinking
he'd had a stroke. I brought him his favorite burrito from the place where
we had lunch each week. Not only did he not know what it was, but he didn't
know how to eat it. Didn't know to cut it. Couldn't cut it after I
explained how. So I cut it for him and he then tried to eat it with a
spoon. He made a huge mess!

Since then, things have gotten some better. But he is losing weight
rapidly. He is now in an adult home. The portions they give out are tiny.
His are always twice the size of everyone else's but they're still tiny.
Like the amount that you'd give a toddler. They use those little plastic
plates too. They do offer seconds but people rarely take them. It's as
though he has lost all sense of appetite. He never seems to be hungry any
more. This was a man who was constantly hungry! We've even brought him
some of what used to be his favorite snacks. He was a big time snacker.
And now mostly he won't eat the snacks. Once in a while he will, but
rarely.

We did take him a large Chinese dinner one night. One of those combo things
with the soup, eggrolls, pork with ketchup, hot mustard and sesame seeds.
Rice and some kind of main dish. Can't remember what that was, but there
was shrimp in it. He did eat that and said it was good. But he didn't
finish it all. Granted it was a huge amount of food! Other times we bring
him something that used to be his favorite food but he just says it's okay.
The only think I can really remember him commenting on that was good was the
marble rye they had at the rehab place. They had it for a while and then
they switched to something else. He was upset. He did like that!

My mom's eating has also changed. We are having a hard time getting her to
eat healthy food. She always wants to go out to eat but she has things like
milkshakes, waffles, pancakes, crepes, muffins, sweet rolls, etc. If we go
for Mexican, it's usually nachos with extra cheese. She did have a Chef's
salad once which is unusual for her. I've never seen her order one of those
before. But there too, she seems not to remember what foods she likes. And
this has been going on for a long time with her. For instance, once she had
fish tacos. She said they were not good and never to let her order them
again. Then the following week, she said she was going to have the fish
tacos. When I told her that she didn't like them and said not to let her
order them again, she accused me of lying. Ordered them anyway. Said they
were fine. Then the next time she asked me if she liked the fish tacos in
there? It's like... There's no safe answer I can give her. It's like that
movie, Groundhog Day. Each day we start over again. New. Seemingly no
memory of anything that happened in the past. Or the near past anyway.

And then there was the Christmas popcorn. I don't know if you get these
things where you are, but here, many stores put out popcorn tins at
Christmas. They are big to huge decorated tins (usually a seasonal pattern)
filled with popcorn. The cheap ones usually have cardboard separators in
them. One section has plain or buttered popcorn, one has cheese popcorn and
the other has caramel corn. Horrid stuff, IMO. Always stale tasting. I
love popcorn. But I love fresh popcorn. Even for caramel corn. Has to be
fresh. Like almost hot from the oven fresh. Otherwise I don't like it.
But she loves it! So we bought her a tin.

My brother one upped me and went to Popcornopolis. I have never tried their
corn but I have heard that it is good. I have given it as gifts. They make
all sorts of flavors, many of them sweet. So he got her three giant tins,
each filled with a single flavor. But I believe they were the same flavors
as in our tins.

For weeks, all she would eat was that popcorn. For breakfast, lunch and
dinner. Not that she ate three meals a day. She was frequently skipping
meals. Complaining of extreme hunger but refusing any food that I gave her.

She also found food in my van and began ripping into it. Tic Tacs and
Altoids. Corn Nuts. Wolfing them down like she'd never seen them before.
And in fact she claimed never to have seen the Altoids before. But I know
that my dad used to buy them so she has seen them.

In her case, for sure there is something going on for sweets. And for some
odd reason, nachos with extra cheese. If she doesn't order those it is a
quesadilla with extra cheese. If she eats Italian food, she orders some
sort of cheese filled pasta. She scrapes the pasta off and just eats the
cheese. Basically at all meals she eats pretty much nothing except perhaps
for whatever cheese is on the meal. Then as soon as she gets out of there
or gets to home, she begins eating sweets and junk food. It's maddening to
me. But she is very much a control freak. Won't listen to me at all. So
there is nothing I can do.

OTOH, I had an elderly neighbor who was a stickler for proper eating.
Sometimes she would invite me over for a meal because she thought I wasn't
eating properly. This wasn't true. But in those days I did dine out a lot
and didn't really keep much food in the house. I think she feared that I
wasn't eating much at all. I did make my own granola bars. Her recipe.
And occasionally I'd make pasta for myself. Once a week I'd go to the
grocery store and get a big salad from the salad bar. So big that it would
take me two days to eat it. And I might have a can or two of soup in the
cupboard just in case. I did have braces on my teeth in those days so I
couldn't eat popcorn. So I guess if she was judging by what she saw of mine
in the trash, it might have looked to her like I wasn't eating much. I was
just eating my lunch and dinner out, most of the time and I didn't usually
get home until very late. Sometimes like 2:00 a.m. or later.

Anyway... This woman didn't eat overly large meals but they were always
proper meals. I did her shopping for her after they took her license away
and she was no longer able to drive. She'd have a small piece of meat or
fish, or maybe an egg and a couple of vegetables for dinner. She seemed to
be of a good weight. Not thin but certainly not fat. But not long after
that I didn't see her often. Long story that I won't get into here but she
had to move out. Her daughter built her a tiny apartment in the basement of
her house. It did have a tiny kitchenette, tiny sitting room with a couple
of chairs and a very small bedroom and bathroom. She did invite me over
once and put out snacks. But her daughter took over the cooking for her. I
really only saw her that one time because my life had gotten hectically busy
and the house where her daughter lived was pretty far away.

My one grandma had weird food issues in her late 70's. For her I think a
lot of it had to do with fear. She was afraid to go out and get food. She
loved to go out to eat but when she tried to do this once she fell and broke
her hip. Then she began to fear going to the store. Thought people might
rob her. She wrote me lots of letters. Told me that she loved canned
chili. So my brother and I took turns buying cases of Hormel chili. The
little single serve cans. Someone had bought her a microwave and she loved
it. So we knew at least that she had the chili to eat. But... She was
living in KS and we were in WA. We don't know what all she was eating at
other times. We did try to send her lots of food items whenever we could.
But of course the price of postage was high. Not long after that she went
into a nursing home and she did start losing weight. So there may well have
been other food issues.

I have been reading a lot of books on senility. Those say that things
happen in the body other than just memory problems. All of their senses can
change. Sort of warp. Their seeing can go funny on them. They don't see
colors so well. So foods might not look appealing any more. Or they might
see things that are not even there. Things that are not frightening can
look frightening to them and they might not be able to even explain it to
you.

Textures can frighten them. Because their sense of touch can go funny.

Their hearing can diminish or they might hear things in what seems to them a
magnified way. So a food that is crunchy might frighten them. My dad gets
very frightened of certain noises. No food noises that I know of but sirens
or ladies heels clicking on the wooden floor upset him.

Their sense of smell can go. It can be diminished or they can smell things
that aren't even there. The mind can play tricks on them. They might think
that the food smells burned even when it isn't. And of course when you
can't smell something, you can't really taste it.

Then of course there is the sense of taste. Which I have also read they can
sometimes prefer sweet foods.

One of the books said that it is best to offer seniors finger foods. They
often can not manage silverware very well. But aim for things that are high
in nutrition. The mentioned chicken nuggets, cheese cubes, cut up fruit.
They said never to offer fruit with peel on like oranges because they might
get confused and try to eat the peel. But the book also said that soup was
a good choice. I know that they do serve soup often where my dad is.
Tomato soup a lot! Maybe because it is easy for them to pick up.

The book did say to offer small portions and refill their plate as needed.
Just like toddlers, they can get overwhelmed with large portions of foods.
It also said to leave out foods that they could pick up and eat. For my
MIL, we often left out a dish of pretzels. She loves those.

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> The book did say to offer small portions and refill their plate as needed.
> Just like toddlers, they can get overwhelmed with large portions of foods.
> It also said to leave out foods that they could pick up and eat. For my
> MIL, we often left out a dish of pretzels. She loves those.


Thank you for all the time and trouble you put into that post. I am very
grateful.

My relative isn't really refusing food, she simply doesn't enjoy it and
isn't tempted much. She still eats but the lack of enjoyment is sad. She
used to really enjoy her meals and had favourite foods which she now
dislikes. I hope she doesn't get into the problems you have found with
various people
She still cooks every day for herself and her husband so she isn't starving
at all, it's just this lack of enjoyment that concerns me in case she does
stop eating as much as she needs. I suppose the thing that concerns me
most, is the way she dislikes foods that were previous favourites.
--

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That would make too much sense. She's so terribly busy taking her
daughter to/from dance and eating at restaurants. She wouldn't have
time to buy and tear her own salad greens.

Jill
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