My turds used to be excellent - the kind that come out long and
slow with the asshole snapping shut at the finish and barely any
wiping required. That's because I ate an apple a day. Pectin, you
know. Well, I had a few teeth yanked last year - missing 5 on top not
counting the wisdoms - and it has slightly altered my eating style. I
can still chew just about anything, except I gave up on the apples.
But about two weeks ago while shopping for strawberries or canteloupe
and not able to find any of value, I figured what the hell, and got
some peaches.

Up to that time I had been dealing with some nasty turds, the
kind that feel good at the start - rolling through nice and easy - you
think it's going to be a good one - but then it kind of falls apart
and turns into this tar-like mess that takes forever to wipe from the
a-hole - and sometimes even requiring a shower. But now suddenly out
of nowhere my turds have attained the form and shape and friendliness
of my youth. I think it's the peaches. I eat them cut up with the
skins still on along with bananas on plain yogurt. The turds are not
always perfect, and it would be wrong for any human to expect
perfection in that area on a daily basis - but they sure have
improved, and everything is just peachy.

TJ