wrote:
> I'm talking about ones you see hanging in the windows of the Chinese
> restaurants that seem to be patronized by lots of Chinese and few
> westerners, almost fast-food places, not the ones with tablecloths.
> Behind the ducks (and other hanging poultry and what looks like ribs)
> there's a guy with a cleaver and a chopping block...a lot of jabbering
> in Chinese, a few whacks with the cleaver, and presumably another
> happy customer.
>
> Well, I have a hankering to try this duck but there's a problem, the
> same problem with all non-westernized ethnic groups, and that's that
> the establishment offers little or no help to anyone not of the ethnic
> group in understanding what's being sold, how to eat it etc. It's
> almost as though they don't want to make money except off their own
> group.
>
If they speak no English, you've found the right place, but you'll hafta
use sign language! First try, "Barbecued duck to go (takeaway in UK)?"

> So, in the hopes that some of you have been through the experience of
> purchasing this type of duck...
>
> - I want to take it away. OK?

Assuming no English, after pointing to the bird of your dreams, pantomime
carrying it out in a bag. You indicated no tables, so should be
self-evident.
>
> - I want to buy it about 11.00am and eat it about 8.00pm. Any problem
> with re-heating it in the microwave?

Might make the skin a little less than perfect. Maybe re-heating in a Very
Slow (200° F or 95° C) oven would be better.
>
> - Is there a sauce that goes with it? Should I ask or will this just
> make me seem an idiot foreigner?

Wake up! You ARE an idiot furriner. ;-0 Gesture pouring, then a questioning
shrug. If they're laughing, go with the flow. Big smile, nodding yes.
Believe me, they're glad you've honored them by coming in . . . gringo!
>
> - I'll probably be feeding 4 people (light eaters) with this and other
> Chinese food. Should I buy a whole duck? Or would this create an
> endless source of amusement to the counter jockey?

Buy a whole duck. You're out to delight your guests. Amusing the counter
jockey is a bonus! Laugh with him.
>
> - Should I have it cut up? I.e., let cleaver-boy have his fun. Or will
> they automatically do this?

Make questioning chopping gestures if he doesn't. My wife buys 'em whole,
my kids have 'em cut up.
>
> - Is there something like: "No one in their right mind would ever
> order the duck without requiring detachment of the head and neck" or
> "the place will lop off those parts automatically and just keep them"
> or "Don't be so stupid! Doesn't everyone know that the bird not only
> has to be de-necked and de-headed but also the guts (still inside)
> have to be removed."

Necks, heads (except lips) and feet are all edible. Nobody cooks a bird
with the guts still in except a very young new bride.
>
> Are there different types of duck? Perhaps smoked, bar-b-cued,

Pick what looks good. Remember what it looked like and how it tasted/was
received. Try the other one(s) next time.

> marinated in the blood of 75 virgins <g>.

Do NOT buy a duck that looks like a tampon.
>
> You can see I'm looking forward to this...
>
> Any help will be appreciated.

I hope I've been some help. I am sincere in my comments, if a bit jocular.
If you have access to an Asian poultry store and an offset cooker, there's
nothing like doing your own. Methods/recipes on request.

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