"Bulie Jove" > wrote in message
...
> The weirdest thing happened to me while I was preparing the turkey
> this Thanksgiving. I had a coupon for half off a turkey at Target
> which is the only kind daughter and I can eat since it comes from a
> store that also sells the kind of polyester clothes that my husband
> likes to wear around the house. I started rubbing the bird down with
> butter and the thing came alive and started flapping its wings, flying
> around the kitchen. The next thing I know the bird lunged straight at
> me and went for my neck and had me in a strangle hold. Daughter and
> husband were laughing their asses off eating Milk Duds and Junior
> Mints. I managed to call the pet psychic and put her on speakerphone
> and she performed a special turkey chant over the phone and calmed the
> bird down just as I was turning blue and about to pass out and it fell
> to the ground with a big SPLAT. We then called the fire department
> and they stormed into the house and just looked at the bird on the
> kitchen floor and kicked it with their feet a couple times and said it
> was dead again we should be just fine but they would not take the Evil
> turkey away! Even the cats wouldn't go near it but that's not
> surprising since they're intolerant to turkey and kitchen floors. I
> called the Target Thanksgiving hotline and they wouldn't send anybody
> out to collect the turkey either - they told me to put it in the oven
> on the clean cycle but we were all too afraid to touch it. We ended
> up going to the Bean Buffet for dinner instead but I still have this
> turkey on my kitchen floor and teh husband can't pick it up due to
> illness. What should I do with it?

I had an idea, but then I realized it wouldn't work.