I am essentially a not too bright male who regards persons like Alton Brown with profound suspicion. Unable to find a self-sacrificing woman to cook for me, I have to do this dreary stuff myself. I read a book with 487 chicken recipes, and I still don't know how to cook a chicken breast in water for sandwiches. Persons with my degree of inaptitude don't want to know from moist, savory, tasteful, sauces, and thermometers — I just want to know enough to avoid E. coli and salmonella.

Depending on which package has the least juice on the bottom, I buy skinless, boneless, chicken breasts or chicken breasts that have skin on and/or bone in. All I want to do is cook this stuff to eat with rice or for sandwiches.

Do I have to rinse the raw chicken first? How much water do I put in the pot with it? Do I put salt in the water? Do I bring the water to a boil? If so, I imagine I reduce it to a simmer, right? How long do I simmer? How do I save the leftovers? How long can I keep them before they get hairy?

After I get this down pat, I'll go for the Alton Brown treatment.