1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no
calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and
thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also
has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies
and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your
friend's first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also. It
would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend
that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to
your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity
and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas
cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess
frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones
have three and green ones have five ? one calorie for each letter.
Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no
calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not
part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process
of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories
since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will
cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories
because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's
a rule!