The Ranger wrote:

> Fer example... I love crab. If crab juice (not even the main source)
> touches my tongue, it's a pretty dramatic reaction. I immediately
> bloat, wheeze, and get all blotchy. (And yes, I now get the pleasure
> of carrying that little Pen about on my person. It sucks to be me.)
>
> I find that this new feature I'm experiencing is something that a
> host(ess) wants to know prior to their event. I know I ask invitees
> so as not to witness that sort of commentary about my cooking.
>
> The Ranger

If I'm invited, I take care of my allergy to tree nuts by saying,
generally, "I don't know if you've decided on your menu or not, but you
might want to know that I'm severely allergic to tree nuts. I don't
want you to change your menu, but if you do have a dish that includes
them, I'd appreciate knowing. Actually, I can eat cashews and almonds,
and of course, peanuts."

Like you, if I am inviting, then I ask if there are any allergies or
other issues I need to know about before planning my menu. (Like, if
you see a piece of celery, you'll gag.)

N.

The way I phrase the question is, "is there anything you can't eat?"
That way I know not to plan shrimp as the main course if my guest is
allergic to shellfish while not opening the door to my guests telling me
the exact menu they want as though I were a short order cook. I always
cook without added salt and try, within reason, to put dressings on the
side.


The Miss Manners advice is to make sure that there's something on the
table that everyone can eat and not worry about it after that. I do
follow that advice. If I get a vegetarian who can only eat the salad, I
make sure there's plenty of salad. If a friend comes over who is
lactose intolerant, I make sure there's something being served that's
not covered in cheese. For dessert, there might be something calorie
laden, but there's also plain fresh fruit. I've got my bases covered.


When I'm the guest, I don't ask what's being served, and I don't
volunteer my restrictions unless asked, BUT I am someone with few
restrictions and who is capable of eating little or nothing without
harm. If the only thing on the table that I can eat is the bread and
butter, then I'm happy eating just that. It would be unlikely that
someone came up with a menu that was made entirely of things I can't eat
(salmon, crab, eggplant, beets, pineapple, liver, popcorn, MSG, green
unprocessed oils), but if someone has adverse reactions to wheat, eggs
and peanuts, I see no problem with them mentioning that to the hosts.


I do have a problem with the general question "what are you serving?"
It makes everyone sound pickier than they have any right to be.


--Lia

On Wed, 15 Nov 2006 13:14:05 -0500, Julia Altshuler
> wrote:

>I do have a problem with the general question "what are you serving?"
>It makes everyone sound pickier than they have any right to be.

I admit to asking that. Three reasons.
1) Crash is allergic to mushrooms
2) I'd like to offer to bring something to go with it, if they'd like
me to (we don't know anyone who is well off, so the offer of food is
generally appreciated very much)
3) This might sound weird, but I like getting all excited, knowing
I'm going to be enjoying a lasagna (or fill in the blank) dinner.

Damsel in dis Dress wrote:
> On Wed, 15 Nov 2006 13:14:05 -0500, Julia Altshuler
> > wrote:
>
>> I do have a problem with the general question "what are you serving?"
>> It makes everyone sound pickier than they have any right to be.
>
> I admit to asking that. Three reasons.
> 1) Crash is allergic to mushrooms
> 2) I'd like to offer to bring something to go with it, if they'd like
> me to (we don't know anyone who is well off, so the offer of food is
> generally appreciated very much)
> 3) This might sound weird, but I like getting all excited, knowing
> I'm going to be enjoying a lasagna (or fill in the blank) dinner.

The proper response in the above is "We'd love to come, but I need to
mention that Crash is allergic to 'shrooms. I hope that isn't a problem?
And what can I bring!? We're so thrilled to be invited"
Leave it at that if they don't jump on the "what you can bring" idea as
they may have a menu (even a budget friendly one)in mind already. Or
they don't yet. Perhaps what you want to bring doesn't fit the meal?
Don't force the issue if there is any hesitation. Or you could offer a
broad "Can I bring dessert?" and leave it at that, so when you bring it
they have a surprise too.

Damsel in dis Dress wrote:
> On Wed, 15 Nov 2006 13:14:05 -0500, Julia Altshuler
> > wrote:
>
>
>>I do have a problem with the general question "what are you serving?"
>>It makes everyone sound pickier than they have any right to be.
>
>
> I admit to asking that. Three reasons.
> 1) Crash is allergic to mushrooms
> 2) I'd like to offer to bring something to go with it, if they'd like
> me to (we don't know anyone who is well off, so the offer of food is
> generally appreciated very much)
> 3) This might sound weird, but I like getting all excited, knowing
> I'm going to be enjoying a lasagna (or fill in the blank) dinner.


But you could accomplish all 3 of your goals by asking in a different
way. You could say, "I love to cook and would love to make something to
go with your main course if you like." Then your hostess could tell you
what she's making without your starting the conversation with "what are
you serving?" You could say nothing, and if one dish happens to have
mushrooms, Crash could refuse that one item. It's hard to imagine a
dinner with mushrooms in everything.


Of course, some people have more restricted diets than others. If
someone is diabetic or has a ton of allergies, they might say when
accepting the invitation, "I'd love to come. I'm diabetic and have a
ton of allergies that puts me on a restricted diet; shall I bring my own
meal?" Then the hostess can say what she's planning to make, and they
can talk about it together. It still sounds better than "what are you
serving?" out of the blue.


--Lia

On 15 Nov 2006 07:27:40 -0800, "Nancy2" >
wrote:

>Like you, if I am inviting, then I ask if there are any allergies or
>other issues I need to know about before planning my menu. (Like, if
>you see a piece of celery, you'll gag.)


LOL! I have a friend (married to a college friend) who isn't
allergic, but sure doesn't eat much of anything.... a classic picky
eater - grown up. We find we enjoy dinner much more if we go out to a
restaurant with that couple.

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