Bilz wrote:

<snip very descriptive tale of woe>
> WHERE DID I GO WRONG??????

You've gotten some great advice here. I agree with just about all of it.
Here's my synopsis, for what it's worth:

1. Make the simple mods to your cooker that will keep the heat and smoke as
low in the cooker for as long as you can. Except, keep the exhaust vent wide
open always - that's the cap on top of the chimney, if you have one, or
maybe the damper inside it. Don't worry about the leaks, unless there's a
gaping hole somewhere, in which case it's time for a new cooker.

2. Do not open the cooking chamber for at least 3-1/2 hours when doing ribs.
They won't be done anyway, so there's no reason to open it. That's why it's
an offset smoker - open the firebox to add lump charcoal, wood chunks, etc.

3. Keep a probe thermometer pushed through a wine cork sitting on the
cooking grate next to but not touching your meat. Then you'll know what the
temp is at the same place your meat is, for the most part. And, you won't
have to open the cooking chamber. Keep it at whatever temp you've decided
upon - 225-275 seems to be generally OK, depending upon how thick the meat
is, how much meat you have in the cooker, etc. Don't rely on those cheap
dome thermometers unless you've regulated it yourself and know that when it
reads thus-and-so degrees, the temp at the grate is this-and-that.

4. Simple dry rub. I use Montreal Chicken Seasoning, sometimes a local rib
rub from the meat market, sometimes just S&P. If you want, put it on the
night before, and wrap the ribs tightly in plastic wrap and then aluminum
foil. If you do that, let the ribs sit at room temperature for a half-hour
before you put them on the cooker. No barbecue sauce - set some sauce on the
table for those that want it. They won't want it, if they come out right.

5. Have some fun. A few beers in the cook help the barbecue immensely. And
invite your guests early. You can all sit outside on the patio and enjoy the
good smells as the barbecue gets done in its own time.

6. As others have said, it's done when it's done. When the bone ends are
sticking out of the meat, it's done. When you pick up the slab with your
silicon-gloved hand or tongs, and it just about breaks in the center, it's
done. I like my ribs not quite falling off the bone, but to where you can
pull two ribs apart with your bare hands. I chop my slabs up into two-rib
pieces, so folks can do just that.

This post is already way too long. Again, keep trying, and have fun. If you
aren't having fun, why barbecue at all?


--
EZ
Traeger BBQ075 "Texas"
CharGriller Smokin Pro
Great Outdoors Smoky Mountain Wide Body
CharmGlow 3-burner All-Stainless Gas Grill
Weber Kettle One-Touch Silver 22-1/2"
Weber Kettle Smoky Joe Silver 14-1/2"