Christianity:

A belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie,

who was his own father will let you live forever,

if you pretend to eat his flesh, drink his blood

and telepathically tell him that you accept him as

your master, so he can remove an evil force from

your soul that he put there a long time ago,

as punishment for all humanity because a rib-woman made

from a dust-man was convinced by a talking snake,

to eat fruit from a magical tree.