In article >,
Henhouse > wrote:

> A friend of mine accused me of being a food snob the other day. Why?
> Because I don't buy processed food, and never go to fast food eateries.
> I also always buy free range chicken and use either eggs from our own
> free range chooks, or bought duck eggs. I also buy organic foods from
> time to time, and try to buy seasonally and locally (being aware of food
> miles etc.) Does this really make me a food snob? I feel quite insulted,
> to tell you the truth - I don't dictate what others should eat, I just
> make the choices I prefer. I enjoy cooking and have the time to spend
> doing it, plus access to great local produce - I'm not sure why this
> could be seen as wrong in some way!
>
> My friend got quite heated about it all, and told me that if I'd got
> four kids and was working full time, I'd soon change my ways and opt for
> foods I could just stick in the microwave (not that she has the four
> kids etc., just the one 25yr old son). I'm not likely to ever find
> myself in that position, but I imagine that if I had children I'd be
> even more concerned about the foods they were eating than I am about my
> own. I could be wrong, of course!
>
> This is the same friend who is happy to come to dinner at my house, but
> who refuses to return the favour, as she is 'frightened' of cooking for
> me, as I am (allegedly) good at it - LOL! I'd be happy with beans on
> toast, if someone else had cooked it - but that's by the by.
>
> Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else here has suffered a similar
> accusation, and had any good arguments with which to refute it? Or
> perhaps you think my friend is right and I'm just too precious about the
> whole topic? Opinions welcomed!
>
> Jo
Hi, Jo-- nice to see you again,. :-)
How much do you value her friendship? How much do you have invested in
"being right"? Maybe she's envious or jealous that, for whatever
reason, she cannot or will not make the same choices you do, in spite of
a knowledge that your way is "better" than hers. You make her feel
guilty and it's easier to be ****ed at you than to admit it to herself .
JMO.

If you want peace, say something like, "that might be so" when she tells
you how tough it is to feed four kids, etc. And let it go. Do you have
children? I have two adult kids and I sometimes tell folks that the
hardest part of being a parent is coming to grips with the fact that
what your children want for themselves is not what YOU want for them. I
have concerns about my granddaughter's diet and the amount of fast food
and preservative-laden foods that are eaten by her family (my daughter's
family). My daughter is not an especially skillful cook, I think, and
says it's because she doesn't have time to cook much. That's only
partially true, I think, because she works four days a week, not five.
With a different outlook, I think she could cook better and more
healthfully. But it's not her priority and it's none of my business.
We put our energy to what is important to us. They don't "care" about
food as much as I do, except for how quickly it can be prepared. I was
a SAHM and viewed "cooking" as my job. It is what I took some pride in.
Many folks don't see it that way. And too many don't grasp that the
habits instilled in toddlers and young children are VERY difficult to
change as adults without serious self-motivation. (I didn't grasp it
myself, so please don't think I'm preaching from a lofty spot.)

As far as not reciprocating, my SIL says "a peanut butter sandwich
tastes good if someone else makes it." A universal sentiment, it seems.
:-) I never entertain. I can put a decent meal on the table but I'm
a wretched housekeeper, my kitchen is cluttered, and I become stressed
at the thought of trying to tidy up for company. It's not particularly
rational, I know. But it is what it is.

I don't think you're being especially precious about it, but I think you
will not convince her, either, so decide how much peace you want, and
continue to invite them over because you enjoy their company.

If she rags on you about your choice of organically-grown foods, give a
shoulder shrug and just say you prefer the taste,. And let it go. She
can't insult you without your permission. "-)
--
-Barb
<www.jamlady.eboard.com> Updated 3-17-2006, The $400K Condo in the
'Hood
"If it's not worth doing to excess, it's not worth doing at all."