On Sat 28 Jan 2006 07:16:03p, Thus Spake Zarathustra, or was it Elaine
Parrish?

>
> On Sat, 28 Jan 2006, Julia Altshuler wrote:
>
>> cathyxyz wrote:
>>
>> > Regardless of religion, or the quality of the food, I think all this
>> > talk about "Dead Spreads" is a bit ghoulish, considering the "Guest
>> > of Honor" is no longer around to enjoy it.
>>
>>
>> Thinking about it this way may help: People who are grieving shouldn't
>> have to think about the day to day mundane problems of preparing food.
>> They may be so distraught that they don't want to eat. Loving friends
>> bring food so that the immediate family doesn't have to prepare it, and
>> they lovingly encourage the grieving family to eat regular meals so
>> they can keep their health up at a time when that's the last thing on
>> their minds.
>>
>> --Lia
>
> Yes, this is absolutely true. This has been one of those customs in the
> South forever.
>
> Back in the "olden days" people tended to have big families. Having
> Eight or ten kids wasn't unusual. A grieving mother wasn't in any
> condition to cook and if the mother was the DD then the family needed
> the help.
>
> As was the custom of the day, the DD was "laid out in the parlor" and
> friends and relatives came to pay their respects. There was also the
> custom of "sitting up with the dead" so that many took the night shift
> in order that the DD was not alone. As well, many of these people
> traveled a long way by horse and wagon (six miles round trip was the
> average "day's travel") and were on the property for several days and
> needed to be fed. Usually the burial was nearby and the attendees would
> come back to the house of the DD. People would be fed before starting
> the trip home.
>
> As time progressed, family members would come "home" and the DD house
> would be full of people for days since burial could be delayed by
> emblaming. Friends didn't want the family members to have to worry about
> cooking. It is still the custom here for family and close friends to go
> back to the DD's house (or the house designated for the DD) after the
> funeral.
>
> I see the "Dead Spread" moniker as one to lighten the subject matter and
> to focus on the food side instead of the grief side. I don't think
> anyone is making light of death.

Exactly so. I remember clearly when my grandfather died. I was seven
years old. My grandparents lived in rural MS. He was "laid out in the
parlor", as was typical of that day. I have never seen so much food, all
homemade by neighbors, friends, and family, and never so many people in
one house in my life, even to this day. I remember, too, that it was the
first time I had ever seen or eaten egg custard pie. It is still one of
my favorites, and always reminds me of my grandfather.

--
Wayne Boatwright o¿o
____________________

BIOYA