FoodBanter.com - View Single Post - Semi-Homemade

"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
...
> http://www.slashfood.com/2005/11/02/...-really-homema
> de/2/#comments
>
> by Sarah Gilbert
>
> In search of some Halloween TV that didn't include blood and gore, my
> three-year-old and I finally chose the Food Network on Sunday afternoon.
> After
> a blood-sugar-rush special on the All-Candy Expo, Sandra Lee was throwing
> a
> Halloween party in a rented mansion for her Semi-Homemade show. I was
> lazy. And
> I love parties. So I kept watching.
>
>
> I can't stand the show for many reasons, not least of which is Sandra's
> love
> for her beautemous self. She had at least five costume changes, none of
> which
> looked so much like the thing she was dressing up as, as the costume that
> a
> showgirl might wear if she were appearing as (for instance) a princess, or
> a
> sugar-plum fairy. Gag.
>
> But why I really can't stand the show: it would be far easier, not to
> mention
> vastly cheaper, not to mention far healthier for your party guests, to
> make
> things really homemade instead of Semi-Homemade.
>
> Let's take her pumpkin cheesecake petit fours. I imagined she'd take a
> cheesecake mix and add some canned pumpkin. Not Sandra Lee. She
> painstakingly
> made teensy tart shells out of a mixture of sugar cookie mix, cream
> cheese, and
> a panoply of other ingredients, far more than belong in traditional pte
> sucrée. This would take a normal cook an hour, if not more, for the 12 or
> 15
> mini tart shells (which would feed, I'd imagine, three or four party
> guests).
>
> Then we come to the filling. I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my
> head
> when she pulled out a storebought pumpkin pie and started scooping out the
> innards. "Save the shell and crumble it on ice cream!" she trilled. "This
> is so
> easy!"
>
> She poured heavy cream into the bowl containing the pumpkin pie guts, and
> then
> pulled out a storebought cheesecake (approximate price at Costco: $12.99).
> And
> started scooping out its guts, too, to go in a separate bowl, also mixed
> with a
> bit of whipping cream. "This crust can go on ice cream, too!" she said,
> her
> voice getting higher-pitched with each word.
>
> OK, so this is ridiculous. But then... the tour de force. Three. Separate.
> Piping. Bags. Made, of course, out of large plastic Ziplock bags, useless
> after
> their last hurrah distributing $25 worth of pumpkin cheesecake filling
> into 12
> tiny tart shells. For some reason, see, Sandra felt it necessary to have
> some
> filled with both pumpkin AND cheesecake, some with just pumpkin, some with
> just
> cheesecake.
>
> Why? Why? Why? It would have been just as quick to make tart crusts from
> flour,
> butter and water, and mix cream cheese with pumpkin puree and sugar. No,
> quicker. It would have cost $4 or $5 instead of $25 or $30. And it would
> have
> probably tasted better. What is the point, Sandra?
>
> I won't even get into the Green Ghoulade, made with green Gatorade,
> limeade,
> and... oh, God, I can't even finish typing this crap. Sandra, please, find
> a
> new career as a showgirl and leave the cooking to people who actually
> cook.
>
>
>
> --
> "Bunny's ability to take ingredients that I love and put them together
> into
> something stomach wrenching is unparalleled." -- bookwirm
>
>

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