dude ... are you her Ex?

"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
...
> SLop tells us that she just had a slumber party, but apparently poor Miss
> Stephanie was the only one she could make attend. SLop decides she had
> such a
> great time they're going to spend the day in their "cute" PJs, which SLop
> shows
> us. PJs with "chicks rule" and "peas on earth" are so juvenile. SLop
> forgets
> her faux niece's name and calls her Sandy, then starts making out with her
> as
> we go to opening credits.
>
> SLop heats some oil to saute some onions and tells us about a new way to
> cut
> bell peppers; she cuts the top and bottom off, places it upright, and then
> slices the sides off. She claims the seeds are pretty hot n spicy so you
> don't
> want them in your hash. They're not what I would consider "hot 'n' spicy"
> by a
> long shot, idiot.
>
> She then adds a disguised can of beef broth to the pan (you can use
> chicken
> too) and a packet of meat marinade, but it's actually taco seasoning. She
> then
> takes the sliced corned beef and cubes it. She likes corned beef because
> it is
> marinaded, then salted and sugared. She then shows us how to cube it by
> cutting
> it, then turning it 90 degrees and cutting it again. Brilliant!
>
> As the hash cooks, she tells us her secret to poaching eggs; adding white
> wine
> vinegar to the water keeps them from spreading. Hmm, that's a lot of
> vinegar.
> Won't that add a weird taste to them? It's a Moot PointT, however, because
> she
> puts some biscuit cutters into the pan and then puts an egg into each. She
> plates the hash and makes some depressions for the eggs. She retrieves the
> eggs
> with a slotted spoon and nestles them into the hash. We go to commercial
> and
> what the hell was that in those blue coffee mugs in the glamor shot?
>
> As we return from commercial, SLop tells us she has to make something
> delicious
> because they're going to be sitting around in their PJs all day. She
> crushes a
> bag of already-crushed corn bran cereal with a rolling pin and puts it
> into a
> pie pan. She then grabs an egg and buttermilk from the fridge and puts
> them
> into another pan. For good measure she adds the leftover taco mix into a
> bag
> with flour, admonishing us to thoroughly mix them together so we get an
> even
> coating on the chicken. She then tells us the chicken strips should really
> stay
> in the fridge until needed anyway and that she likes how they come in
> whatever
> size she wants. Amazing! SLop confides that MS thinks chicken strips are
> fun to
> eat. Where is she, anyway? She puts the strips into the egg mixture, then
> puts
> the strips into the bag of flour mixture and shakes it until coated. She
> then
> puts them back into the egg mixture (yikes!) then into the cereal before
> frying
> them in the oil. Slop washes off her tongs (but not hands) to keep
> everything
> really clean and healthy.
>
> SLop puts some tater tots onto a baking sheet with some Misses Dash so
> that her
> nieces and nephews eat less ketchup, whatever THAT means. SLop plates the
> chicken onto a serving plate covered with blue paper towels. As we goto
> commercial, she bites into one and tells us about her tangy assy dipping
> sauces.
>
> SLop blames MS's mom for the cheesy potato recipe which she claims taste
> like
> twice-baked potatoes and tells us you can use whatever type of frozen
> potato
> product you wish. She puts the 'tots into a casserole and tops it with
> pre-shredded cheese, crumbles bacon on top, and tells us how the cheese
> and
> bacon juice will bake into it and mix throughout. Well, it would if you
> had
> mixed it INTO the 'tots instead of putting it on top. SLop returns the
> casserole to the baking sheet but lines it with foil so the bottom doesn't
> get
> mucked up.
>
> She makes some dipping sauce by mixing 4 parts ketchup, 2 parts honey, and
> dash
> of Worcestershire sauce in a large bowl, then pours it into a ramican. She
> also
> makes a honey mustard sauce in another large bowl and then pours it into a
> ramican. Why didnt she just put into them in the first place?
>
> She pulls out the potatoes and sprinkles them with sour cream and green
> onion.
> She then plates some for herself because she claims MS eats them all
> before she
> can get any. She tells us about a game MS invented (newsflash: it's called
> "backgammon"), pops a big piece of those fresh-from-the-oven-potatoes into
> her
> mouth, and then makes a quick exit, stage left. Third degree burns are a
> bitch,
> bitch!
>
> SLop tells us that presentation is important, which is why she got some
> ugly
> flower shaped dishes for the lemon ice from her mass merchandiser. Does
> this
> mean I can't make this without them? She mixes a can of frozen lemon aid
> and
> some lemon jello in blender (too much will make it too strong!), then adds
> ice
> and sugar before mixing it. While the blender is running she takes the lid
> off
> and takes a peek. I would have loved to her get a face full of lemon ice
> right
> then!
>
> We return to the room MS was imprisoned just in time to see SLop give her
> a
> lemon ice. MS gives a feeble "Yay!" and then, at SLop's prompting, offers
> her
> tip; a candy backgammon board. MS looks like she's been heavily sedated,
> or
> maybe SLop slipped her one of her cocktails by mistake. As MS explains how
> to
> make the board, the background music suddenly cuts out for a sec. SLop
> prompts
> MS if she can eat the green and yellow candies she uses for playing pieces
> when
> finished, to which MS weakly replies "If you like". SLop gives her closing
> line
> when we suddenly see a close up of MS's hand grabbing what looks like a
> small
> metal can of mace that was hidden behind her with an almost
> pyschotic-sounding
> "I got a surprise for you!" voice over, followed by a spraying noise and
> SLop
> screaming. OMG! MS has gone psycho! Alas, we cut to a medium shot of MS
> spraying her "aunt" with silly string. Oh well.
>
> --
> WARNING!!!
> Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
> standing in
> your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
> liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
> being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she
> grew up
> either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
>
>
>