Jill wrote:

> I went to lunch one day by myself to a small bistro down the street from
> my office. There was a couple in line ahead of me. The hostess said
> "Three?" They looked around and realized I was behind them, "No, two".
> She seated them. Then she came back to me. "Are you meeting someone?"
> No. "One?" Yes. She looked askance. She asked again, "ONE?" (like, are
> you sure you plan to eat alone?) Yes, dear, I am fully confident in
> myself to be able to go to a restaurant and eat alone and guess what, I
> can also go to a movie alone if I feel like it. Please get over it and
> seat me. Sheesh.

Well you didn't handle your part of the conversation very well, either!
When she asked, "Are you meeting someone?" she put you into a situation
which cries out for a bit of gratuitous chaos-seeding. Here are a few
responses I would have considered:

1. "No, you'll have me all to yourself."

2. "I just met YOU, didn't I?"

[Those two work best with a grotesque leer and waggling eyebrows.]

3. "Meet? Meat? Meat? Like flesh from dead animals? <stage whisper> We're
ALL meat under our skins, porkchop."

4. "No sugar-dumpling, my days of meeting other people are long since past.
My irregular Scottish terrier is all the company I keep these days. I call
him Humper for obvious reasons; would you me to bring him in for you?"

Bob