I take offense to this email everybody has to start somwhere and just
because we don't all hang out in front of computer monitors all day
doesn't make somebody a "newby".
Joe Umstead wrote:
> DRAFT 10/05/02 (revised 04/18/05)
>
> There is a little nOObiness in each of us. But it is only
life-threatening in
> a few. How to avoid succumbing to nOObyism? Read some FAQ's,
particularly the
> Newcomer Tips. http://www.nyx.net/~dgreenw/newcomertips.html
>
> nOObies:
>
> o post comments/me-too's/wisecracks over/under full requote
>
> o nitpick
>
> o can't wait to take a thread off-topic
>
> o post to anything off topic
>
> o don't use, and can't seem to follow, links
>
> o avoid FAQ's and archives
>
> o start as advice-givers as soon as they find the newsgroup
>
> o become professional after reading a book, or a chapter, or taking a
course.
>
> o figure on starting out with the Poilane or SF loaf, authentic
pumpernickel,
> etc.
>
> o are frequently expert in culinary semantics, esp. french bakerspeak
>
> o frequently are fishing for a reply which they know is the correct
one
>
> o have a bunch of real tangy starters in their fridge
>
> o are fugitives from chat rooms
>
> o by these activities, draw other nOObies to the NG, like flies
>
> o should not read my posts
>
> o (In Outlook Express: Message; Block Sender; Click!. Do it now!)
>
> Whew, that should narrow it down! (Most nOObies have Outlook
Express.)
>
>
> Misc. occasional nOObie characteristics (may be of use in rating
equivocal
> cases):
>
> o grow own starters
>
> o highest sourdough expectation is pancakes
>
> o fracture quoted lines and links (real messy margins)
>
> o use bakers' yeast to make what they think is sourdough
>
> o put/advise putting dairy products in sourdough cultures
>
> o attempt/advise making sourdough bread in bread machines
>
> o sometimes post rants about nOObie persecution
>
> o humidify their ovens with ice cubes
>
> o bake after a total rise time of less than 2 hours
>
> o are unaware of the relationship between time and temperature for
breadmaking
> purposes
>
> o enjoy punching their dough, sometimes as many as three "punchdowns"
>
> o know exactly what is meant by "proof", "proofing", etc.
>
> o love to inspire long queues of advice givers by posting incredibly
stOOpid
> questions
>
> o ignore replies, keep posting new incredibly stOOpid questions
>
> o want to sourdough everything -- challah, chocolate cake, cherry
cobbler, etc.
>
> o believe that the more stuff you put in dough, the better bread you
will get.
>
> o can maintain exact temperatures with a light bulb in a styrofoam
box
>
> o say their wife and kids can't get enough of their bread, which is
wonderful
>
> o complain about the FAQs -- e.g., "(they) are not up to date/full of

> mistakes/etc."
>
> o recommend bread-machine pre-mixed products for making sourdough
>
> o repost FAQs (and all kinds of documents which could be located with
links)
>
> o reply to spammers, develop threads on spam posts
>
> o know a lot more about Internet etiquette than I do
>
> o cannot find their caps key
>
>
> Find latest draft at
http://www.prettycolors.com/bread_culture/noobiness.txt