On Thursday, December 31, 2020 at 11:14:41 AM UTC-6, Cindy Hamilton wrote:
> On Thursday, December 31, 2020 at 10:34:44 AM UTC-5, Dave Smith wrote:
> > On 2020-12-31 6:07 a.m., Cindy Hamilton wrote:
> > > On Wednesday, December 30, 2020 at 9:51:10 PM UTC-5, cshenk wrote:
> > >> Gary wrote:
> > >>
> > >>> cshenk wrote:
> > >>>> Yes, Sheldon's rants are getting prolific. Wife is out of town,
> > >>>> suspect she controls his drinking and with her gone for a few days,
> > >>>> he's drinking a lot more.
> > >>>
> > >>> And people here joke me for never getting remarried?
> > >> Smile, some of us get lucky the first time.
> > >>
> > >> I waited for just the right one I wanted to spend my *life* with and
> > >> got that. Sorry it didn't work for you.
> > >
> > > At 21 I was too young to know what I really wanted, so we divorced
> > > four years later. By 31, I had it nailed down and we're still married.
> > I was just a kid of 22 when we got married. Miraculously, we are still
> > married.
> Some good luck, and well-managed expectations, I think.
> > > Nothing wrong with a "starter" marriage. I learned "what not to do"
> > > during mine.
> > I don't know. If you marry someone who is divorced you are taking a
> > chance with someone who could not make a relationship work or one who
> > was able to walk away from a commitment.
> Same thing with anyone who's had a prior serious relationship.
>
I feel that my first serious relationship was all but legally married. I was very
truthful with #3 about my relationships with numbers 1 and 2. I gave #3, whom
I have now been married to for 34 years, all of information to make an informed
choice about getting into a relationship with me. It helped that I wasn't wildly
physically attracted to her like I was #s 1 and 2. She was rail thin, not anorectic
looking, but close. She was living with two other women in an apartment next
to the college she attended for free, because her father was a professor, but she
spent the little money she had as much on books as food. Once we got together,
I was buying food, and she filled out nicely.

She knew that I was a *two time loser* (I say that jokingly), but got my honest
perspective on my past. I also warned her (after the first night we shared a bed,
that I was sex obsessed, and if she wasn't OK with that, we should part ways
before things went further. She had none of my sexual obsession, but just liked
sex, and hadn't ever gotten enough, so she was fine with that. We found a middle
ground.

I self medicated for that condition with a lot of alcohol, which caused other
problems, but really was necessary to maintain any level of marital fidelity. Over
the decades I've ramped down my alcohol use. I still drink more than is ideal,
and I need to accelerate that reduction, as we're in a very good place right now
in almost every way. Because things are so good, I need to get more serious
about dealing with my alcohol use disorder, and it's a hard habit to break. I feel
more neurologically dependent than psychologically dependent. I might always
need a nightcap, but it's time to try to ramp down more quickly. Heck, I'm 60 now.

I swore off 80 proof liquor more than 21 years ago, and never backslid, not even
once. Today is exactly 21 years since I smoked my last cigarette on New Year's
Eve of 1999. I'm not committing to anything specific tonight, but just to in
general getting my shit together. Heck, we're starting off the year with a good
dishwasher.
>
> Cindy Hamilton

--Bryan