Some random notes from the very first ep which started it all:

Sandra takes a trip to the bakery for ideas and claims that she can make a
better banana pastry than theirs. Bitch!

Back at home, she tells us "It takes HOURS to make berry cobbler" (Oh
really?) and makes the first of many misuses of "literally" ("literally to
die from", "literally fell asleep in my plate", etc).

After gathering the ingredients for the cobbler, she tells us "These
ingrediants are easy to make yourself". Rum extract? Flour? Tubes of cookie
dough? easy to make yourself?

SLop shamelessly relates her first experience cooking with rum and how she
"almost" burned the house down. No WONDER she warns us all the time!

Sandra claims that her rum raspberry trifle that she made with twinkies, rum
+ strawberry jam and a pudding cup "tastes like scratch", whatever that
means. She samples her concoction and has her first of many foodgasms of her
illustrious career..

Bwah! In the glamour shot of the cobbler, one can visibly see sinking ice
cream.

VO: "Everything you see can not be easier to make".

Sandra tells us about her friend who can't make a cake from a box mix. Who
the hell is that inept, besides you?

Sandra tells us to only let the frozen puff pastry thaw for 30 minutes so
it's not room temp. I have to call her on this one, as I recently made
something from Good Eats which required puff pastry for about 20 minutes and
it was almost too soft.

Sandra spins a disjointed tale about how her grannie used to make clothes for
movie stars and how SLop worked for mashed bananas with maple syrup, which
made her think that bananas were a treat for the longest time.

SLop's tip: If you want to make larger "purses", cut larger pieces of dough.

SLop removes the purses from the oven and starts to eat one, cooing "You, my
love, are going to be EATEN!". Gah!

While making the Cabana Rum, SLop confesses that she "literally stole this
recipe from a trip to Jamaica" (hmmm) and then tells us about how much more
potent rum is there and how she and a friend drank too much and passed out at
her friend's parents dinner table, claiming they "literally fell alseep in
our plates". She then issues this weird belated apology to the Chandlers.
Klassy.

VO: "I'm simply adding cherry 'juice' right out of the jar!"

With a gleeful "Me open bottle! me open bottle!", SLop manages to open a
bottle of champaign!

Sandra makes Sangria (not boiled!) and asks "Can u tell I like brandy? I put
it in everything!" Oh really?

VO: "This is my fav part of the day, making tablescapes" Normally this is
where we can tell by the graphic on the screen that it's now "Sandra's
Cocktail Time!", but that effect hadn't been invented yet. SLop claims that a
fan sent her an email and procedes to read it, via another VO. Yeah, right, a
"fan" sent you email before your show even aired... In the letter, a "fan"
asks for what she can do to make her 10th anniversery special. Sandra's
reposnse? Sherbert shooters! Yeah, nothing says "klassy" like sherbert
shooters on your second honeymoon. I am really surprised she didn't mention
pixie stix.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing
in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew
up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.