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Posted to alt.idiots,rec.food.cooking,alt.usenet.kooks
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DENNIS JOHNSON MEETS HIS HOMELESS-BOUND SELF
Colonel Edmund J. Burke wrote:
> On 3/20/2016 6:54 AM, Colonel Edmund J. Burke wrote:
>> Spendthrift: a person who spends money in an extravagant,
>> irresponsible way. (cf: Dennis €śI cant stop spending my money
>> frivolously€ť Johnson.) In 2008, when his father finally kicked the
>> bucket, Dennis Johnson
>> was given three-quarters of a million dollars, set up in an
>> irrevocable trust fund. Such trusts are also known as Spendthrift Trusts
>> (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spendthrift_trust). At the time,
>> Dennis was 50.
>>
>> In addition to his principal assets, the money held in trust that is,
>> Dennis held about one hundred thousand dollars under his
>> €śsupervision€ť€”what we might call his €śliquid holdings.€ť Said assets
>> consisted of a Chase Bank Savings Account (what we used to called a
>> passbook savings account back when the banks paid interest) and an
>> IRA account (of unknown value). Dennis was doing €śgood€ť by
>> continuing, up until recent times, to make yearly contributions to
>> the IRA. BUT, LIKE THEY SAY€¦€¦..SHIT HAPPENS.
>>
>> Now, its no secret that Dennis has an ongoing gambling problem (he
>> admits this). He also admits some past problems involving certain
>> Korean women and massage parlors along E.C. Boulevard. Although the
>> Koreans are no longer a problem for him€”having kicked his silly ass
>> to the curb several years ago€”the Indians still remain something of a
>> vexation.
>>
>> €śUh, hey Chief. . . Looky there, isnt that heap stoopid dipshit
>> Dennis coming to spend more IRA money again?€ť
>>
>> €śHey, you be quiet, Laughing at Paleface. We got kids at Harvard. We
>> need money from stupid white trash.€ť
>>
>>
>> €śWell, Mister Johnson, Im afraid thatll be a twenty-five percent
>> penalty,€ť the H&R Block guy said. €śBy the way, if you had waited
>> just one more year, there wouldnt have been any tax consequence . . .
>> er, sir.€ť Ah shucks,€ť said Dennis, twitching a little more than usual.
>>
>> €śBut, the good news is that we can write off most of your gambling
>> losses€¦. Hmm, you must be some big gambler. . . Well, there ya go.
>> Im done, Mister Johnson. Heres what ya owe the IRS, by the way.
>> Consider your taxes filed as of now. Just dont forget to send "em
>> that check or theyll charge ya interest.€ť
>>
>>
>> April 15, 2018
>>
>> Dear Diary,
>> I think I saw Dennis the other day. I was waiting at the light on
>> Pacific Highway. I looked across the road, over at the group of
>> homeless €śveterans€ť gathered around a bottle of MadDog 20/20, when I
>> saw him. He was a terrific sight€”unshaven, filthy, with pimples all
>> over his face. Which might have been Kaposi's sarcoma sores. At that
>> moment the light turned and I drove off, thinking about the old
>> saying €śA fool and his money€¦.€ť
>>
>>
>> THE END
>>
>> This article is dedicated to the memory of Dennis liquid assests: 2008 €“
>> 2016.
>> May his liquidity, and the souls of the faithful, REST IN PEACE.
>> AMEN.
>
>
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