On 2014-11-11 12:00 AM, Cheryl wrote:
>
> This won't be on facebook and no one i know reads newsgroups but we met
> with the ICU doc and charge nurse tonight as a family. She is dying. we
> were given two choices. a traciostomy or however you spell it which
> would only prolong the inevitable or have them remove the breathing tube
> keeping her alive and let her go peacefully. the cancer can't be treated
> at this point. it is so extensive in her lungs and without a breathing
> tube one lung collapses and the other fills with secretions that she
> can't expel. it is horrible watching her try to breathe without a
> breathing tube, even under sedation. so we had to make the horrible
> decision to let her go. they will remove the tube over the weekend and
> we will all be there, and we have to tell her kids tomorrow. they don't
> know how bad it is because i guess we've been holding out hope. i spoke
> with her daughter's counselor today and she said with all of the
> activity even if we think they don't know, they do know. so we aren't
> doing them any favors by keeping this from them. so along with the
> children's pastor where they've been staying, we;re gonig to tell them
> tomorrow night. they even have the choice of being with her when she
> dies. once the breathing tube is removed it could be hours, or days, no
> one knows. they can tell from her vital signs when to call us to come
> be with her when she goes but it's a long drive especially in traffic so
> i hope we can make it in time. someone will stay with her in shifts
> around the clock once they move her to a more comfortable, more private
> room. The kids will be living with my brother and his wife. it will be
> so hard for them to change schools. i can't stand this anymroe.
>


I remember what it was like to come to with a tube down my throat. Not
at all pleasant. I can't imagine being in a state where I needed that in
order to stay alive in a condition I would not want to be. I have also
been in the position of sitting by the bedside of loved ones in the
final stages of their lives and I don't wish it on anyone.

No one wants to be told what to do or how to feel. I can tell you that
my wish at the time was for them to slip away, the sooner the better. I
hated to see them suffer. I hated to see the pain and suffering on
everyone else as they waited for the inevitable. I hated all the false
hopes that everyone was expected to have, as if hope and prayer was
going to lead to a miracle and the person was going to suddenly.

The best I thought I could do for my parents was to be there for them,
and I was alone with both of them when they passed. I held my father's
hand as his life slipped away, and my mother passed away so quietly I
didn't even realize she had died. I wish you the strength to deal with
your loss.