"Doris Night" > wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 17 Oct 2014 09:50:05 +1100, Jeßus > wrote:
>
>>On Thu, 16 Oct 2014 11:46:06 -0500, Moe DeLoughan >
>>wrote:
>>
>>>That's because Julie isn't looking for help, she's looking for attention.
>>>
>>>http://www.thenew-renaissanceman.com/mind-games-2.html
>>>
>>>Have you ever found yourself in this situation, when someone asks for
>>>suggestions and then rejects every single option offered to them. This
>>>is a very common mind game played among groups, and it was actually
>>>the first game to ever be recorded and studied. Dr. Eric Berne has
>>>given it the colloquial name of "Why don't you- yes, but..."
>>>
>>>At face value, this interaction is pretty straightforward. It consists
>>>of a man or woman asking for suggestions, but then rejecting each one
>>>of them as they are offered.
>>>
>>>This interaction would seem to be a simple case of an adult asking for
>>>the advice of other adults, but the rejection of all of the presented
>>>ideas would suggest that there's some deeper ulterior motive.
>>>
>>>The game is not about actually receiving suggestions, but rather about
>>>denying them. Berne describes the interaction as one between the
>>>psychological parent and the psychological child:
>>>
>>> Parent: "I can make you grateful for my help."
>>>
>>> Child: "I'd like to see you try."
>>>
>>>Realistically, by initiating this game all you're really doing is
>>>proposing a challenge: you're saying "I have a problem, and none of
>>>you are wise enough to fix it." The others in the group then try, and
>>>one by one they are shot down.
>>>
>>>By fending off solution after solution you're also managing to show
>>>that you won't surrender to others. You're showing that nobody can
>>>offer you a reasonable solution, and subsequently that give in to a
>>>barrage of rationality.
>>>
>>>Luckily, the anti-thesis for this game is incredibly simple. When
>>>someone sets up for the game, it usually suffices to simply say
>>>"That's too bad". All you need to do is make it clear that you won't
>>>be offering any suggestions to be shot down. When the advice seeker
>>>sees this they will quickly lose interest or become frustrated; games
>>>aren't fun when you're the only player.
>>>
>>>It also works to turn the suggestions back around onto the advice
>>>seeker. Tell them, "That sounds awful. What are you going to do about
>>>it?". This shows that you're not interested in playing the game,
>>>causing them to defer or seek out a more willing crowd.
>>
>>That describes her perfectly - or at least her principal
>>characteristic we see here on RFC, and goes a fair way in explaining
>>the origins of her pathology.
>>
>>"By fending off solution after solution you're also managing to show
>>that you won't surrender to others" I think this goes a long, long way
>>in explaining Julie. It fits her perfectly.
>>
>>Don't know how you came across this, but well done.
>
> Hasn't Julie said that she has taken a psychology course, and that her
> mother was a counsellor? She should know all about social games.

I'm sure that I do. And I don't play them. I was commenting on a food.
Not asking for advice or anything like that. I know that people keep
telling me time and time again that it is human nature to give advice. It
is not in *my* nature to do that if advice was not asked for. Not usually
anyway. But apparently it is for most people.