In the old days, my frequent script ran like this:

Hostess: "Smoking or non?"
Me: "Non-kid...do you have a quiet corner?"

Ate in a nice place one night - and the kid 2 booths down was SO bad with the incessant screaming, a huge round of applause from the entire roomful of diners broke forth when they were leaving. The adults gave a dirty look but I don't know how they could stand it themselves.