It's from 1985. Just stumbled on it. Not quite about cooking, but I thought it was pretty interesting when it comes to certain modern confusions.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1...t-paying-steak

Dear Miss Manners--I took my friend Sam to a fairly expensive place for dinner, making it clear that I was paying. Sam was my house guest, and we often treat each other to meals.

After ordering the various courses for dinner, I asked Sam if he would like some wine. Sam asked for the wine list. I added that I would drink about half a glass with my meal. Sam ordered the wine, without discussing his choice with me, and drank about two glasses. I drank my half a glass. After the meal, the waiter suggested that we take the remaining wine home (this is apparently done at this restaurant).

Without asking me, Sam presented the waiter with the wine. I felt that since I was paying, I should have had the option of giving away the wine. I didn`t even know the price of it, since Sam had selected it by himself.


Gentle Reader--Like many other people these days, you and Sam are using a hybrid system of manners: the conventional ones, which allot roles by gender, and newer ones that do not recognize distinctions of gender.

Miss Manners does not require that you choose one or the other. On the contrary, she admires the practice of changing the matters that have practical consequences--who pays the bill--while maintaining such graceful habits as having the man do the ordering. She merely asks you to recognize that such adjustments are idiosyncratic now, and requests that you exercise some tolerance when they do not go as you expected.

Although the bill-payer can assume the role of host, a lady can nevertheless allow the gentleman to perform this task. What is rude under any system is to suggest that the guest should constantly keep in mind his indebtedness..

It was that sort of vulgar thinking, which had non-gentlemen spelling out the relationship they expected between food bills and affection, that led ladies to assume bill-paying themselves.

Whoever orders the wine should, out of courtesy, ask if the other has a preference. But your announcement that you would hardly touch it does somewhat excuse Sam`s not doing this. Miss Manners also understands his not demanding, ``How much can I spend on it?`` and hopes the same delicacy prevented him from ordering an outrageously priced bottle.

But once having turned over to him responsibility for the wine, you are being petty to expect to re-establish ownership over it. When it`s his turn to pay, and you perhaps want to take your leftover steak home to your dog, will you stop to consider that the uneaten steak belongs to Sam?

(end)


Lenona.