H wrote:

> I have been thinking about making her go "cold turkey" while she
> visits us by preparing only healthy foods whether she approves or not.
> Eventually, I am thinking that hunger will get the best of her and she
> will simply start eating the healthy foods and perhaps develop a taste
> for them.


I think this is the answer. Make sure you don't do it as a punishment.
Merely start cooking good nourishing meals and not buying anything
else. Here's an old post that I wrote the last time the subject came up:


For the most part, though, I prefer the opposite approach. I was picky
like your children and remember the food wars of my childhood. When I
said I didn't like a food, my parents argued logic with me and did a lot
of talking about how I didn't know I didn't like it until I tried it.
All I heard was that they wanted me to swallow something unknown and
yucky. I didn't know where my disgust came from, but it was extreme. It
put me in a lot of embarrassing situations that continued until I was in
my 20s. Eating with other people was a source of anxiety as others paid
all this attention to what I was eating when I just wanted them to leave
me alone. Here's what I wish my parents had done.


Spend no family grocery money on junk. None. No chips or candy or ice
cream or sugary breakfast cereals in the house at all. Do have flour
and sugar so you can make homemade baked goods on occasion with the
kids. Prepare healthful nutritious meals consisting of meats, poultry,
fish, grains, beans, milk, cheese, vegetables, fruit and juice. Serve a
variety at each meal. Don't insist that they eat anything they're
reluctant to eat. If your children eat the lasagne and skip the salad,
they won't go hungry. If they skip both the salad and the lasagne, they
can still eat the French bread and won't starve. If they get some junk
when out or at friends' homes, don't worry about it. It isn't like
they're living on it.


Take the emotion out of eating. Do insist that your children have the
good manners to say no thank-you when refusing food. Then forget that
they've refused it and offer the same food again at some later date when
you feel like serving it. If they ask, explain that it is normal for
people's tastes to change as they grow older. They don't play with the
same toys or like the same books as they did a few years ago. Some
tastes change; some tastes stay the same. It is the same with food.
Some foods they'll always like. Some foods they might not like now and
want to try later. If you set it up like a battle, you force them to
make a big scene and complain and make gagging noises. How can they be
expected to change their minds after all that? You don't leave them a
graceful way out.


Don't turn being picky into your children's identifying characteristic.
Pay it as little attention as possible. I knew a man who introduced
his middle daughter as the one who won't eat fruits or vegetables. He
thought it was amusing and thought he was being kind because he didn't
force her. I looked at it from her point of view and thought: This is
the one thing that sets her apart from her older and younger sisters.
How's she ever going to change when she has nothing else? She's not the
artistic one or the one who's good at math or the one with the sense of
humor. No, she's the one who doesn't eat. When you're 10,
distinguishing characteristics are important. This isn't conscious, but
it is defining nonetheless.


As for actual cooking (that was your original question way back when), I
recommend NOT hiding the vegetables but make them as plain as possible.
I know that I wouldn't want to try some mystery food but might be
willing to try something if I knew exactly what it was. Being cautious
and making decisions based on information is actually a good policy in
life. You should applaud it in your children. (Imagine a drug dealer
explaining that he won't tell your children what something is but he
wants them to try it anyway. Wouldn't you want them to get all the
information they could before taking the plunge? The same is true for
taking a job, traveling to a new country, entering a sexual or romantic
relationship. Be cautious; get information; THEN try something new.)


Serve vegetables relatively plain. Involve the kids in learning to
cook. If they're willing to eat something only if it has ketchup or
salad dressing on it, put the ketchup or salad dressing on the table.
Give each child one night a week when they're in charge of choosing the
menu and learning to prepare it. Explain that they must cook a balanced
meal even if they don't choose to eat it. One child might choose
burgers, baked potaotes and carrot sticks. Take the kid to the grocery
store and show him how to look at the label on the package of hamburger,
figure out how much is needed for the family and so on. That night the
child prepares dinner with you, sets the table and helps clean up. All
this is age appropriate so a younger child might only have to watch, and
an older child might be serving the whole dinner. Make food
preparation, clean-up, and choice of what to eat go together in a
package (just like real life).


If you do find a vegetable that the kids like or object to less
strenuously than others (carrot sticks, corn on the cob, cole slaw),
serve it fairly often. It won't hurt any of you to eat corn on the cob
3 times a week (when it is so inexpensive and in season). If there's
something you like, let it show up fairly often too. All this will
serve to demystify vegetables. When they're familiar, they won't be so
scary.


And now, a question: What are the vegetables that you and your spouse
love to eat and eat all the time that your children won't touch? Would
you list them? How do you prepare them? I used to work with in health
food. People were always asking me about how to get the kids to eat
vegetables, and I'd always ask what the adults like to eat. Your answer
to that question will help me learn what to suggest.


--Lia