On Tue, 4 Jun 2013 02:27:40 -0700, "Julie Bove"
> wrote:

>
>"Paul M. Cook" > wrote in message
...
>>> That could be part of it. But there are also picky eaters in my family.
>>
>>
>> Johns Hopkins would love to interview your family. There are picky
>> eaters, and trust me I know many. Then there is the Bove clan. I am not
>> picking on you. But to think this is anything but a psychosis is just
>> fooling yourself.
>
>Bove is my married name. On that side of the family, I can easily tell you
>what they will and won't eat. One SIL won't have mashed potatoes but will
>eat any other form of potato. FIL was not a big meat eater. Hated fish.
>Did not usually like beets but liked the way I made them and did eat them.
>And had issues with the texture of onions. If I minced them up finely, he
>had no issues. He just didn't like to find a big chunk of onion in
>anything. And he would not eat rice because he said they didn't eat it
>where he came from in Italy. MIL would eat anything! Other than that, the
>main issues with some of them were medical. Namely gout and GERD. And MIL
>has swallowing issues now so is on a special diet for that. But I was just
>reading last night that they no longer recommend the gout diet because they
>found that it did not help. Turns out that what you eat does not affect the
>purine levels in the body. It is the body itself that pumps this stuff out.
>Anyway... Extended family on that side are for the most part not picky
>eaters at all.
>
>My side of the family though... Extreme issues! Both parents. Brother and
>his wife. Wife's family. Their son does seem to eat most things but is not
>a sweets lover. But his fiance is a very picky eater.

Extreme food issues are not inherited, they are learned behaviours. It
seems to me that both you and your husband are apssing along these
behaviours to Angela. The extreme food pickiness and also the abuse
(see below). Angela is copying his lead WRT her behaviour in relation
to you and food.

>>
>> I've been there. I make a damn fine tiramisu. I use fine French cognac
>> and it is divine. A regular at our eat-ins loved it *until* she detected
>> I was pleased and interested that she would like my tiramisu and actively
>> tried to ply her good graces with it. She never ate a bite again. Turned
>> it away like it was garbage from then on. When it became a reciprocation
>> of friendship she wanted nothing to do with it.
>
>That's one food that I've never tried. I do have issues with food textures
>and I believe that is a texture I would not like. Do not like creamy,
>whipped type things. And very particular about sweets. Do not like most of
>them and what I do like seems to be very random.
>>
>> Same here. Preparing food for others is an act of love. What better tool
>> to use against someone than their own love?
>
>That's what bugs me. I do try *very* hard to make things that they like and
>will eat. And it feels like a waste of time when they don't like the food.
>But I know with one person who shall remain nameless that it is totally a
>control thing. Complained that there was too much dressing on the salad.
>He couldn't eat it. Next time I put less. Still too much. He couldn't eat
>it. Wanted it on the side. I put it on the side. He only ate a tiny bit
>of the dressing. So the next time I only gave him a tiny bit. He didn't
>eat all of that either. Then began complaining that there was salad. He
>only wanted "real" food. So gave him a meal with no salad. "Where's my
>salad!?" Then I was in a hurry and just put a tiny amount of dressing on
>his salad. His complaint? Not enough dressing. He ate the dressing off of
>it and didn't touch the salad.

I know you try hard, you are always posting about new things to feed
the ungrateful pair. This type of behaviour from your husband is
extremely controlling and to my mind abuse. Really and truly I think
you all need family counselling, to me your family looks dysfunctional
but you all seem to be co-dependent on this dysfunction. Nothing will
change unless you ALL can change, however I think that change will
have to start with you. You do have the right to tell them to STFU,
you know.


>
>I know this is a game to him because I watched him play it with his mom.
>Would not eat the meal she fixed. So she'd fix him a sandwich. He wouldn't
>want it. Would tell her to make another kind of sandwich. Didn't want
>that. Repeat. He would do this until there were three sandwiches. Then
>he'd beam! Got THREE sandwiches AND a plate of food to eat later!
>
>I don't play that game. If you don't tell me what you want for dinner,
>then you get what I fix. If you don't eat it, it gets tossed and I don't
>fix you something else. Unless there was some sort of clear problem with
>it. To the point where it was inedible to everyone. Then I would fix
>something else.

You are playing that game though, by the very amount of time you spend
obsessing about your and their food restrictions/dislikes. Look, I
sympathise with trying to please a crowd, we are a household of seven,
three that are plainer and pickier eaters than the others (to varying
degrees). Usually the person who cooks (there are four of us who cook,
aged 58, 51, 29 and 13) tries to cook something that everyone will eat
but sometimes not. Anyone that will not eat what is on offer can make
themselves a toasted sandwich or some version of eggs. We are always
well stocked with provisions.


>>
>> It sucks, Jules. It sucks.
>
>It does. I don't understand why they do not desire to fix their own food.
>But they don't. But I guess there are a lot of people like that out there.
>I grew up in a house like that. Nobody liked to cook but me. And I have a
>friend who would rather eat a yogurt or a bowl of cereal before she would
>cook something. Granted I think we all feel like that at times. But most
>of the time I do not. Actually my desire to cook outweighs the need for
>food here.

They are using that desire against you. Maybe you could direct that
desire into a different type of cooking. What about trying jams,
jellies, pickles, chutneys etc? It doesn't even matter if you don't
use them, give them away. It does not have to be expensive if you can
get free produce or even by making them in small amounts. The length
of time taken by these cooking activities can be very satisfying and
would give you an activity that is all about you, and not about them.

JB



>